Hinamori Clan [Devil Blood]

Age : 48 Posts : 1036

Revamp done. Now can this be done for good so I can stop having to redo things?

Posts : 1729

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Guess it's you and me again, Nuke, seeing as Babis and Aaron are being silent.

Right off, just saying, broken code here and there. Namely, the code box around the clan jutsu.
Affinity
The necessity of a water affinity, and exclusion from a fire affinity, seems rather arbitrary.
Iffy on the whole "Demon gave us a bloodline" type deal, but I'll let it slide until I can get some input from the rest of the creations team.
Demon's Shroud
Reasonably certain that "Bloodline" can't be a jutsu type. Given the nature, I believe Ninjutsu would be fitting for both this and the Arch Demon's Shroud.

Let's cap the blunting effect at being able to affect C-rank and lower attacks, and a stipulation that too many blows in rapid succession can dispel the cloak prematurely. And since you made a mention of the berserking, let's go ahead and quantify that; anything past the safe duration of the shroud, they go into this "berserker rage" you speak of.
Arch Demon's Shroud
Given this is only accessible to A-ranks, it might as well be ranked as such; and since this is causing the shroud to manifest as a physical armor, I'm going to have to apply jutsu-created armor rules to it; ie, X amount of attacks of rank Y will break and dispel it. And given again the physical manifestation of the armor, I feel this should have a high initial activation in addition to the per post cost. So, put the initialization cost at somewhere in the A-rank levels, and adjust the per post cost accordingly to that of an A-rank jutsu.
Claw
Just mentioning this, but per the Sub-Spec rules on the Jutsu guide, Nintaijutsu are formally only accessible to characters with Taijutsu as one of their specialties. Which is to say, Toshiro wouldn't be able to use it. Not until S-rank, at least.
Black Flame
Really, if it doesn't kill them in the topic it's used, it shouldn't be able to off them later on either. It's not as if they're not going to seek medical attention for the rip-roaring headache.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

It may sound bad coming from me, but in order for me to properly review this, I will have to read everything posted on here. I know I can just read through the clan, but I would be addressing issues already discussed. If the revamp has completely changed the clan, then I can go on and make my comments.

Posts : 1729

NuclearTreerat wrote:: Revamp done. Now can this be done for good so I can stop having to redo things?

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Every other post before that post, excepting the first post, is irrelevant. They are all comments on completely different forms of the clan. This is why I said you should just start a new topic, Nuke. No, I am not going to just delete posts.

Age : 48 Posts : 1036

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Right off, just saying, broken code here and there. Namely, the code box around the clan jutsu.

Fixed

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Affinity
The necessity of a water affinity, and exclusion from a fire affinity, seems rather arbitrary.

Because it is arbitrary. Just as Uchiha needing a fire-affinity could be considered arbitrary. It does however hook into the cover explanation for the clan's abilities. Part of the background is that I've built up in prior threads is that the clan does not broadcast their bloodline to the world. They keep it hidden under layers of deception and secrecy that includes a front as specialists in water-based techniques then as black marketers who supply Konoha's less-savory operations. In the interests of keeping the former going they've unintentionally bred out nearly any affinity for fire they might have. So while not technically necessary it does play a role in keeping with the clans background.

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Iffy on the whole "Demon gave us a bloodline" type deal, but I'll let it slide until I can get some input from the rest of the creations team.

It doesn't have to be a "demon" though. The name came from what I think a predominantly rural people would use to describe the source of an ability that defies their understanding of the world. Keep in mind that this is supposed to be a clan from the "dawn of shinobi", a time that likely had a less scientific and more mystical understanding of chakra. To people like that something that made their skin crawl and matched the descriptions of demons from fireside tales would almost certainly be considered "demonic" before any attempt at rational explanation was made. And a pact could just easily be some sort of summoning contract. In this case instead of being allowed to summon some sort of creature the recipients had part of their DNA rewritten to grant them the abilities. Basically instead of the genetic changes occurring over a few dozen generations with the emergence of a single pheotype, they happened over a few hours of genetic engineering with only the intended genes being changed.

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Demon's Shroud
Reasonably certain that "Bloodline" can't be a jutsu type. Given the nature, I believe Ninjutsu would be fitting for both this and the Arch Demon's Shroud.

Let's cap the blunting effect at being able to affect C-rank and lower attacks, and a stipulation that too many blows in rapid succession can dispel the cloak prematurely. And since you made a mention of the berserking, let's go ahead and quantify that; anything past the safe duration of the shroud, they go into this "berserker rage" you speak of.

First, Uchiha and Hyuuga clan descriptions use that for their eye's abilities. I think its the catch-all category for abilities that are supposed to be intrinsic to all members of a clan regardless of specialty. Not a huge deal, beyond I have to change an adversary NPC I'm working on, but then I would probably call it Ninjutsu-Bloodline to eliminate any chance of someone saying "oh I'll just COPY THAT" or denying that Fox's bloodline-negation ability affects it.

Second, if we add means of breaking the shroud I would like to up the amount of damage it could absorb. Originally I was thinking something like 20-33% of incoming blunt force (and 10% for piecing & cutting) was stopped which was why I didn't include a means to break it. Since it absorbed relatively small amounts and had a higher-than-usual upkeep it was already fairly balanced. By allowing someone to break it prematurely that balance is out the window, particularly since the shroud can't simply be immediately reactivated - once it goes down (for any reason) it stay down for how many ever posts it was in use. Maybe having it give 100% absorption against all basic attacks with no limit (save for the constant CP cost) and 50% against D-C attacks (any physical type) up to a maximum of say 5 in a single post or 1 B-rank? That way some munchkin can't state that they made a dozen basic punches/ stabs to break it and keep it down for a how many ever posts before actually expending any CP.

Oh and you might want to get that rule about armor-type jutsu added to the creation rules then. Until people know that the rule exists before making jutsu like that, you're going to keep having to repeat thosed words Five minutes of work now will save several hours in the future.

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Arch Demon's Shroud
Given this is only accessible to A-ranks, it might as well be ranked as such; and since this is causing the shroud to manifest as a physical armor, I'm going to have to apply jutsu-created armor rules to it; ie, X amount of attacks of rank Y will break and dispel it. And given again the physical manifestation of the armor, I feel this should have a high initial activation in addition to the per post cost. So, put the initialization cost at somewhere in the A-rank levels, and adjust the per post cost accordingly to that of an A-rank jutsu.

Aside from the same changes as with the C-ranked version I have one issue with the cost model you're requesting. Namely that it makes the downside of a cooling-off period less of a hindrance. If I used the same model as jutsu (say 30 starting & 5 upkeep) and kept the shroud active for 5 posts, the total cost is 50 points. Use the current setup (10 to activate and 10 to keep going) and for 5 posts the cost works the same. Past 5 posts however my version ends up costing more CP than yours, which provides incentive to use it only for a maximum of 4 posts and gamble that you won't need it for the 4 posts its not available. With what you're suggesting the decision, at least from a meta-gaming standpoint, about how to use the ability becomes obvious - start it soon and keep it going as long as possible. Even upping the costs only pushes the point back further instead of eliminating it. With mine the user has to choose to either keep it going and hope they don't run out of CP from the high maintenance cost, or turn it on only when needed then turn if off and hope they don't need it again when its on "cooldown".

I'll hold off on this change until after you've had time to think it over. Personally I think the back-loaded concept does a better job of balancing things out.

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Claw
Just mentioning this, but per the Sub-Spec rules on the Jutsu guide, Nintaijutsu are formally only accessible to characters with Taijutsu as one of their specialties. Which is to say, Toshiro wouldn't be able to use it. Not until S-rank, at least.

Well understood. I'm trying to include not only my character but future possible applicants as well.

BK-201 wrote:: [*]Black Flame
Really, if it doesn't kill them in the topic it's used, it shouldn't be able to off them later on either. It's not as if they're not going to seek medical attention for the rip-roaring headache.

First it is not just a headache. A better comparison would be a really severe, as in requiring hospitalization, case of shingles but inside your body instead of at the surface. Much more painful. As to the changes you're asking for, there are two ways I could do this:
A) If the player leaves the thread or receives treatment (either ijutsu or a Hyuuga shutting off the areas afflicted) before their 4th post they will survive. Those who don't collapse and die several days later of incurable damage.
This would be my preference since it gives them a chance to survive if they're caught in "damn don't have that ability" trap by hightailing it for home if I opt to not pursue them. Which is why it had the delay in the first place. This is how the revamped version works.
B) After their 3rd post of being afflicted without cure the victim just drops dead from damage and pain.
That is more akin to what you're asking but I see 2 problems with it. First it is shading into the S-rank "one hit kill" area. Second is that it means that practically anyone who isn't a medic or Hyuuga is SOL if it lands.

I would have put up a new post. Except I have various links in different threads to this that would be broken and getting the crest image to work is a pain. Why I don't know, but the last time I redid something in the post it took a full weekend to get it working again.

Oh and I pulled the history section to work on it some more. The prior one-size-fits-all didn't work for the various versions I have right now.

Posts : 1729

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Whoops. Forgot about this. My bad.

Water Affinity
That's a sound enough explanation. I'll admit, I skimmed over the history. Mostly just flavor text to the meat and bones, ie KKG.
Demon Origin
Alrighty, just reword it such that it's more a story that's been passed into myth and twisted into legend under the ravages of time, more a folk-tale than an actual set-in-stone description of the events of their gaining their bloodline.
Demon's Shroud
Technically speaking, they're designated as Bloodline - Doujutsu. Unlike most other clan bloodlines, they're designed to be tied into a specific organ. For most any other clan (unless I'm missing one), the bloodline falls into the normal conventions, ie, a set of techniques specific to only that clan, but still fall under the normal conventions; ninjutsu, taijutsu, etc.

And I'll admit, it's not a specific rule, in-so-much as it's a convention I've seen jutsu-created armor follow. X amount of attacks of rank Y breaks it. Besides which, absorbing percentages of damage in a non-stat based setting is imprecise, to say the least. At any rate, the figures you mentioned are acceptable, excepting basic attacks enforced by B-rank strength and higher, naturally.
Arch Demon's Shroud
Your explanation for the cost is fine, but it's going to have to take a lesser number of B-A attacks break it; one A-rank attack, two B-rank. Given the nature of B-A attacks, I would think this is fair, avoiding two broken bones or a hole in your chest for a mere 10CP.
Black Flame
Option A.

Age : 48 Posts : 1036

1. Noted

2. Done.

3. Changed to 2 B or A ranks and I've upped the cost to 12 CP/ post. A single A-rank dropping something with a reuse timer seemed a bit weak. Obviously of course anything above those ranks is going to drop it instantly.

4. Changed. Should be apparent now how to avoid dying to it in the worst-case scenario.

Posts : 1729

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Approved 1/2

Age : 30 Posts : 356

After reading through a metric ton of bickering and nitpicking; Approved 2/2

Age : 33 Posts : 718

Unlocked and Moved at Owner's Request

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

I feel like a broken record, especially in regards to this thread, but I have to ask. Is this still being worked on at all? If no response is given within the next seven days, this will be added to the archives, again.

Age : 31 Posts : 1490

Archived.