Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin]

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Observer
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PostSubject: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 1:24 am

Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Edb85883186a9d2412050b2fd35e413c

BUNRAKU, ITO

THE INFO.

Name: Ito Bunraku
Nickname: Mute
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Appearance:

Spoiler:

Personality:

Spoiler:

Clan: None
Nindō: Life is a scene, and people are the actors. And I am the audience.

THE NINJA.

Origin: Fire country
Affiliation: Konoha
Rank: Genin
Specialties: Kugutsu, Ninjutsu
Elemental Affinities: Earth, Wind
Combat Style:

Combat-wise, it must be noted that, unlike many puppeteers, Ito is not always using the puppets as his primary weapon, though they are, indeed, powerful puppets. He is a fairly-skilled Earth-user, and is not afraid of going into battle himself, using earth techniques which he is good at. He is not above using puppets as distraction while he goes for the kill himself, which surprises opponents who don't expect it.

Special Characteristics:

Doton Ninjutsu
Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History:

Spoiler:

Roleplay Sample:

Spoiler:

THE ARSENAL.

JUTSU:

E-rank:
Spoiler:

D-rank:
Spoiler:

C-rank:
Spoiler:

Puppets:
Spoiler:


Spoiler:


Puppet weapons:

Spoiler:

Poison:
Spoiler:

Other stuff:

Spoiler:

FACE CLAIM.



Source: Anime-online.tv
Image URL: New members are not allowed to post external links or emails for 7 days.


Last edited by Observer on Mon 29 Aug 2011, 6:15 am; edited 20 times in total
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₡amisado
₡amisado

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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 4:03 am

Quote :
Using a soundbox implanted in it the puppet can communicate.

Like, basic phrases? If so list what it can say please and I think this would take up a slot.

With the slots on your puppets you need to state where the slots are.

Your gas attack needs the gas it is using in a poison template with the effects being more detailed.

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Observer
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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 4:54 am

edited some stuff
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₡amisado
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 4:39 pm

Your new sound box method doesn't make the voice box make much more sense.
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Observer
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 7:04 pm

Fixed it with Enma's idea. Does it work now?
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Chris
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 7:11 pm

Hm just a few things.

First of all, please expand on your appearance. We would like at least two paragraphs - perhaps the second one talking about the clothes you wear.

Please change your nindo or explain it further. It should be something along the lines of 'I will never go back on my promise' or 'I will become the Hokage and protect those who are dear to me'. Whatever. Make it sound nice and idealistic Razz

Also you are allowed to start off with one Special Characteristic.

And please go over your jutsu list as well as puppets and equipment. I found some spelling mistakes and at times, you missed out words and stuff.
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Observer
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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 8:01 pm

Fixed things
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Chris
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 8:17 pm

Two tiny things and then I believe we are all ready to go.

- Please change your Origin to the Fire Country (that's where Konoha is located)
- Unfortunately Genin are C rank Characters so they can only use up to C rank jutsu and C rank Special Characteristics. So you will have to choose a different Special Characteristic.

Everything else is really good. Job well done!
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Observer
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 8:55 pm

Edited everything you mentioned ^^
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Chris
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 28 Aug 2011, 9:06 pm

Approved 1/2
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Cookie Monster
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 29 Aug 2011, 12:24 am


Hello Observer, just a few things need to be edited first.

Firstly, don't forget to title your application to the site standards. You've currently missed out on the [Konoha Genin] part of your title, so edit that in there please. For your actual application, I feel that you could include some more information about how your character appears. So have another two or three sentences written up please. Also, your entire profile may need to be looked at due to the amount of commas you've placed in there, quite a few of them are unneeded so I ask that you go back and get rid of several and include some full stops or use some connectives.

You need to fix up your coding for your Special Characteristic area, since it manages to place your History and Roleplay sample within the [spoiler] tags as well. Your puppets require the proper coding format that the site offers, meaning wording needs to be [b]'ed. You've also got to include separate templates for all the weapons that your puppet is using, so one for the Staff needs to be made as an example. Rose Shot needs to be greatly reduce in abilities, firing senbon from all angles within a four metre range? Definitely not a D or C - Rank technique. Have that edited please. Your poison needs to be re - written into more detail as well, right now it's very basic. Lastly, all of these customs and techniques need to be placed within the proper coding, have these fixed up please.

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Observer
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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 29 Aug 2011, 4:05 am

Hopefully fixed everything
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 29 Aug 2011, 5:38 am

Hey there, Observer!

So, to begin, your character title still needs to be edited to Bunraku, Ito [Konoha, Genin]. It's just a small thing that needs to be completed so we can file your character away more easily after approval.

Continuing on, overall, I feel like you did a lovely job on your character, there are just a few things that I need changed, expanded, or explained.

First off, regarding your puppets, when you say "Kunai Launcher" in regards to what takes up slots in their bodies, you need to have a limit to each launcher. i.e. Five Kunai released is the limit Please edit accordingly.

I too agree with James [₡amisado] in regards to the voice box. It should take up one slot since it is inside the puppet.

Quote :
Name: Chem Attack
Rank: D
Slots Required: 2
Type: Gas release mechanism.
Description: A small canister with a pressured chemical acidic solution is placed inside the puppet's head, tubes connected to mouth and eye openings, ending up in a sprinkler. When activated, it releases a sizable gust at the enemy, causing burns to the skin and serious burns to eyes, mouth, insides, if inhaled, or wounds. Effective range: 0-3 meters.

As a D-Rank, it is rather overpowered for the poison to cause severe and serious burns. Your choices for this attack is to either:

A. Tune it down so that it causes an irritation or "haziness" to the user or
B. Keep it the way it is and rank it up to a B - Rank and then wait until you can train and use it.

I think that's it!
Overall, I believe you did a lovely job!
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Observer
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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 29 Aug 2011, 6:15 am

edited
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 29 Aug 2011, 6:17 am

2/2.

Approved and Coloured.

Enjoy RPing.
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Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 09 Jan 2012, 3:50 am


Archived.

Due to inactivity.
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PostSubject: Re: Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Bunraku, Ito [Konoha Genin] Empty

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