Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin]

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Aaron
Aaron

Age : 28
Posts : 2538

Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 14 Feb 2010, 5:13 pm

Basic Information:

    Name:

    Kiyo, Akimaru

    Secondary Title:

    -

    Age:

    14

    Gender:

    Male

    Physical Appearance:

    Akimaru stand at 6”2 and weighs around 156 pounds. He has a very strong and heavy lower body, but little upper strength. He isn’t much for punching; his bulk lays in his legs and torso. Akimaru has ginger hair, which dyes blond after overexposure to sunlight. His eye colour is interesting. Directly around the pupil, his eyes have a brown tint flicking off them, then the main part of his iris is green and hazel, with the rim of his iris being a deep blue. Akimaru has quite a delicate face, so he is told. His hair grows bushy and is unkept. He has also got somewhat of a button nose, with freckles running along the bridge of it and on to his pink cheeks.

    Akimaru wears a forest green, long sleeved shirt beneath his Chuunin flak-jacket. This shirt is made from thick cotton. He also wears thick nylon combat shorts, which are a slightly lighter shade of green than his shirt and Chuunin flak-jacket. These combat shorts have many pockets, one on either side, and two on each of the back of the shorts. His weapons pouch is also attached to his shorts, making them seem very overcrowded for one piece of clothing. Akimaru wears his combat shorts a little above his waist as they tend to slip down his body a little from the weight when his pockets are full.

    Akimaru wears the usual ninja sandals, with the exception of them being dark green as apposed to royal blue; in order to fit in with the rest of his outfit. Akimaru has rather small feet in contrast to the rest of his body. He even has a deformed toenail on his left foot, on the biggest toe. Akimaru is never seen without a watch on his right watch, which is hidden behind his sleeve. He also has rather small hands. Akimaru always wears the same outfit when he is out on missions or whether he's just walking around the village. He does this for simplicity. Only when he is inside, usually sleeping, does he change.

    Akimaru's night-gear is just a pair of simple thin cotton green pyjama bottoms, accompanied by a button-up shirt which is patterned with green and white splashes all over it. These pyjamas are incredibly light on Akimaru's body, yet he'd hardly be caught in combat wearing them due to the little protection they give and the way they look. Akimaru always wears long-sleeves as he is concious about his arms. They are rather weak and embaressingly hairy.

    Personality:

    Akimaru is very gentle for a person. People are often intimidated by his big build, yet he is very friendly, despite not having a friend in the world. People stay away from him as he is quite a lot bigger than people his own age. Akimaru has begun to close himself of from others where he himself is concerned. He is such a self-concious person and very sensitive, especially about his size. He has little confidence in himself, yet has a lot in figures of respect, such as the Hokage.

    Akimaru is incredibly clever and is able to use his smarts under incredible amounts of pressure. He is an excellent strategist and he loves a challenge. When he is unable to complete a challenge, which isn't often, he gives up, not being a very strong willed person when it is not needed. Akimaru is a very modest teenager, and doesn't like to flaunt himself. He likes to stay out of the spotlight. He is also very forgiving.

    Akimaru has formed somewhat of a dual-personality which can be easily influenced depending on how Akimaru is feeling at the time. If Akimaru is feeling low, he has no confidence in himself, no ambition to try anything and is generally depressed. When Akimaru gets himself in this state, he can often push himself on the verge of suicidal, since he has no friends to comfort him, these moods can last a very long time. On the contrary, when Akimaru is very happy, he is friendly and makes attempts to better himself. He comes out of his shell a little bit, and tries to communicate with people a little better.

    Akimaru lacks social skill, so when people do talk to him, they find him weird. He doesn't understand himself a lot of the time, which can often send himself into a shame spiral. When he is feeling low, he often gets angry, and loses his inibitions and everything he cares about. It takes him a long time to calm himself down. Akimaru often lets his emotions get the better of him, when he is angry or sad. He never oversteps when he is happy though, because he is more used to being angry or sad.

    For a ninja, Akimaru has quite a low pain threshold, but hates to be embarressed publicly. Due to this, Akimaru is a very defensive ninja, mainly supporting his allies, rather than attacking opponents himself. Akimaru doesn't like watching others in pain, but is a little selfish in the fact he'd rather it be them than him.

    Akimaru likes: Honesty, Ramen, Training Jutsu, Reading, Making Up Strategies, Sleeping, Walking, Ninjutsu, Swimming, Chess, Writing & Animals.

    Akimaru dislikes: Taijutsu, Running, Sushi, Himself, Conflict, Nasty People.


    Catch Phrase:
    -


Rank Information:

    Rank:
    Chuunin
    Village Affiliation:
    Konohagakure no Sato


Special Information:

    Character Speciality:
    Main: Ninjutsu
    Sub: Genjutsu
    Elemental Affinity:
    Main: Doton
    Sub: Suiton
    Special Characteristics:
    He seems to have a natural affinity for Medical Ninjutsu, knowing a lot about the human body, but has never chased up this ability.


Skill Information:

Jutsu Template:

Quote :
Basic Ninja Skills

Spoiler:

Ninjutsu

Spoiler:

Genjutsu

Spoiler:

Weapon Template:

Name: Kunai
Quantity: 10x per battle.
Rank: E
Appearance:
Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] 180px-Kunaithrow
Kunai (クナイ) are a type of shuriken and one of the more basic weapons seen in Naruto. It is a black dagger designed to be thrown, and is about the length of one's hand. Many ninja attack by attaching an exploding tag to the blade. The kunai is usually thrown so that it lodges in an object near the target, and then the explosion from the attached tag destroys said target. Kunai can also be kept on spring-loaded wires in the user's sleeve. They can also be used for close combat, like a normal knife. Empowered with "chakra flow", kunai thrown into targets can cut through solid wood and even solid stone targets.

Name: Shuriken
Quantity: 10x per battle.
Rank: E
Appearance:
Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] 180px-Shuriken
A shuriken (手裏剣), like kunai, is one of the more basic weapons seen in Naruto. They are sharpened, four-pronged metal stars, useful for throwing. Although small, they can be used to distract, or, if accurate enough, can be deadly. They have an open circle in the center, used for grabbing with a finger, to avoid cutting oneself, or to put thread through. The circle is also a benefit in aerodynamics, as it ensures more accurate trajectories.

Name: Exploding Tag
Quantity: 10x per battle.
Rank: D
Appearance:
Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] 180px-Paperbomb
Exploding tags are scraps of paper inscribed with a special writing, centring around the kanji for "explode" (爆, baku). Infused with chakra, they will explode after a set amount of time, remotely, or after being ignited by flame. The tags can be attached to a surface or wrapped around a weapon to be thrown at an enemy. They are very versatile and one of the basic ninja tools. Ninja can confuse their enemies by obtaining fake Exploding Tags.

Name: Flash Bombs
Quantity: 5x per battle.
Rank: C
Appearance: A usual flash bomb used by most ninja. Flash bombs are small round spheres that are attached to a kunai knife, similarly to an exploding tag. Once thrown, flash bombs explode on impact, creating blinding flashes, used as a diversion.

Background Information

[list]History:

Birth Arc: Akimaru was born into the Kiyo family in the middle of the summer. His family name meant pure, and all of his ancestors had been fishermen and the women had worked in culinary arts for centuries. Akimaru was born at 7 pounds. Unusually, Akimaru had hair when he was born. He grew at quite a rapid rate and became quite a big baby. He wasn’t fed badly, he just seemed to gain weight very easily. His parents were at a loss, and medics couldn’t explain it either. He was kept in a healthy environment and his parents monitered what he ate. It didn’t seem to be affecting his health, so Akimaru’s parents disregarded it, though they still kept a close eye on Akimaru, as they cared for him so deeply.

Toddler Arc: One day, Akimaru came up to his mother and asked if he was fat. His mother brimmed to tears, as her son told her how other children had been horrible to Akimaru because of his weight and size compared to other children. She just didn’t know what to do. She never thought children could be so evil. That’s when Akimaru’s father, who was much more layed back than his mother, suggested Akimaru train to become a ninja. Akimaru's mother took to the idea, looking at how much exercise Akimaru would get and how he could become a normal size for his age. She then looked at the risks behind being a ninja, and became reluctant at the idea. After a couple of weeks of deep thought and discussion with her husband, she decided to go and watch what regular ninja did around the village. She watched as they protected the village from anything which could become a threat, and as they helped the citizens of Konoha with their daily lives. And she realised how being a ninja was all danger. She swelled with pride as she realised her son could be a ninja protecting the village. So she didn't stand in his way anymore, and gave the idea her blessing.

Child Arc: Akimaru’s parents had brought him all sorts of basic ninja equipment in order to encourage him to become a ninja. Akimaru was only too keen. He barely needed encouraging, seeing as he shone to the idea. In his childhood, he practiced all the time. Slowly, his body began to change. He was still big, but his body began to tone and stronger muscles began to form. Akimaru had to keep working very hard for this, yet his upper body lost weight, but never really seemed to get stronger, no matter how hard Akimaru worked on it. Akimaru grew taller, so he was no longer fat, his body was filling out. However, his height became abnormal. He was now a lot taller than the rest of the children in the village. But Akimaru was less sensitive than when he was when he was called fat by another child, because he had a goal. His goal, was to show them all, by becoming the best ninja he could be. Akimaru had read about nindo's in a ninja book he had been studying since he had decided to become a ninja. He read:
Quote :
"You can't just simply come up with a nindo on the spot once you know what it is. It has to be something personal to you. When the times comes, you'll know what you're nindo is."
And that's when Akimaru realised. His nindo, was for Akimaru to become the best ninja he could be.

Academy Student Arc: Then came the time for Akimaru to join Konoha’s Ninja Academy. After his first few weeks, his teachers were very pleased with his progress at picking up new ninjutsu. His weakness was in taijutsu. His taijutsu teacher said Akimaru had great potential, but just not the fire to fuel it. He had the ability to be the best at taijutsu, but showed no interest in it as he hated physically hurting people or seeing people in pain. Akimaru was told to toughen up, and was hurt deeply. He was called a baby for being so sensitive, as there was no room for being sensitive when being a ninja. He would have to watch his conrades die. Being told such mortifying things really scared Akimaru and he lost self confidence, and almost his way. After a couple of months, Akimaru's taijutsu teacher gave up on him and labelled him a dunce.

His ninjutsu and genjutsu teachers on the other hand, labelled him a genius. He was always the first to pick up the jutsu they handed out. Akimaru became a very confused child, not knowing whether to give up on taijutsu or not, whether it was worth it. He didn't know whether to become more violent within himself. Was he too soft to be a ninja? Would people exploit his weakness? He knew that all ninja's had their weaknesses, but Akimaru didn't want to accept that fact. He knew he could do something about it, but he didn't know whether to or not. He was so good at ninjutsu and genjutsu because he wasn't hurting anyone and there was no danger involved. Maybe he was too mollycoddled to become a ninja? He looked at his fellow ninja in the Academy and saw how he was at the bottom of the taijutsu in the class.

After a couple of weeks of thought, Akimaru decided to work hard at his taijutsu until he was adept enough at hand-to-hand combat, but not to push himself with it, and concentrate on his ninjutsu and genjutsu. This turned out to be one of his best decisions as a ninja. Being in balance with himself. Akimaru was no longer at the bottom of the class, and had raised his abilities to just below average. Even his taijutsu was pleased with his progress and apologised to Akimaru for some of the things he had said to him. Akimaru gave him a warm smile, and said it was alright.

Genin Arc: Being one of the first students to master all the ninjutsu and genjutsu set to his class, it was no surprise when Akimaru graduated and became a Genin. Akimaru was very pleased with himself, and his confidence boosted a little. He worked very well with his sensei, but didn't really get on with his teammates. They found him to be weird and creepy. They often teased him when their sensei wasn't around, often because of his size.

But he hardly stayed a Genin for long. Akimaru had only been a Genin for a couple of weeks and had only completed a few D and C-rank missions when the Chuunin Exams came around to Konoha. Akimaru’s sensei and his parents highly believed in him, and he decided to enter the Chuunin Exams. He also knew if he could become a Chuunin, he wouldn't have to put up with his fellow Genin taunting him anymore, and he might gain a little more repsect from his fellow ninja, which he longed for.

His teammate, Akira, tried to dissuade Akimaru, and when Akimaru politely ignored him, Akira said he would do everything in his power to beat Akimaru. This knocked Akimaru's newly found confidence. But it was too late, he had already entered himself in the exams. Akimaru found himself avoiding Akira, but it was very difficult. When they had to work together as a team, without his sensei there, Akimaru found his team to be living hell, and only got through the tests knowing he had to beat them, he had to gain they respect or get away from them.

In his examined match, he was placed against his teammate, Akira. Akira had been horrible to Akimaru in the few weeks they were placed in the same team. Akimaru had the upper hand for the entire fight, chasing Akira around the stadium with his higher level techniques. Akimaru found it harder targeting a person rather than a clone, as he knew his moves would actually hurt Akira. Even though he hated Akira, he didn't know if he could bring himself to do such a thing. However, when the time came for Akimaru to deliver the final blow, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Even though Akira had made Akimaru's life hell, he couldn't bring himself to hurt the boy.

Akira taunted Akimaru for not having the heart, spitting in his face and hurling insults at him. Akimaru stood in shock, and took it all. Then, sensing Akimaru's delay and being much better at Taijutsu, smashed Akimaru across the face, knocking him out and sending him flying across the stadium and landing harshly on himself, breaking his shoulder under his body weight.

Chuunin Arc: Akimaru woke up in the Konoha hospital a few hours after his match with Akira. He was aching and was in a lot of pain. He tried not to let on, but his parents could tell as he winced when he moved. Akimaru's mother tried to dissuade Akimaru from becoming a ninja, and Akimaru almost listened to her. But he remembered his nindo, and told her being a ninja was something he was destined to do. He was pleased to find out that despite losing his battle, he had still been promoted to Chuunin, for having the upper hand for the entire battle. He had been the better strategist and the Hokage himself and called him a prodigy. The elation was unexplicable. He was slightly angry at the fact Akira had been promoted also, and made a promise to himself there, never to allow himself to be beaten by Akira again.

A few months late, after being discharged, Akimaru set off to work really hard on his training. He spent more time on his taijutsu, so that next time her would return the favour to Akira and not only break his shoulder, but he would crush his whole body. He found out that once someone had done something to him, revenge was something he naturally sought, and crushed his old personality. Over the next few months of arduous training, Akimaru excelled in Ninjutsu further, finding natural affinity’s for Doton and Suiton elements. He also begand to dabble in Genjutsu, as his sensei had advised him to do. His chakra control got better, and Akimaru could make the best out of even the most basic jutsu.

Akimaru was often left to his own devices as a Chuunin, watching the tower sometimes, going on a few missions with teams which had been thrown together by the Hokage, where no-one really knew each other and no-one really wanted to. This suited Akimaru just fine, and he found himself living his own dream. A comfortable life, perfecting himself as a person. He was doing really well. He became very interested in the ANBU and their workings. He also took to reading and studying the theory behind a ninja when he wasn't training. His mind was always hungry for more knowledge, and his body was always wanting to use it's chakra.

He didn't get into many missions, and just set his focus on training harder and harder. He trained so hard he barely went home and hardly had the time for friends. He was 14, and hadn't had a friend in his life. But this didn't set Akimaru back, he found without friends, he had more time to perfect himself as a ninja. When Akimaru wasn't training, he was thinking up strategies for missions and such. Akimaru even met the Hokage a few times, and found him to be an amicable ninja. When asked to lead a team, Akimaru had to give it much thought. He was only young himself, and he had never had anyone who liked him. He would much rather those three Genin have a better person to lead them in their careers.

Akimaru had trained himself so much that he had a great chakra control and quantity. He was still lacking in taijutsu, but his ability was sufficient. Enough to survive, at least. Akimaru also found out that his old sensei had died out in a mission, which affected him deeply. His old sensei was the only man who had ever come close to even understanding Akimaru, closer than even his own family. It made him very sad to know he was dead. It made Akimaru very dejected as a person, but he knew his sensei wouldn't want that. Akimaru had looked up to his sensei, and decided that he wanted to be looked up to like that. Therefore, he accepted the request that he might one day be called upon to lead Genin in their career, which deeply pleased his parents, who were watching their son grow up into a fine young man. They were very proud of him, and happy for him, watching him excel a little bit more everyday at a steady rate. Akimaru was becoming a great Chuunin.

Role-Play Sample:

Aaron wrote:
The sun was shining over Sunagakure. It was only around 6 o' clock in the morning. There were hardly any people awake, Kankiro would guess about a score, at most. Kankiro however, had been up for about an hour now. As soon as he awoke he got dressed into his ninja robes, put his scroll in it's sack on his back and washed himself and set out. This time, he wasn't going to wonder around Suna aimlessly and be drawn into battle by a young girl and a Hyuuga, like he had done the night before.

The thought of a member of one of the clans of Konohagakure no Sato residing in Suna angered Kankiro. He knew the two villages had an alliance, but he never fully trusted Konohagakure and he never thought he ever would. He didn't need to. Suna was growing greatly on it's own. "What's the need of all these alliances?" Kankiro thought over in his mind, as he jumped out of the main village and on to a path to the left.

He followed the path into the shadow of the village wall. He was walking at quite a slow pace, taking his time. Today was a day dedicated to training. Kankiro hadn't briought anything with him, he'd go home for lunch and dinner, but for the majority of the day, he'd be training.

The sun was beating down harshly on the back of Kankiro's neck, as he came into a clearing. There were a few trees and shrubs around, but not much. Kankiro could see the area was rather battered and bruised, perhaps because other Sand shinobi had trained here over time.

"It's most probable." Kankiro murmered to himself. Due to no-one being around, Kankiro felt more comfortable talking. Even if it was to himself. Wasting no time, Kankiro pulled the scroll out of the sack on his back. He threw it up into the air, the scroll unravelling itself and and Kankiro catching it, the loose paper laying on the dry ground. "Koroko." Kankiro said firmly.

With a slight puff of smoke, his puppet was summoned from the scroll. Catching it with his chakra strings, Kankiro began: "Koroko, it's time we trained some more jutsu!" Kankiro took a step back and his chakra strings connected to Koroko extended themselves a little. Kankiro had trained puppetry for so long, the strings merely felt like an extension of his body. Over the past few days, Kankiro had been thinking of a jutsu for Koroko to use. He had thought of all the possibilities.

"Let's go!" Kankiro shouted in a deadly voice, flicking his left hand up into the air. Just as he had intended, Kankiro's puppet Koroko flew vertically up into the air. He extended the strings and pulled his hand closer to his chest. Next, as Kankiro began to spin on his foot, Koroko began the descent and began spinning, like a drill. Kankiro's chakra strings were wrapped around him.

Suddenly, Koroko went smashing into the hard earth, and had created such an impact. Kankiro severed his strings and ran over to the hole. It was rather deep. "Wow." Kankiro thought aloud. Attaching a few chakra strings to Koroko, he pulled him out of the whole. "It was good for a first time, but we need to improve it." Kankiro said. He looked at his puppet for a moment, then a thought popped into his head. "Your blades!" Kankiro shouted happily.

It was the first time in a long while Kankiro had actually been happy. He ran back to the spot where he started and repeated the process of the jutsu. This time, as Kankiro was in the air, he flipped out his blades from his hands, and as he made impact with the ground, it wasn't just the full impact which had done damage, there were multiple slashed from the blade.

"And if that were a real person," Kankiro was saying aloud to himself, "They'd also be poisoned." As he said it, he looked at Koroko's blades, which had a drop of purple leaking off of them. But Kankiro's lust of power overtook him again. He wanted this jutsu to be even more powerful. "But how?" He thought to himself.

He thought about the damage the jutsu already did. First off, the impact of hitting the victim would smash them a few feet under the ground, depending on the terrain. They would be bruised from the impact, cut from the blades and maybe even poisoned. Then, Kankiro had a wicked thought. An evil smile flickered onto his face. The poison Koroko used was a numbening one. If Kankiro could hit the opponent with the poison, they'd find it difficult to move.

"Then I could trap them underground!" Kankiro laughed evilly. Kankiro went straight in to the jutsu again. He flicked his left hand into the air, and his puppet flew up magestically. Kankiro spun on his foot and Koroko imitated his movements. Then, the blades flipped out of his hands and they made impact with the earth. Swiftly as possible, acting as if his opponent might strike back at any moment, Kankiro pulled Koroko out of the earth. Then, with his free hand, he said: "Doton no Jutsu!" and lifted up a few blocks of the manipulated earth from the impact of his jutsu being repeated.

He managed to fit the earth back into the holes, with the help of his chakra. Had Kankiro really been fighting, he would've trapped his opponent under the earth, numbening at a great rate from the poison. Kankiro was pleased he had managed to mix his elemental chakra into the jutsu. Then he thought about the other element he had access to. "Wind." he thought.

Kankiro sat down on the earth, thinking about how he could add his Fuuton chakra into the jutsu. Then, he remembered how Koroko looked rather blue when he was spinning around, coming back down to the earth. That was the chakra strings which had been wrapped around him. Kankiro remembered that Fuuton chakra was best for slicing things. "I've figured it out." he thought to himself.

It was now at least midday and Kankiro was sweating heavily. His green woad was mixing into that sweat, he hated it when that happened. He decided this was going to be his last attempt at the jutsu, then he would go home for lunch. Attaching his chakra strings to Koroko, he flung him back up into the air. Then, he mixed his Fuuton chakra into the strings, giving the jutsu it's finishing touch, in Koroko's opinion.

He looked at the impact of the jutsu from his latest attempt. The hole was a lot larger than his first attempt. He had almost doubled the size and probably the damage. Wiping the sweat from his brow, Kankiro sealed his puppet back in it's scroll and headed home for lunch.

Word Count: 1,151.


Last edited by Aaron on Sun 04 Jul 2010, 10:38 pm; edited 18 times in total
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Agent Hashbrown
Agent Hashbrown

Age : 28
Posts : 114

Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 14 Feb 2010, 5:54 pm



~ Looks and Personality:

Quote :
Akimaru stand at 5”2 and weighs around 9 stone

~ 9 Stones? Could you elaborate? lol.

Also, write some more on both, I expect more from a Chuunin.

~ Special Characteristics:

Quote :
As mentioned earlier, Akimaru is a very defensive ninja, mainly supporting his allies.

~ This is more of a personality trait, please remove.

~ Jutsus:

Quote :

Name: Doton: Retsudo Tenshō
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Doton
Description: This technique causes the ground surrounding the enemy to spiral inwards on itself, burying them alive or crushing them. This technique is much more damaging if used in rocky mountainous areas, or inside a cave.

~ Not C Rank, B Rank at the least.

Quote :
Name: Doton: Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Element: Doton
Description: The user, emerging from the ground below the target area, pulls down the opponent so that only their head is above ground. Unable to move, the opponent can easily be decapitated or tortured.

~ I know it is cannon, but elemental jutsus are C Ranked.

Quote :
Name: Suiton: Takitsubo no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Suiton
Description: This jutsu will summon a large amount of water from the ground to form a wave to drench the area.

~ A Rank, please remove.

Quote :
Name: Kirigakure no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Element: Suiton
Description: This jutsu envelops the surrounding area in a dense mist, reducing visibility within the affected area. The density can be controlled by the user, allowing them to create a mist so thick that even they can't see through it. Though it can't fool the Byakugan, against the Sharingan it is a most effective technique. Due to the mist being created with the user's chakra, any Sharingan-user will see the mist colored by their opponent's chakra, which will effectively hide the user from the dōjutsu.

~ That jutsu is for Kirigakure Ninja only, please remove.

~ History:

Quote :
Birth Arc:
Akimaru was born at 7 pounds. He grew at quite a rapid rate and was quite a big baby. He wasn’t fed badly, he just seemed to gain weight very easily. His parents were at a loss, and medics couldn’t explain it. It didn’t seem to be affecting his health, so Akimaru’s parents disregarded it.
Toddler Arc: One day, Akimaru came up to his mother and asked if he was fat. His mother brimmed to tears, as she found out other children had been horrible to Akimaru because of his weight and size compared to other children. She just didn’t know what to do. That’s when Akimaru’s father suggested Akimaru train to become a ninja.
Child Arc: Akimaru’s parents had brought him all sorts of basic ninja equipment in order to encourage him to become a ninja. Akimaru was only too keen. In his childhood, he practiced all the time. Slowly, his body began to change. He was still big, but his body began to tone and stronger muscles began to form. Akimaru had to keep working very hard for this, yet his upper body lost weight, but never really seemed to get stronger, no matter how hard Akimaru worked on it.
Academy Student: Then came the time for Akimaru to join Konoha’s Ninja Academy. After his first few weeks, his teachers were very pleased with his progress at picking up new ninjutsu. His weakness was in taijutsu. Akimaru had great potential, but just needed to find it. Nobody wanted to push Akimaru too hard into being violent with his strength, so his ability was left untapped. He had a muscular body, but was too kind of a child to want to hit another child, even in a spar.
Genin Arc: Being one of the first students to master all the ninjutsu and genjutsu set to his class, it was no surprise when Akimaru graduated and became a Genin. But he hardly stayed there for long. Akimaru had only been a Genin for a couple of weeks when the Chuunin Exams came around to Konoha. Akimaru’s sensei and his parents highly believed in him, and he entered the Chuunin Exams. In his examined match, he was placed against his teammate, Akira. Akira had been horrible to Akimaru in the few weeks they were placed in the same team. Akimaru had the upper hand for the entire fight, chasing Akira around the stadium with his higher level techniques. However, when the time came for Akimaru to deliver the final blow, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Akira taunted Akimaru for not having the heart, then being much better at Taijutsu, smashed Akimaru across the face, knocking him out.
Chuunin Arc: Akimaru woke up in the Konoha hospital a few hours after his match with Akira. He was pleased to find out that despite losing his battle, he had still been promoted to Chuunin, for having the upper hand for the entire battle. He was slightly angry at the fact Akira had been promoted also, and made a promise to himself there, never to allow himself to be beaten by Akira again. After being discharged, Akimaru set off to work really hard on his training. Over the next few months of arduous training, Akimaru excelled in Ninjutsu further, finding natural affinity’s for Doton and Suiton elements. He also begand to dabble in Genjutsu, as his sensei had advised him to do.

~ Needs LOTS of work.

Your application is lacking lots of detail and originality, I have discussed with the Administration and we decided to give you one more chance to improve your app, failure to do so, you will have to create a Genin.

~ Thank you
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Aaron
Aaron

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Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 14 Feb 2010, 7:28 pm

DaHash wrote:


~ Looks and Personality:

Quote :
Akimaru stand at 5”2 and weighs around 9 stone

~ 9 Stones? Could you elaborate? lol.

Stones is a metric measurement here in the UK. There are 14 pounds in a stone. I edited the weight into just pounds and also the height to fit into my character a little more, so thanks for pointing this out. Wink

DaHash wrote:
Also, write some more on both, I expect more from a Chuunin.

Done.

DaHash wrote:
~ Special Characteristics:

Quote :
As mentioned earlier, Akimaru is a very defensive ninja, mainly supporting his allies.

~ This is more of a personality trait, please remove.

Done.

DaHash wrote:
~ Jutsus:

Quote :

Name: Doton: Retsudo Tenshō
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Doton
Description: This technique causes the ground surrounding the enemy to spiral inwards on itself, burying them alive or crushing them. This technique is much more damaging if used in rocky mountainous areas, or inside a cave.

~ Not C Rank, B Rank at the least.

Edited.

DaHash wrote:
Quote :
Name: Doton: Shinjū Zanshu no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Element: Doton
Description: The user, emerging from the ground below the target area, pulls down the opponent so that only their head is above ground. Unable to move, the opponent can easily be decapitated or tortured.

~ I know it is cannon, but elemental jutsus are C Ranked.

Ok, edited.

DaHash wrote:
Quote :
Name: Suiton: Takitsubo no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Suiton
Description: This jutsu will summon a large amount of water from the ground to form a wave to drench the area.

~ A Rank, please remove.

I don't mean to disrespect you in any way when I say this and I don't want you to think of me badly, but I just want to say are you sure you got the right jutsu? It clearly says on Narutopedia that Suiton: Takisubo no Jutsu is C-Rank. It's not really a combat jutsu at all, so I don't see how it can be A-Ranked.

http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Water_Release%3A_Waterfall_Basin_Technique

Are you sure you're not thinking of one of these two jutsu, used by Kisame?:

http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Water_Release:_Exploding_Water_Colliding_Wave

or

http://naruto.wikia.com/wiki/Water_Release:_Great_Exploding_Water_Colliding_Wave

I can understand how it must be a little confusing as I didn't provide a picture, sorry for that. If indeed it is this jutsu you were thinking of, then I will gladly remove it. I just want to make sure.


DaHash wrote:
Quote :
Name: Kirigakure no Jutsu
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Element: Suiton
Description: This jutsu envelops the surrounding area in a dense mist, reducing visibility within the affected area. The density can be controlled by the user, allowing them to create a mist so thick that even they can't see through it. Though it can't fool the Byakugan, against the Sharingan it is a most effective technique. Due to the mist being created with the user's chakra, any Sharingan-user will see the mist colored by their opponent's chakra, which will effectively hide the user from the dōjutsu.

~ That jutsu is for Kirigakure Ninja only, please remove.

Done.

DaHash wrote:
~ History:

Quote :
Birth Arc:
Akimaru was born at 7 pounds. He grew at quite a rapid rate and was quite a big baby. He wasn’t fed badly, he just seemed to gain weight very easily. His parents were at a loss, and medics couldn’t explain it. It didn’t seem to be affecting his health, so Akimaru’s parents disregarded it.
Toddler Arc: One day, Akimaru came up to his mother and asked if he was fat. His mother brimmed to tears, as she found out other children had been horrible to Akimaru because of his weight and size compared to other children. She just didn’t know what to do. That’s when Akimaru’s father suggested Akimaru train to become a ninja.
Child Arc: Akimaru’s parents had brought him all sorts of basic ninja equipment in order to encourage him to become a ninja. Akimaru was only too keen. In his childhood, he practiced all the time. Slowly, his body began to change. He was still big, but his body began to tone and stronger muscles began to form. Akimaru had to keep working very hard for this, yet his upper body lost weight, but never really seemed to get stronger, no matter how hard Akimaru worked on it.
Academy Student: Then came the time for Akimaru to join Konoha’s Ninja Academy. After his first few weeks, his teachers were very pleased with his progress at picking up new ninjutsu. His weakness was in taijutsu. Akimaru had great potential, but just needed to find it. Nobody wanted to push Akimaru too hard into being violent with his strength, so his ability was left untapped. He had a muscular body, but was too kind of a child to want to hit another child, even in a spar.
Genin Arc: Being one of the first students to master all the ninjutsu and genjutsu set to his class, it was no surprise when Akimaru graduated and became a Genin. But he hardly stayed there for long. Akimaru had only been a Genin for a couple of weeks when the Chuunin Exams came around to Konoha. Akimaru’s sensei and his parents highly believed in him, and he entered the Chuunin Exams. In his examined match, he was placed against his teammate, Akira. Akira had been horrible to Akimaru in the few weeks they were placed in the same team. Akimaru had the upper hand for the entire fight, chasing Akira around the stadium with his higher level techniques. However, when the time came for Akimaru to deliver the final blow, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Akira taunted Akimaru for not having the heart, then being much better at Taijutsu, smashed Akimaru across the face, knocking him out.
Chuunin Arc: Akimaru woke up in the Konoha hospital a few hours after his match with Akira. He was pleased to find out that despite losing his battle, he had still been promoted to Chuunin, for having the upper hand for the entire battle. He was slightly angry at the fact Akira had been promoted also, and made a promise to himself there, never to allow himself to be beaten by Akira again. After being discharged, Akimaru set off to work really hard on his training. Over the next few months of arduous training, Akimaru excelled in Ninjutsu further, finding natural affinity’s for Doton and Suiton elements. He also begand to dabble in Genjutsu, as his sensei had advised him to do.

~ Needs LOTS of work.

Your application is lacking lots of detail and originality, I have discussed with the Administration and we decided to give you one more chance to improve your app, failure to do so, you will have to create a Genin.

~ Thank you

I know, I only really saw how bad it was when you pointed it out. Sorry. I've really worked on it to try and make it better and now I can only hope it's up to standard. I really don't want to be a Genin again.
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Uchiha Osore
Uchiha Osore

Posts : 1044

Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 14 Feb 2010, 7:32 pm

I'd like to ask that all of your jutsu have at least three line worth of description, some of your jutsu, even if they are Canon, are much to vague and aren't defined well enough to get approved as they are. I see various one line jutsu for example, and they need more information.
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Aaron
Aaron

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Posts : 2538

Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 14 Feb 2010, 7:54 pm

Kakuhan wrote:
I'd like to ask that all of your jutsu have at least three line worth of description, some of your jutsu, even if they are Canon, are much to vague and aren't defined well enough to get approved as they are. I see various one line jutsu for example, and they need more information.

All jutsu have at least 3 lines now.
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Agent Hashbrown
Agent Hashbrown

Age : 28
Posts : 114

Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 14 Feb 2010, 8:19 pm

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch Better Wink

Approved!
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₡amisado
₡amisado

Age : 30
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Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySat 17 Apr 2010, 1:27 am

Moved for jutsu re-formating.
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Caranore
Caranore

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Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] Kiyo, Akimaru [Konoha Chuunin] EmptySun 25 Apr 2010, 4:53 pm

Jutsu added.
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