Kyofu Clan (Finished)

Age : 31 Posts : 9

Clan Name:Kyofu

Location: Konoha

Signature Traits: Starry Eyes (literally black with specks of silver), Jet black hair, a very light skin tone, and skinny almost to the point of looking sickly but hiding remarkable muscle mass. a typical person from this clan will have at least two of these traits, and those capable of performing The Kekkei Genkai will have all of these.

Kekkei Genkai: Hoshi Sosei (Astral Genesis) allows the use of techniques that pull or control matter from the astral plane. the astral plane is an alternate but parallel universe that is an exact copy of ours. if you were to look at the astral plane you would see a place that is in high contrast colors, that are dependant on the feel or emotion that is connected to the place or item you are viewing. you can take matter from that plane and pull it into this plane to create exact copies of anything that you can observe. you can also use the astral plane for travel, because it is not a concrete environment. changes to emotion or ideas can actually change the environment on the astral plane. you must remember two things about the astral plane. first is that there is no chakra or energy of any kind naturally occurring there. so you cannot use techniques that require pulling energy from other things. however, any chakra that enters the astral plane stays there and doesn't dissipate until used. the second is that anything you create using astral matter only looks like another object. it has no other aspects or abilities that the original would have.

History: the Kyofu clan dates back to the creation of Konohagakure. it has kept mostly to itself, but in times of strife it comes forward to help the country with all that it has. most of their assistance comes from their assassination techniques, and their seemingly endless supply of chakra. they have a special style of taijutsu/ninjutsu combat that eliminates risk for the user, while taking down the enemy with minimum effort.
the only thing about this clan is that they don't get along well with other clans, or other ninja's for that matter. being so closely tied to the Astral plane tends to make such ninja a little apathetic. if given a choice between saving a comrade and killing the enemy, they would most often kill the enemy. high level ninja from this clan learn to control such feelings, but they are always there.

Clan Jutsu: Hoshi Sosei, Sozo (Astral Genesis, Creation); Suteppu o tenmetsu (Blink Step), Hoshi Shiryoku (Astral Sight), Hoshi no Awa (Astral Bubble)

Name:Hoshi Sosei, Sozo (Astral Genesis, Creation)
Rank: C/B/A/S
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Mid
Element: Force
Description: creates a Force projection made out of Astral matter that can be up to 5 cubic feet in size per point of chakra used to create it. the object created looks exactly like the object it represents. this technique does not actually create something, it merely pulls an object out of the astral plane that is identical to another object in the real world. the object pulled lasts for 1 Post, or can last longer by putting an additional point of chakra for subsequent posts. specific objects created with this technique do not have any properties that the actual objects have. this technique is used to create barriers, copies of items to be "replaced", or even short term weapons that would be perfect for assassination (this being because if the weapon actually disappears, they can't trace it).
Chakra Cost:Minimum 5, Maximum 30

Name: Suteppu o Tenmetsu (Blink Step)
Rank: E
Type: Taijutsu
Range: Self
Element: None
Description: this is a specialized stance that allows the user to jump in and out of the Astral Plane incredibly fast for movement. when the stance is active, the user appears to wink out of existence and then reappear in another space. what is actually happening is that the user is entering the Astral Plane for a moment, and then traveling to the location desired and then exiting the Astral Plane. since they actually still have to travel the Astral Plane, it takes just as long as it would normally for you to travel the distance normally. therefore, the faster you are, the faster you seem to disappear and reappear. this stance cannot be used to dodge attacks, since the material plane (the normal plane) and the Astral Plane are so closely connected.
Chakra Cost: 1 per jump

Name: Hoshi Shiryoku (Astral Sight)
Rank: E
Type: Ninjutsu (Doujutsu)
Range: Self
Element: None
Description: This jutsu is learnable by anyone, but is a closely guarded secret by the clan. you gain the ability to see into the astral plane. you can discern what is normal for the area, and what is being affected by current emotions, and outlines of the people they stem from, but you cannot see people. this means that most anatomy that would be discernable by normal sight would not be when using this sight. you can turn off the sight at will, but turning it back on requires using the activation chakra again.
Chakra Cost: 2

Name: Hoshi no Awa (Astral Bubble)
Rank: E/D/C/B/A/S
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Self
Element: None
Description: this is the key jutsu for the clan. it has multiple stages based upon the size of the space you create on the Astral Plane. at the core, the user creates an enclosed sphere on the Astral Plane, and can put chakra into the sphere to be used later. the size of the sphere determines the amount of chakra that can be stored. the sphere lasts until actively dismissed. you can put chakra in or take chakra out at any time. E: can store 10 chakra. D: 20 chakra. C: 30 chakra. B: 40 chakra. A: 50 chakra. S: 60 chakra.
Chakra Cost: 1/4/7/10/13/16+stored chakra

Posts : 1729

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Kyofu Clan (Finished) Show_time_zps31d0c9d8

Your signature traits are... Very small. I would ask for at least a solid, 200 word paragraph describing typical clan traits. "Starry eyes" simply isn't going to cut it. For that matter, since this does not appear to be a doujutsu, why such unique eyes at all? It just seems to be a rather arbitrary trait.
You're going to have to be a bit more elaborative on your bloodline. What does it do? What are its effects? How does it work? What is "Force release," and what elements create it, if applicable? Simply giving its name is insufficient.
History is going to need to be at least two solid paragraphs, not a single sentence. Also, I'm fairly certain you mean "ANBU," as Onbu is a small, sloth-like creature with a cat's face that grows to be the size of a bear.
It seems rather odd for an entire clan to possess only a single jutsu. For that matter, Japanese names require English name translations. Range should be listed as Close (0m-5m), Mid (5m-10m), or Long (10M+). And as I said above, what, precisely, is "Force Release?" What is "astral matter?" What is the "astral plane?" Time-frames are meaningless, as anyone can make a single post span one hour of several days. It needs to have a Post count, not "hours." If it has a minimum size, it will need a maximum size as well, and if the cost goes up with the size, then this will have to be a multi-rank jutsu.

For that matter, what, exactly, is this jutsu doing? Give me a concrete example of what you would do with this technique. Because "pulling an object out of the Astral Plane" is a vague and unhelpful descriptor of this jutsu's capabilities.

Age : 31 Posts : 9

ok, i will begin working on this right now. i wasn't sure how elaborate i had to be with everything, this being one of my first posts and all, but now i understand how in depth i have to go. i guess i'm more used to a more relaxed style of play. i will change this to WIP and get back to you when i'm finished.

Age : 31 Posts : 9

ok, i took your notes and revised the clan. is this better?

Posts : 1729

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Apologies for the long wait. In the mean time, do not bump topics. Use the Application and Topic Checking Thread to alert staff when it has exceeded 48 hours since a moderator posted on your app.

http://www.ultimateshinobi.org/t8797-application-topic-checking

Moving along.

Now that the clan has been more fully elaborate on, I'm afraid I'm going to have to deny it. If you'll look into the Forbidden & Limited Jutsu List, you'll find that Dimensional Manipulation is banned. I would also say the ability to create objects from basically thin air in this Astral Plane would bleed into Creation Manipulation, another banned ability.

It's an interesting enough concept, but I'm afraid to say, or current rules and systems just don't allow for it.

Posts : 1729

What in the hell are you going on about now? Stop wasting my time.

Archived.