Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]

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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyWed 24 Jul 2013, 3:48 pm

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Yatoga12

YUKI, SHO

THE INFO.

Name: Sho Yuki
Nickname: N/A
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Spoiler:
Forehead Protector: Worn as a belt. When in casual clothing worn around the neck.

Personality:
Spoiler:

Clan: Yuki Clan
Nindō: "Winter Is Coming!" "No Regrets"

THE NINJA.

Origin: Land of Water
Affiliation: Kirigakure
Rank: Genin | C-rank
Specialties: Ninjutsu | Weaponry [Close - Mid]
Elemental Affinities: Suiton | Fuuton | Hyōton
Combat Style:
Spoiler:
Special Characteristics:

Chakra Capacity:
Spoiler:
Speed:
Spoiler:
Evasiveness:
Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.
History:
Spoiler:
Roleplay Sample:
Spoiler:


Last edited by Sho on Thu 25 Jul 2013, 10:17 pm; edited 18 times in total
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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyWed 24 Jul 2013, 3:53 pm

THE ARSENAL.

Jutsu


  • Academy Jutsu:
    Spoiler:

  • Suiton:
    Spoiler:

  • Fuuton:
    Spoiler:

  • Hyōton:
    Spoiler:

    Bukijutsu

  • Kenjutsu:
    Spoiler:


Weaponry
Spoiler:

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Kuroh Yatogami
Source: K project
Image URL: https://i.servimg.com/u/f38/18/43/44/70/yatoga12.jpg[/b]

Last edited by Sho on Fri 26 Jul 2013, 7:35 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyWed 24 Jul 2013, 10:57 pm

Finito~
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Keos
Keos

Age : 29
Posts : 1585

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 2:40 am


Hey there, I like your application as it's neat and simple but let me point out some things.

- You have an open jutsu slot left (14/15 starting limit). Adding a weaponry jutsu, or a non-elemental jutsu would be a nice idea. You can leave it as it is, but you will have to buy jutsu through EXP points after your character is approved. That means the more you get for free the better.

- Please specify your two Weaponry ranges (Close-Mid-Long), as jutsu and weapons depend on those ranges. It should maybe look like

Weaponry (Primary: Close Range; Secondary: Mid/Long Range) or Weaponry (Close - Mid/Long)

(I include close range because you have a Katana)

- I would like to see more about your character's personality, so please make additions and expand it.

- You can also add one more C Rank weapon or other equipment if you wish to.

- Reducing the space between that Jutsu headline and your spoilers in your Arsenal post would be nice as well.
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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 9:50 am

edited~

added a kenjutsu to bring the jutsu count to fifteen.

added another C-rank weapon and as a result, I put an extra few details in his combat style detailing his use of the weapon.

made weaponry [close | mid]

also increased personality

oh yeah and fixed the spacing.
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CleverYamanaka
Wanderer
CleverYamanaka

Age : 29
Posts : 1688

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 2:45 pm

Just going to jump in here in order to speed up things, and give you things to do while waiting on Panda's next post.
  • Rakka no Sora | Falling Sky: This sounds like an auto hit jutsu, as well as something that offers an almost definite opening for further attack. In order for this to work, you're going to have to remove the bit about this being powerful enough to knock someone to their knees, or even knock projectiles to the ground (other than senbon); though I'd be fine with it knocking them severely off course, and making their aim lower, and headed towards the ground.

  • Name: Kobudō Byakko-no-Kamae Aki Hagane | Old Martial Ways White Tiger Form Autumn's Steel: With this, I dont have any issues, other than that it seems as though you're getting a very powerful jutsu for C rank. Please specify that it is not instant while in the lower ranks, though it can get faster and faster as the user ranks up, and uses this jutsu at the higher ranks; by concentrating more chakra to the area.

  • After that is done, this should be fine; at least by my standards, though, to be fair, I only skimmed and looked over the jutsu. Should Panda have anything else to say, feel free, as well as another moderator, should there be a pressing issue o.o Looks fine to me, bud. Looking forward to seeing you in Kiri!
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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 4:08 pm

edited~

took out Rakka no Sora's ability to force people to their knees and, now it's just a jutsu that makes projectiles veer off course of their mark. Decreased it's chakra cost from seven to six, since it does less now.

wrote a further clarification on the power of Aki Hagane for beginning users, also added that it becomes stronger the higher skill/rank the user is.


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CleverYamanaka
Wanderer
CleverYamanaka

Age : 29
Posts : 1688

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 4:24 pm

Approved [1/2]

Waiting on the [2/2]
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Keos
Keos

Age : 29
Posts : 1585

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 8:27 pm

I am sorry that I didn't mention it, but as a Genin you can own 2 C rank weapons of your primary weaponry and only one rank below (D rank) weapons that fall under your secondary specialty. At least that's what I was asked to clarify to you. Please make the necessary changes, both in your arsenal and in combat style.
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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyThu 25 Jul 2013, 10:21 pm

edited~

went with the D-rank ninjato for the second close range weapon, and chose the D-rank Tomahawk for mid-range.

also edited his combat style to incorporate the new weapons.
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Keos
Keos

Age : 29
Posts : 1585

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyFri 26 Jul 2013, 2:38 am

Sorry, but you misunderstood. You can have 2 C rank weapons that are close ranged since that is your primary one. That means you can have a second C rank close ranged weapon, whatever that is.

After that, I can give you 2/2.
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Sho
Sho

Posts : 25

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptyFri 26 Jul 2013, 8:32 am

Ah I see, still I'll stick with what I have now. Since I can't really think of any other close ranged C-rank weapon I want at the moment anyway. Thanks for letting me know though.
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Keos
Keos

Age : 29
Posts : 1585

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptySat 27 Jul 2013, 1:27 am


Alright, then!

Character Approved!
[2/2]


Please make sure you create an account here.
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MsMoney
Wanderer
MsMoney

Age : 37
Posts : 2201

Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  EmptySat 04 Jan 2014, 10:22 pm

Archived due to inactivity.
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PostSubject: Re: Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin] Yuki, Sho [Kirigakure Genin]  Empty

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