Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.



 
HomePortalLatest imagesSearchRegisterLog in

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin

View previous topic View next topic Go down
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySat 01 Feb 2014, 9:21 am

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin 58e2a540-81e3-41c0-97b3-a5ccd919a929

KOHATSU, SHIN



THE INFO.

Name: Shin Kohatsu
Nickname: Shinshi
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Appearance:

Head

From the neck up, Shin's rather bobble-y head is covered in the worst of unkempt hair, the majority of it obscuring his eyes, though somehow never really intruding on his view. How ever wide his light brown, almost gold eyes are, his gaze still gives off the feeling that he's wise beyond his years. This happens to sometimes make others uncomfortable when he looks too long in their direction. And though he isn't usually, the partially deep circles under his eyes make him seem tired at first glance. Even when away from home or abroad he still manages to find a plant to gnaw on while walking or giving general instructions. Not to be interrupted by his chewing, the slightest of carefree smiles shows almost always when he's around people he enjoys or even strangers, however in serious situations he snaps out of this and immediately show a more fierce and unyielding expression.

Body:

Being an approx. height of 6'3", Shin is generally taller than whoever happens to be speaking to him. Since he is so particularly tall, his weight of near 210lbs is well distributed throughout his build. With overall gangly body proportions, Shin is the definition of tall and lanky. It's a wonder that he doesn't blow away. However, despite his weight, the peak condition of Shin's muscles, from years of training, have given his a solid frame. Though the village norm is those of darker skin colors, Shin being a relative outsider, has a light complexion that has been tanned throughout years of travel. Barely under the surface of said skin, the hardened muscle creates a silhouette not unlike a well carved marble statue.

Upper Body (Clothing):

Not one to be flashy or present himself with too much burden. Shin's attire is fairly simple, consisting of a quite plain dark grey t-shirt, black wrist bands on both hands that hide away his seals, and the sheath of his baton that is secured tightly over his left shoulder. On occasion he is known to wear a few necklaces collected over his years of travel to monasteries, temples, and assorted villages. For his more formal outings, of which he has few, he dons a near black, grey travelling cloak that gives the impression that he is aloof to all the traditional customs surrounding clothing.

Lower Body (Clothing)

Only owning a single pair of pants, Shin isn't one to change very often. However, these particular pants are an object of sentimentality. Gained after helping an old farm hands wife through a difficult situation, the modest, black pants that go down to just about his shins were hand stitched from the finest quality materials of that particular region. Being as such and made specifically for him and his rambunctious nature, the pants were crafted to be both comfortable and surprisingly durable. Underneath these and extending to about his knees, Shin wears sturdy, black socks that hold a surprising secret. Along the bottoms of these socks, hidden between layers of fabric, a thin fitted piece of metal contours the lines of his feet. This aversion to wearing shoes or traditional sandals, comes from a desire to increase his awareness in his steps and kicks. Shin prefers to feel as natural as possible when moving about.


Forehead Protector:

Wearing his headband as a belt, Shin's Kumogakure symbol bounces along behind his as it lays across his backside.

Personality:

Although he is closer to 30 than he is to 20, Shin maintains both his youthful appearance and a rather immature nature. Joking, goofy, and all around playful, he is always one for having a friendly chat or a thrilling spar. Though he isn't very serious at times, he happens to know almost exactly what it is he and his students should be doing, learning, and pursuing. Fairly late to most engagements, Shin is known to apologize profusely, but he is not one to make excuses. This philosophy extends to his teachings, where he very sparingly accepts excuses. He is also known to assign extra workouts and drills to those that happen to disregard these values. Those he cares for get the full benefit of someone that will go to any lengths for them, and those who aren't so lucky can break down his usual visage and reveal his deeper side. Once its time to get down to business, its like a flip switching. Focused and nearly ferocious when he's serious, Shin takes any task at hand and finishes it as quickly and precisely as possible. In life or death situations, though, he would rather fails a hundred times than leave a comrade behind; however, the survival rate of his teams have always been fairly positive.

On a lighter note, Shin is virtually addicted to food. It is not uncommon to see him munch on chips, cookies, dango, onigiri, or any number of other finger foods. However, due to his steadily active lifestyle and his daily training, he somehow manages to not gain a pound. Though it is hated by nearly everyone he does it to, Shin is notorious for casually approaching his subordinates, and junior colleagues and tapping them with light to medium force using the backs of his knuckles. It has become so commonplace that he often does it without even thinking or realizing, the affectionately named "monkey paw" is now as natural as breathing for Shin. The fact that it annoys those around him, only makes it more enjoyable for unkempt jounin. The only way out of this particular hell is for Shin to finally see someone as an equal, whether through their graduation or them proving themselves, however such a thing is rare. It should be noted that whoever he happens to have a crush on, is immune to such treatment.

Feeling a particularly strong wanderlust, one would expect Shin to not be complacent in any one area for too long. This is countered, surprisingly, by a strange loyalty to Kumo that came about during a prior visit. One of the rules he learned over his many travels was to always repay debts and that's something that he strives to exemplify.

Clan:

None

Nindō:

"There is no greater sensei . . . than the world? I don't know"


THE NINJA.

Origin: Land Of Lightning

Affiliation: Kumogakure

Rank: B

Specialities: Taijutsu, Ninjutsu

Elemental Affinities: Wind

Combat Style:

Learning from a very early age and from a great many masters, Shin has reached near mastery over his taijutsu abilities, knowing a multitude of different styles and techniques that allow him to adapt to nearly any and every combat situation. This has lead to him developing fighting structures that he hopes to only improve on. Evasiveness, quick, hard strikes, and powerful, bruising kicks are the basic MO, with avoiding taking hits and withstanding attacks being the primary focus. Through immense amounts of training, Shin has hardened his muscles so that the majority of hits landed against him can be taken in stride without devastating damage being taken.  With a rather taunting nature when not in very serious fights, Shin will evade and laugh his way into making his opponent frustrated and flustered. When they get into this state, that's when he strikes. Throwing punching that have the ability to break bone and kicks that can shatter defenses.

Perhaps his most impressive fighting style that he has collected is that of his open palm techniques. Early on in his training, Shin adopted a fighting style similar to Baguazhang. The movements employ the whole body with smooth coiling and uncoiling actions, utilizing hand techniques, dynamic footwork, and throws. Rapid-fire movements draw energy from the center of the abdomen, making this particular style dynamic and unique. Over years of learning, he has the knowledge of the weakest parts of most organs, vital and non-vital, so moving in close for strikes happen within an instant but deal incredible force and damage. Using the fuinjutsu seals underneath his wristbands, among others, Shin uses stored wind techniques to create a small vortex of air whenever he connects with a target, creating the option of either landing brutal and impactful hits, or using near invisible wind blades inside the storm to lacerated whatever part he happens to touch.


Special Characteristics:

Name: [Tier I] Enhanced Speed
Rank: C
Type: Physical
Prerequisites: -
Training: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic.
Restrictions: Amongst the Speed, Endurance, Strength, and Acrobatics SCs, members may only possess two of them, unless they possess both Weaponry and Taijutsu as their Primary and Secondary Specialties. If one possess Weaponry or Taijutsu as a Primary specialty, with one other specialty, and acquire Weaponry or Taijutsu as a Sub-Specialty, they may possess up to any three of them.
Description: After training relentlessly in cardiovascular and high speed movement, shinobi are able to greatly increase their overall stamina and movement speed. Those talented with this speed are capable of running with speed half a man greater than their peers and even last a bit longer during extraneous activities without becoming exhausted. This boost in speed is usually enough to quickly catch escaping targets or outrun most regular citizens.

Name: Increased Chakra Capacity
Rank: C
Type: Chakra Based
Prerequisites: -
Training: A 600 word training is required to gain this special characteristic
Restrictions: -
Description: Through extensive meditation and physical training the ninja's chakra capacity increases by 20CP.



THE BACKGROUND.

History:
Spoiler:


Roleplay Sample:
Spoiler:


THE ARSENAL.



Academy Jutsu
Spoiler:


Wind Jutsu
Spoiler:


Kits:

Name: Chuunin Kit
Rank: B
Quantity: 1
Contents: 10 Kunai [10], 16 Shuriken [8], 12 Senbon [4], 15 Makibishi [3], 6 Exploding Notes [6], 6 Exploding Pouches [2], 6 Smoke Pellets [2], 18m String [6], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].

Name: Explosive Kit
Rank: B
Quantity: 1
Contents: 24 Exploding Notes [24], 24 Exploding Pouches [8], 3 Smoke Bombs [9], 2 Explosive Kunai [3], 6 Explosive Senbon [3].


Weapons

Name: Suito
Rank: D
Type: Close
Appearance: Suito is very simply a thick, metal baton of about 16 inches that has a hilt not unlike that of a normal katana.
Quantity: 1
Storage: Over Shin's left shoulder
Special Abilities: N/A


FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Scary-panda.deviantart.com
Source: Scary-panda.deviantart.com
Image URL: http://scary-panda.deviantart.com/art/xeven-xamurai-411514901


Last edited by Ishiba on Sat 15 Feb 2014, 1:01 am; edited 40 times in total
Back to top Go down
Søren
Nukenin
avatar

Posts : 1187

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySat 01 Feb 2014, 9:49 am

I know that this is a WiP, but do you have permission to make a Jounin?
Back to top Go down
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySun 09 Feb 2014, 6:57 pm

I do believe this is ready to be checked. Permission for Chunin has been granted by Darius.
Back to top Go down
Aaron
Aaron

Age : 28
Posts : 2538

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySun 09 Feb 2014, 7:02 pm

  • Chūnin are considered B Rank, not A.

  • Are you sure you don't wish for your character to have a second elemental affinity? Having only one element could be a serious disadvantage for your character once approved.

  • You haven't filled in the Face Claim section of your application.


Once you fix all of these things, I'll moderate your arsenal.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySun 09 Feb 2014, 7:09 pm

1. A left over clerical error, it's been fixed.

2. I know all of this and understand. If I require a second one I'll obtain it in rp.

3. Fixed.
Back to top Go down
Aaron
Aaron

Age : 28
Posts : 2538

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySun 09 Feb 2014, 11:09 pm

  • You're missing a lot of the Academy Jutsu, which almost all shinobi are expected to know. These don't count towards your starting total of 25. The Academy Jutsu can be found here.

  • You have a starting jutsu limit of 25, as a Chūnin. Currently, your character only possesses 7 jutsu, which seems like a colossal waste of opportunity to me. Are you sure you don't wish to fulfil your empty slots before you're approved? You will have to purchase any jutsu you wish to have after your character's approval.

  • Please could your jutsu have the appropriate ranges (Close, Mid, Long), which can be found here.

  • Air Palm Technique: Flight of the Gods - There's a typo in the description of this jutsu. I assume you mean 'few feet', not 'few few'?

  • Air Palm Technique: Sacred Earth Barrier - Surely this jutsu would require Shin to gather chakra in both hands in order to protect from above and in front?
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyTue 11 Feb 2014, 11:56 pm

1. Done

2. More added

3. Fixed

4. In either hand means in both hands.

Quote :
"either side/end/hand etc.
each of two sides/ends/hands, etc.

Her parents were sitting on either side of her.
There were stairs at either end of the hall.
Pierce entered the room carrying a briefcase in either hand."

source: http://www.macmillandictionary.com/us/dictionary/american/either
Back to top Go down
Aaron
Aaron

Age : 28
Posts : 2538

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 4:48 pm

  • You cannot start with a custom kit.

  • Your character cannot possess Ninjutsu (which aren't Academy Jutsu), considering you don't have this as a specialty.

  • Please ensure the chakra cost of your jutsu is in accordance to the rank.

  • Air Palm Technique: Denying Hand Of The Beast - What is the effect on the victim of this jutsu? Does it prevent them from performing jutsu, similar to a Hyuuga's gentle fist style?

  • Air Palm Technique: Heavy Hand Of the Beast - How long does it take Shin to perform this jutsu? Because if it does not require hand seals (which you do not mention in the description) and he can perform it instantly, with just a moment's contact, then this jutsu seems open to abuse to me, despite you stating it isn't for combat use. You could still use it in combat, if you wished.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 5:31 pm

1. Fixed

2. Fixed

3. Fixed

4. Deleted

5. Made it so contact must be maintained  for 1 turn.
Back to top Go down
Aaron
Aaron

Age : 28
Posts : 2538

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 6:20 pm

  • Your Wind Clone Jutsu needs to be replaced with our variant of that jutsu:

    Code:
    [b]Name:[/b] Fuuton Bunshin no Jutsu - Wind Clone Technique
    [b]Rank:[/b] C
    [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu
    [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
    [b]Element:[/b] Fuuton
    [b]Description:[/b] Fuuton Bunshin no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique that utilizes wind to create a Bunshin clone. Unlike a normal Bunshin, the Fuuton Bunshin has the ability to interact more with the environment due to it having physical substance. This allows the clone to carry out limited attacks on its target, but none utilizing chakra. The range of the clone is limited however, it can travel no further than 10 meters from the original body. If the Fuuton Bunshin is injured, the clone will disperse with a gust of wind.
    [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 7 (Per clone)
    [b]Restrictions:[/b][list][*]No weapons, armor, or equipment can be replicated to have above C-rank quality.
    [*]Replicated explosive notes, explosive kunai, explosive senbon, and exploding pouches are inert and cannot be set off.
    [/list]

  • Air Palm Technique: Sustaining Breath - Please state that this jutsu would only be able to influence Katon techniques of a lower rank. Also add an upkeep cost.

  • Name: Air Palm Technique: Shepard In The Fields - Bubbles seems more like a Water Release technique to me, rather than Wind Release. Additionally, I assume these bubbles would be visible if they caught the light, etc?

  • Air Palm Technique: Flight of the Gods - I would argue this jutsu should only allow Shin to move upwards, as he is using Wind chakra at his feet. That way, you can't just dodge attacks in random directions, effectively making this jutsu the Wind version of Shunshin no Jutsu.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 6:30 pm

1.  Done

2. Done

3.  Used the word bubbles so that it would be easier to understand. Changed and added that they can be viewed hanging in mid air.

4. The point of the technique is to be able to dodge attacks. i.e.  If he's in mid air he can kick his leg to the side to avoid an attack. It's entirely feasible and not cheap at all considering he only moves himself a few feet at most.
Back to top Go down
Aaron
Aaron

Age : 28
Posts : 2538

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 6:49 pm

Well I personally am not all that comfortable with that jutsu, but I'll leave the moderation of it up to the second moderator. For now,

Approved
1.2
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Søren
Nukenin
avatar

Posts : 1187

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 8:38 pm


  • Please delete the Code: from above your wind clone ninjutsu.
  • Spiraling Hand Of Dogma, you have two commas next to each other, please delete. Also, this is a D rank technique, I do not think it is therefore powerful enough to blast someone backwards. Say it uses enough power to unbalance someone then I think it will be fine.
  • Flight of the Gods, firstly your character would be able to use chakra in their feet to propel themselves upwards and secondly, you say he can use it to blast himself forwards in the air. This would essentially give him the power of flight if he just repeatedly used this, so I am going to say no.
  • Fleeting Wind Of The Goddess, how much area does this cover, how many kunai/shuriken can it push at once?
  • Pebbles On The Foothills, we have an SC for this and it is a B rank. Even if I did say this was ok Shin would not be able to sense anyone that is hiding behind anything because surely the wind would not get them. Especially if the wind can only travel in one direction.
  • Divine Wind Of The Trees, what wounds does this attack give?
  • Godly Realm Separation, how would this do internal damage? Surely it would only be able to do this if the target was already wounded?
  • Splitting Of The Temple, how deep are the wounds?
  • Boom Of The Wind God, this is a C rank, it would not be powerful enough to go straight through to organs.
  • Unraveling Earthly Bounds, this should only be able to block projectiles that are of equal rank. Also there should be a limit. There is no way it would be able to stop something such as a boulder.
  • Divine Protection Of The Wind, this should only be able to block against techniques that are of the same rank. However any rank baton techniques would go through it.
  • Parting Of The Ways, what damage does this technique do?
  • Sacred Earth Barrier, again, only techniques of equal ranks or below and does not work against anything above a C rank katon jutsu.


Last edited by Satan on Thu 13 Feb 2014, 9:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyWed 12 Feb 2014, 9:34 pm

1. Really? An extra comma and one word warrant singling out? Fixed.

2. Raised to C rank. Fixed.

3. It actually doesn't say he can blast himself forwards. As I stated above its a simple burst of chakra that sends him a few feet in a direction. In order for me to use it to fly I would be using up a crazy amount of chakra to even get across a battlefield, it wouldn't even be practical.

4. Added in that it's the first 10 feet. And as many as he can throw at a given moment? I don't have any scrolls full of them and it's D rank so nothing crazy.

5. It's vastly different from a sensory type considering there is no way to identify who someone is with it. It's a breeze, if they were close enough in the vicinity how would it not touch them? And as it says it senses disturbances, not the people themselves. Inanimate objects wouldn't register, animals and the like would.

6. They're blades, so they would cut.

7. It would be dependent on how close he was, whether it was a direct hit or not, etc. It's circumstantial.

8. Upgraded to B rank.

9. A normal non chakra boulder? This technique should definitely be able to provide protection from one of those. Added in the rest about ranks.

10. Added in the rank bit, and I'm assuming you mean Katon? If the Katon technique were a lower rank it would repel those as well.

11. Again they're blades so they would cut, stab, etc.

12. Added in rank bit.
Back to top Go down
Søren
Nukenin
avatar

Posts : 1187

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyFri 14 Feb 2014, 7:05 pm


  • 3. Sorry that was me making an assumption. But in theory, if you repeatedly used the jutsu in one direction then you would be able to fly. It is a D rank that costs 3CP, I am sorry, I am sure you wouldn't but either way I cannot approve this.
  • 5. It is not, you can tell when there are people around. This can be used in a combative situation so I do not think that this technique is ok. Say someone was hiding behind a wall that completely blocked off the wind then no it would not be able to sense people. When you say a disturbance what do you mean? Like movement? In which case if someone was completely stood still then surely they would register. When the air does touch the person how does it get back to Shin?
  • 6. Then please say that they cut and how deep these cuts are.
  • 7. Then please add that.
  • 9. Ok, this technique should not be able to block anything thrown by someone with the A rank strength SC of a large size.
  • 11. Then please add this.


Sorry about the wait, had a really busy week this week.
Back to top Go down
Ishiba
Ishiba

Age : 31
Posts : 27

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySat 15 Feb 2014, 1:03 am

3. That's cool, I haven't proved that I'm someone that doesn't godmod yet so I understand man. Deleted.

5. Whatever I don't even care I just wanna rp. Deleted.

6. Done.

7. Done.

9. Done.

11. Done.
Back to top Go down
Søren
Nukenin
avatar

Posts : 1187

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptySat 15 Feb 2014, 1:24 am

Well then, this seems to be all ok. Approved 2/2. Don't forget to make an account here.
Back to top Go down
lifeanddeath
lifeanddeath

Age : 31
Posts : 1490

Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin EmptyTue 22 Jul 2014, 3:41 am

Archived due to inactivity and failure to complete the activity check..
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content


Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Vide
PostSubject: Re: Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Kohatsu, Shin | Kumo Chunin Empty

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
-