New stuff

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

Name: Kasoushakai Zekkou (The Underworld Breach)
Rank: A rank
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: 60m (AoE)
Element: -
Description: By releasing a large amount of bone from the body into the earth below him, it will come up as ten large, ivory white stalks of bone that plow through the earth in their path, all of them shooting into different directions with Yoroi as the epicenter, allowing him to cover more ground in the process. Growing to such sizes that even the largest of summons can be caught and incapacitated by this technique, human targets need to look out for the barbed branches that grow from the main stalks. Due to the bone mass being connected to Yoroi, his chakra runs through it and allows him to increase the creation of osteoblasts and osteoclasts whenever and wherever he chooses, giving it the element of surprise. The downside of it is that it needs to be connected to Yoroi in order to keep growing, meaning he will remain stationary. When Yoroi breaks contact with the technique, all growth will abruptly stop in it's tracks. However, Yoroi can reconnect himself and continue the jutsu for 10cp.
Growth Rate: The initial five stalks are five meters in diameter, making them fairly large obstacles that are not simply jumped over by the average shinobi. These stalks travel diagonally towards the surface, from where they take on a horizontal pattern of movement. When a branch is made from one of the Stalks, the branch will be two meters in diameter, having sharp tips that are meant to pierce through whatever is in their path. Per post, these branches increase by thirty centimeters in diameter until they become three meters in diameter, meaning they grow in thickness for two posts before this halts. In terms of length, each branch can grow five meters per post, growing to a size of ten meters before they seize to grow. Once the stalks finish growing and the branches have been activated, a second wave of branches can grow out of them, though this can only be performed in the third post in which this technique is active. In addition, this third wave can grow out of the maximum range of 60m by roughly five meters.
Chakra Cost: 25 (6 per post)

Name: Shikotsu Tsuuro (Corpse-bone Pathway)
Rank: B rank
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: -
Element: -
Description: For those that have mastered the art of the Shikotsumyaku to it's fullest potential, new forms of clan control often arise. By altering his cellular structure, he will be able to pass through or into his own bone structures, traveling through them and popping up where and when he chooses. Due to the bone being his own DNA, it is incredibly hard for even a non-sensor nin to sense exactly where he is, requiring sensory skill in order to accurately track him. While in here, movement speed is reduced by 20%.
Chakra Cost: 10 (4 per post)

Age : 34 Posts : 344

Kasoushakai Zekkou:
- So, the bones are permanently connected to Yoroi's body, correct? if so, how exactly does this limit his movement? Because even if the bones can grow, he'd need to be growing them in two different directions (at the tips, as they're reaching out for the enemy, as well as near whatever body part they are emanating from, piercing into the ground, to allow for him to move), which sounds not only more difficult but also more costly. As such, shouldn't there be some sort of restriction in movement, as long as the bone are connected to his body? Do bear in mind, though, the moment the contact is cut off, the bones should stop growing.

- What is the initial range of this technique? I can see the total range being 60 meters, but what I'm asking about is what is the maximum range the very first, thickest pillars rise up at (which, in turn, limits the branching size). Additionally, I think you need to specify a bit more regarding the sizes of this technique. Are these 60 meters its absolute range, in a straight line? Are they an AoE radius that can get fully occupied with these branches?

- What about the growth rate? You mention it vaguely in the description, but mentioning a per-post growth rate would be good, as that would be a good limit on a technique that can otherwise easily go crazy and cover a whole battlefield. If you can, please differentiate between the length growth rate and the thickness growth rate.

- When you say "much later", can you provide a more strict time frame? I would say the bone structure needs a minimum delay to be able to grow underneath (which you can even make depend on the range it initially appears from), as well as a maximum time frame before the whole technique becomes inactive.

- Just to clear things up, as well, are all of the bones increasing in thickness, as they grow? Or just the branches? Regardless, what's the maximum thickness these bones can reach, at their base (which should be the thickest point)?

- Due to the intensive nature of this technique, i would at least increase the chakra cost and upkeep to their maximum values, for A ranked techs.
Shikotsu Tsuuro:
- I would personally up the rank of this at least to B rank. While it seems like a fairly simple thing for a Kaguya to do, it should still be a a bit costlier, in terms of chakra, and that's most easily accomplished by forcing a rank up. Furthermore, I find the speed reduction to be fairly small, when compared to the rank and chakra cost of the technique.

- Even considering the bones to be made from the same DNA as the user, as it's natural for them to be, it's not so simple as using that to justify the difficulty for a ninja to spot where the user is. I would understand if you said regular (read: non-sensor) ninjas would find it hard to pinpoint his location, but sensor ninjas should have a much easier time. Why? Well, for starters, because it is highly dependent on the case. If the bones, for example, are detached from the body of the user, the chakra that remains in them should be nothing but remnants, not enough to confuse a sensor ninja of any rank regarding where the ninja (and his massive chakra pool, in comparison to the remnants) is. Furthermore, even if the user of the technique is embedded in a specific bone structure that is attached still to his body, it would be fairly easy for anyone with any kind of sensing abilities to figure out the general vicinity of their location, as the chakra density in that particular area would far outclass the chakra that is being transmitted through the bones, naturally. The DNA, here, matters little, as what the target of the sensor's perception is the chakra, and not the DNA, meaning that the concentration matters.

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

Kasoushakai Zekkou:
They are indeed connected to his body, though he can reconnect himself to it in case he is forced to break away in order to defend himself. If he does disconnect, the bones will stop growing, at least until he makes contact with it and reboots the system, so to say.

As for the growing/branching off, Yoroi's chakra that runs through the construct is constantly working to manipulate his osteoblasts and osteoclasts to rapidly create bone matter from wherever he wants them to, meaning that it does not travel from his skeletal to the structure to the point of growth, but straight from the structure itself to the point of growth, therefore speeding up the process and limiting some of the restrictions needed. The only restriction is that he needs to remain connected, meaning he is more or less forced to stay in place, in case that's what you wanted to know.

The technique is an AoE technique, meaning the first "stalks" are made in that 60 meter radius, allowing it's "branches" to grow to their full potential and over time, fill up the space between the stalks. As for the growth rate of the "branches", I will do as you asked and make a special part about it for both length and thickness. Now, to address the time it can be kept around, that depends entirely on the amount of chakra he can poop out for all of this, as well as how long he can remain connected to the technique without being forced to make his move.

I will add the thickness of the stalks and the branches into the revamped version. I will inform you once it's all updated on Skype so you can have another look.

Changed the Activation cost from 22cp to 25cp, and 5cp upkeep to 6cp.

Shikotsu Tsuuro:
Removed the sensory part so non-sensors can't see him, but sensors can.

Increased the activation cost from 8 to 10, upkeep cost from 3 to 4. With all the other nerfs, it should be fair enough this way, right?

As for the speed decrease, moving through such things wouldn't specifically require a decrease in speed, at least not to my knowledge. When Kimimaro did it in the Anime, he did so in an instant, seeing as he caught both Gaara and Rock lee off guard. They would not even have seen him if he had not yelled at them for smack-talking Orochimaru. I figured a twenty percent decrease would be no more than fair, though I don't see further decreases as something that HAS to be done myself.

Age : 34 Posts : 344

Kasoushakai Zekkou:
- Seeing as you specified that he can't move and that he needs to pay 10 CP to reconnect to the structure, once he disconnects himself to move, this brings up something else, which ties in with something else discussed further down the points and that you seemingly misunderstood what I meant. When I asked for how long this technique stuck around, I meant in two senses.

The first one, in the sense that I'd like you to specify how long 'much later' is. Is the technique activated 2 posts after you initially start it? 5 posts later? Because as far as I'm concerned, it still should take time to spread under the floor to reach it's designation. Does it activate on its own, or does Yoroi have to make a decision when to make the stalks sprout? If it's the latter, how long does it wait for Yoroi to start it before him becoming unable to start it? Because, in my mind, there should be a limit of posts during which the technique can be inactive until the user becomes activates it. The reasoning behind this is just so you don't simply 'seed' the floor with these things and, ten, fifteen posts later, yourself to the severely undeveloped stalks and suddenly make them sprout.

The second is regarding the situations when Yoroi detaches himself from it. Can this technique stay inactive indefinitely, until he reattaches? Because I think there should be a certain period of time after which, if no further interaction from Yoroi is made, the bones will lose their power to grow.

- So the formation these stalks assume is circular? They appear and form a circle with 60 meter diameter (not radius) and, then are free to spread and branch INSIDE the circle, and not outside? Also, are these stalks vertical, like trees, or horizontal like for example fallen logs?

- To clarify - only the main stalks can sprout branches, correct? There cannot be secondary branches, as in, branches sprouting from the original ones?
No, you misunderstood the speed point. I meant that a 20% decrease in speed seemed too little to me, when in context with the fact that it's a C ranked technique. It was something I used to support my belief that it should be upped to a B ranked technique, instead of merely staying as a high-cost C ranked technique, even if that brings further costs in terms of experience spent to purchase it.

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

-This jutsu activates instantly. When Yoroi activates the jutsu, bone goes into the earth and comes up, growing in size below the ground and emerging as a large ivory mass.

-They come up diagonally, but once they reach the surface, they continue in a horizontal line so they can crash and break through whatever is in their path. This also makes the path of the branches all the more destructive too. Basically, fallen logs.

-I can make it so that he can only reconnect within four posts before it can no longer grow any bones from it. Seems about fair.

-Yes, it is an AoE technique that has the stalks move into ten directions, making it all the more easy for the branches to actually hit their targets. The bones grown inside of it are used to attack inside of that range.

-There can be branches coming from the branches to make the whole "secondary branches" a thing. The range of the jutsu is fairly big, but if all it can do is make the first wave (Stalks) that can be dodged by a wooly mammoth, the second wave (branches) is still easily dodged, seeing as people still have a relatively easy time in dodging the second wave. The branches growing from the "second wave" make simply dodging the attacks a lot harder. It is an A ranked technique, which is supposed to be one of the killer-ranks.

Age : 34 Posts : 344

I still think there should be some sort of delay, as it seems unlikely that the bones can instantly expand 30 meters in all directions and pop up, thus forming the 60 meter diameter total range, don't you think? Nothing overly big, mind you, but some sort of delay - it shouldn't be instant, especially considering the size and sheer total mass of the bones involves (both the stalks and also the underground structure necessary to support them).
Fallen logs. Got it. Though it might be a good idea for you to elaborate a bit better, in regards as to how they appear from the floor, example, on the technique description itself (do they appear vertically from the floor and then call to their horizontal positions? Do they appear from one point then "grow" in an horizontal direction, from that initial point? etc).

Furthermore, what direction do they grow in and what is their total length? Do they form a circle with their shape, or do they appear at the 60 meter limit and, then, grow inward? Because considering that the branches grow out of them, the total AoE and range of this technique highly depends on these types of details, which means they have to be as clear and as well explained as you could possibly make them. There really can't be any vagueness here, or else there's gonna be issues the first time you use it.
So, it all still stays inside the 60 meter diameter, and does not come out. Gotcha.
I understand that it needs to be a killer and not that easily avoidable, but on the other hand, it can't be completely unavoidable. Considering you can make ALL branches move and grow, if you make a third wave, you'll eventually cover the whole AoE with your bony branches, which makes it highly unlikely anyone can ever get out of it in one piece. Perhaps you could make it so each successive wave can only begin growing after the previous wave has been completed (which might already be the point of the technique, mind you, it's just not fully explained). Then again, this whole last point will depend a lot on how you explain the technique and put more detail into it (the initial orientation and position of the stalks, and so on), so it might be a good idea to do that.

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

- If it works for you, I can add in a few seconds in terms of delay, something along the lines of three to five seconds or something. But yeah, I do need to say that the S ranked Kaguya jutsu springs all those large spikes in a massive radius at a much, much faster pace than this jutsu does. Something to keep in mind.

- Added the first part

Is this second part also about the main stalks or about the branches? Asking because I want to avoid answering the wrong question, or rather, giving the wrong answer to the right question.

- Solved

- Understandable, though that means my jutsu will gradually become an essay in itself, and to be honest, there are trickier jutsu with less of an explanation going for it, something I am sure you are also aware of.

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

Bumping up in case you missed my reply

Age : 34 Posts : 344

Sorry for the delay, but I told you why I took so long to get to this on Skype.

Indeed, that's how it should be. But even Sawarabi no Mai has a few seconds of delay and is far from being instantaneous (even though that's what it's US description claims, for some reason.....). Notice it first appears around the user's location and branches out until it finally reaches it's maximum range, a few second later. That is what I mean, when I refer to a delay. I just don't want it to instantly pop up, that's all.
It's about the main stalks, mainly. Their direction/orientation ultimately decide how far the branches coming out of them can reach and, thus, their final AoE.
Indeed I am painfully aware of that. But things have to start somewhere, right? But adding an extra sentence to you technique saying a wave can only start when the previous one is completed doesn't sound like it would make a huge difference, size wise, and it might make a difference in terms of avoiding future issues.

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

Done, have a look.

I also have some other jutsu I figured i'd go and throw in here now that the rest is pretty much fixed and making another topic for all of it seems rather redundant.

additional jutsu:

Age : 34 Posts : 344

Before trying to analyze the techniques you have created, I'd like to bring up something about the style itself.

It seems to me that it is quite similar, in the way it works, to the Perception Special Characteristics. With this I mean that I am having a rather difficult time figuring out how this could possibly work without it. I think you may have tried to overcome this with the Eijutsu requirement, but I still cannot see how you can predict attacks by just looking at an opponent without any type of predictive abilities or the SC. Seeing as that is what would allow you to be able to dodge, evade or block and, thus, counter the attack, how would this style work otherwise?

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

Fixed, Keen Perception is currently being applied for.

Age : 34 Posts : 344

With that out of the way...

I have to say, I'm not very excited regarding the way you wrote this whole thing, but specifically the "Complete Mastery (Perfect Response)" bits. Whilst the logical basis for it should be technically acceptable, I'm not very fond of the completely eliminated response time, which basically gives you a free-for-all godmod possibility. "I can read through you and since I have no response time, I can dodge every single one of your attacks without ever getting hit". I understand that the basis of the style itself is being able to dodge attacks and, thus, counter them, but that does not make it okay to be able to bring it to such extents. I might be okay with a slight augmentation of the process, but definitely not with a complete or nigh-complete removal of the response time. Mind you, even with a slight augmentation, Yoroi would be more than open to attacks and would not be able to nearly dodge all attacks.

As for the tunnel-vision portion, that too should be changed. Regardless of the augmentation of the bio-electrical signals used for communication inside Yoroi's body, the brain's mechanics do not work. The brain intentionally ignores information and stimuli it judges as unnecessary, thus avoiding a completely overworking itself and, more importantly, being able to keep itself running at a relatively low energetic cost for such a remarkable biological machine. This is a biological imperative, really. This is what (mostly) kicks in during the so called "tunnel vision" situations, where the brain focuses all it's perceptive capabilities in the direction it is heading, looking to avoid collisions or dangers, whilst borderline ignoring everything else.

Not only that, but the tunnel vision itself is more or less the side effect of the S ranked speed SC, as a way to counter-balance the great boon speed itself is. To be able to remove it, especially with a passive trait, is not okay to me.

Kekkai: Koushoki (Barrier: Confrontation Destruction) - As far as I know, you can't really block A ranked techniques completely with an A ranked barrier, even if that makes little sense. From what I'm told, the standards have always been "A ranked barrier blocks B ranked technique", never same rank. That may or may not be changed in the future, but for now, that's how it stands it seems. As such, I would require the changing of the ranks to "blocks B ranked techs and severely weakens A ranked techniques".

By the way, can you define "severely"? While the meaning itself is more or less understood, it leaves too much in the air to be decided/discussed if any situation arrives. And God knows we're done with those kinds of situations, no?

How does the technique itself activate, also? It activates itself with a mere Ram handseal, when used after another technique? Because that's the impression I'm getting. And if that were to be the case, the +2 cost would be way too little. Could you please clarify?

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

Complete Mastery:
It's not supposed to be an instant thing. The idea was to use the Perception bit to figure out how they function and how they fight, after which the point would come where my speed and my gained knowledge would kick in and make it easier to counter my enemy in battle. The response time will be there, it will just be faster than that of the average human body, which, when given a Taijutsu mastery spec, the body of a Kaguya, one of the quickest minds SC's can forge and the fastest physical speed on the site really seems legitimate to me. I get where you are coming from with all of this, though I want to point out that all things combined, there really is no way you can just deny something that has literally all the parts it needs in order to function. Perception, Speed, Taijutsu, the most combat oriented clan on the site, Medical prowess and overall knowledge of the human body, all of that amounts to this.

While I do understand the tunnel vision bit completely, I deliberately made it so that the tunnel vision would never start due to several fields of mastery, knowledge over his own body and the things it can and cannot do, mixed with a highly perceptive mind to simply keep it from entering that state. Also, you shouldn't consider it a free thing seeing as I already got several SC's and Specialization masteries to even get to this point, something a certain someone might have wanted to share with me before I went to pick an SC that in hind sight would not have helped me with ANY of the things I wanted for this style (Including the part that sounds like it was already denied above), which, also in hind sight, is very lame and something that makes me feel like I was screwed over.

Barrier:
I would like to point out that I already have lowered ranked shields and barrier techniques worked out, but if this is a big issue for some reason, I guess I don't really need it. I just figured that because I am a Ninjutsu Master with Kage/Jinchuuriki levels of chakra and a job as a Protective Service Nin, someone who practically specializes in this kind of thing, making a capable barrier would be well within my field of expertise.

Age : 34 Posts : 344

Well, regardless of how it's supposed to be, I can only judge it for what you write it as. I mean, considering I can't possibly know what's inside your mind when you write something, the only thing I can base myself upon is the way you write it and the kind of information you give and transmit throughout it. And just like me, everyone else is in the same position. In all honesty, you do make it sound like it's supposed to be instantaneous.

You are wrong, though. I can just deny something, regardless if all puzzle pieces are in place. "Okay, I have all of the necessary requirements for X, therefore X must be acceptable" is not really a valid argument, nor is it a logical one. The whole does not necessarily equal all of the parts put together and, in this case, it seems to me that the whole greatly exceeds all of the parts put together.

I'll specify.

Taijutsu, in itself, does not do much to improve your reaction time. Perhaps, out of all of the requirements, it is the one who pulls the most weight, but regardless it does not eliminate it - not even close. Medical, alone, does absolutely nothing, unless you develop a technique that utilizes the Eijutsu knowledge to shorten the reaction time, instead of basically making it a passive "I know how to do it, therefore it is always in effect" kind of situation. Speed only refers, from what is written, implied and discussed, to movement speed (and specially stop speed). The SC itself goes as far as highlighting that the user's mind, more or less, cannot perfectly cope with the speed they acquire, which is indicative of what I just said. And being a Kaguya? Completely irrelevant. I don't know why you keep bringing it up like it's some kind of hidden boon, when it's not. Bone manipulation. That is what the Kaguya are, nothing more.

Regardless of all of this, I reiterate - you can't expect to throw four things together, as justified as that fusion might be, and expect it to be perfectly fine regardless of balance, simply because you were able to acquire all four. The outcome still needs balancing and restrictions and, as such, I still find that a complete elimination of response time is borderline overkill. Even reducing the response time, if taken to great lengths, can easily become a touchy subject. I'm not saying this is something to be completely denied, but it certainly cannot go to the extent you seem to want it to go.

You keep throwing "but I have all four fields of mastery around" as if that solves anything. As I said before (more than once in this post alone, I believe?), that alone does nothing for you. My arguments and points still stand, as you said nothing to counter them. I'm not fully sure what you mean exactly with the hindsight portion, but I remind you that all I did was point out that you'd need to possess the Perception SC for this to be even allowed. The decision to proactively get it before allowing me to check the style itself (which I said I would do after getting a reply from you regarding the perception portion) was entirely yours no? Don't misunderstand, I sympathize and understand what you're saying, but the truth is that you might've gotten ahead of yourself, considering all I was saying is that Perception would most likely become a requirement for this, as I saw no other way for it to work, not that you should get it before making sure the style itself was approved. In fact, I asked you "how else would this work?", which was my attempt to get a reply from you regarding how you could possibly justify it not needing the SC.

As for the barrier, I would assume as much too. But apparently, as I have been informed before, that is not how things are working around here at the moment, regardless of expertise, rank, or chakra levels.

Age : 32 Posts : 1912

I don't want this anymore. If it is this much trouble to get something I should be able to do as an S ranked Kaguya, I don't want it. This has gone on for months, I fixed everything and just had to keep fixing and fixing and now got to the point where further nerfing will make it completely worthless.

Archive please, i'm done.

Age : 31 Posts : 1490

Archived as per user request.