Hollowed Spirit [Hiru, P]

Age : 32 Posts : 1495

Mana did not go to sleep that night. She kept thinking about her decision all throughout the day she’s been given to think about it. Yesterday she met a young Uchiha named Hiruzen, he had some questions about the Fire Temple and he criticized her point of view about life. While the youth was nowhere near the first person criticizing Mana’s ideals he was the one whose words broke through. His part of water was the one that flooded the cup and made it spill on the table. Mana’s whole life she’s been looked down on and criticized for her refusal to take a life upon any circumstances, yet after talking to Hiruzen about the Fire Temple the girl realized that it may have been right for her to isolate herself inside the Fire Temple. She knew that she wouldn’t be allowed to become a monk but maybe she’d at least be allowed to live there.

It was clear to Mana from Hiruzen’s words that this world did not need someone who wasn’t ready to defend it with whatever means needed, that the people she loved would somehow be worse off having her around than without her. It probably made sense, there were a lot of people around the world that wanted her dead – the girl spent most of her life hunting criminals. If Hiruzen’s words had truth to them that meant that being around her loved ones, Kiyomi and Meiko were no longer safe, that they’d be attacked at any time and Mana wouldn’t be able to save them while she’s not ready to kill someone. Had she killed Ayushi when she had a chance she’d not have been injured so much during their battle, had she killed the Leech immediately with full killing intent she wouldn’t have had most of her chakra network torn to bits and drained.

The magician wasn’t sure why did it start to matter just now, she’s been told that her entire life. Even people that would be categorized as good people like Kimiko and Kiyomi and Meiko told her that. That killing had to be done sometimes, that it’s good not to get enjoyment from it but still do it when it’s needed. And yet the kunoichi never believed that, even when Yoroi – the man she admired the most of all and considered the best example of what a ninja should be, told her that killing was needed to prevent the deaths of her loved ones she just dismissed his words. He had his way, Mana had hers. But when Hiruzen told her she somehow realized that absolutely no one in this world accepted her way, no one needed a ninja who couldn’t kill and so she wondered if isolating herself in the temple was the right way to go.

Mana made her way through the Konoha streets while the sky was still dark, well before the appointed meeting time. Waking up and leaving was so weird once Mana came in terms that she lived alone. Usually the magician was used to creeping around so that she didn't wake up her mother. The woman's death left a huge void in the girl's heard. Mana really wanted to say goodbye to her friends, to Kiyomi, Meiko and the others, tell Ryuuto how she actually felt around him. She just knew that if she did that they’d realize something was wrong, that the magician was once again pulling something stupid, just like the time she ran off to face Ayushi alone and almost died in the process. If her friends saw their favorite magician leave she’d ask Mana where she was going. The magician knew she couldn’t lie, she wasn’t a liar even if she had the capacity to do so. Lying was her second most hated thing to do, right after killing.

As Mana breathed the cold night air she thought about the recent history. The world kept making fun of her the whole time, despite all that she achieved people kept looking at the girl as an inexperienced brat, as a fool who didn’t know anything, as a joke. During her time in Konoha she failed to be the daughter her father needed her to be, he resorted to Ayushi’s pain drug and fell into a coma without any hope of awakening, the only reason he was alive was because Mana kept pushing insane amounts of money so that the medical ninja didn’t pull the plug. She failed to help Kiyomi’s slip into darkness, something that severely damaged the relationship of the two, while her call to keep the ANBU and Meiko away from helping Kiyomi so that the corruption didn’t spread on the whole squad was the right one, did Mana really have the right to call herself morally right after that?

Mana always thought she was right, that even if her calls weren’t right all the time at least she was morally right. The girl thought that if she was the moral compass for the people that they’d all just spontaneously become good, that if she told them what they had to do they’d just do it, just because it was right. She thought that just if she tried to change the world it would change, that suddenly all of the darkness would disappear, all the deaths, distrust, hatred and pain would cease to exist. Even in Kirigakure when she was on a peaceful mission she was looked at as a joke, there were always people who wanted her out of there, who hated her just because she was there. Then there was that mission where an Allied ninja utilized Mana’s kindness to kill every single person on the island and in the end the magician was blamed for it all. The worst part was – people started respecting her after that. After hearing the news about the mass destruction site and all the dead people that the Allied ninja created she was hailed as an awesome ninja, one who could do what was right.

For the duration of Mana’s life she thought she knew what was the right thing, not anymore. No choice looked like the right one, no choice came easy, she was broken inside and her wounds would make sure that she would be broken physically soon enough as well. Mana was 15 years old but it felt like her life was at its late stages, it felt like she had already seen everything this world had to offer and that her only choice left was to silently close herself inside her home and wait for retirement and death. That was exactly what the magician decided to do, follow Hiruzen into the Fire Temple and isolate herself, maybe if she told the monks how she felt they would let her stay. She knew they wouldn’t accept her as a monk but she didn’t want that, just a place to stay in isolation. Life used to be so much easier back then when Mana was still a kid, choices were right or wrong and Mana knew she always had to stand on the right side.

The more she lived her life, the more Mana started to realize that sometimes in order to be right, she needed to be wrong and that confused her. Keeping Ayushi’s memory clean of his crimes was the right thing to do, but to do that she needed to take all the blame and be put in prison, to shoulder all the hate that all the people in the village had for her, to take every stone thrown and respond with kindness. She was broken, the girl knew she was. The worst part of all was that she let it out on the wrong people. Back when an assassin poked her mind trying to find the perfect dream to trap her in while he killed her, Mana remembered Ryuuto and started feeling weird again, she felt offended on a personal level. She didn’t realize it then that she loved him and hated the assassin for poking those memories but she thought that she hated the boy himself. Had Ryuuto been in Kirigakure that day, she’d have lashed out on him…

Yesterday, when she met Hiruzen, Mana hurt his feelings too. She usually took all people with kindness and love and compassion without caring how they thought about her. And yet when she was told what price an Uchiha must pay for power and how their bloodline was fueled with blood she offended him, the meaning of her words wasn’t exactly wrong but she was rude in its delivery. She would have to apologize to the youth today, before she started her new life of isolation she had to make sure that he knows that if he believes he’s not like his ancestors, if he wants to be like that – it’s good enough for Mana to believe it. Mana stood by the village gate waiting for Hiruzen to come, there were still several hours until dawn, the girl let her large bag slip down her small shoulders and slam down onto the ground. It was way too heavy for someone not to be suspicious, it looked like she was leaving somewhere, definitely didn’t look like its owner would just be paying a small visit…

The girl sighed, cold air started going through her coat, the air in Konoha was nowhere near as chilling and damp like it was in Kirigakure but the nights were still chilly. The girl took her chance to look around as much of the village as she could see from her point of view, it was unlikely she’d be leaving the temple if she’s allowed to stay. Not a single spirit was wondering the streets, the gate guards were the only people around yet they didn’t bother to ask around where Mana was going, she’s been through so much and been so fateful to the village this whole time that they wouldn’t have believed that she was leaving. Leaving to live in the temple was nothing significant enough for them to stop her from leaving but the magician didn’t want to lie to them if asked.

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

For quite some time, Hiruzen had been trying to decipher what had been written up by Tetsuo and Hideo, his grandfather and the former head of the Temple of Raijin. Having been childhood friends, the two had stumbled upon it when they were around Hiruzen's age. Both had been brilliant shinobi with good heads on their shoulders, though they were not prepared to figure out what it was that they had found. The place they had called the "Chamber of symbols" had become a place where Hideo ended up spending the majority of his free time. While Tetsuo often aided him, he became the new head of the Uchiha clan at a very young age. This meant that the two got a lot less time to spend with one another, even more so once Hideo became the new head of the Temple of Raijin. Somewhere in their thirties, the two met up every once in a while to use Hideo's knowledge of the temple and it's history while Tetsuo would make use of his Sharingan to analyze and write down every single symbol. Finding that there were a total of thirty-eight symbols on the wall, they did not resemble anything they had ever seen before. In the years that followed, they had been reading up on cults and clans that had been using different languages or different forms of writing that the world had forgotten about completely.

Managing to cross off several of these symbols during the first couple of days by matching some of them to the writing of the Yamabushi of the Tengu cults and the followers of Shugendo, strong similarities between the two forms of writing allowed the two to figure out the first ten symbols. These symbols were in fact the numbers ranging from zero to nine. While the discovery of these symbols actually having a meaning was already great, it meant that the remaining twenty-eight symbols were most likely the alphabet, leaving only two of the symbols open to interpretation. As another forty years passed, both men had been living a very rich life as the heads of their respective families. In those years, Hideo had been able to work out every single one of the symbols and even managed to work out every word on the walls. While the chamber of symbols had been deciphered completely, it turned out to just be random words that had no meaning at all. They were just random words etched into the walls. As someone that had made it his life's work, Hideo fell into a depression when he learned that it had all been for nothing, dying a couple of months after it and leaving his son to take over as the new head of the temple. It was only after his death when Tetsuo returned to the temple to pay his respects during the ceremonial burning of the body that he figured out that there was still something missing that could not be found in the temple itself.

At this point in time, Hiruzen was the one that was tasked with finding out what was missing by checking out other temples around the shinobi world. Already having full cooperation from the Temple of Raijin, the next place he wanted to visit was the Fire Temple. Finally, he had gotten the chance to do just that with someone who was very likely to get him inside. Not being all too happy with the treatment he had received the other day, he decided that it would be for the good of his research and personal growth if he learned to deal with this. While the natural response was to get angry when someone behaved this way, he had been trying his best to remain calm and keep things civil. Not knowing how long the walk to the Fire Temple would be, he'd rather go there without bickering with the girl. What happened on the way back did not matter as much to him, though he wanted to at least keep his head cool until he got to their destination. Walking over to the front gate, it seemed that Mana had already gotten there ahead of him. Truth be told, he had been wondering whether she would bother showing up in the first place. While he had been giving her nothing but the hard truth, it may have come across as mean. In a way, he had intended for it to be mean as a way of getting back to her for calling him a murderer for no real reason. As he walked past her, he only had so much to say to her.

"Good, you're here. That means we don't have to wait around here for anyone else. Whenever you are ready, go on and lead the way to the Temple. You're the local after all.".

Speaking in a rather cold tone of voice, it was clear that he was trying to stay as distant as possible so he would not get angry with her again. Restraint was not something the Uchiha were known for, though it was still something Hiruzen took pride in. Everything that set him apart from his fellow clansmen was something he would cherish, though that did not mean anything to people like Mana that only saw him as a killing machine. For now, he would just head out once Mana started walking so they would get to the place as soon as they possibly could. While her reasons for going were still not entirely known to him, he did not need to know either, as long as he got where he needed to be.

Age : 32 Posts : 1495

With all the time Mana had on her hands she had plenty of opportunities to consider her choice. It made sense now more than any other time. The girl has been deeply affected by her mother’s death but for some reason never stopped to think about it. It wasn’t like Mana to just let something go with the flow without it being overly analyzed, the magician had a feeling that if she tried analyzing that day she’d break down. It wasn’t easy letting go of a loved one, even harder to let go of someone who was the only family after her father went into coma. Now, after mother passed, Meiko and Ryuuto were the only friends that Mana knew she could count on: she wasn’t sure about Kiyomi since the blonde never bothered to see her after the prison. Mana has been actively avoiding Yoroi – she still didn’t know if that man would beat her down verbally for becoming a criminal or still remain her friend.

Having no family left in the village was the most painful feeling the kunoichi felt in her life, it felt like a deep hole in her chest was carved out and wind was passing through it. That’s just a small part of the feeling, to be honest, Mana wasn’t even sure how it felt exactly because she’s been so afraid to think about it. Every time she woke up and looked through the open door of her room, expecting for her mother to pass through, nothing happened. It took some getting used to, it took getting used to the fact that you were alone. Even if her mother was no longer with her the girl still crept around the house at night not to wake her up, she still put a plate on her mother’s side when she ate, never entered the bathroom when it was supposed to be her mother’s time to use it.

Then there was emotional damage, the magician wasn’t sure just to what extent she’s been damaged. When the murderer pierced her mother’s chest the girl could feel her mind snapping, it was a loud noise like an explosion or something. For a moment it felt like there were no more bounds, no more limits, she didn’t care what she would do or what would be done to her. Nothing mattered. In that mindless state Mana tried to kill the psycho who did it but it was her mother’s dying voice that woke her up. Mother wished for Mana to remain the child she always was, to not take lives and help everyone who needed help. The person, that most of the village loved, but was Mana even the same person anymore? Was it even possible to remain the same person after something like that?

No. Mana wasn’t that same person, she no longer cared about who lived or died, she no longer wanted to live herself. She just wanted to torture and bully herself into a life that seemed like deeming punishment for failing to save her own mother. Only her mother’s dying request was what held Mana’s moral sense together, the girl would not kill, would always help those in need and smile to everyone who needed it. But that was just because her mother, Nakotsumi Kei, the last of traveling ninja entertainer tribe wanted it. That was her dying request and even if Mana never used to care about what followed after death, for some reason, when things were about her mother it was different… If there was an afterlife, if there was a place that the woman could look at her daughter from, Mana wanted her mother to be happy about what she saw.

Could the woman be happy seeing her child live in misery? Isolated from people, friends and her romantic interest, recalling the most painful event of her life and fixing on it over and over again... That was something to think about for another day. Mana would have plenty of time to meditate in the Temple about everything she wanted to meditate about. The sun was rising, not yet visible because of the thick forests and tall village buildings that covered it up. It was about time for Hiruzen to come here, would he be disappointed that Mana came? Probably not – he probably wanted whatever help the girl could provide in getting to the Temple and getting inside. Hiruzen was most likely really angry at the magician for her words last time they met and if the girl wanted to end her old life properly she needed to apologize for all old falls she had.

Finally after an hour or two passing after Mana got to the gate, without the girl even noticing the passage of time, Hiruzen came. Just like the girl suspected him to be he was quite angry at her, or at least just cold, more like ignorant of her existence and only tolerant towards her because she wanted to help him. The girl did not smile to him, she no longer found the capacity to do so, not so soon after a tragedy. Slowly she picked up her large bag and put it on her back, after Hiruzen passed her by she took one final glance at the village. She won’t be betraying it, just leaving it behind, she’s done all she could do, all that was asked of her. Mana had no more debts to pay. She was proud and free. And yet if such was the price of pride and freedom, the magician would’ve rather remained a humble slave until the end of her life.

As the jounin caught up with Hiruzen and took a slight lead as he asked leading the way she turned her head slightly. “Hiruzen-san, I’ve said some mean things to you yesterday… I thought about what I’ve said and realized that is not how I feel, if you say that you are not like your ancestors, that’s good enough for me – it’s up to you who you want to be. I’m sorry for what I’ve said.” the girl said out in as bright of a tone as she could manage to speak in with a chunk of tears constantly going up and down her throat. It would’ve been a thousand times better to cry. To cry a river of tears, to never stop crying instead of being afraid to even think about what made you sad in the first place. Mana didn’t know how to deal with depression yet, she didn’t have anyone to teach her.

The girl has never been in the Fire Temple, she only knew where it was from various descriptions in books and stories from other people who have been there. All she knew was that she needed to move towards the three mountains and into the increasingly thick forest ground. There would be more and more trees in their way, venturing forward would get harder and harder to the point where Hiruzen may start doubting if Mana was taking him the right way. But her step would be firm, the girl knew that isolating herself was what she wanted to do, that the Temple was the right choice and she would be happy if before she closed the page of her social life Mana helped someone else. Someone with a great and noble mission like Hiruzen. The magician knew that as traveling further would get worse and worse, after a while it would be followed by tranquility and catharsis of seeing a large plain field and the Temple in front of them.

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

On his way already, it was only a few moments later that Mana caught up to him and apparently had quite a lot that bothered her. While he was not the best example of a stable personality, he could tell that Mana was barely holding herself together for some reason. It was not long after that that Mana apologized for the things she told him when they last met. While she seemed sad during her apology, he could clearly hear that something was bothering her just by listening to her speak. To Hiruzen, it was very easy to recognize depression and sadness. A former friend of his living back in Kumogakure had been through the same things as him, though she had never managed to get herself out of her depression, never capable of moving on. The girl called Hakumei had locked herself in a downward spiral that took her ever closer to a rather dark end. While she was now living with her parents again due to her state and the way in which she seemed to slowly lose more and more of her sanity, she had told Hiruzen several times that she often dreamed of ending her own life so that she could see Moroi, Shinji and Shizuka again in the afterlife. While both Hakumei and Hiruzen both wanted to see their fallen friends again, Hiruzen had actually lost a whole lot more than she did. Hiruzen had lost both of his parents on top of his friends, though he managed to handle his own pain and sadness a lot better than Hakumei.

Where she dreamed to end her life, Hiruzen had dreams of becoming a legend so that they had not died in vain. The young Uchiha had told Hakumei many times that she was wasting the life their friends had bought for them, though she just seemed to slip further away when he did. While they had once been friends, the fact that she was wasting her chance at living a normal life had made him hate her more than he should. Many months went by when he kept paying visits to her, though she never really left her bed or made an effort at even looking at him when he was there. He often wondered if she even wanted him to stop by, this eventually leading up to him not stopping by anymore. Hakumei was the living proof of what Hiruzen might become if he was to ever lose his will to push forward and become worthy of the people that had died for him. When he looked at Mana, he saw a lot of signs that reminded him of Hakumei in the first weeks after they had returned from the mission that had come to cost them just about everything they held dear. Stopping in his tracks and turning around, the expression on his face was not a cold one at all. Extending his arms, it was not very hard to figure out what he was trying to do. Whether or not she would accept it, Hiruzen could tell when someone needed a hug. Though Hiruzen did not know what had happened to her, even a shinobi could use a hug every now and then.

"You don't need to apologize. You said what you felt about me, and there is no changing what you feel in your gut. I've been through enough bad stuff to know when someone is having a rough time. And no, I don't mean that is in someone who bumped their toe or someone who lost a ring they liked. While I don't know what happened to you, you can tell me if you want to. If you don't, that is fine too.".

Whether Mana would accept this part of him that did not seem like an Uchiha trait, Hiruzen had said what he wanted to say. He had chosen to be angry about something the girl had said. While it had been entirely unprovoked, Hiruzen had been through enough of that kind of talk back in his home village to be able to get over it when something else crossed his path. In this case, it was the same girl that had hurt his feelings that seemed like she had been through something extremely painful. As far as he could tell, whatever pain she felt had to have happened overnight as he had not noticed anything like this a day ago. If he was right and something had indeed happened overnight, it was probably also the reason why she looked like she had not been sleeping much. For the time being, all Hiruzen could do was wait and see what would happen next and if she would accept the softer side to the young Uchiha.

Age : 32 Posts : 1495

Truth be told Mana had no idea of how would Hiruzen react to her apology. She deserved silence or a cold response, deserved even to be moralized about being unstable and deserved to be called whatever things he could call her. She wasn’t stable back when she said all those things, they weren’t how the girl actually felt. While she didn’t have the mark of knowing she no longer has a family in this village or loving home to go back to when things get rough, she was still shocked. Shocked by the cost of power the Uchiha had to pay to stay strong, in a way Mana felt sorry for them. Uchiha were expected to be these superior ninja, geniuses and prodigies of all ninja arts – perfect ninja. And yet to meet those expectations they had to kill people, they had to force themselves through experiences like what Hiruzen went through to achieve the power to justify their existences.

The realization of that was what made Mana say those things, doubt if Hiruzen was actually not just typical Uchiha. It wasn’t how she really felt and now that the young magician reflected she felt so bad about what she said. Her apology was not simply symbolical, wasn’t meant purely as just something to end her social life and it actually had meaning. Mana was actually apologizing because she felt really bad about what she said. For a moment after she said those words she didn’t even turn back, to be honest, she was afraid to. She was a little afraid to see Hiruzen wearing a cold face. She wasn’t supposed to be afraid, even if Hiruzen didn’t care or even hated the girl more for her going back on her word and demonstrating weakness, Mana told him how she really felt this time.

When the magician actually gathered the courage to turn back she was surprised, Hiruzen was a little bit behind with his arms spread. His face looked kind as well, it actually looked as if he forgave her for her words for a moment. Mana slowed down and slowly accepted the youth’s hug, she may have gripped a bit stronger than she had right to but she needed it. She needed to know that even if her mother and father and most of her friends won’t be there for her to go back to, there would be always people who would help her. The kunoichi certainly wanted to believe in that, suddenly she realized that her mean words have actually been more wrong than she though previously. After the young Uchiha replied with kindness and let the girl spill her pain out if she wanted to Mana shook her head.

“You don’t really understand, that wasn’t how I felt, I said all of those things because of how deep your story shook me. I’m the kind of person who tried to save every life ever and beat herself for failing to do so, it’s natural for a fool like that to lose her head when she hears a story like that. What I told you now is how I actually feel: you are who you want to be, if you say you’re not like your ancestors and that you’re a kind and good person as well as a great ninja – it’s good enough for me. You don’t have to prove me anything. That’s how I really feel about it.” Mana said, she was still speculating if she wanted to talk to Hiruzen about what happened, it wasn’t really just one thing, it was actually her entire life. It was a combination of good and bad moments but when bad moments kicked her, they kicked strong. There was only as many kicks that her ribs could take before exposing her heart…

“It’s actually a long story, I don’t know how it would sound to you, someone who experienced a lot of tragedy yourself, probably like silly whining… But I normally trust everyone unless they prove me wrong so I’ll trust you, it’s not a story I thought about much so I might… React to it myself…” Mana stopped for a while to wipe tears from her eyes so that she could see the intensifying branches ahead that she needed to dodge in order to keep moving and not injure herself. “Who knows, maybe talking about it will help, in that case, Hiruzen-san, I’ll feel not only sorry for what I’ve said but also grateful. I’ve met this man once, he was much like you, he also thought that I was silly for choosing not to take lives but he accepted that it was just my silly way and that I’d grow out of it eventually… I guess I never did.” Mana started her story.

“While we were very different, we started having a weird friendship, I considered him the best teacher I’ve ever had. Once we started busting crime around the village and since I’ve gained experience from the best there was the village started sending me on similar missions. Before I realized it I was a face known to most criminals, even in other villages. Yesterday after talking with you I received a mission, it was an ordinary A rank assignment, infiltrate a prison, extract information and capture a prisoner. I did just that, went to that facility, infiltrated it and extracted everything that the inmates knew by just showing them my face, that was what intimidated them the most… So when I came up to capture the criminal I found a note – someone tipped him off and he was waiting for me back home in Konoha. When I came back I saw him holding my mother hostage, I tried to save her but he didn’t want victory or freedom or to survive that encounter, he just wanted blood… He wanted to see me snap, to see me in pain, for me to suffer so he…”

Mana couldn’t speak any more, she had to slow down a little to wipe her tears and instantly switch her mind away from those events, she didn’t want or need to see it again. “I wanted to kill him, my mother stopped me, I honestly no longer cared if he lived or died but she told me that she liked and admired who I was… That I got to where I got, to the highest of ranks without becoming a murderer, she asked me as her final request that I kept being that way, I never even heard her last words, she died before uttering them…” Mana stopped talking, this was just the death of her mother, there were still so many dark stones on her heart that could’ve used a push but she didn’t want to talk, just to move on. “I know that to you it may seem stupid that one death affects me so much when you yourself endured so much, I admire your strength to carry that, I do. It’s just that it’s not just that, there are things that keep happening, all the time: my father getting hurt, him slipping into coma, a man I admired turning to madness and trying to destroy the village, my friends turning away from me, I thought I could escape all of that in Kirigakure… But even when I was there, there were people who hated me, who wanted to hurt me just because I was there, just because I was from another village. I changed the environment but nothing changed. “

Mana lowered her head, she’s spilled enough of her depression on this young man, at this point she didn’t want to trouble him any more than he was troubled by his own dark things. “It’s not too far from here, Hiruzen-san, the forest will get even thicker before we reach the temple.” she said just to inform him that she understood that he wasn’t her psychologist, that he didn’t need to hear all of those troubles that she had. “If you want to share anything, I think it’s only fair that you spill it on me as I’ve so shamefully did on you… Maybe it’ll be easier after you tell me about it, there’s still some road left.”

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

When she accepted his hug, it seemed like there was a lot of pain that came rushing to the surface as soon as she did. Hiruzen knew that it was very important to not bottle everything up like she had, though he had more or less been doing the same thing for years when he was still a child. He had been forced to bottle everything up because he never had anyone to talk to, always forced to escape to a place where people would not be able to find him. While he had grown accustomed to it, he did not mind telling people his story. It had become a part of him to no longer care about what other people thought about his past. Many people refused to acknowledge what had happened, though Hiruzen knew what had happened as he had seen it with his own two eyes. It had become his decision to use that event in his life as a stepping stone to let himself move past those that wanted to set him back and become more powerful as a shinobi. Somewhere along the lines, all the people that doubted his intentions and refused to believe him had started getting to him. This became apparent when Mana said what she did to him. Now that he knew what she had actually meant to say, he did not feel as angry about it anymore. What struck him as weird was that she considered it a shameful thing to talk about what was bothering her when such a thing was obviously not the case.

"I don't think it's a shameful thing to open up to someone else, even if that person is someone you don't know. None of this is the kind of information someone can come back at you with in order to hurt you, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.".

It was as he said, sharing such personal details would not be the kind of stuff that someone could use in order to hurt her. Stories like these would stick with a person, though they did not have any detailed information people could use against her if they turned out to just pretend to be nice people. In any case, Hiruzen was not that kind of person, nor was there anyone around that could have heard her story as far as he could tell. As Mana stated that it would only be fair if he opened up to her and stated the things that bothered him, he did not exactly have anything on his mind that he "needed" to share. However, since she had shared so much, it seemed mean to not share anything with her in return. As he thought about what he should say, he did not need to think for a very long time before he figured out what it was he had to tell. After all, there was so much in his past and in his present that had been so very messed up that most people would have broken down and fell into a depression like Hakumei had done.

"Well, my mother died shortly after I was born, so I never really got to meet her. My grandfather always said that she was a really nice and protective woman, as well as one of the best Genjutsu users in the entire clan. When my mother died, my father could not let go of her and blamed me for her death for years. For the first years of my life, my father used to get drunk and forsake his duties as a Shinobi, something the rest of my family couldn't respect. Slowly, he picked himself up and started returning to his duties as a shinobi. When the previous Raikage has a mission assigned to us, the council decided that we did not need all of the details. During that mission, a group of highly trained assassins murdered my sensei, two of my best friends and my father. As you know, it was during that time that I awakened my Sharingan. That however is my past, though I would not call the present any better.".

Having given Mana everything in a nutshell, he figured that she would have gotten some insight in what had made him into the person he was today. The things he had gone through had managed to break down the boy he once was and forced him to mature a lot faster than those around him. Without any parents to guide him, he had done a lot of growing up on his own. His grandfather and his uncle occasionally came by to check up on him when he had not shown himself for a while or to give him a new mission, though the majority of his life so far had been spent in solitude. While he had not told her about this, the solitude was one of the things that had allowed him to find back his strength and the will to become a stronger shinobi. When he stated that his present was not a whole lot better than what his past had brought him, he made a reference to the fact that his home, the village of the Hidden Cloud was gradually breaking itself down from the inside out. Not knowing if this was something he should share, he figured that things already got worse before they got better. As such, it didn't matter whether he told one person or not.

"It's something very few in the village are willing to admit, but the place is not doing well. The past Raikage have made a mess of things and let the place fall into a deep depression. While the clans are doing well, the Civilians do not have as much money to keep their homes and are forced to live in slums. Many believe that the clans are to blame for this and take out their frustration on us in any way they can. With the place in such a bad shape, other people have slowly started invading the village. These warmongers are creating false evidence that will set the people up against the clan and vice versa. Our Raikage, Kagetora, is doing the best he can, just like the rest of us. That said, I don't believe that any of us can do anything but postpone the eventual Civil war that is long overdue.".

Age : 32 Posts : 1495

After sharing that hug and exchanging some information about their pasts Mana realized that she enjoyed spending time with Hiruzen, he was someone who she could’ve seen as a friend. Knowing just how nice and kind the young Uchiha was made it even harder for Mana to hang around him knowing what she said to him the last day. Sure she apologized and Hiruzen may have forgiven her and forgot about it all like a misunderstanding or a bad experience but none of it mattered. What really mattered was that it was said, it was out there and Mana herself knew it, it would be with her for the rest of her life. Even if at some point in the future everything becomes better and she and Hiruzen become really good friends whenever she’d look at him the magician would see how once she offended him by calling him “just like his ancestors” and doubting his words of trying to deny it.

“That’s not what I meant by it being shameful, Hiruzen-san. I don’t care if it’s something people can come back at me with or that they try to hurt me, what I meant was that you look pretty happy when I look at you sometimes, sure a lot of things happened to you and all, bad things but you know where your heart is and what’s right, you know what you’re fighting and striving for, you have a reason to keep swimming and people like people like that. What I actually meant by my whining being shameful was that I unloaded it all on you like spilling sewage of a really nice and colorful cloth…” Mana replied to Hiruzen when he told her that there was nothing shameful to her telling him about what was on her mind. “Sometimes I’d love to be able to just channel everything negative and make it invisible so that I wouldn’t need to share it with people and make them feel sad about something…”

Hearing about Hiruzen’s less than warm and cozy childhood and the accident that awakened his Sharingan was painful. On one hand Mana felt even worse for trying to make out like she has problems when things on Hiruzen’s mind were so much beyond anything she felt, on the other, part of the fact that made it so painful was how model Mana’s childhood was. The magician had a happy family, a short but really fun childhood, friends, she was admired by pretty much everyone her whole life… While to most people it may have seemed like she had it perfect but in some way it makes it that much painful when things are torn away from you when you know how they taste.

All of Mana’s problems started when she became a ninja, only a very small part of whatever haunted her had no relation to her job as a kunoichi of the Leaf. It started innocent and fun, she almost died even in her first mission but it was always just fun and games, just Mana doing what had to be done. And yet if she had never become a ninja, even if her father would’ve been injured during the ambush, the girl would’ve had more time to notice his growing pains and the darkness within him. She would’ve managed to intervene and find out that he was using Ayushi’s pain drug, no if she never became a ninja, Ayushi wouldn’t have even gone mad and invented the pain drug. Had Mana not been a ninja, none of her problems would exist, had she not been a ninja both her parents would be OK: mother wouldn’t be dead and father wouldn’t be in coma with no hope for recovery.

Father wanted to shake the girl off being a ninja from the start, he didn’t fight it hard, but he opposed it. He probably knew that there was no prospect of light in it, as soon as his daughter became a ninja there would be no happy ending for her. She would make calls, whether they’d be wrong or right it didn’t matter, when one was a ninja there wasn’t really a right call. All calls the magician had ever made as a ninja so far turned out to come back at her. Everything she had done with noble and kind intentions, every attempt to save lives only caused more people to die. Maybe the best way is to not act at all, to isolate herself and stop acting, stop making things worse. Maybe the world doesn’t need her to be right, maybe it would be better without her.

Hearing about all the things going on in Kumogakure was tough, Mana knew quite a bit about Kumogakure history, she had no problems reading about it, she had no history with the village. When she was tried by the ninja Tribunal the only judge who was keen enough to see the whole situation was from Kumogakure – even if his presence was against Mana’s intentions the girl had to respect that amount of skill. Hearing about possible civil war and all the bad history causing people to make all the wrong assumptions about their real enemies was painful. That was all that the magician opposed, hearing about it would’ve normally made her beg Hiruzen to bring her back with him so that she could help in whatever way she could. Maybe do some missions or try and help improving the public happiness with her shows… That was old Mana, that was Mana who tried to help and made things worse.

“I’m sad to hear that things are that bad in your village, Hiruzen-san. I recently came back from a small tour of my magic shows, it’s just a hobby of mine, I planned to come to Kumogakure to have traveled all around the world but I was recalled before setting out… I wish there was something I could do to help but recently I’ve found out that no matter how much I’m trying to help I just make things worse…” Mana turned her head sideways in shame, it was just like that mission in Kirigakure. When the magician used her Katon jutsu to scare the crowd away so that they survived the bloodthirsty Allied ninja she was partnered with and that monster used a Fuuton jutsu to set her jutsu off killing everyone in the process. Every time Mana tried to help things got worse, isolating herself in the Temple was the right way. Maybe not forever, maybe she could learn from the monks how to not screw things up, about how to actually become a force of good, someone who helps people instead screws the over in the long run…

“There it is, Hiruzen-san… The Fire Temple right passed this field. Monks won’t disturb us until we approach the gate, you’ve always got time to turn back if you want…” Mana said as the two finally came into a clearing and the think forest ended revealing a large field where the monks had their vegetables and rice, just past the field there was the large and epic Fire Temple, the magician hoped that it wouldn’t disappoint Hiruzen, someone who had already seen the Lightning Temple as she assumed. There was determination in her voice, that strength that may have betrayed that Hiruzen had the option to walk away if he wanted but that Mana’s mind was set – she’ll be locking herself away from everyone, isolating herself in peace. Only if the monks will accept her that is…

[EXIT]

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

Choosing not to address the actual part where Mana told him about how she wanted to make the negative things in life invisible so she didn’t have to make other people sad with them, Hiruzen knew full well that doing that kind of thing would keep someone from growing as a person. He had deliberately chosen to not feel ashamed of what had happened, and while he did not like talking about it, he did not mind actually talking to it about someone when he felt like it could help them. This was why he had told Mana about it, it was why he had told the Raikage about it and why he often talked to his grandfather about it. Figuring that it would help them if he told them about the things that had gone wrong by using this knowledge and applying it so the same mistakes would never be made again, it made it worthwhile to bring up the things that pained him whenever he thought about it. Whether he had managed to make Mana feel a little bit better about her own pain by letting her know that people like him had it even worse or not, he figured that it would be best to keep moving. While people had tried to do the same for him, he had never actually met anyone who had been through something remotely similar as what he had witnessed. The only thing he took solace in knowing was that he had managed to kill at least one of the people that had killed one of his friends while delivering a scroll that allowed him to complete his mission. In doing so, he had caused an entire guild of assassins to lose their credibility now that their flawless reputation had been stained by a failed mission. Continuing to listen to Mana as she spoke about the things he had brought up, he had not expected what came next.

Once the matter of Kumogakure was discussed, Mana stated that she felt bad for him and the things that happened. Claiming that she was somewhat of a magician by hobby, Mana told him that she had intended to come to Kumogakure to put up a show, though she had been recalled before actually getting that far. It was a shame really, the people of the village could really use a thing or two like that to boost people’s spirits up a bit. That said, Hiruzen had already made peace with the fact that no one would come to Kumogakure with the intention of helping it out of the crap it had gotten itself into. People like Hiruzen himself had to either make it better or prepare to kill a whole lot of people in hopes of rooting out all of the bad seeds that wanted to push the village into the civil war that was slowly coming closer. Given the state of mind Hiruzen was currently in when it came down to the village, he did not know whether to protect the people that used him solely as a weapon or to fight alongside the people that wanted him to never come back to the village at all. Choosing between two parties that really did not want his help as a person was a really hard thing to do, which was exactly why he had been using this trip to the Hidden Leaf as a means of escaping the eventual decision. Even if it was just a temporary break from reality, it was one he had really needed. If he had just remained in the village and did what he had to do on a daily basis, chances were that he would have snapped in a matter of weeks. Nobody needed an Uchiha that lost it’s mind running around in their village as that could make for some highly dangerous situations. Having heard of Uchiha that had become mentally unstable after losing loved ones, Hiruzen had tried to keep that in mind so that he would not turn out like them.

When Mana pointed into the distance, it seemed that his internal conflict had clouded his vision as he had never seen the building rise up above the trees as they drew closer. From what his eyes could see from this far away, the place seemed to share a lot of similar features with the lightning temple. Where the Lightning temple had influences of the old building mixed with the architecture of the Hidden Cloud, so did the Fire temple share the same similarities with the Hidden Leaf. This was a good thing for Hiruzen, as this was exactly why he had come to this place. If the same strange room was somewhere beneath this temple, chances were that his grandfather had really been onto something when he made this discovery with the late head of the lightning temple. As the Kunoichi told him about the place being up in the distance, she told him that the monks would only disturb them once they actually made it up to the temple gates and that there was still time for him to stop and turn back. Upon hearing these words, Hiruzen stopped in his tracks as his eyes went from the temple to Mana. Looking at her as if she had just confessed to killing an innocent bystander, he tried to figure out what she meant when she said such a thing. Capable of hearing an undertone that seemed to imply that she would be going with or without him, it seemed almost like she thought that he would want to take the cowards way out and go back now. In a way, he felt like his quest could be grinded into dust if he got inside and found out that the two temples did not share the same hidden feature. If this was to happen, Hiruzen would no doubt feel devastated for some time, though he could simply not allow this to set him back before it actually came to pass.

“No, I won’t be going back after I came this far. I moved all the way from the lightning country to the land of fire to fulfill the wish of a man that died many years ago. If I go back now, all the years of hard work my grandfather and his friend put into this will go to waste, so I refuse to go back now.”.

Now that Mana knew exactly how he felt about this, he kept walking in the direction of the temple. One way or another, he would get what he wanted or a lot of people would become incredibly unhappy, that much was a promise he could make. While attacking monks was beneath him, he would not take no for an answer after he had come this far. He had made his way through blizzards, bandits and heavy rain, so he could not go back now. Continuing to move forward at a steady pace while walking with a confident stride, his eyes were locked on the temple ahead of him. It would not be much longer now…

[End of Thread]

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

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