Finished Jutsu- Ready for review

Posts : 90

*Note: The first jutsu listed "Exploding" is an already approved bloodline jutsu for the clan and already in my arsenal. However, I am submitting an edit because of the ill defined nature of the explosion in US terms, adding explosive note equivalents. All other information is verbatim.

Name: Exploding
Rank: C
Type: Weapon Alteration
Description: The chakra from which the item is made can be detonated at will causing an explosion equivalent to the rank of item. This destroys the item. Weapon's explosive note equivalent are as follows:

E Rank Item - 1 explosive note
D Rank Item - 3 explosive notes
C Rank Item - 5 explosive notes
B Rank Item - 10 explosives notes

Chakra Cost: +3 (+1 per post)

Name: False Eye Technique || Nise no Doujutsu
Rank: D
Type: Iryō Ninjutsu - Custom
Range: Close (0 - 5m)
Element: Non Elemental
Description: After forming the boar hand-seal Sora concentrates chakra behind his retinas. This causes the cells of his posterior eye to generate a tapetum lucidum. It takes half a post for the tapetum lucid to fully form. As a result Sora is able to see in very low light (night,caves,candle light etc) with the same visual acuity as if it were midday. It is not the chakra that cause this ability but rather the cells that are generated. As a result it’s a one-time cost to activate and last indefinitely provided chakra is supplied to keep the cells viable. Direct light will not harm Sora's eyes to any greater extent than normal, however even small amounts of direct light will cause his pupils to glow luminescent silver, potentially giving away his location.
Chakra Cost: 4 (+1 post)

Name: Cocoon || Mayu
Rank: E - B (C)
Type: Bukijutsu - Kekkei Genkai
Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m)
Element: Non Elemental
Description: This jutsu can only be performed with a weapon Sora is physically wielding (in physical contact with). Upon clashing (making direct contact) with his opponent’s weapon a sheath begins to form around their weapon. Constant contact must be applied for a few seconds (half a post) in order for the sheath to fully form, if contact is broken during this creation period the jutsu will fail. Once fully formed the sheath is almost always highly ornamental with chains running down its length. The sheath renders the weapon within completely inert for two post, unable to inflict damage or use any special abilities. Upon the beginning of the third post the sheath will shatter unable to contain the weapon within any longer. Just as any other "Item Replication" the sheath may have any number of "Alterations" applied to it upon creation. (Ancillary Note: The sheath must be of equal or greater rank than the weapon it contains.)
Chakra Cost: D Rank 3 (+1 post) || C Rank 5 (+2 post) || B Rank 10 (+3 post)

Name: Bitting Hilt || Kamu Kashira
Rank: D
Type: Bukijutsu
Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m), Far (10m+)
Element: Raiton
Description: This technique is an extension of Raitoningu no Kengen but greatly scaled back in its damaging ability. Sora charges a weapon with faint raiton chakra. Upon coming in contact with another's weapon a numbing shock is transferred through to his foe's hilt. This results in no permeant damage but causes the fingers to go numb for a few seconds allowing Sora to disarm his opponent through brute force. As Sora presses against his opponent's weapon it's dislodged and sent flying off four meters. (Ancillary Note: Opponents with greater strength than Sora are unable to be disarmed by this method.)
Chakra Cost: 5

Name: Crushing Wave || Gekiha Nami
Speciality: Weaponry
Emphasis: Bukijutsu
Requirements: Weapon-nin, taught by Sora.
Description: Gekiha Nami is a fighting style which champions force over all other aspects of bukijutsu. The primary objective of Gekiha Nami is to inflict the maximum amount of damage possible in the least amount of time. This is accomplished throughout fearsome two-handed strikes. A simple concept but one that is highly effective at increasing the destructive capabilities of a weapon.

Name: Rising Tide || Ageshio
Rank: C
Type: Kenjutsu
Style: Crushing Wave || Gekiha Nami
Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m)
Element: Non Elemental
Description: Sora spins/draws or creates a sword with the kashira facing in front of him and the blade directed behind. Rapidly extending the arm holding the sword Sora rams the kashira into his opponent's torso knocking them back one meter. This initial strike knocks the wind out of his opponent. Sora then immediately spins his sword around delivering a two-handed vertical slash (this slash be be directed bottom-up or top-down) capable of cutting a man in two. (Ancillary Note: If an opponent has greater Strength SC than Sora they will not be knocked back.
Chakra Cost: 10

Name: Still Waters || Mada Mizu o Yaru
Rank: C-S (C)
Type: Bukijutsu - Polearms
Style: Crushing Wave || Gekiha Nami
Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m)
Element: Non Elemental
Description: Sora holds a polearm mid-shaft and rapidly spins it with a two-handed grip while infusing the weapon with chakra. An invisible disc of chakra forms in front of the path of the spear blocking incoming jutsu of equal or lesser rank. (Ancillary Note: The disc of chakra will be visible to chakra viewing doujutsu,)
Chakra Cost: C Rank 9 || B rank: 15 || A Rank 25 || S Rank 39

Name: Parting Seas || Wakare no Umi
Rank: C
Type: Kenjutsu
Style: Crushing Wave || Gekiha Nami
Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m)
Element: Non Elemental
Description: This blindingly fast slash was initially created by Sora to end a battle in a single blow. It perfectly reflects Sora's youth, as it is an overly aggressive and impatient technique. The blow is granted its phenomenal damaging abilities not from increased chakra use but rather the grip on the blade, Strength SC and rapid speed (As such the damaging capabilities grow with Sora.). Sora grips the hilt of his sword in a two-handed fashion, leaving approximately seven centimeters of space between each hand. As he strikes Sora pushes forward with the top hand and pulls back with the lower hand, delivering increased torque on the blade and ultimately cutting capability. While the orientation of the strike can be in any direction, it cannot be stopped or adjusted until completion once started because the slash is always delivered at Sora's maximum Speed SC. The range of the strike is dependent on the length of the blade used (must be clearly stated in OOC). The power behind the blow is in direct correlation to Strength SC and follows a set scale:

Improved Strength: Fall a tree in a single blow, badly score but not penetrate stone.
Immense Strength: Slice clean through a boulder, etch metal.
Ferocious Strength: Cleanly cut through metal up to ten centimeters thick, and slices through weapons C grade or below with virtually no resistance.
Herculean Strength: Cut through metal up to two meters thick. The force exerted on Sora's blade is so great any weapon below the rank of B will instantly break after preforming the jutsu. (Sora's weapon)

Chakra Cost: 12

Posts : 257

False Eye Technique || Nise no Doujutsu: Medical Ninjutsu revolves around manipulating or amplifying the existing systems of the body, not by creating a new Defensive Mechanism that is by and large entirely foreign to Human biology, a process which is not only complicated beyond measure, but would also create a visual perception that your brain is not adapted to and is by and large beyond actual description.

Cocoon || Mayu: You wont be allowed to manipulate another's weapons or create something atop their weapons, so it'd do you best to simply remove this technique.

Bitting Hilt || Kamu Kashira: Numbing your hands if you are already gripping something, would not necessarily reduce the strength of your grip. Any afterward action towards disarming is indicative of strength. The knock back itself is incredibly circumstantial, as a direct clash of the weapons in which one opponent's strength over powers the other, would not always send the weapon flying.

The range should be listed as Close (0m) given the need for Close Quarters Combat.

Crushing Wave || Gekiha Nami: There is a Style Template located [here] that should be used for this.

Rising Tide || Ageshio: Remove "drops the speed of their next action by one SC rank" from the description.

Still Waters || Mada Mizu o Yaru: The manipulation required for this is too close to Ninjutsu for it to remain classed as weaponry.

Posts : 90

False Eye Technique || Nise no Doujutsu
1)”Medical Ninjutsu revolves around manipulating and amplifying the existing systems of the body.” I have not “added” a sense or ability that my character does not already have. I have amplified the ability of sight which is not foreign to Sora as he does not have the affliction of blindness. This justu simply improves sight in low light conditions.

2)”Not by creating a new Defensive Mechanism that is by and large entirely foreign to the Human biology”: Honestly, this seems like a completely arbitrary critique levied against Nise no Doujutsu. The reason I bring this this up is due the precedence and fairly common practice of approving far more complicated and foreign (to human biology) abilities throughout medical jutsu. One such example is having the ability to generate gills and freely breath underwater. I don't think it necessary to highlight why this is more complex.

3)”Create a visual perception that your brain is not adapted to and is by and large beyond actual description.”: This statement implies that I have added a novel sensory input that is beyond the human brain’s processing capabilities. This is untrue, but I think I am at direct fault for causing confusion by using overly technical jargon without explanation. A tapetum lucidum (TL) is not a sensory organ and is not imparting any additional information to the brain. It is simply a membrane that reflects light back onto the retina - the sensory organ of the eye. Working much like a reflective/bounce umbrella used in photography to direct light, or the mirrored finish of a flashlight lenses. TL makes more efficient use of light that is present; it does not provide novel sensory information.

4) I don’t want it to appear as if I think my jutsu are “perfect” and that I am beyond compromise because I am not. But most of the critiques seem to be a direct result of my technical jargon (I hope that I have provided some clarity). There appears to be more of an issue with semantics than mechanics. I can change TL to Rod (cells that see in low light already in human eye) proliferation in the retina and end up with the same results, but maybe that's not necessary now that I've explained a little more.

Cocoon || Mayu
I understand why there is some level reservation with this jutsu, because without a clear explanation of mechanics the potential for abuse is high. I will attempt to clearly explain the mechanism of the jutus and limitations for an approvable version that is not nerfed to the point of being non-functional. I welcome any constructive criticism/guidance for creating a functional/approvable jutsu.

Moderation Notes: I have added a number of limiters/changes and will explain them without listing verbatim how to beat the jutstu.
Timing: This jutsu takes half a post of constant contact, which is signifantly longer than most physical based jutsu weapon/tai..
Range: Sora must be in contact with the weapon. This is not listed as zero meters because Sora is a weapon-nin with a specialization in both mid and short and as such will employ mid range weapons in adventitious ways. For example utilizing the length of a spear.
Rank: A and S level weapons are immune as I have capped the jutsu at B rank.
Mechanism of Action: Because of bloodline abilities Sora will know the exact dimensions of the weapons he faces. Sheath is in essence just a mold of the weapon scanned, a relatively simple concept.

Biting Hilt || Kamu Kashira
1)”Numbing your hands if you are already gripping something, would not necessarily reduce the strength of your grip.” Numbness has profound effects on grip strength, regardless of this fact being true it also has a drastic impact on dexterity. US does not have a dexterity stat so I used the SC that is the best approximation of this in terms of application of this jutsu and that’s Strength.

2) “Any afterward action towards disarming is indicative of strength. The knock back itself is incredibly circumstantial, as a direct clash of the weapons in which one opponent's strength over powers the other, would not always send the weapon flying.” I feel as if I have accounted for multiple outcomes and a means of resistance. It is impossible to account for every possible outcome.

3) “The range should be listed as Close(0m) given the need for Close Quarters Combat.” Sora specializes in both mid and close range weapons. It seems highly plausible that this jutsu can be performed with a trident or other mid range weaponry and would not necessarily require Sora standing directly on top of another character.

Crushing Wave || Gekiha Nami
Thanks for providing template, requested changes made.

Rising Tide || Ageshio
Requested changes made.

Still Waters || Mada Mizu o Yaru
1)"This manipulation required for this is too close to Ninjutsu for it to remain classed as weaponry." I don't want to make assumptions I need more specific/direct guidances as to what area of ninjutsu this has annexed. How can I make a functional/approval version?

Age : 33 Posts : 718

Exploding:

-As a C-rank jutsu this should only work up to C-rank weapons or the damage of B-rank weapons should be dropped to equivalence of 5 tags. Otherwise you have a C-rank jutsu capable of force equivalent to B-rank.

-If it was approved this way on the clan page, let me know so it can be edited appropriately.

-This shouldn't have an upkeep cost as it isn't a jutsu you sustain. Each instance of blowing up a weapon should be a new casting of the jutsu.

-What hand signs are required to perform this jutsu?

False Eye Technique || Nise no Doujutsu:

-I have no problems with the functionality of this jutsu. However there are a few edits I'd like to ask of you.

-This should be classified as a medical jutsu and not a doujutsu.

-While it's in use, direct light should be more blinding than normal.

Cocoon || Mayu:
-The general concept of this jutsu is fine. But there are some aspects of it that simply don't make sense.

-Even with a sheath, weapons wouldn't become "inert" or useless. They should do D-rank blunt damage at a minimum and if your opponent has a strength spec, they should be able to deal blunt damage equal to the rank of their spec.

-Some weapons might be an exception to this(like a chain weapon for example) but for the most part, having a sheath around a weapon would not prevent it's user from performing jutsu with it. If the user made use of a jutsu equal in rank to the sheath, they should be able to break it as the two jutsu would cancel out.

Bitting Hilt || Kamu Kashira:

-Many weapons have hilts made of non conductive material. This jutsu would be ineffective against them so please make note of that in the description.

-Endurance is actually a more fitting SC to note as being capable of resisting this jutsu's effects.

-Please keep in mind that the disarming of the opponent is not guaranteed with this jutsu. If the opponent maneuver's their weapon away from yours or otherwise avoids it being struck, it shouldn't get disarmed.

Rising Tide || Ageshio:

-You state that you knock an opponent back one meter and then immediately strike. This would put the opponent out of the effective range of most weapons. You may wish to add in mention of stepping in to close that gap.

-There isn't a single SC that should be able to prevent someone from being knocked back. You can remove this. But keep in mind that there are things your opponent could do IC to prevent being knocked back such as meeting the blow with one of equal force or moving so they are hit in the shoulder instead of the chest causing a turn rather than being pushed backwards. There are any number of other things they could do but I think you get the point.

-At C-rank you won't be cutting anyone clean in half. C-rank jutsu are described to deal "Moderate" damage. But no bisections. That is a lethal maneuver and jutsu don't start becoming singularly lethal until A-rank. A fairly deep cut that can chip into bone is probably more fitting.

Parting Seas || Wakare no Umi:

-You can't use SCs as an excuse to make C-rank jutsu exceed their rank. The could be used to augment a jutsu, but only to the SC rank matching the jutsu. Otherwise weaponry users with Strength/Speed SCs would never need to make jutsu beyond D-rank.

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

This still being worked on? This will be archived in seven days if no reply has been given by then.

Age : 31 Posts : 1490

Archived.