| | | Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] |  |
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Kachimasu
Posts : 17
![Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Vide](https://2img.net/i/fa/vide.gif) |  Subject: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Sun 13 Jun 2010, 12:50 am | |
| Basic Information:
Name: Kachimasu Naru Aburame
Secondary Title: N/A
Age: Fifteen.
Birthday: February 23rd.
Gender: Male
Physical Appearance:
Naru appears to be one in his teens. He is slender yet fairly muscular. He stands at a height of 5'9'', permanent sun-kissed skin and messy hair of dark blond with flecks of golden blond and Arylide yellow-colored eyes. Naru's personality is further emphasized by his generally serious, stern and mysterious look. Naru's nose is straight and follows the line of the forehead without the usual depression at the root of the nose. But unlike most Naru has a sensitive nose, like that of a dog's with the exception of the features a dog has on its nose. His nose is useful for the perception of direction. Naru has the average lips of most, soft and movable. Not thin or big, just ''perfect''. The acuity of his eyes are excellent, having the maximum cycles per degree possible for one to attain. The size of his ears are that of average. He has an angular-shaped face and takes on a boy-ish look.
Naru's attire consists of dark sunglasses and a high upturned seagreen collar jacket. Attached to this jacket is a hood that obstructs his face. The jacket's length comes to an end at his knees. On his back is a satchel consisting of the regular Shinobi weapons and even more {Books}. Underneath this seagreen collar jacket he wears a sleeveless white T-shirt and blue sweat pants with pockets. The length of his pants end two inches above the ankles. His feet his protected by the typical Shinobi sandals, used instead of other foot-wears with laces so they do not stumble, as often. On his head is a head protector with the Kanji symbol of Konohagakure on it, serving its purpose as a head protector.
Naru has above average physical skills (strength, agility, endurance) and thus suited for physical competition/gymnastics. He has a well-developed physique obtained by extensive physical training and strict daily exercise. His chest is muscular and the abdominal muscles are well-visible. His legs could be described as those fit for running and all kinds of activities involving the legs. His arms are muscular and strong, as he is seen lifting two hundred pounds while running around the streets of Konohagakure, a part of his daily exercise. It is quite reasonable and possible that he is capable of lifting heavier. The power he has behind his punches are exceptional, as his hands are capable of infiltrating concrete blocks (10 centimeters thick) and coming out the other end. The force behind his punches is equal to that behind his kicks. Naru is ambidextrous capable of using both limbs equally.
Weight: 145 lbs.
Personality:
Naru is a deceptive, cunning, and has a serious side to his personality. Despite his collected, mysterious personality, he always speaks politely. Like most typical males, he can be the perverted type, but keeps such thoughts to himself. Naru contains a vast amount of information - despite his age. This is partially due to his interest in books and history, thus labelled a bibliophile. He is always, mostly, seen carrying a book along with him, in the satchel attached to his back. He tends to avoid battles if the need of involvement isn't necessary or if allowed to. But if the situation arises in which his involvement in battle is needed, he will do so without hesitating. He also seems to develop interest for other villages and in clans and bloodlines. Naru has protective instincts, not hesitating to protect an ally from danger. Naru tends to be on his own, study nature and write in his note book.
Note: Kachimasu likes and dislikes are not permanent, for they alter from time to time as long as the earth still revolves.
Catch Phrase:
"Shut up. I'm trying to admire nature."
"You irk me."
Clan Information:
Clan Name: Aburame
Clan Location: Konoha
Clan Traits: The Aburame clan is a clan characterized by their use of insects as weapons. The insects live in symbiosis within the body of the shinobi. At birth, members of this clan are offered to a special breed of insects called destruction bugs as a nest, residing just under their host's skin. The insects can leave and enter through various pores, apparently by eating their way through the skin. They feed on chakra as a food source, making them quite deadly. The relationship between the shinobi and the insects is mutually beneficial. The host grants the bugs shelter and allows them to feed off their chakra, their body becoming a living hive, and in return the bugs do the user's bidding, allowing the shinobi to perform ninjutsu-like techniques without the use of hand seals or chakra conversion.
A female bug can be left on a target, which then can be tracked by smell by the male bug, or scout bugs can be sent out and return to tell the host information about the area. For this reason, Aburame clan members are experts in espionage; they can communicate with the bugs, and the bugs specialize in stealth because they make no noise or motion during combat. In addition to utilizing insects in battle, the Aburame clan also studies insects. They were rivals of the Kamizuru clan, the bee users, until they defeated them in battle. A major defining trait of the Aburame clan is that all of its known members wear dark sunglasses that hide their eyes as well as jackets that cover part of their face.
*Contract with beetles so can not obtain a summon
Kekkei Genkai: -
Secret Clan Jutsu:
Name: Bug Clone Technique
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: -
Description: Using the Kikaichū bugs living in their body, the user can create a copy of themselves or anyone else they choose. The clone falls apart into its component bugs when struck. Because they're made of bugs, the clones can reform almost instantly.
Name: Bug Jar Technique
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: -
Description: The user focuses their chakra bugs into a dense swarm which circles their body forming a dome shaped shield that provides protection from a 360 degree angle. They swirl round and round increasing the efficiency of the defense. The dome is penetrable by the usage of a sufficient jutsu.
Name: Secret Technique: Insect Cocoon
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: -
Description: This unique jutsu is a secret technique that allows the user to increase the speed of insects' development. As the user's body is already a hive of sorts for the insects, the user will encase himself in an actual cocoon to further aid the insects. This is an extremely useful move for Aburame clan members, since their attacks mainly focus on the usage of bugs. However, using this in the midst of a battle can be potentially dangerous as it leaves the user static and vulnerable.
Name: Secret Technique: Insect Sphere
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: -
Description: By using the destruction bugs, members of the Aburame clan surround their opponent with thousands of bugs, making a globe of bugs around the opponent beforehand to completely trap them. Once trapped, the bugs would normally drain the chakra and swallow their victim. The bugs covering the victims body prevent movement, but should they escape the bugs will follow them.
History:
Once a small clan, the Aburame grew over the years and can now be seen with signature sunglasses and bulky clothing to hide their clan’s Kekkai Genkai. At birth, the Aburame are introduced and infused with the Kikai, small destructive bugs that feed off Chakra. Covering their bodies to keep their enemies clueless to the bugs, the Aburame can use the Kikai Mushi to attack or track enemies, even steal their Chakra. The clan has been noted for hailing from not only Konohagakure no Sato, but from Sunagakure as well, now, however, they’re a country-wide clan.
Clan Details: Open
Rank Information:
Rank: Genin
Village Affiliation: Konohagakure.
Special Information:
Character Speciality:
Main: Ninjutsu
Sub: Taijutsu
Elemental Affinity:
Main: Fire
Sub: Earth
Special Characteristics:
None.
Skill Information:
Note: You can find the other templates in the other Creation Areas if your character needs them.
Jutsu Template:
Name: Kuchiyose no Jutsu - Summoning Technique
Rank:C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element:N/A
Description: A powerful jutsu, Ninpo Kuchiyose allows a ninja to summon animals, objects and the dead to fight on their behalf. There are many ways in which the ninja can sign a contract with a summon but it is usually done with the ninja signing a blood contract with the animal species. This allows the user to summon different size and skilled animals to fight along side them, or on their behalf.
[Basic]
- Spoiler:
Name: Suimen Hokou no Waza - Act of Water Surface Walking
Rank: E
Type: N/A
Element: N/A
Description: A variation on the Kinobori no Waza (Act of Tree Climbing), the art of water surface walking allows a ninja to walk on water as if it was a solid surface. Focusing an even amount of chakra out of the soles of their feet, they can balance themselves on the very surface of the water
Name: Kinobori no Waza - Act of Tree Climbing
Rank: E
Type: N/A
Element: N/A
Description: Kinobori no Waza, the art of tree climbing serves a dual purpose. Taking part in Kinobori Shugyou (Tree Climbing Training) helps a ninja learn how to focus their chakra. It also teaches the ninja how to run up trees and walk on vertical walls. The training helps the ninja learn how to focus just the right amount of chakra to a particular part of their body. The amount needed to climb is small but it must be precise. The feet are regarded as the hardest location to master chakra focusing. So by gaining the art of this skill, the ninja will have any jutsu available (theoretically) because they will be able to focus their chakra as needed
Name: Explosion Tag: Activate
Rank: E
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: N/A
Description: The user will activate an explosion tag. Normally, the tag will be placed by them, so they know where it is and can easily activate it.
Name: Kai - Release
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: N/A
Description: Kai is a Ninjutsu technique which allows the ninja to avoid the effects of a Genjutsu illusion. After forming the needed handseals, the Genjutsu technique will not affect the ninja. The ninja can also use the technique on another individual who was unable to avoid the attack. After forming the needed hand seals, the ninja touches the one affected to end the affect of the spell.
Name: Shunshin no Jutsu - Body Flicker Technique
Rank: D
Element: N/A
Description: Shunshin no Jutsu is a basic Ninjutsu technique. The ninja will appear and disappear in an instant, allowing them to retreat or attack suddenly. To facilitate the movement the ninja will often use nearby elements such as mist, sand or leaves to mask their appearance or disappearance.
Bunshin no Jutsu [Clone Technique]
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E (Basic)
Requirements: None.
Description: This technique must be mastered by any ninja who has graduated from the shinobi academy. It's the most basic technique a Genin must know, since it can be a real lifesaver. This ninjutsu creates a simple illusion clone identical to the caster. The clone however has no physical properties and will disperse the moment it is touched.
Henge no Jutsu [Transformation Technique]
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E (Basic)
Requirements: None.
Description: Henge is the basic skill a ninja must know to become a Genin. It's mostly used as a decoy, to confuse the opponent by transforming into somebody that's an ally with the enemy, and then attack from the back when he's not expecting it. This technique can easily be combined with other jutsus for a more powerful effect, such as with Kage Bunshin no Jutsu [Shadow Clone Technique].
Kakuremino no Jutsu [Self Hiding Technique]
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E
Requirements: None.
Description: Either prior to or right after the use of this jutsu, the user hides themselves, often by means of hiding behind a cloak, in a bush, or such. Afterwards, they used their chakra to make them camouflage better with their environment. If the user is not hidden well, this has no effect, however, it can make a user that is well hidden, or beneath a cloak that is very close in appearance to their surroundings become almost invisible to anyone at a distance, though it's more obvious at 10 feet or closer that they're hiding.
Kawarimi no Jutsu [Body Switch Technique]
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E (Basic)
Requirements: None.
Description: Kawarimi is a widely used and very famous skill among shinobi. The user taps into their chakra and exchanges places with an object of similar weight and size. This is clearly an evasion technique used ge attacks; however it can be linked with other jutsus or attacks to create massive damage if done properly.
Nawanuke no Jutsu [Rope Untying Skill]
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E (Basic)
Requirements: None.
Description: This jutsu gives you the ability to easily free yourself from a rope or any other object made from something similar to a rope. This jutsu works merely by inserting chakra into the rope, and requires no hand seals.
[Fire Techniques]
- Spoiler:
Name: Endan - Fireball
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Katon
Description: Katon • Endan is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Fire Element. This jutsu allows Jiraiya to emit a jet of fire from his mouth. While not stated, this is probably the same or a similar jutsu to the one Jiraiya uses in conjunction with Gamebunta to do Gamayu Endan.
Name: Goukakyuu no Jutsu - Great Fireball Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Katon
Description: Katon • Goukakyuu no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Fire Element. The ninja does the necessary hand seals, draws chakra from their mouth into their chest and them immediately exhales it. They then blow a stream of fire which erupts into a large sphere of flames. To better manage the flames the ninja will bring their hand to their mouth to control it.
Name: Housenka no Jutsu - Mythical Fire Phoenix Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Katon
Description: Katon • Housenka no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Fire Element. The ninja does the necessary hand seals and then emits a series of small fire balls. The ninja can also hurl a projectile which is covered in these same flames. To the opponent the attack appears to be only the balls of flame, they do not see the hidden threat within the flames. Meaning that even if the flames are put out, the projectiles still converge on the target. The flames can be used to cover different projectiles like shuriken or kunai.
Name: Ryuuka no Jutsu - Dragon Fire Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Katon
Description: Katon • Ryuuka no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Fire Element. After binding the opponent, the ninja uses a guide wire to unleash a large torrential fire burst onto the target.
[Earth Techniques]
- Spoiler:
Name: Dochuu Senkou - Underground Submarine Voyage
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Doton
Description: Doton • Dochuu Senkou is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After forming the needed hand seals, a ninja can sink below ground and quickly travel through the earth, extending a weapon or hand above the earth to appear as a shark or submarine fin.
Name: Retsudo Tenshou - Revolving Split Earth Palm
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Doton
Description: This technique causes the ground surrounding the enemy to spiral inwards on itself, burying them alive or crushing them. This technique is much more damaging if used in rocky mountainous areas, or inside a cave.
Name: Moguragakure no Jutsu - Mole Hiding Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Doton
Description: Doton • Moguragakure no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. This technique allows the ninja to burrow into the ground and hide out of sight. This allows them to avoid attack or travel underground.
Name: Doro Gaeshi - Mud Overturn
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Doton
Description: Doton • Doro Gaeshi is a defensive Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After striking the ground with their hands, a large wall of earth will rise into place as defense. The defense is not perfect though, a hard or drilling impact can puncture the wall.
Name: Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Doton
Description: A ninjutsu where the user conceals themselves underground and drags the object of their attack down into the earth, robbing them of their freedom. In addition, they can start another attack. This technique was originally used for torture, by cutting into the enemy's neck.
[Taijutsu Techniques.]
- Spoiler:
Name: One Thousand Years of Death
Rank: E
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None.
Description: A very simple technique with an over-dramatic name, One Thousand Years of Death is little more than inserting one's index and middle fingers (similar to the Tiger hand seal) into the opponent's rectum, causing constipation, pain and/or embarrassment.
Name: Leaf Gale
Rank: D
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: The move here is a simple rear spinning low kick, but a strong enough user can send a large adult flying as if they weighed nothing. The goal is to throw the enemy off balance, and deal damage to the lower half of their body.
Name: Leaf Whirlwind
Rank: D
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: A taijutsu where one launches a succession of high kicks and low kicks. Firstly, the opponent's evasion margin is restrained upon seeing the high kick, thus augmenting the chances for the low kick to hit the mark. So originally the high kick is little more than a feint.
Name: Leaf Great Whirlwind
Rank: D
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: A series of kicking attacks, starting from a low kick and linking into a middle kick and high kick then finishing off with a heel drop. As the rotation speed picks up the user gains buoyancy, which they use to shift into gradually higher attacks.
Name: Leaf Rising Wind
Rank: C
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: This jump uses the entire body as a spring by amassing power in the legs before kicking upwards. Because the power of the kick from the ground is instantly converted into a blow, the enemy hit with this attack will be launched high into the sky.
Name: Shadow of the Dancing Leaf
Rank: C
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: A technique where one follows the opponent, closely matching their body's movement, just like a leaf that dances in the air is followed by its shadow. The technique begins with a swift upper kick that will launch their target into the air. It is mainly used to position an opponent into a vulnerable aerial position.
Name: Painful Sky Leg
Rank: C
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: This technique is simply a falling axe kick. Tsunade concentrates all of her incredible strength into her heel and strikes the ground, which results in either a gigantic crater or a deep fracture along the ground, killing any opponents caught in its immediate strike zone.
Background Information
History:
[Birth arc.]
- Spoiler:
It was not love that consumed the man, but a powerful sense of passion that made his blood boil of adrenaline and energy. Crawling closer to her, his tongue touched her soft snow white skin. He slid the tip of his tongue up her left leg as his left hand's fingertips trailed the opposite lower limb of the girl, a loud cry of pleasure echoed through the alley way. The moon glitter was getting more intense as he reached the crimson-eyed woman's groin, licking around her precious sex as his clothing was torn by Time and Space. He pleasured her with whatever means he had at hand, crawling up her body with his tongue and kissing, biting her tiny yet hard and sensual nipples. The perfect breasts Migoto had, neither big nor small, were enough for the man's hand to squeeze without any kind of tribulation. And as he did so, the girl's body shivered and trembled of fear and pleasure.
"Hakushin..." She whispered, calling out to him, desiring more from the man. She gave him her body; he would want to give his own in return. Gripping her knees with his hands, Hakushin spread Migoto's legs, giving himself space to enter the woman's womb. He leaned his hips forward, penetrating her as his length had a slow yet ecstatic entrance. She yelled out of pleasure, bringing her arms up and around her lover's neck, kissing him in his lips before feeling a very gentle bite on her lower lip. He pressed his teeth against it as he rammed his length into her, every single time going harder and deeper than the previous. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, tightening more as he kept at it. They reached the Perfect Orgasm, when man and woman reach the peak of their pleasure at the same time. And as Hakushin released his energy into Migoto's womb, the girl's juices creamed him.
Nine months, nine months since the satisfying night, Migoto laid in her bed; awaiting for the medic's instructions. Her stomach was ever so large, and in it, she contained the one who would be later known as Kachimasu Aburame; the brother to the one known as Ikuza, The Demented Freak. Yes, she was presumed dead, but here she was, alive and having yet another child. "Just a little more Migoto, push! You can do it!" the medic would exclaim, in hopes of giving the beautiful woman courage. Screams, screams of a strong woman in pains could be heard all over the house. This noise that irritated others seemed to cease as a baby was given birth to. Oh what joy such an event brought to the heart of a mother.
[Childhood]
The life of Naru as an Aburame was the average life lived by any other Shinobi belonging to the Aburame clan: Hard-working and strict. He'd developed a love for books, insects and history at an early age. He'd read of and gained knowledge of Shinobi's with all sorts of persona. This was perhaps what made the Genin vow to protect his village no matter the circumstances. All this prompted him to train all day, non – stop striving to be the best. He strived to surpass all the great shinobi’s he had read and heard of. Perhaps he could surpass them, if he trained just hard enough. But to be among the best, one had to learn from the best. So he did, becoming a student of his own, being capable of working at his own pace and developing a style that suited his choice of battle. He soon became independent, taking on the strict, collected and solitary personality of his clan. He was viewed as a mysterious Shinobi to other member's of the village. Shunned? No, Naru wasn't despised. He was confronted and bothered daily.
With a calm and direct charisma, he was able to over-look the troubles and aggravation he faced in his daily life. He spent his time solely admiring nature and insects. He would make notes about their behavior, habitat and capability. Rarely did anyone see him in the village. This caused others to be suspicious of the Aburame and remain alert while around him. Though they trusted him enough to reveal their secrets to him and be confident that he would not reveal them. Naru became a vessel of untold truths, possibly the reason why he took refuge in a remote area, away form the rest of the villagers. They became a nuisance. After graduating from the Academy at ten years of age, the personality of the Aburame gradually altered.
[Genin arc]
The process of Naru becoming a Genin was the same as any other Shinobi in Konohagakure. He was trained in the academy and prepared for life as a Shinobi. The various tests and exams the Aburame took part in were easy, due to his intelligence. Naru was smart due to his strict focus in class and his love for books. It seemed being a bibliophile paid off. The procedure taken to become a Genin wasn't what the Aburame had expected.
"The exams were too easy,'' were the words which escaped the lips of the Genin. The requirements for graduating involved students having to show their proficiency in a randomly selected E-rank technique. Though he expected this for he was aware of the procedures. He though preferred the requirements Kirigakure had in times past... he seemed to take on the personality of his brother Ikuza, the demented freak. Naru successfully passing the exams, he attained his forehead protector. The second test too, the Aburame passed giving him his title as a Genin.
Role-Play Sample:
- Spoiler:
The Aburame watched over the Hidden stone village from aloft, the destruction bugs serving as a platform and suspending him in the air. He sat cross-legged with his open palms rested on his knees, he stared down with no apparent intentions but observing. But was he really looking down at the village? Was he even aware of his surroundings? Perhaps, he was simply meditating. Questions as such were bound to swarm the minds of spectators. With such stance, it wouldn’t be surprising if one mistook the Sanin to be in a meditating stance. It was simply one of the many habits of the Sanin. He’d been forced to sit as such while little; and so with it gradually become a regularly repeated routine without himself directly thinking consciously about it.
The palm of his right arm ceased contact with his right knee, his right elbow a replacement. With his jacket unzipped by a slight amount, he could rest his chin on his right palm, which he did. His attention shifted to the junior ninjas who now swarmed the streets of Iwagakure. The village gradually became spirited with the energetic children hopping around and what-not. Peace seemed to establish its foundation in Iwagakure once again. Everyone could roam around without having to be on the look-out for those who choose to live the lifestyle of outlawry, or rogue ninjas sneaking into the village with a fake identity. That would be impossible, for Iwagakure was heavily guarded. Though one may be confused by the Aburame’s thinking, but it was quite comprehensible.
Typically, when one mentioned ‘heavily guarded’, one’s brain right away, created an image of a place surrounded by thousands of guards. This would be the same case of Iwagakure, with the exception of the guards being replaced by small beetle-like insects, known as the Kikaichu. They were bred and utilized exclusively by the Aburame clan – which the Sanin belonged to – forming the basis for all their unique techniques. Fukachi, the Sanin who watched over the village had developed a sort of unknown and unseen security around Iwagakure with the assistance of the Kikaichu; the parasitic destruction insects. Being capable of commanding and instructing these beetle-like insects, he’d have them stationed in several places around Iwagakure, where they would keep watch of the village and report to Fukachi most if not all events occurring in the village. This way he was capable of monitoring every one’s movements without having to patrol the village itself. Obtaining the Byakugan would have made all this a lot less stressful.
There was but a flaw in his plans, which he’d already produced a solution to. The bugs lived the average hours they did and reproduced as usually. There would be no extinction of their population, what-so-ever. And so with his perfect view of the village, he was aware of the Tsuchikage’s presence below him and the intruder who’d entered the village. There were two choices he was to make: go deal with the fugitive ninja who was a previous member of Iwagakure or approach the Kage and perhaps, engage in a discussion.
Blah... what was her name again? The Hyouton girl... Serenity, was it? She’d have made a great asset to the village, had she not chosen to follow such paths. She isn’t making any trouble, so I guess I’ll leave her be... for the time being. I wonder what the Tsuchikage is doing out here... he’s supposed to be busy with paper work; unless of course he sent a duplicate... thoughts ran through the Sanin's head.
Descending towards the ground his gaze was focused on the young Tsuchikage. Calm and collected he’d control and command the Kikaichu bugs to his sought destination, which was before the Kage. He spoke after halting his movements before the Kage: “How is Rayne-kun today? Want a ride through the village?” he’d requested, the Kikaichu bugs being the source of the ride. There was enough to bear the body weight of the two ninja’s, should the Kage decide to accept Fukachi’s offer.
Last edited by Kachimasu on Mon 26 Jul 2010, 12:40 am; edited 20 times in total |
|  | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:04 pm | |
| | :s Need someone to check with my application. If it's right. :s |
| | | | Adam
Age : 30
Posts : 8965
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Wed 30 Jun 2010, 12:39 pm | |
| | I haven't read your application yet, but your roleplaying example is a joke, right? |
| | | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Wed 30 Jun 2010, 11:22 pm | |
| | Oh. Of course. :s |
| | | | Adam
Age : 30
Posts : 8965
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Thu 01 Jul 2010, 4:24 pm | |
| Okay I'm going to move this application to the Complete Section just because I'm checking it and you believe it's complete, though it seems far from it.
So far the only things up to scratch are the Appearance and Genin Arc Descriptions. Below will be a list of everything in need of changing.
- The first image that your attempting to use for a title image, it's pointless. Remove it.
- You don't need to elaborate on your Secondary title, just write N/A.
- Personality needs to be more thorough, instead of forming a like and dislike list, add them into your paragraphs. Small pick up in your Dislikes section you wrote Stupid, I'd suspect you meant Stupidity, so I have to admit I laughed at the retardation of that.
- Your first two catch-phrases don't really suit the Aburame persona, I'm just sayin'.
- Your Clan contains references to Canon Characters and isn't at all similiar to the Aburame Clan that we have created as a staff, please copy it from HERE!
- How is your character able to detect minute noises, this seems a little bit of a metagaming trait, please elaborate on how this ability works, it cannot simply be because you have good hearing, to achieve this most shinobi would channel chakra to their ears, so I suggest you just make a jutsu of it and remove it from the Special Characteristics section.
- Sounds similar too similar to how the Byakugan can visualise what's around them, though I'm not referring to seeing chakra systems. I suggest you change this to say your character is a good observer and can spot minor details that others often miss.
- Your smelling Special Character is a trait of the Inuzaka clan, please remove it.
- You haven't added any jutsu whatsoever, I really suggest you check other applications and even read the guide to see what is required.
- Childhood Arc needs beefed up, add a bit more information, maybe about how you weren't raised as a regular Aburame child, who would be raised very strictly, hence the attitude the acquire. Please elaborate on this in your Childhood Arc.
- Please remove unnessacary things from your history, by this I really just mean the OOC bit at the end of your Genin Arc, stating about the quality, that arc was the only thing with good quality, please remove this silly little comments and emoticons
- Your roleplaying sample is still pretty pathetic since if you are who you claim to be on Naruto Revolved your posts are better than that, please add another sample.
To be honest, you're very lucky we don't have an Academy Student rank here anymore, because the effort you have put into your application isn't really acceptable.
|
| | | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Thu 01 Jul 2010, 7:00 pm | |
| Sheesh, fine. MAJOR EDITING!
No one post now. :s |
| | | | Aaron
Age : 27
Posts : 2538
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Thu 08 Jul 2010, 11:36 am | |
| - Quote :
- much like a bisexual; interested in males and females.
This comment is not needed at all, and may be offensive to some users. I have taken the liberty of removing it for you.
Try explaining your Special Characteristics a bit more.
And you have no jutsu.
Is this a WiP or completed? |
| | | | Brad
Posts : 509
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Thu 08 Jul 2010, 2:32 pm | |
| | You are aware that at Genin rank, you can only use four of the KG jutsu you have? I'd advise adding some C rank Taijutsu and D-C rank Ninjutsu. You don't have to but i think it would be beneficial for you, if you did :3 |
| | | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Wed 14 Jul 2010, 5:52 am | |
| | It's a WiP. Busy with other stuff... |
| | | | Brad
Posts : 509
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Wed 14 Jul 2010, 6:49 pm | |
| | It's wIp so i moved it back here. Once you have time, let me know and i'll take another look over it ^^ |
| | | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Fri 23 Jul 2010, 10:15 am | |
| | It's all fixed now. |
| | | | CYANIDE CANDY
Posts : 1084
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Sun 25 Jul 2010, 2:10 am | |
| - Kachimasu wrote:
Name: Piercing Fang
Rank: D
Type: Taijutsu
Element: None
Description: The user spins at a ferocious speed and delivers many powerful beast-like attacks when contact is made with the target. The damage it can inflict on a human target can be extremely damaging, as it can readily tear through thick tree branches and jutsu reinforced earth wall; all of which with a radius thicker than the user itself.
This is a secret technique from the Inuzuka clan. Please remove.
- Kachimasu wrote:
Name: Temporary Paralysis Techniques
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: None
Description: A technique for physical restraint, quite as if the opponent had been tied in invisible steel ropes. This is a basic ninjutsu usable even by Genin, but its intensity will vary greatly according to the user's level. In addition, depending on the user, the technique can be cast on every target at once, and won't fail a shinobi during his missions. This debilitates the victim for a short period of time, which allows the user to either strike again or, in some cases, take the target into custody. Fūka can execute this jutsu by simply looking into her victim's eyes, showing how much precision in chakra control she must have and giving her the metaphorical connection to Medusa.
This is a banned jutsu. Please remove.
- Kachimasu wrote:
Name: Manipulated Shuriken Technique
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: None
Description: With this technique a translucent string, both elastic and highly durable, is attached to a shuriken, making it possible to alter its path after having thrown it. An expert will have the ability to freely glide the shuriken in any direction with just a single movement of their fingertip. The first attack, challenging the enemy, is avoided and after a timelag of several seconds, it will come from behind. Depending on the performance, the possible tactics can be infinite.
This is considered a Puppetry technique here, despite what Leafninja says. Please remove.
- Kachimasu wrote:
Name: Paper Shuriken
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: None
Description: A technique that consists of pouring one's chakra into a scrap of paper in a split second, hardening and sharpening it, so it can be used as a shuriken. Its sharpness is equal to that of a shuriken made of metal. The user can further increase the power of the shuriken by making it into certain shapes.
This is a secret technique from the Tetsumi clan. Please remove.
|
| | | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Sun 25 Jul 2010, 3:04 am | |
| | Fixed. |
| | | | CYANIDE CANDY
Posts : 1084
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Sun 25 Jul 2010, 11:44 pm | |
| | Please explain how your special characteristics were obtained. Did he go through intensive training to achieve it? Was he just simply born ambidextrous? Ect. |
| | | | Kachimasu
Posts : 17
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Mon 26 Jul 2010, 12:41 am | |
| | Removed. |
| | | | CYANIDE CANDY
Posts : 1084
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] Mon 26 Jul 2010, 2:08 am | |
| Unless another mod or admin sees anything I missed...
Approved. |
| | | | Sponsored content
| | Subject: Re: Aburame, Kachimasu [Konoha Genin] [Completed.] | |
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