Akuma Clan [Done]

Posts : 28

Clan Name:Akuma Clan
Location:Kirigakure no Sato
Signature Traits:
Well-Humored:There is nothing like a good laugh in the Akuma household. Every Akuma member has a great sense of humor, though others don't always see it that way. Some Akuma are just generally funny, some laugh very easily, and other have excellent humor in very strange manners -- morbid humor, puns, bad jokes, practical jokes, etc.

Natural Thieves: The Akuma are natural-born thieves. They have light touches, soft foot-steps, wandering eyes, and long fingers. They are physically and mentally built for deception and theft. While this makes them excellent shinobi, it does tend to make those who are aware of their lineage to be overly-suspicious of an Akuma. They have a reputation, after all.

Charismatic: Akuma Clan members are very good at getting what they want, making friends, and smoothing out rough situations. Not only do they all have a natural force of personality -- which makes them excellent spies, ambassadors, politicians, and salesmen -- they are also trained from birth the arts of social engineering. All Akuma Clan members are smooth, well-spoken, and powerfully persuasive.

Innate Illusionists: All Akuma clan members must have a Genjutsu specialty. All members of the clan are predisposed to Yin, genjutsu, and trickery of all kinds. Their chakra simply flows that way.

Kekkei Genkai: The Akuma Kekkei Genkai is entirely based upon a misconception. It was believed for a very long time that the Akuma were possessed by two spirits; one was the malicious and tricky fox spirit, the other the spirit of a mischievous but all-together benign forest-spirit or pixie. In the elder days the Akuma clan believed that this was where their power lied, and as a result the two stages of their Kekkei Genkai were named Kitsunemasuku -- "Fox Mask" -- and Pikushīmasuku -- "Pixie Mask."

In later years the Akuma began to discover the truth behind their unique brand of genjutsu. The result of the new-found knowledge was also a change in the names, and perspectives of, the techniques built around these kekkei genkai. The Kitsunemasuku was replaced by the Akudama -- "Black hat" -- while the Pikushīmasuku was replaced by the Shiro no Bōshi -- "White hat."

Now that that has been broken down, it is time to discuss the Kekkei Genkai, and the forms it manifests:

Members of the Akuma clan have a unique structure to their chakra. It gives them extraordinarily potent energy, but leaves it entirely separated into the Yin and the Yang. This means that it tends to be slightly more difficult for an Akuma Clan member to form his chakra for the creation of a balanced jutsu, but it also gives them access to a brand new ability -- the creation of jutsu with more potent effects, based on the ratio of Yin to Yang achieved. This ratio require quite a bit of chakra control and focus, so the Akuma Clan have developed two techiques which create, essentially, two pools of Yin and Yang chakra, granting one or the other more or less. In effect, the result is an automatic mixing of the two.

I will break this down more clearly in my description of Akudama and Shiro no Bōshi.

Akudama; Akudama is the Yang-heavy balance of the two. It is activated in the form of a Hidden Technique known as "Akudama Tebanasu." When the technique is activated the user creates two pools of energy in their body. The first pool is a Yang well, the other is Yin. The Yang is filled twice as much as the Yin, and all other energy is stopped up. In this form techniques take on a much more physical, potent, and visceral nature. Offensive ninjutsu, elemental techniques (especially ones dealing with solid elements such as earth or lava) and taijutsu relating to chakra are all significantly enhanced in power in this stage, whilst using the same amount of chakra. However, the ephemeral techniques, such as genjutsu and elements like fire or wind are all significantly weaker.

Shiro no Bōshi; Shiro no Bōshi is the exact opposite of Akudama. This form is activated with the Hidden Technique, "Shiro no Bōshi Tebanasu" and is similar in effect to Akudama. The user creates wells, once again, but this time the Yin well is the one that's fill twice as much and the Yang one is neglected. The result, much more potent genjutsu, fire, wind, and other ephemeral or mental-based techniques. The solid, physical techniques, however, fall by the way-side.

For the sake of clarity I have created this list to show what is stronger in which form. It is assumed that if it is not on one list, it is weaker in that form.

Akudama

Chakra-related Taijutsu
Doton
Yōton
Chakra-related Kenjutsu
Physical Seals (Such as the one used to seal the Yang Chakra of the Kyuubi)
Mokuton
NOTE: Genjutsu are weaker in this stage. This means that it takes one rank lower Kai to break the spell.

Shiro no Bōshi

Genjutsu (Meaning Kai requires one rank higher
Fuuton
Katon
Yin-related Seals
Sound Release

History: [/font] As with all things, The Akuma began as little more than two people. Though there were two founders, only one's name went down in the legend: Akuma Shiro. Her husband, in legend, was a fox spirit. In actuality, no one truly knows who they were. Shiro and her husband were, originally, hermits. They felt a spiritual connection to the world and its elements, and revered nature as their mother. Legend has it that Shiro and her husband, one day, found a pixie wandering their wood. Hoping that she could help with the, very troublesome predicament of the one being an animal and the other being a human, they approached.

The pixie agreed to help them, but at a cost. The cost, she said, would be Shiro's body and her husband's soul. You see, pixies are extremely curious creature, and also very very jealous. This pixie in particular was overwhelmingly curious as to what it would be like to be human. She couldn't, however, enter the body of a human with their soul still in, and to enter a corpse would be against all love of nature. If the corpse gave her permission, though...

Shiro and her husband agreed, but they weren't going to go down without a better bargain than that. They also demanded that each be allowed to live long enough so that they could spend exactly as much time as they would have, had both Shiro and her husband had been human and had met at birth. Only then could the pixie take Shiro's body as her own, and use her husband's soul to seal herself inside.

So, for the majority of their extended lives (whether they truly were blessed with longevity or not, no one knows. This is a legend, roll with it.) they lived in peace. They farmed, hunted, mined, smithed, and performed any other tasks necessary for survival, entertainment, and sanity. However, as all legends go, not all people want peace. Some are born corrupt, seeking nothing but misfortune.

The local villagers discovered these hermits living in the woods, and took an interest. They began to notice that Shiro and her husband -- still in constant contact with the pixie -- were talking to air (everyone knows pixie can only be seen when they want to be). They captured, tried, and hung them as witches, throwing their bodies into the woods to rot. Seizing the opportunity the pixie took what was owed her: The body and soul. Fearing, however, that living in her woods would leave her too close to the overly-superstitious village-folk, she moved to the Land of Water, where she had children who she taught the arts of mischief and magic to.

This is the legend of the Akuma clan and, despite modern science and cynicism, it's all they have as a story of origin In actuality a couple of shinobi who were particularly adept at both genjutsu and general manipulation of chakra happened to fall in love and have children, who had children, who had children, who mutated and had children, and so it came to be. But fox spirits are more fun. Take your pick.

The Akuma has a long history of crime. Because of this they are often mistrusted, and only recruited because they have a reputation that impresses. However, this nature of theirs has left them out of most every major historical event, letting the Akuma slip into the shadows, where they prefer to be.

Clan Jutsu:

Name: Shiro no Boshi Tebanasu - "White Hat Release"
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Personal
Element: None
Description: The user creates wells, once again, but this time the Yin well is the one that's fill twice as much and the Yang one is neglected. The result, much more potent genjutsu, fire, wind, and other ephemeral or mental-based techniques. The solid, physical techniques, however, fall by the way-side.
Chakra Cost: 7

Name: Akudama Tebanasu - "Black Hat Release"
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Personal
Element: None
Description: When the technique is activated the user creates two pools of energy in their body. The first pool is a Yang well, the other is Yin. The Yang is filled twice as much as the Yin, and all other energy is stopped up. In this form techniques take on a much more physical, potent, and visceral nature. Offensive ninjutsu, elemental techniques (especially ones dealing with solid elements such as earth or lava) and taijutsu relating to chakra are all significantly enhanced in power in this stage, whilst using the same amount of chakra. However, the ephemeral techniques, such as genjutsu and elements like fire or wind are all significantly weaker.
Chakra Cost: 7

Name: Akuma no Hanashi - "Speak of the Devil" Also affectionately referred to as "Now you see me"
Rank: D
Type: Genjutsu
Medium: Multiple-Target
Range: Medium 5-10m
Element: None
Description: This is a basic, chameleon-style techique. Essentially it allows the user to become "invisible" for a time. It lasts only ten seconds, (1-2 posts) and can be seen through by someone who is extremely perceptive. Any form of noisy or violent action taken will break the illusion, however. While under the affect of Shiro no Boshi it can not be seen through at all, though all four other senses of up for grabs. It's so ineffective in Akudama that it's not even worth using.
Chakra Cost: 4CP to start, 1CP per post afterword.

Posts : 28

Done, maybe?

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

I already approved your character, which is bad for me as this one needs approval first, so I will be looking into this and edit my post with my comments ~~today~~ when I find the time to carefully read through this.

Sorry for the long wait.

Posts : 28

No problem at all!

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Unfortunately, I don't think that you will be able to get this clan through. The reason it took me so long to post here is the fact that I didn't know how to put this. Your clan is based on Yin&Yang releases, the two forms of chakra nature, the two energy forces on which the Naruto World is based. Yin release has been seen is the naruto manga as a Release that mostly the Uchiha Clan has possessed through the Sharingan. You have based your clan's Kekkei Genkai on these to basic natures that allow shinobi use Nin-Tai-Genjutsu and any other form of ninja technique. What makes this clan overpowered to my eyes is the fact that it allows its members to take advantage of the oponent's weakness and compensate for their own. You have also listed Elemental and other releases like Yoton, Mokuton and Sound release as the ones that go stronger ad weaker, while you won't be able to possess them if you possess this clan's KKG, because those are KKG's themselves.

Comrade wrote:: Natural Thieves: The Akuma are natural-born thieves. They have light touches, soft foot-steps, wandering eyes, and long fingers. They are physically and mentally built for deception and theft. While this makes them excellent shinobi, it does tend to make those who are aware of their lineage to be overly-suspicious of an Akuma. They have a reputation, after all.

Charismatic: Akuma Clan members are very good at getting what they want, making friends, and smoothing out rough situations. Not only do they all have a natural force of personality -- which makes them excellent spies, ambassadors, politicians, and salesmen -- they are also trained from birth the arts of social engineering. All Akuma Clan members are smooth, well-spoken, and powerfully persuasive.

You have given your clan several attributes that we cover as Special Characteristic here on Ultimate Shinobi. If you wish to keep a part of these features, you will have to state that all clan members must have specific Special Characteristics. This is the list, I am sure you will figure out that many of these are relevant to your descriptions.

Now back to your KKG. You don't explain how these two wells are created and you don't set any limit or disadvantage to the use of these techniques. If you eventually get this approved, you have to set a limit to altering between the two in battle. Genins, mostly, are unable to utilise such complex chakra manipulation and most of them can sufficiently use only two Specialties. Given the fact that your clan requires Genjutsu, there is only one more Specialty left to use. Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Fuuinjutsu Weaponry, or Medical Ninjutsu? You have created a clan that can boost certain things, but it is all going to be a waste since your character won't be able to use all of the options. In other words, your character will only boost his own aspects which will certainly are going to be Genjutsu and Weaponry as I recall. I could only see this happening through Fuuinjutsu, and again you won't have all these abilities. The only thing you can gain is a way to boost your Gen and Weaponry techniques in combat.

Furthermore, we have only seen few well-known ninja in the Naruto world that can fully control Yin and Yang releases. It's not only about the two sides, it's also about the balance and the change of it. A ninja has to mold both releases in order to create techniques and boosting on of the two sides can eventually turn out to be what might be called overpowered. Your clan's powers are too much for me to see as approvable.

You will have to either work really hard on changing it into a more solid and reasonable KKG with specific elaboration and explanation, setting limitations and disadvantages, risks and requirements, remove some parts of the clan's attributes and those advanced elements mentioned, OR completely rewrite a new clan, as I cannot promise it will go through even if you make the required changes.

Once again, I am honestly sorry for keeping you unapproved and waiting, but this clan is beyond the limits of what I can personally see in the approved section.

Thank you for your patience.

Posts : 28

I've read through everything and understand entirely. I will remove Akuma as a clan with a KKG, keep the basic genjutsu "Now You See Me" on Iimasu, and simply state the Akuma as a generic clan of thieves and illusionists in his history, at which point this topic can be deleted. Does this sound fair?

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Now you see me:

I forgot to comment on this one. Unfortunately, you can either extremely tone down the effect of your technique, or remove it. The reasons are:
1. There is already an equal A-Rank canon technique.
2. There is already an approved clan that has an alternative of this due to their KKG.
3. I mean, D-Rank and invisibility? Through a genjutsu? You don't even explain how that invisibility occurs for the target's eyes. What you can do is make it a C Rank Genjutsu that harms the target's vision to the point they can't crearly see the genjutsu's caster, but only a blur figure. But will have to state that others will be able to see the user, as it will target only a single person's mind. My opinion is that you should remove it, and add another one as it's not worth the slot.

As for your clan, I suggest you make yourself a clanless Genjutsu user, or make him a canon clan member so that you can have him quickly approved.

Thank's for your co-operation and sorry for the inconvenience.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Moderation Activity Check: Your clan will be archived due to inactivity if there is no response within the next 24 hours.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Archived due to inactivity.