| | | Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] |  |
| |
Makaru
Posts : 93
![Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Vide](https://2img.net/i/fa/vide.gif) |  Subject: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Fri 09 Aug 2013, 6:29 am | |
| - Character appearance:
(note on this picture, it is missing a few ninja things but that’s because it was drawn for me on a DBZ site but it hits the appearance right on the notch.) Koketsu, MakaruTHE INFO.
Name: Makaru Koketsu
Nickname: Mak’s
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Makaru stands at exactly six foot two inches and is well toned. Although well-toned his overall size is not that huge, he is only average in build (and very strong). He has messy dark hair with bright red highlights. His appearance did not inherit the special traits of the Koketsu and he only inherited some minor things from the Uzumaki clan in appearance (such as his red highlights). Due to living in Kirigakure his skin has no tan and is a pale white.
When he is fighting he has a GI and GI pants that are black and red they are lined with chain links to create some minor defense. The GI pants have pockets on the inside of the lower part of the leg to hide weapons or whatever needs to be hidden. The GI also has pockets against his rib cage for hiding even more objects and or weapons. He has two strapless satchel’s against both of his legs that are sewed into the pants, which carry his ninja weapons/tools.
When he is only dressed casual, he usually has multiple solidly colored T-shirts with colors such as black, grey, white, and sometimes red. He usually wears shorts, but on occasion he does wear jeans. He has another strap on ninja satchel for emergencies when he doesn't have time to get completely geared up.
Forehead Protector: Makaru wears his forehead protector in the traditional manner, on his forehead.
Personality:
Makaru is a silent individual even though he didn’t used to be and occasionally isn’t silent when it comes to good friends and family. He has good morals and usually loves being fair. But when it comes to fighting his favorite characteristic is being uncharacteristic.
He values his mother above anyone else in the world because she is the only family member left around. He values her to the point where if she was in danger he might try something extremely risky to his health. She is the only person he really has left to protect.
He loves to fight as well ever since he became a ninja he felt like he belonged in kirigakure, he'll fight anybody even an occasional challenge to his friends. He tends to focus more on the present rather than the past and will keep focused on his current objective, but that's only when in battle. When he is not fighting he tends to drift off and let his mind wander, even sometimes in the middle of other peoples sentences.
He is a little shy but after some warming up to a person he doesn't mind being friends with them. He basically becomes a normal person and will laugh with his friends as much as anybody else.
It's rare that someone gets on his bad side, but when they do he tries to either ignore them or have them make amends. When he can't ignore them and they don't make amends he tends to become a little more rash than the usual and will start by mocking the person who's ticking him off in order to try and get them to fight them... Or if he's mad enough he'll strait out challenge them.
Clan: Koketsu
Nindō: “The ninja is supposed to trick his enemy, rather than give away all his abilities right away.”
THE NINJA.
Origin: Mizu No Kuni
Affiliation: Kirigakure
Rank: Genin
Specialties:
-Main: Ninjutsu
Sub: Weaponry (Close/Long)
Elemental Affinities:
-Main: fuuton (wind)
-Sub: Raiton (lightning)
-Clan: Koketsu (Genjutsu resistance)
Combat Style: His generally fighting style is to be deceptive and uncharacteristic. Once a fight breaks out he won’t pull any punches (unless his opponent is much weaker than him) meaning he will be very underhanded. He favors using his weaker skills to try and get his opponent to reveal their best moves, although it is a risky strategy he enjoys doing it. If he is, however wanting to take the fight to the next level he’ll use his ninjutsu whenever there is a good chance to, but will still use his skills conservatively. He inherited both his father’s cunning and strength in battle, meaning that he will use them and do whatever necessary to win.
One of his favorite strategies is to try to trick his enemy into thinking he is long range and mid-range. When they come close however he surprises them with immense strength and well fleshed out close combat skills. He will do the same with jutsu, tricking an enemy into believing he is one way with jutsu and then surprising them with another way. (such as a Raiton only user and then turning out to be a Regular jutsu user.) The fact of the matter is he is very good with whatever he uses.
Special Characteristics:
- Physical:
Name: Improved Strength
Rank: C
Type: Physical
Physical Requirements: N/A
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: The first level in the art of strength accessible to those who have undergone intensive training in increasing their raw power. The possessor of this talent has an increased strength of 20% which makes them slightly stronger. They can lift larger objects such as large rocks and toss them considerable distances. They can also now naturally deliver more powerful physical blows that can cause agonizing damage to targets.
- Mental:
Name: Improved Perception
Rank: C
Type: Mental Based
Physical Requirements: N/A
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: The ninja trains their skill in perception and analyzing their environment to more distinct levels. Most physical motions are identified and picked up by the ninja whether its a movement in a leaf or a change in temperature. This skill is handy when faced with Genjutsu as it allows the user to identify the fact they are in an illusion in less time and with less clues than one would otherwise need. However although they can sense the Genjutsu they must rely on other methods of breaking the spell. The ninja also becomes extremely perceptive and observant when it comes to people, being able to pick out mood changes or better understand character. In addition, this skill becomes useful in combat, where the Ninja grows to understand the patterns, habits and the 'rhythm' of the opponent over periods of time.
- Chakra-based:
Name: Increased Chakra Capacity
Rank: C
Type: Chakra Based
Physical Requirements: N/A
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: Through extensive meditation and physical training the ninja's chakra capacity increases by 20CP.
- Social:
Name: Infinite Riches
Rank: C
Type: Social Based
Prerequisites: -
Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Description: The ninja gains near infinite Ryo from either inheritance or a unknown circumstance which makes them filthy rich and now highly respected in their village. They can now live in large mansions in their villages and possess the latest technology and training equipment. They can purchase anything without fear of running out of money which makes them both popular and feared for their power.
THE BACKGROUND.
History: There was once was a man named Makabishi koketsu. He was a man, that loved to wander and travel. One day he traveled to the land of rain, he was a fighter but not a ninja. He had been ambushed by thugs before plenty of times and had experience fighting. He was walking through a village when he heard a woman cry for help. He turned the next corner to find a few robbers harassing a woman and attempting to get access to her house to steal her things.
He fought the robbers off in a pinch, and the woman was grateful. Her name was Midori Uzumaki, she had bright red hair. Makabishi obviously awestruck with the woman had a courtship with her and eventually married her. They had two children, Makaru Koketsu and Inakura koketsu. This happiness was only to last so long however. The robbers that Makabishi defeated when he met Midori were very unhappy about that. They were actually from the land hidden in the clouds, they were in fact ninjas and were only defeated because Makabishi is strong and cunning and has a very big war hammer. The Kumogakure village eventually sent a detachment of more powerful shinobi which were sent to kill Makabishi as a traitor. Makabishi had sent a message to Kumogakure but the courier was bribed off. An old friend of Makabishi’s came to warn Makabishi, but it was too late.
Makabishi fought with all his strength but was unable to defeat the ninja that were sent to kill him. However, using his more cunning side Makabishi had his family apply for asylum in kirigakure and because Midori was from the land of rain and the other two were children, they agreed. Eventually the two children became ninja’s later on when they were older.
Makaru couldn't remember his father fighting at first, but gradually began to remember and he was insane for a short time as the memories slowly returned and he had a period where he was hiding all the time from the world. When the end of the memory returned he regained his sanity due to the fact that his father had protected him with his life. That was what Shinobi did in Kirigakure and Makaru found new purpose in life.
later on when he was around ten he had entered the ninja academy. He was quiet and didn't have any friends. Eventually a few of the other students got them to hang out with them and he warmed up to them and had some friends for a while and everyone thought he was normal. For an unknown reason though his two best friends had to move away.
Time has passed Makaru is 15 and Inakura is 18, it is currently 1 year behind the current time.
Makaru woke up in the morning like any other morning he was about to graduate from the academy and he would in about a month or two. He heard a knock at the door and he realized his sister was missing. He ran to the door of their small house and opened it to see a few ninja at the door.
“Makaru your sister left the village and we wanted to bring you along just in case.” The ninja said with a keen sense of seriousness on his face.
Makaru could tell something was wrong. He couldn’t place it but It felt like something wasn’t being told. He agreed to go along.
They traveled for two hours before catching up with his sister who appeared to be standing alone on the path. They began to approach the young ninja known as Inakura when suddenly an explosion rang out and everybody in the front was knocked unconscious and only one remained semi conscious. Inakura’s face appeared in front of Makaru’s as he realized his sister had set the trap. It must have been done quite adeptly to fool a Chuunin and two Genin as well as himself. He was lucky he didn’t get hit as hard because he happened to be further back than the rest. He looked at the others who seemed to be burned and unconscious.
He looked into his sisters face and her only words were “Don’t follow me.” Makaru felt like he was going to throw up.
(insert roleplay sample here)
His sister was now gone and there was nothing he could of done about it. After Six months of thinking hard about what had happened, he came to the conclusion that he would protect his mother and find his sister when he got a lead on the matter. But for now he needed to keep his mother safe.
His mother, Midori, soon after this got a small job at a restaurant to keep her mind off of the fact that one of her daughters was gone. So this made Makaru alone most of the time and he was ready to have some friends again. But the insanity that ebbed at him earlier prevented him from doing so and eventually he felt better after some help from his mother.
Makaru is now ready to get his ninja Career in gear. His ultimate goal is to find out who has been hunting his father and his kin, and to repair what was left of their Family.
Roleplay Sample:
Makaru rolled over and climbed slowly up to his feet as he realized nothing had exploded at all and it had been a powerful genjutsu invoked by Inakura. He turned towards his sister who seemed to be looking at him in shock. Makaru stared right back in shock, then he composed himself and said.
"I'm not allowing you to leave."
Inakura grinned maliciously and chuckled. "I'd like to see you try young academy student, especially against a high Chuunin ninja that's practically a Jonin."
Makaru pulled out their father's hammer and jumped to his sister and swung with all his might. "YAH!!!"
Midori grabbed the part of the hammer just below the head and stopped it although it took her both hands. She smiled and said "Wow, your strength is good, for an Academy student." She pulled out a scroll and opened it up and a wave of water came out blasting Makaru against a tree.
Makaru slid down scraping his back, even though it was water he felt like he had just been hit by a truck. After a few moments of his sister watching him breath heavily he slowly got back up. Right as he got to his feet his sister appeared in front of him. When did she get there? I was watching her the whole time!
His sister close lined him in the face, soundly knocking out Makaru. Midori looked down at his brother, he would probably become a good ninja someday. Maybe she would see him again. She turned and walked away, Makaru knocked out on the ground and the other three ninja thinking they had just died in an explosion.
Makaru opened his eyes just in time to see two other figures with her and then silently slipped back into unconsciousness.
The Chuunin in the group woke up suddenly and sat up he looked around, saw he was uninjured and got the other two Genin out of their genjutsu. He began searching around for clues as to where Makaru's sister had gone and he could find none even though the other two were helping.
He walked over to Makaru and slapped him slightly to try to wake him up. Makaru's eyes suddenly shot open and he yanked out a kunai but when he saw that the other 3 ninjas were standing over him, he quickly recounted the story, the whole time on the verge of tears.
The journey back was rather silent, they all felt bad for Makaru but there was nothing they could do.
Last edited by Makaru on Tue 04 Feb 2014, 4:06 am; edited 11 times in total |
|  | | Makaru
Posts : 93
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Sun 11 Aug 2013, 7:35 am | |
| THE ARSENAL.
- Fuuton Jutsu:
Name: Daitoppa - Great Breakthrough
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: Fuuton (Wind)
Description: This is a relatively simple technique that creates a sudden gust of wind, but its scale varies greatly depending on the user. If used by a superior shinobi, it has enough destructive power to knock down a large tree. The wind from the squall can blow away all things in the user's line of sight. A variation of the technique involves a smaller blast of wind which gets ignited with flame.
Chakra Cost: 9
Name: Kami Oroshi - Godly Wind from the Mountains
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: Fuuton (Wind)
Description: The user will generate a whirling vortex of wind which he or she can send snaking towards his or her target. This wind can be used to help cause an explosive blaze when used with certain fire and earth techniques.
Chakra Cost: 7 (2 per post)
Name: Reppushou - Gale Wind Palm
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m), Far (10+)
Element: Fuuton (Wind)
Description: Fuuton • Reppushou is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Wind Element. After forming the needed hand seals, the user will send a strong gust of wind towards his/her target. When acting in conjunction with another thrown weapon, the wind can increase its power and deadliness.
Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Fuuton Bunshin no Jutsu - Wind Clone Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: Fuuton
Description: Fuuton Bunshin no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique that utilizes wind to create a Bunshin clone. Unlike a normal Bunshin, the Fuuton Bunshin has the ability to interact more with the environment due to it having physical substance. This allows the clone to carry out limited attacks on its target, but none utilizing chakra. The range of the clone is limited however, it can travel no further than 10 meters from the original body. If the Fuuton Bunshin is injured, the clone will disperse with a gust of wind.
Chakra Cost: 7 (Per clone)
- Raiton Jutsu:
Name: Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder
Rank: C-A (C)
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: Raiton (Lightning)
Description: This technique allows the user to create a wave of electricity from their hands. The user can vary its power from a small surge to shock an opponent to a powerful stream of lightning capable of ripping through solid rock.
Chakra Cost: C (5), B (10), A (20)
Name: Raiton Bunshin no Jutsu - Lightning Clone Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: Raiton
Description: Raiton Bunshin no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique that utilizes electricity to create a Bunshin clone. Unlike a normal Bunshin, the Raiton Bunshin has the ability to interact more with the environment due to it having physical substance. This allows the clone to carry out limited attacks on its target, but none utilizing chakra. The range of the clone is limited however, it can not travel further than 10 meters from the original body. If the Raiton Bunshin is injured, the clone will disperse in a discharge of electricity with no offensive capabilities.
Chakra Cost: 7 (Per clone)
Name:Seiden shīrudo - static shield
Rank:C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: 1m
Element:Raiton
Description:The user gathers Raiton chakra to multiple points in their body, creating a static field around them, that can be seen as little sparks flying around the user. Any object that is semi conductible or conductible that enters an area of 1M around the user will be hit with a small blast of electricity, temporarily stopping it in it's tracks. Other than stopping it for a short amount of time this jutsu causes very little to no additional damage. Can be redirected as it can only block one object at a time. For instance if an object it thrown at one angle at the same time as from another angle one or the other of the objects will be able to hit the user. Can only block C-rank techniques and weapons.
Chakra Cost: 7
- Non-elemental and weapons Jutsu:
Name: Dengen Shotto - Power Shot
Rank: C
Type: Weaponry
Range: Long (10M+)
Description: The user briefly overdraws their bow, giving the following arrow increased penetrating power and range, easily capable of crippling a target with proper aim. Because the technique requires the user pulling back further than they normally would, this can be straining to the muscles of their arm. As such, without the Endurance SCs, the average user cannot use this technique in rapid succession (ie, minimum of 1 post between uses).
Chakra Cost: 6 CP
Name: Kirigakure no Jutsu - Hidden Mist Technique
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m)
Element: -
Village: Kirigakure
Description: This jutsu is developed and trained within Kirigakure as a village specific jutsu. After forming the needed hand seal, the user will place their hand over their head and cause a large amount of mist to gather. This mist is extremely difficult to see through from someone not of Kirigakure, who are used to looking through heavy mists, and are more able to do combat while within said mist. The jutsu involves kneading chakra into the mist, allowing the user to create extremely thick or thin levels of mist. Those with doujutsu or chakra sensing techniques are also able to see through this thick mist but without any aid, then you'll be blind within the mist. A C-Rank Fuuton Jutsu can dispel the mists.
Chakra Cost: 4 (2CP)
Name: Ninpou; Kiri Suramu - Mist Slam
Rank: C
Type: Weaponry
Element: --
Range: Close (0m ~ 5m), Mid (5m~10m), Far (10m+)
Village: Kirigakure
Description: This jutsu is developed and trained within Kirigakure as a village specific jutsu. This jutsu requires no hand seals. After activation, the user will rush towards the target and make a giant swing with massive power in order to try and cleave them in half. This swing will be powerful enough to crush rock, depending on the size and momentum of the sword. Instead of using hand seals, the user will gather chakra within their arms before use.
Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Chakra Kyuuin Jutsu - Chakra Absorption Technique
Rank: C-S (C)
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m)
Element: N/A
Description: After activitating the technique, the user's hand will glow with chakra. When he or she touches his or her palm on his or her opponents body, the user can withdraw the physical and spiritual energy out of them. By reducing their chakra, it greatly increases the user’s advantage over his or her opponent.
Chakra Cost:
Costs the User: C (5) | Takes From Target: D (4)
Costs the User: B (10) | Takes From Target: C (9)
Costs the User: A (20) | Takes From Target: B (15)
Costs the User: S (35) | Takes From Target: A (25)
Name: Kuchiyose no Jutsu - Summoning Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: N/A
Element: N/A
Description: A powerful jutsu, Ninpo Kuchiyose allows a ninja to summon animals and objects to fight on their behalf. The ninja normally signs a blood contract with the animal species, which allows them to summon different size and skill levels of creature. Signing this contract also allows the animal to reverse summon the human ninja to their location.
Chakra Cost: 5 (C Rank Summon), 10 (B), 15 (A), 20 (S)
Name: Youji - Toothpick
Rank: E
Type: Weaponry
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: N/A
Description: Though the toothpick looks like it might be a quirk of user’s, it actually functions as a weapon in battle. Similar to a senbon, the user can spit the toothpick at his/her opponents to injure them. He/she can also spit it at incoming projectiles to knock them away.
Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Ayatsuito no Jutsu - String Reeling Technique
Rank: D
Type: Weaponry
Range: Close (0m - 5m)
Element: N/A
Description: Ayatsuito no Jutsu is a technique utilizing wire. This string can be used in rappeling, or as a method to tie down and restrict the movement of an opponent. The properties of the wire also allows the user to guide fire down it with any number of Katon Jutsu.
Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Gyorai Shin - Torpedo Needle
Rank: C
Type: Weaponry
Range: Close (0m - 5m)
Element: N/A
Description: Removing nails from his or her pocket, the user will throw them into the air and then plant them tip first into the earth. Using his or her chakra the nails will travel into the ground. Then at his or her discretion, he or she can fire the nails from the ground through the feet of his or her target to nail them in place. He or she can then fire the remaining nails from the ground to cut his target to pieces.
Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Hitei Mushou - Flying Nail Mist Pierce
Rank: C
Type: Weaponry
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element:
Description: After forming the needed handseal, the user will emit a flying mist of small nails from his or her mouth. These small nails can travel towards his or her opponent at quite a distance and are capable of dealing minor puncture wounds.
Chakra Cost: 7
- Equipment:
Name: Plain Quiver
Rank: E
Type: Long-Range
Quantity: 1 Quiver, 30 arrows
Description: Made of leather that's been dyed blue. Two and a half feet long, contains 30 33-inch long iron tipped arrows.
Name:Bakuhatsu ya - Explosive tag arrows
Rank:D
Type:Weapon
Appearance:Arrows with explosive tags tightly wrapped around the shaft of the arrow.
Quantity:15
Storage:In a quiver on the back.
Special Abilities:Explodes with the jutsu: explosive tag activate.
Name:Triple quiver
Rank:E
Type:Weapon
Appearance:A quiver with three slots on the inside of it slightly larger than a regular quiver to hold different kinds of arrows in sections on the quiver.
Quantity:1
Storage:Strapped on like a backpack.
Special Abilities: N/A
Name: Short bow
Rank: D
Type: Long Range - Bow
Quantity: 1
Description: A shortbow has a stave portion of about five feet in length and was the first of such launchers to be developed. Its lightweight frame relatively small size makes it a compact and agile weapon to use. It has the ability to fire approximately 120m with effective accuracy.
Name: Fuuma Shuriken
Rank: D
Type: Long Range - Projectile
Quantity: 2
Description: Named after the famous clan, the Fuuma Shuriken is a large, four-bladed shuriken possessing pre-eminent sharpness and lethality. Its four blades can be collapsed for easy storage, leading to its nickname, the 'Shadow Windmill'. In its folded state, all four arms of the shuriken are folded together. When fully unfolded, the large shuriken can be thrown through the air causing great damage.
Name: Dagger
Rank: D
Type: Close Range - Short Blade
Quantity: 1
Description: A dagger is a double-edged blade used for hitting, stabbing or thrusting. Short and small, it is wielded easily in one hand, and is perfect when wishing to perform quick stabbings.
Name: War Hammer
Rank: C
Type: Close Range - Blunt Weapon
Quantity: 1
Description: The War Hammer is a variant of the hammer specifically designed for war. It has a long handle which can be wielded in a single hand and a very long spike on the reverse of the hammer head. Usually, this spike was slightly curved downwards.
Name: Escutcheon
Rank: C
Type: Main -Primary/Protectorate
Quantity: 1
Description: The escutcheon shape is based on the basic shields that were used by knights in combat. The shield itself is very heavy, but in that it is highly reliable. It can be effortless carried by those gifted with raw physical strength.
Name: Small Scroll
Rank: D
Type: Supplementary
Quantity: -
Description: Scrolls are an important asset to any ninja's arsenal, whether they are used for sealing, summoning or simple communication, scrolls have always found their home within a ninja's pouch or pocket. When stood, a small scroll will measure up to fifteen centimetres in height, with the scroll length itself reaching fifty centimetres.
Storage:
Name: Ear-Piece Mic Radio
Rank: C
Type: Main -Primary/Accessory
Quantity: 3
Description: The short range radio is capable of keeping ninja in contact up to 10 miles. The radio can accept multiple frequencies and is activated to talk by pushing a button on the neck attachment, making it simple to use even in the most dire of situations. With a durable carapace, it is designed to withstand water damage and even the pressure of extreme altitudes.
Name: Genin Kit
Rank: C
Quantity: 1
Contents: 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
- Custom Jutsu and Weaponry:
FACE CLAIM.
Character Claim: Custom
Source: Drawn
Image URL: https://s1062.photobucket.com/albums/t488/wolfgirl1929/makarufinal.jpg
Last edited by Makaru on Mon 03 Feb 2014, 4:30 am; edited 2 times in total |
| | | | Makaru
Posts : 93
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Mon 12 Aug 2013, 1:19 am | |
| | OK it's ready for real this time. |
| | | | BK-201
Posts : 1729
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Thu 15 Aug 2013, 11:52 am | |
| Alright, a quick peek over.
- Overall, your app is short. Very short. Generally speaking, you're expected to pop at least 2-3 paragraphs in Appearance and Personality.
- Appearance -
How do those satchels stay on his legs if they're strapless? And as I said above, should be a bit longer than that.
- Personality -
Again, fairly short. Really get into your character. What are some quirks? What are things he likes, things he dislikes? Does he have any hobbies? That sort of stuff. Also, within his personality, you mention him as still being of the Tetsujin clan, when you're now Koketsu.
- Combat style is well enough for a genin, though I encourage you that bigger is better. Just a thought though, don't HAVE to lengthen it, unless another mod deems fit.
- History -
While it's an interesting little read, it remains to be said that it is short, and basically says nothing about your character's history. Only the final two sentences have anything to do with your character, and even then, he shares the spotlight with his sibling. Remember, the history is about your character, going over the events in his life that head up to this point, that established him as the ninja he is today. While you could talk about the event with his father, and how it encouraged Makaru to become a ninja, the fact remains it needs to be about Makaru, not Makaru's father.
- Roleplay sample
Moderation wise, it's an effective sample. Just bare in mine that your RP sample will be what it expected of you to consistently post. Ie, make a 300 word RP sample, and people expect your average to be around 300 words. Speaking as another player, just some advice for future consideration; don't be afraid to go into detail on your posts. You'll be surprised at how quickly your word count expands, and how much easier it'll be to consistently post big as time moves on. Practice makes perfect, as they say.
- Arsenal
Only a few nitpicks here. It's advised you pop in a few spoilers for Custom jutsu as well, just so they can be easily added in the future. Also, the F in the Fuuton spoiler isn't capitalized. Also, I will be deleting my previous post on your app, so you can move your Arsenal down to a separate post from the rest of your app. This is because, simply speaking, as you progress through your character, you will acquire more and more jutsu and weapons. Since the posts have a character length limit, you may reach a point where your arsenal becomes too big to have on the same post as the rest of your app. So overall, it's convenient to have it on a separate post before-hand.
- Inventory
A bit of broken code on your Brass Knuckles. Also, per the ranking limits, your character can, at C-rank, only have 2 C-rank weapons, and Shields count for this slot as well. As such, amongst the War Hammer, Brass Knuckles, and Shield, you can only have 2 of them.
- App picture
I was gonna say something about it, but then the picture actually started showing for me. Derp. Anyway, it's just a liiiiittle big. Either spoiler it, or resize the picture to be not-so-wide. If you click the "Insert Image" button, it will give you options for making the picture smaller.
|
| | | | Makaru
Posts : 93
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Fri 16 Aug 2013, 2:25 am | |
| | moving Arsonal |
| | | | BK-201
Posts : 1729
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Fri 16 Aug 2013, 12:13 pm | |
| Approved 1/2 |
| | | | Chris
Age : 28
Posts : 3145
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Fri 16 Aug 2013, 3:32 pm | |
| Job well done. it seems BK has covered everything there is to cover. All I can say is I'm looking forward to seeing you in action.
Approved 2/2
Don't forget to make an Account here. |
| | | | MsMoney
Age : 37
Posts : 2201
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Sat 04 Jan 2014, 10:03 pm | |
| | Archived due to inactivity. |
| | | | Aaron
Age : 27
Posts : 2538
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Tue 28 Jan 2014, 4:26 pm | |
| Unarchived per member request. |
| | | | MsMoney
Age : 37
Posts : 2201
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Thu 30 Jan 2014, 6:36 pm | |
| | Was there going to be any editing of this app, or is it ready to be approved again? |
| | | | Makaru
Posts : 93
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:48 am | |
| | Uhm well, if there needs to be editing I have no qualms about that but I didn't think I was going to have to to get it approved. But yeah I'm going to edit it a little bit mostly fixing errors and what not. |
| | | | CleverYamanaka
Age : 29
Posts : 1688
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Sun 02 Feb 2014, 3:04 am | |
| Alrighy then.
Looks fine to me.
Approved 1.2 |
| | | | Søren
Posts : 1187
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Sun 02 Feb 2014, 9:58 am | |
| | There is only one thing nagging me and that is that you have the jutsu Inspiration wave and do not possess the Suiton element. |
| | | | Makaru
Posts : 93
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Sun 02 Feb 2014, 11:09 pm | |
| I got some of my skills to be used in conjunction with teammates and that is one of them. plust there wasn't much to choose from, from the c rank jutsu and ect.
You do have a point though so I switched it out for the power shot technique for bows. |
| | | | Søren
Posts : 1187
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Mon 03 Feb 2014, 7:59 pm | |
| | Change Genjitsu to Genjutsu and I will approve. |
| | | | Makaru
Posts : 93
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Tue 04 Feb 2014, 4:07 am | |
| | done. |
| | | | Søren
Posts : 1187
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Wed 05 Feb 2014, 9:43 am | |
| | Sorry for the wait, approved 2/2. |
| | | | TwinnyPuppy
Age : 30
Posts : 1637
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] Wed 17 Sep 2014, 12:23 am | |
| Archived due to character death. |
| | | | Sponsored content
| | Subject: Re: Koketsu, Makaru [Kirigakure Genin] | |
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