The Man Rules

Age : 31 Posts : 2547

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon, or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really..

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

This is the conclusion of the Man Rules. I can't claim credit for writing this as much as I'd like to, but I'm happy to pass it on. COOKIE!

Age : 35 Posts : 1113

Oho!

Where to start...

John wrote:: 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Actually, I've always thought we should quit whining about this.

John wrote:: 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

*sobs dramatically* Is there no romance and intrigue left in the world?

John wrote:: 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Through the woman's eyes: you weren't listening to us and these were the most reliable guesses. Still a 50/50 chance of incurring wrath, unless you're a real sweet-talker...

John wrote:: 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

*angryface* It's - called - fishing - for - compliments!

John wrote:: 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

Pahahahaha. Okay Magellan, you keep plugging away. We enjoy the scenic route.

John wrote:: 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

On this, we can agree! I mean, how much difference can there be between sea green and ocean turquoise?

John wrote:: 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Then leave the room and do it. Especially when we have guests.

John wrote:: 1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

No and no. End of discussion.

John wrote:: 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Then you are a shape. Get off the sofa and sort it out.

John wrote:: 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

In which case, have the kennel. Razz

~Soph out.

Posts : 3

~Fox~ wrote:: Oho! Where to start...

Yes where to start...

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

*sobs dramatically* Is there no romance and intrigue left in the world?

No it died with chivalry which was long ago in most soceities, sadly. So let the dead rest.

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Through the woman's eyes: you weren't listening to us and these were the most reliable guesses. Still a 50/50 chance of incurring wrath, unless you're a real sweet-talker...

We are.

Need i say more?

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

*angryface* It's - called - fishing - for - compliments!

Well as with actual fishing you get up early sit there for a couple hours and most time end up with nothing to show for it.

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

Pahahahaha. Okay Magellan, you keep plugging away. We enjoy the scenic route.

Well then stop gripping the dashboard and saying "pull over" every got darn 2 minutes.

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Then leave the room and do it. Especially when we have guests.

Its not our fault we were the first to the scratch, the other guy was thinking about it too, now get over it.

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

No and no. End of discussion.

Well if the shoe fits The Man Rules 815275

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Then you are a shape. Get off the sofa and sort it out.

When there's a commercial that isn't related to beer, doritos or cars we just might.

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

In which case, have the kennel. Razz

As long as we can have the bacon doggie treats i think we'll be fine.

Posts : 363

I laugh.

I just laugh.

Age : 34 Posts : 1209

Not entirely original. I believe I have seen this before but I have oh so much fun refuting and supporting some of these as a man.

John wrote:: 1. Men are NOT mind readers.

No we are definitely not and we won't magically learn this ability. Stop hoping, please.

John wrote:: 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Eh, I've only met one woman in my life who complained about this. I do agree with this. It doesn't take much effort to check if the seat is up or down. Though I will give credit to any woman who does make the defense that when guests are over it's considerate to put it down. It should go without saying that you close the lid when at another person's residence.

John wrote:: 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon, or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Eh I'm bias on this. I'm not a man who enjoys watching sports. I'd rather be playing it. So I don't see why guys get so uptight about this. We live in an age where you can go and watch these things online and such. I understand if you want to relax but to tune out the world for this? Doesn't seem reasonable to me.

John wrote:: 1. Crying is blackmail.

Depends on the woman. I've known woman who use crocodile tears to get their way but I've known plenty of women that are truly frustrated when they cry. Be a real man and comfort her.

John wrote:: 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

No, no, no. Learn to read between the lines. Don't try to shrug this off. On the other end though, women, if we don't get it, please don't get mad. Most of us were raised in a way to be direct about things and our brains are wired that way. But no guy should be willing to throw his arms up and say "Don't use hints" Hints can be fun when you get used to them. Turnabout is also fair play.

John wrote:: 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

What does this mean? Does this mean that we can answer any question with a yes or no? Or does it mean that we want women to start saying yes or no? Just listen to the question and if it's a silly conversation then end it.

John wrote:: 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Again this comes down to the wiring of a man's brain compared to a woman's. Men are mentally designed to look for solutions. That being said though, do you really want your significant other running to her friends for all her problems and leaving you out in the cold? It doesn't amount to a very good situation.

[quote="John"1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.[/quote]

Nope, let's take responsibility for what we say. Goes for both sides.

John wrote:: 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Go ahead and ask. I don't care. Neither do most of my friends I've talked to. Chances are I won't think your fat even if you did put on some weight.

John wrote:: 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

I ask that you have enough trust in me and know me well enough to realize that I often put my foot in my mouth. My intention is not to hurt your feelings or upset you. 99% of the time I meant what I said to be innocuous. Just have trust in me.

John wrote:: 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

God, yes. Please, nothing is more annoying than doing something for someone and then being told it wasn't done correctly. Show me how to do it or do it yourself.

John wrote:: 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

I don't watch too much television so I don't get this one. Just tell me what you have to say. I'll be listening and if I'm not just make sure I am before you start talking.

John wrote:: 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

I acknowledge that I am directionally challenged but understand my ego won't let me ask. If you want me to pull over then you need to do the asking. Sorry...

John wrote:: 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Yeah, too many colors for me. Sorry I can't be of more help.

John wrote:: 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

I'll do my best to resist the urge but honestly sometimes it is just really itchy!

John wrote:: 1. If we ask what is wrong, and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

I'll actually keep asking you until you tell me. If you seem bothered I'm going to assume you are.

John wrote:: 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Yeah, I can't argue this. Go ahead and ask but you won't like the answer. This goes for everyone, not just for men or women.

John wrote:: 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really..

I understand you want to look good and so I'll be patient but honestly you'd look good in almost anything. Give me some credit, I have taste.

John wrote:: 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

If I consistently can't find more interesting things to think about then please drag me away from the TV.

John wrote:: 1. You have enough clothes.

Just be reasonable, please. I won't criticize though.

John wrote:: 1. You have too many shoes.

Same as above. Just be reasonable, please. I won't criticize though.

John wrote:: 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

If you are okay with me hitting the gym after work and coming home about 2 hours later than usual then I'll go to the gym when I get the chance. If I'm busy at or with work though and I get out of shape please don't rag me. I'm probably tired...

John wrote:: 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

You are welcome to come out and join me though. I wouldn't mind that Smile

There's my responses to the rules. I know this was for humor so take it all as tongue in cheek. ^^

Age : 31 Posts : 787

Koi-Sentai wrote:

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

*sobs dramatically* Is there no romance and intrigue left in the world?

No it died with chivalry which was long ago in most soceities, sadly. So let the dead rest.

I present you with this. Chivalry IS dead. And women killed it!

See the video for a scientific explanation on this reasoning. Present to you by a very intelligent man, Dave Chapelle.

Age : 31 Posts : 2547

Saint wrote:

Koi-Sentai wrote:

~Fox~ wrote:

John wrote:: 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

*sobs dramatically* Is there no romance and intrigue left in the world?

No it died with chivalry which was long ago in most soceities, sadly. So let the dead rest.

I present you with this. Chivalry IS dead. And women killed it!

See the video for a scientific explanation on this reasoning. Present to you by a very intelligent man, Dave Chapelle.

Age : 28 Posts : 3145

Someone is copying @aladyslaw Aww yeah

Age : 31 Posts : 2547

I have no idea who that is. I first posted this three years ago on SH. o.o

Age : 30 Posts : 8965

@aladyslaw is the greatest twitter account going around. ;]

Age : 30 Posts : 8965

Quote :: 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Age : 28 Posts : 21

Trying to blame women for the fall of chivalry is blatantly misogynist.

Don't mind me, just your local feminist.

Age : 31 Posts : 1836

John wrote:: 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, and neither do we.

Except that Christopher Columbus ended up on the wrong landmass on the wrong side of the Earth because he tried to take a shortcut.

Just saying...

Age : 31 Posts : 787

Masasei wrote:: Trying to blame women for the fall of chivalry is blatantly misogynist.

Don't mind me, just your local feminist.

Women always want the bad boy. You cant have the bad boy and chivalry. Sorry, you women want like a fuckin dream idealistic figurine that simply doesnt exist except maybe in a few select cases. Once you women figure out that you are NOT all princesses who will NOT always get EXACTLY what they want, youll probably learn to be a little bit more content.

-Waits for the hate-

Age : 34 Posts : 1209

Saint wrote:

Masasei wrote:: Trying to blame women for the fall of chivalry is blatantly misogynist.

Don't mind me, just your local feminist.

Women always want the bad boy. You cant have the bad boy and chivalry. Sorry, you women want like a fuckin dream idealistic figurine that simply doesnt exist except maybe in a few select cases. Once you women figure out that you are NOT all princesses who will NOT always get EXACTLY what they want, youll probably learn to be a little bit more content.

-Waits for the hate-

I sense bitterness here. I can assure you that not all women are like this. I know plenty who want "Nice guys". Also realize that women are people too, many times people don't really know what they want without experimenting a little...

EDIT: Also to note, treating your woman like a princess/queen often results in them treating you like a prince/king and if they don't then there are some deeper issues with you, the woman, or the relationship.

Age : 31 Posts : 787

Trust me, no bitterness. I am about to be engaged to the woman of my dreams and am quite happy with my relationship. And my woman does treat me like a king, and her my queen. Simply my observations on the whole. Are there women out there like that, OF COURSE! Are they the majority, based on what I have seen, most definitely not.

Age : 28 Posts : 21

Saint wrote:

Masasei wrote:: Trying to blame women for the fall of chivalry is blatantly misogynist.

Don't mind me, just your local feminist.

Women always want the bad boy. You cant have the bad boy and chivalry. Sorry, you women want like a fuckin dream idealistic figurine that simply doesnt exist except maybe in a few select cases. Once you women figure out that you are NOT all princesses who will NOT always get EXACTLY what they want, youll probably learn to be a little bit more content.

-Waits for the hate-

I won't hate you for having an opinion, because I too have one.

You are attempting to generalize an entire group of people that represents the majority - 51% - of the population in the United States alone.

Generalizations aren't facts for any discussion so..

Age : 31 Posts : 787

Sure they are. Ask the politicians Very Happy

Age : 28 Posts : 21

I hope that's sarcasm, because politicians are the biggest liars on earth. xD

Age : 28 Posts : 3145

They're not liars. They're actors D: (Subtle difference)

Omg, governments should do like... plays together and stuff o.o Yes! Like. Um. Obama will be like Romeo and then that other American Chick, whatever she is called, can be Juliet. And then like Demo-miliation-peoples and Republic-ofSIth peoples are like the two feuding families.

That's... perfection.

Age : 28 Posts : 21

:c Good point, Chris.

Age : 28 Posts : 3145

Point developed.

Chris wrote:: They're not liars. They're actors D: (Subtle difference)

Omg, governments should do like... plays together and stuff o.o Yes! Like. Um. Obama will be like Romeo and then that other American Chick, whatever she is called, can be Juliet. And then like Demo-miliation-peoples and Republic-ofSIth peoples are like the two feuding families.

That's... perfection.

The Man Rules G7---the-worlds-mightiest-politicians_o_363820

Age : 31 Posts : 2547

Chris wrote:

Point developed.

Chris wrote:: They're not liars. They're actors D: (Subtle difference)

Omg, governments should do like... plays together and stuff o.o Yes! Like. Um. Obama will be like Romeo and then that other American Chick, whatever she is called, can be Juliet. And then like Demo-miliation-peoples and Republic-ofSIth peoples are like the two feuding families.

That's... perfection.

The Man Rules 40288745-conspiracy-keanu-what-if-the-government-has-a-secret-mind-control-ray

Subject: Re: The Man Rules Fri 25 May 2012, 6:41 am

Chris wrote:: Someone is copying @aladyslaw

Oh no you didn't. ;D Shameless advertising, ftw!~

Follow me on twitter. (;

Posts : 115

Quote :: On this, we can agree! I mean, how much difference can there be between sea green and ocean turquoise?

Please tell me you're kidding and people don't actually consider those colors...