Kousaka clan [done]

Posts : 17

Clan Name: Kousaka clan
Clan Location: Hidden clan compound in the mountains on the border of the Fire and Wind nations
Clan Traits: Unnatural long life. Each clan member, barring murder/death on battlefield is immune to disease/sickness and can live up to a maximum of 300-350 years old with the medicine at hand to date. However they mature at a normal rate having seen what humanity does to itself the dragons deemed it necessary. This is due to the fact that they made a pact with dragonkin. (this does not make them immune to poisoning) In return for long life and immunity to sickness, the clan promised one thing. They would serve the Dragons eternal goal to watch over humanity for as long as the clan survived, this meant allowing dragons to be able to 'read' their minds to get th emost acurate information possible in essence becoming drones for research and study.

Kekkei Genkai:
Kousaka clan [done] Konachan_com20-204528120black_hair20bullet_butlers20gun20red_eyes20selma_fortenmayer20tattoo20weapon

Kousaka clan [done] Konachan_com20-204528120black_hair20bullet_butlers20gun20red_eyes20selma_fortenmayer20tattoo20weapon

Kenaigan: Doujutsu that makes all but rank B or higher Genjutsu ineffective. Rank B or higher will have varying effects on the user of the kenaigan depending on the affinity they have with their abilities as genjutsu users.
Each form has no visible changes in the eye except for the 4th form where the eye goes completely black

Spoiler:

each new rank must be preceded by training for another jutsu of that rank.

Secret Clan-only Jutsu:
Combat Summoning Jutsu: Tiger Summon
Name: Tiger
Rank: E-S (Must train for each new lvl of summoning)
Appearance: Kousaka clan [done] RaiDemon

Highlord of the tigers

regular tiger summons
https://2img.net/h/i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj110/Acidalium/animetigers.jpg (forgive the girl being in the picture)
https://2img.net/h/i270.photobucket.com/albums/jj110/Acidalium/animetiger.jpg
Tigers are proud of their appearance, often taking poses when someone wishes to capture their image, however theyare fierce in battle, both with their claws and their teeth. Other than the highlord who is said to have evolved from their original form, most tigers have 2 long fangs jutting from their upper mouth.
Contract Type: blood
Species: Cat
Elemental Affinity: Lightning
Special Abilities/Characteristics: Depends on the summons
Background: as part of the bargan with dragons the clan was given a combat summoning, one that would be loyal only to them. Dragons imparted to the clan the scroll for summoning tigers, loyal companions to those they deem worthy. Unfortunately, the tiger summons didn't choose just anyone to allow summonings, they chose whom they thought would benefit the clan the most.

fortunately for the clan, the tigers seemed to understand that the dragons were trusting them, and so have vowed that any clan member that recieves the Kenaigon, will be allowed to summon then without going through the Rite of Honor, however, anyone without the kenaigon within the clan, must succeed at the rite or die trying.

Summons Jutsu: not sure how this works, will get back to it

Name: Aura jutsu
Type:Ninjustu
Rank: E
Element: elemental preference
Description: Created to be used as a defensive technique along with the God's barrier jutsu this jutsu was considered the first of its kind. As the world around all humans is made up of elements each element can be used to create this jutsu, yet few ever found out how. It uses the element affinity of the user and creates an aura around him or her, giving her insite into his or her surroundings, a sort of bubble that mimics the Coveted byakkugans sight, yet without the sight. This also allows the user to fight in complete darkness successfully if not safely. This bubble exsists 20-30 yards around the users body using the elemental affinity to detect any intrusion into the bubble. The user can't anticipate anything outside the bubble unless he or she sees it, but can 'sense' any object within the bubble.
Chakra rank usage: 1 D rank chakra every 5 posts until chakra reserves are depleted or jutsu is cancelled.

Link: [When making new jutsus you must train them. Read the Training Page in rules. post the link here for admins to check]

History:

Kousaka clan [done] Logo_symbol_S_Dragon_4a193b04bdbc6

The Kousaka clan was born before the first ninja war, the head of which was named Kousai and his first wife was named Sakane. They were both born with rare gifts, and both learned to use them at a young age, scaring their elders and inspiring their friends. As they grew older they took positions guarding their small clan earning a name for themselves. When they grew older they got married, having been life long friends, and lead a happy life as they had several children together during the time of peace. They began practicing jutsu's in full when they became head of the clan learning new ways to make their lives a bit easier or more interesting and teaching others how to do so.

During this time of peace Kousai managed to summon the first dragon named Ergrah. he spoke of a world of dragons, mythical creaters, and large areas where information was kept. He told Kousai of their job as keepers, watchers of the world. After several weeks of talking to one another a pact was made, Ergrah gave the clan eyes that would see through illusion and help protect their clan, long life and vitality and another summons to help them on their journey, in return the clan would always be watching the world, helping the dragons with their quest for knowledge. Word spread of the large creature to man different lands gaining the clan fame beyond what any of them dreamed or wanted.

During this time while people wanted to see the dragons, the clan hid them away, honoring their agreement they began to watch the world. Helping where needed, staying silent when not, they began to get a feel for what the dragons wanted to do. It was only when the hidden villages were formed did the clan themselves feel threatened enough to leave their homes and create their own village away from everything. They still watched and listened, but they no longer tried to help as they saw events unfold into the first great ninja war.

After years had passed, they sent representatives to both Suna, Konoha, Kumo, and Kiri to find out what had happened, what the extent of the damage was. Inso doing they alerted everyone to the existance of the clan once again. And while the Hidden villages didn't know the power with which the clan held, they wanted the abilities that the old texts wrote of them having, so they began to hunt the Kousai clan. A year passed and the clan finally got fed up with what was happening to their members so they once again sent emmissaries to each of the 5 great nations requesting that they be left in peace after it was found out that they were desperately searching for them. However, the Hidden villages decided against it, and in an act of uprecidented cooperation during the 2nd great ninja war, they proceeded to hunt down and try to capture any Kousaka clan members they could find.

The only two members of the clan ever found and that were near capture were that of Kousai and his first wife, Sakane, for they and few others were ever allowed to leave the clan compound which remained selfsuficient all those years. During the fight between the armies of the hidden villages the kages demanded that the clan be broken up equally for each of the villages to have. Denied this from the head of the clan a fight broke out in which both Kousai and Sakane were both mortally injured. Using the last of what chakra they had left they used a technique forbidden by all villages to date. The two formed a sphere of chakra which they compressed significantly into a small bead the size of a pearl, then released all the stored energy in one single blast. The crater left from the blast was ½ mile in diameter and ¼ mile deep, and to this day only two trees grow in the center of the crater, surrounded by water. The crater is called Greed’s folly and all who know of the story behind the crater usually steer clear of anyone with the clan seal and the kekkei genkai.

As the years followed the clan adopted a learn young die young mentality, often training their infants of 2 years what they could. This allowed them to see which child excelled at what, and create files on how they should be trained for the rest of their lives. Sadie was no exception, as she excelled in weapons and ninjutsu, they trained her as such teaching her what they could. However as there are in all clans, Sadie was an outlier, one that didn't conform to the normal standards that the clan had grown accustomed to, she had a natural gift to understand the basics of any jutsu she saw, even if she couldn't perform them. That being the case she forced herself to be as close to a master of close range combat as she could, learning a few coveted jutsu that many in the clan knew of, but could never really master. This included the Aura jutsu as well as the Heaven's Fury and Cloud Walker justu.

Sadie had an understanding of what would be needed to build upon her already growing arsenal of physical abilities through training. While she regularly trained in both weaponry and ninjutsu she was often taught the art of diplomacy, something she was sorely lacking. The clan knew she was the future, and they were going to make sure that she was the best they could forge her to be.

Clan Details: closed for nwo

***side note*** If there is something that doesn’t make sense please tell me, I’ll put more information in. But as of right now, I’m out of thoughts on the Clan. I tried not to over-power it like I’m prone to doing. Also please tell me if more information is needed, ive never tried to create a clan before.

Posts : 730

This all has potential, so long as you understand that you will never be able to summon dragons. Ever, it's just not permitted here. However, that does not mean the clan itself is not acceptable. It's got some merit to it, but it needs some polish.

You need to add more detail to you clan's long life span trait, and give a maximum cap. You should also note whether or not this very long life span has an effect on their development. For example, elves, which also live a long time, don't reach maturity until they're in their 50's or something. Is the same true for your clan, or are their 10 year olds still 10 year olds, and so on? I'd also like to know what the clan had to give up to the dragon in exchange for this very long life time. Keep in mind, you're free to do as you please, I'm fine with normal ten year olds that can live for centuries. That's all just flavor to me, cause getting your head cut off still kills you, as you noted.

Your idea for a genjutsu defensive Doujutsu is also perfectly acceptable, but needs to be better explained, and detailed. It can be something like dragons being the masters of illusion, and you have dragon blood in you, or whatever you like, but it needs to be better explained. You're also going to need to add a small chakra cost per post to keep the Kinaigan active. I'd also recommend removing the secondary effect of the KKG, because you can achieve the same invisibility with an E ranked academy jutsu.

If you really want to branch out into combining elements as a clan, you are in for a lot more writing, as well as crafting clan jutsu and what not. Personaly, I would just go for a more dragony feel and develop a little strength, or toughness, or perhaps some minor elemental resistances.

You could also use some more detail in your history. Doubling it's length would really add a lot more life and detail to the clan itself. You could clean up the details of the founders and the war, and add a lot more about dragons too it, and why you're so old, and what your clan has done with its long age. It'd be a lot of work, but you'd end up with one pretty cool clan.

Posts : 17

i understand all that, ill work on that right away. though the secondary effect plays into the overall fightingstyle of my character. But yeah, the henge jutsu is the rank e ability i believe

As for the dragons, it wasn't the original combat summons, like frogs, snakes, wolves and what not. I never said it would combat related, though i probably should have mentioned it. They are more like keepers of time if you will, though i can understand that being able to summon a dragon at all would be....yeah.

Ill fix it so that it makes more sense. i appologize for hte misunderstanding.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

It lists 2 summonings, one of which is a singular dragon. Dragons are a big no with me.

Also, I'd almost prefer if the jutsu (Invisibility cloak and the like) were listed as clan jutsu. Which means they need to be formatted as such. If you do not wish your clan to have any listed techniques then simply let me know that after your next update of your clan. Which needs to remove the ability to summon dragons.

Thank you.

Posts : 17

so no, dragons period.. even if they cant use them for anything? Ill make the change, i must have misunderstood the first message about them. The only reason that summon is there is because its part of the backstory for their clan KKGK, not as an actualy i summon you to fight for me or train me summon.

as for the cloak of invisibilty, yes that is a clan jutus, any and all Light jutsu's are clan KKGK only jutsu's. And even then the only way they can use light jutsus is if they have inherited the kenaingon, meaning that they can be int he clan and not be able to use them.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Well I was suggesting you post some jutsu in the proper format as "clan jutsu" and dragons are good and fine in backstories..... Just not to summon them. Smile

and I'll have to double check to see if tiger summons are still open. Smile

Posts : 17

quite understandable, I fixed the problem, i had them posted on my character and not in the clan section, i appologize for that. I still dont have the chakra rankings for the Clan jutsu:light styles but they will be up shortly, and thank you about the tiger summons, I also put in a rough idea of the chakra costs for the Kenaigon, imstillw orkign with wind in reguards to refining it.

wind if you read this i added the 5th form right after i sent the message to you, it was meant to be in the message but i hit send before i could. Sorry.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

If you are still working on refining it, maybe put up a (WIP) tag on the title and then take it down and bump it when you want me to check it?

Posts : 730

mmkay, looking good but it needs a little cleaning up. Your doujutsu is a little hard to make out, I would suggest making a template and refering to each stage by rank just for simplicities sake. Rank should be based on the rank of the ninja, so there's no genin ignoring B rank genjutsu and the like. It can be nice and simple, just list it like:

Rank:
Chakra Cost:
Durration:
Effect:

Do that for each of the stages and it should be a lot easier to read. Also, please keep in mind that I won't likely allow you to have an immunity to jutsu above your rank without some extreme drawbacks to the ability. Even being immune to equal rank genjutsu is going to be iffy, without some form of drawbacks. Immunities are extremely powerful, so sacrifices need to be made to balance them out. I suggest making the chakra cost the same as the rank, and you could likely get away with being immune the equal rank genjutsu up to B, like you have it, with the other effects as well coming into play.

Okay, now on to the Light thing. You haven't really explained the light at all. Is it a secondary element? Is it just a type of jutsu? What is it? Many of its effects seem to have nothing to do with light, but lets look at some of them.

Quote :: Name: Blades of Light Dance
Type: Ninjutsu,
Rank: E
Element: Lightning and Wind kekeigenkai ability
Description: Blades of light Dance was originally created to be a training tool. Depending on the degree the rank can be anywhere from E to S, the ranking is done by the number of blades created ranging anywhere from 1 to 50 as well as the ‘strength’ of the blades. The Jutsu creates a blade of the creators imaginings out of light and makes it ‘dance’ against the creator, giving the creator training as the blade will try to cut and slice. The blades themselves attack using standard kenjutsu movements at rank E getting harder and more intricate attacks as the ranking goes higher. This jutsu is very versatile, being able to be used in combat as well as in training.
Chakra rank usage:
Rank E: for every 2 blades present it uses 1 D rank chakra every 4 posts until chakra depleted or Ninjutu is canceled blades hold genin rank fighting abilities
Rank D: for every 4 blades it uses 1 D rank chakra every 4 posts until chakra depleted or Ninjutsu is canceled blades hold genin rank fighting abilities
Rank C: For every 8 blades it uses 1 C rank chakra every 4 posts until chakra depleted or ninjutsu is canceled blades hold chuunin rank fighting abilities
Rank B: For every 16 blades it uses 1 Brank chakra for every 4 posts until chakra is depleted or ninjutsu is canceled, blades hold chuunin rank fighting abilities
Rank A: for every 20 blades it uses 1 A rank chakra every 4 posts untill chakra is depleted blades hold jounin rank fighting abilities
Rank S: chakra usage for this will be with held until such time as to be trained, User will be able to wield up to 60 light blades that have the expertise of jounin. 1 Rank S chakra is used every 2 posts instead of 4 because of the strain on the consciousness of the user

I'm not so sure "light" is able to cut people, though it might be able to give them some sort o sun burn. This effect is mimicking either a chakra blade, or a wind blade, both of which are canon, and not really allowed for custom jutsu. Furthermore, creating a blade from nothingness with only pure chakra, even elemental chakra, will be at least a B rank technique. This jutsu needs to be reworked. I don't think being able to summon 50 chakra blades that "Dance for you" is balanced even at S rank. Lower it to maybe 5 or 10. You should also keep in mind some of the drawbacks that come from weapons based purely on energy. Energy blades can not be used to defend against an incoming physical attack, because they lack actual substance. Also, Chakra blades are not lightsabers, so don't think you can just hack through everything and anything in your path.

Quote :: Name: God’s barrier
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: E
Element: Lightning and Wind kekeigenkai ability
Description: This technique, while arrogant in its naming, has no affiliation with the abilities that Pain had shown in the Leaf village. It was designed as a multipurpose barrier of light, stopping any and all attacks depending on how much chakra you could put into it and keep it stable. Beginning users can only make small floating shields that maneuver to defend the user from attacks. At E rank beginners can create 1 shield about 4ft long and 2 feet wide but only for a few minutes before they have to redo the jutsu. Advanced users can create better shields for longer periods of time that are several feet tall and wide at rank c or b. Or in the case of kousai the clan founder a bubble to protect entire villages at rank S.
Chakra rank usage:
Rank E: 1 shield 4ft long and 2 feet wide can be created. Cost 1 D rank chakra, Dissipates after first post is made using the shield in combat
Rank D: 2 shields 5ft long and 3 feet wide can be created. Cost 1 D rank chakra 2 posts, Shields lasts for 2 posts before dissipating.
Rank C: 3 shields 6ft long and 3 feet wide can be created. Cost 1 C rank chakra 2 posts, Shields last for 3 posts before dissipating
Rank B: 4 shields 6ft long and 4 feet wide can be created. Cost 1 B rank chakra 2 posts, Shields last for 3 posts before dissipating
Rank A: 4 shields 6ft long and 4 feet wide can be created. Cost 1 A rank chakra 2 posts, lasts for till chakra is gone or jutsu is cancelled
Rank S: 4 Shields 7ft long and 4 feet wide can be created. Costs 1 S rank chakra every 2 posts, lasts for till chakra is gone or jutsu is cancelled

You need to explain how much damage the sheild can prevent before it is used up, or give it a damage reduction effect.

That's enough for now, fix those up and I'll look over the rest.

Posts : 17

aight wind, i fixed what you told me i think, whats next

Age : 34 Posts : 591

So Genin are immune to Genjutsu unless they are A or S rank? I think this needs to be changed....

Posts : 17

no, there are ranks, and the ranks can only be attained through training for them but its not like genin can master the 5th rank, each is learned progressively as the first of each new rank jutsu is learned, so they need to learn their first rank C jutsu to learn rank C Kenaigon. but it doesn't come with learning the first jutsu, training for the rank C kenaigon has to happen.

Posts : 1084

Menthil wrote:: -Overlap of immages both realworld and genjutsu (clan brains can understand both and react acordingly)
-Dejavu occurs where the action int he real world happens a few seconds after the action in the dejavu(unable to see future fyi more like intuition being brought out in sight)

Would perhaps reword these and put some more detail into describing them? I just have a little trouble making sense of it.

Menthil wrote:: Rank: 3 (Rank C)
Chakra Cost: 1C rank chakra
Durration:uses 1 C rank chakra every 4 posts until chakra depleted or ninjutsu is canceled
Effect: Creates 6 blades of light that have a fighting ability rank of genin to fight against or with during

Rank 3 (Rank C) of Blades of Light Dance should be marked up to B-Ranked. You'll have two C ranks, two B ranks, and one A rank, then.

Menthil wrote:: Link: [When making new jutsus you must train them. Read the Training Page in rules. post the link here for admins to check]

I've noticed you have this through out your application. They aren't needed and if you removed them, the application would appear more organized and less messy.

Menthil wrote:: Name:day walker
Type:Ninjustu
Rank: C
Element: Lightning and Wind kekeigenkai ability
Description: Jutsu that allows the wielder to walk on a platform of light through the air. the platforms themselves can be quite large or only be under the limbs required to be in the air such as parts used to climb rocks or trees. Originally inteded to help clan members get around their compound, it was found very useful in combat
Chakra rank usage: Costs 1C rank chakra to use this ability, lasts until chakra reserves are gone or jutusu is cancelled

This needs to have a limit on how large the platform can be as well as how high up it can go through out the air.

Posts : 17

Ok, fixed the OP'd ness of the character and got rid of the Light jutsu's on my own authority. someone please go through it and see how it looks