Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin]

Posts : 757

Hakumei, Shen

THE INFO.

Name: Shen Hakumei
Nickname:
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Appearance: Cast in a head full of white spiky hair, Shen stands out from most children in his age. The hair seems to have never been cut, growing tall and longer with each day, though not growing too aggressively. It sits perfectly on his head, jutting out in almost every direction. In addition to his unique hair he bears silver eyes as well that give him an almost mystic like appearance. In the sunlight it appears as if his eyes have glazed over or he is possessed by something, and it becomes difficult to tell whether or not he is actually looking at you. For someone 11 years old Shen is extremely short. Standing at about five feet tall on a good day, he is often picked on by most kids his age. Despite his shortness, his tall demeanor makes up for his lack of height.

Shen wears a navy blue themed mask and outfit, fitting himself in navy blue and silver colors. He wears a headband on his head even though he belongs to no village, which bears a single horizontal line across the Konoha emblem. He wears a mask across his face which is apart of a blue and silver-sleeved t-shirt. Across the chest of the shirt he also wears a brown-strapped sword holster made of leather. The leather straps are worn in an "x" format which cross his shoulders. His hands and arms are adorned with separate sleeves that run from his elbow to his knuckles and are wrapped tight with small rubber bands. Normal nin boots are secured on his feet and on the straps of his sword holsters sometimes sits a small tanto.

Even though Shen looks like a generic ninja and would normally appear to stand out in a crowd, he seems to have the ability to blend in. Whether or not it is a trait that would inspire him to become someone more adapted for stealth or just a quirk, in big city settings Shen can be hard to spot and to find. Most people see him and pass him off for a young genin from a village on a mission, or even a child dressing up as a ninja. He understands the importance of blending in as he is alone most of the time making ends meet in villages, so making himself invisible is something he is naturally great at.

Forehead Protector: On the head as normal

Personality: Introverted describes him best. Shen loves alone time and appreciates people who can respect his solitude. As he appears to be an elitist type, Shen however is not foreign to social interactions. Most of the time he will talk with a group of friends he knows personally and only develops a relationship with few people. He is calm, calculated and generally acts very mature for someone his age and stature. Social companions and strict sensei's are things he doesn't enjoy too much, especially those who are too clingy, but he is always willing to do what it takes to become better. Most of the time he says very little unless needed but isn't lost for words when it comes to humor and general discussion.

In missions and dangerous activities Shen tends to show his elitist side off. Possessing no bloodline or any type of special ability, his skills come from his own two hands and own talents. Every move made is calculated, planned and cleverly thought of before it happens. The things that run through his brain in combat are vast, as he tends to run over situations and possibilities in his head. Predicting the movement of his opponent, controlling space between him and enemy and making sure to win are just a few that jog his brain. He believes that the moment you lay eyes on a person that you should treat them as a potential enemy. Learn them. Study them. Analyze them in every way. As he has learned in his past, sometimes people who are close can become enemies.

Overall, he shares a personality that most people, especially shinobi, accept. The life of a ninja is harsh, unforgiving and sometimes completely unfair. Actions taken on strangers can have ramifications that can backlash on entire villages and even countries. Shen understands that balance is the essence of all things and that in order for there to truly be peace there must be balance. Keeping quietly to himself he envisions a future where balance is the primary focus on life. Even if it mean peace and war must be weighed for such a balance, he would see to it that it remains so. People live and then die, and no matter the cause balance must remain a priority.

Clan: ---
Nindō: "Enforced equilibrium" - Balance must be prevalent at all times, even if it seems forced. It means that Shen exists to bring balance wherever he is. It may be a giant task for a child but this is the nature of said character.Being a lone as a child with dead parents could drive anyone into madness. Shen's desire is to overcome the tribulations of his life and live to enforce balance.

THE NINJA.

Origin: Mist Country
Affiliation: None
Rank: [C Rank Genin]
Specialties: [Ninjutsu | Taijutsu]
Elemental Affinities: [Raiton | Doton]
Combat Style: As a ninja and a martial artist, Shen focuses on training his body and his mind both equally. Even though he is very short in stature, he is not to be underestimated as a shinobi. When focusing on martial arts aspects, Shen likes to play with more of a speed-based agility style than brute force strength. Even though he plans on one day learning how to use his muscles, he prefers to use his small body to get in and out of situations quickly and efficiently. Someone of his height may not be able to manage to reach the cabinets, but fitting in places that most people can't are extreme advantages, especially in battle. So since he does not use muscular strength to punch and break things, Shen often always keeps a kunai or some type of sharp object in his hand to supplement. Instead of making punches he makes quick jabs and stabs which are most always more fatal.

As a ninjutsu user he focuses on using his abilities to take control of the battle. Earth style taijutsu allows him to cloak himself from the opponent and attack from most people's greatest weak point... The ground. As he learns more about Doton style, it will eventually open such doors as learning to reinforce his body and or weapons for a greater defense. For now he knows little about it, but plans to use it with the utmost efficiency. As a lightning user he likes the offense that it brings to battle. Quick, concise, pin-point strikes that do two types of damage. Physical burning and nervous paralysis allow one quickly aimed attack to chain off into other attacks. By combining these styles of ninjutsu and taijutsu together, he is the type of shinobi that has versatility on the battlefield and never wastes a move.

Special Characteristics:

Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History: Shen would like to think that his history was of noble origins but unfortunately isn't. As a young boy Shen grew up like any other child in Kirigakure, learning to become a ninja and a weapon of the country. His parents were enlisted in the secret division together, finding each other in the ranks of the Special Ops unit. Of course, they decided to carry on the shinobi way to him, enlisting him in the Academy as early as possible. During this time, Shen lived a completely normal life as any young academy student would. He passed his classes with perfect marks and learned what it would eventually take to become a ninja. His parents also taught him advanced techniques that he would learn as a genin, giving him a clear advantage over most of the normal children.

However, what separates him from a normal child is his parents over zealous dedication to their country and their single son. Due to their ability to work together in tandem, they were forced to go on a mission that would require them to relocate to a place outside of the Mist Village for a very long time. It was supposed to be one of those types of sleeper missions. They would essentially camp in the village and seek out their target, pretending to be a traveling family looking for a new home. They left the village before Shen could officially graduate from the academy a year later, disheartening their son as they set out on a dangerous mission of assassination.

As a child who would have been a ninja in a new place, Shen was forced to learn things on his own. He learned through spying, copying and imitating other shinobi that he'd meet along his journeys in the Mist. Since he was so young and small, no one ever expected him to be a ninja at all and even if he did have the guts to ask for help he would be rejected. He managed to learn to take what his parents had taught him and combine it with information he had gathered to learn more techniques and become well rounded shinobi. For the most part, he spent the vast majority of his time looking for teachers willing to pass on knowledge to him as his parents were so focused on the success of their mission.

They spent a whole two years in the small village, Shen mostly forced to raise himself. On his birthday, Shen expected to finally have his family come back and sit down at a meal and spend time together but he was promptly denied. That night he sat outside for several hours waiting for them, only to have them never return to the family doorstep. Concerned about his mother and father, Shen took his dad's old uniform and tailored it to fit himself. He took the straps, headband and mask, setting out to find answers to the questions of his parents death. Since he had no knowledge of their target but suspicious that they were on a mission for the village, he decided to question some of the higher shinobi around. He used whatever tricks he had up his sleeves to get away from the other nin who would threaten him for talking too much.

What he found eventually was that both of his parents had been assassinated. In their attempts to assassinate a drug lord that had been running the country, the managed to get their selves tied up with some of the most powerful shinobi for hire. These ranged from small kids who were stronger than the jounin of Kiri, to people who appeared to be nothing more than monsters. The drug lord ran enough product to essentially have them removed once he realized they were on his trail. Ever since a week after they'd moved away all of the shinobi that had passed by, or that Shen talked to were essentially spying on his family. When the drug lord realized they were just on an assassination mission for his head and had no other value, they were removed. With his parents dead and no one to look after him, he lives harboring hate for the village, stealing what he can to make ends meet. He bears his dad's old Kiri headband as a memory of his hatred of the village who sent his parents to their deaths.

As for now what plagues him is the most is the mystery of the situation and what importance he was to the village. The country that had sent his parents to their graves had no time to worry about him and never did seek him out for what he knew. It was plainly obvious that he wore the same outfit and headband as his father -the head band was his fathers-, yet when he searched those places for clues and answers he was given none. He had seen criminals that he knew were directly associated with the drug lord that were responsible, but he was never hunted for it. No doubt these people could easily peel the skin from his chest or back if they desired so, but there was never any threat on his life. He wanted to know the answer to a few simple questions. Was his life so insignificant that it didn't matter if he was allowed to walk the earth? Or were his parents hiding some knowledge that he didn't know about? What would cause a village to let his own ninja be killed so quickly, and without any second thought?

Maybe he was over thinking this way too hard. Who could actually care about someone who was as strong as other genin of any village running around? Who would actually feel threatened that this child who had a Kiri headband harboring hate in his heart for his own village? At first glance nobody would recognize such a child from a family. He could have easily picked up the headband from a fallen Mist nin and adopted it to be an asshole. His purpose however, was to find out what exactly was supposed to happen if his parents had succeeded in killing their target. There was a very strong chance he was still thinking too deep on this, but he knew that his own village tied loose ends. It was the shinobi way. He had no idea how he could begin an adventure from the mist itself but he would start somewhere. Someone had to know the answers and someone in the Mist was responsible. Even though revenge wasn't his ultimate goal, his end game would have him holding someones head for it. Whether it was the Kage or an official someone would pay. For now he would have to use the Mist's resources and learn what he could from the other kids within... It would take time and a lot of effort, but he would grow into something feared.

Roleplay Sample:

Spoiler:

THE ARSENAL.

Techniques

Academy:

Custom/Open:

Weapons

Spoiler:

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Hatake Kakashi
Source: - Naruto
Image URL: Link

Posts : 757

[completed] Very Happy

Age : 32 Posts : 79

After reading through your character's History and subsequently getting a word count, I'm just a little worried about two things in that department. One is the length of the History, at 699 words I personally believe it could use some more details just to lengthen it. Just my opinion. Also, your character's reason for going rogue and leaving the village doesn't really seem adequate. If your character's parents trained him like you claim they did, then he'd have known the implications. I'd suggest a better reason.

Two, I'd suggest splitting your role-play sample into maybe one more paragraph to increase the flow of reading.

Three, your custom Bunshin tech, I believe Bunshin and Henge are being discussed for being changed to Genjutsu. In any case the Bunshin Kawarimi's last sentence brings me to believe this should be a Genjutsu. Just my opinion.

Also the cost of your Silent Henge should be higher, as you're supposedly using Chakra to eliminate the appearance of the smoke. Otherwise there is no way to differentiate the normal Henge from yours besides the effect.

Fix the above and you'll have my approval.

Posts : 757

Shen didn't leave the village. He left with his parents because they were on a mission. His parents didn't spend a bunch of time with him, he learned things on his own. I can add a little if it is completely necessary but I wanted to save that for in game self RP's as Shen would still be interested in the death of his parents. It seems unfinished and left out for a reason... I wanted to do more in-game.

So if they are getting changed to gen, do I just leave it until the change? Or what?

Bunshin Kawarimi is a physical change... I don't see how it would be an illusion at all if you could explain how it would be one that would help. It's just like when Naruto transformed his clone into a Fuuma at the start of shippuden. It's the same, except reverse when applied to a kawarimi. It's a last minute trick because at first glance you would think that you struck the intended target.

Posts : 757

-Tripled increase on silent henge

Age : 32 Posts : 79

I apologize, I just always remember Henge being a Genjutsu and I believe it is in fact being edited, but for the moment the types can stay. Keeping your creative integrity intact I'll narrow my requests to the cost of the Silent Henge, and splitting your RP sample into a few more paragraphs.

Outside that, make sure to follow up on those promises of developing your character's story with in-character role-play.

Edit: Narrow requests to RP sample splitting of paragraph.

Posts : 757

Finished I think

Age : 32 Posts : 79

I give my...

[1|2]

Age : 29 Posts : 614

2/2 approved

Age : 29 Posts : 4301

Archived.
Due to inactivity.

Age : 37 Posts : 2201

Unarchived due to user's request.

Age : 37 Posts : 2201

Well then *pulls up sleeves* x) Glad you decided after all to join.

We are going to ask you to age your character just a little bit so he wont be entering the village as a total weakling x)
You need to put your forehead protector section into your profile. There you describe where the forehead protector is kept on your character.

If you look at the updated character template it's put between appearance and personality.

Quote :

Code:

[b]Appearance:[/b]
[b]Forehead Protector:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Clan:[/b]
[b]Nindō:[/b]
You can add the Academy jutsu Storage technique to your jutsu list.

Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique
[b]Rank:[/b] E
[b]Type:[/b] Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary
[b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m)
[b]Element:[/b] N/A
[b]Description:[/b] A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed.
[b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1 to seal; 1 to unseal.
You need to remove the tanto from your weaponry since you don't have weaponry in your specialty.
Your kit needs to be updated. Ninja kits

Posts : 757

i am going to make some edits, please allow time

Posts : 757

Updated:

Forehead Protector: On the head as normal

Storage jutsu added to academy spoiler

Tanto is now removed.

Changed ninja kit to new system.

Age : 37 Posts : 2201

(1/2) Approved.

Age : 29 Posts : 1797

Just a few things, most are nitpicks, however they do add up.

First off, please change your Origin to be a country, and not a village. It should be "Hi no Kuni", "Fire Country", "Fire Nation", etc. Whichever you prefer.
Please expand your history a bit more to cover your character leaving the village. Spending only half a paragraph on them leaving is hardly enough to allow a Nukenin Rank. Another paragraph or two going into better detail (covering such subjects as the actual escape and more legitimate reasons than his parents' death).
Finally; please use the following Genin Kit instead of the one you currently have listed:

Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Genin Kit
[b]Rank:[/b] C
[b]Quantity:[/b] 1
[b]Contents:[/b] 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].

Posts : 757

Updates:

Origin changed to Fire Country from Konohagakure

As for the escape he never left the village 'alone' persay, he left with his parents on a mission and they died and he never returned suspicious of the village, just to clarify.

Added to history: