Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.
Avengers 2 script by WB
Ruka
Age : 32 Posts : 1495
Subject: Avengers 2 script by WB Mon 09 Feb 2015, 10:26 pm
Hey you guys, as you may know I have a small job at certain companies writing scripts for major blockbusters (such as the unreleased Star Wars Episode 3.5 which I leaked at some point somewhere on US), so since the assholes at Marvel ripped off that Avengers idea from totally swood guys at WB and God On Earth Zack Snyder, I decided to pull a dick move and leak the script that we had ready for the release.
Now the dicks at Marvel totally messed up the original name, we were calling the project: "Men of Awesomeness (and some women and a robot) Rises" and it went a little bit like this... "READ AT YOUR OWN RISK"
SPOILER ALERT:
So basically it begins with dumb accidents happening all over the world, specifically: Pepper Pots gets shot by a mugger, a tornado swoops in Black Widow's new boyfriend played by Kevin Costner, a plane in which Betty Ross is crashes and someone we don't know but who is SUPER important to Captain America played by Hugo Weaving drowns in the ocean during bad wave day. So our heroes consumed by grief over the accidents cry and mope for an hour or so, Tony doesn't become drunk, it'd be close to the comics, Hawkeye becomes a drunk instead despite him not having lost anyone because the script writer (me) barely cares.
So Black Widow becomes a prostitute and learns an Irish accent (I dunno why, just because prostitutes have Irish accents), Captain America denounces America and becomes the only remaining communist in the world besides the pensioners from the Soviet Union, the Hulk becomes a raging sex demon but he is calmed by Black Widow's pimp's soothing voice which includes phrases like "focus on my voice, pretend it's an island" and “you are the answer to the question (INSERT SOME STUPID GENERIC QUESTION)” and Iron Man locks himself in a broom closet for no reason…
So then the Vision (which is secretly Jarvis who got pissed that he wasn’t turned on for what seems to be forever) possesses a suit of Iron Man armor and frees Iron Man from the unlocked broom closet teaching him the lesson of how doors work. Then the Avengers assemble to go battle Scarlet Witch who actually caused all of those seemingly unrelated accidents in the first act of the movie. When Scarlet Witch gets captured (Quicksilver is there too but no one cares about him) and she informs the Avengers that everyone they lost including Hugo Weaving are actually alive in some mysterious location in New York but they have to figure her tricky riddle out and guess where before the bomb blows them up again (Scarlet Witch uses bombs now!).
So basically everyone just runs to the scene in Fat Albert fashion having figured out the riddle but surprise surprise Scarlet Witch uses her reality altering powers and switches the locations of the Hugo Weaving and everyone else cellar with the “Free Ultron by opening door” cellar that Tony Stark had built at some point offscreen before and we only hear of it now. So Ultron is now unstringed and fighting the Avengers and at some point they stop fighting each other and just start killing people by smashing random buildings because it looks cool. Also Quicksilver uses his powers efficiently by running through as many advertisements as he can before his 30 seconds of screen time end.
So then Scarlet Witch just runs to the scene having escaped the prison using an elaborate mobile phone scheme instead of her reality bending powers and goes all like “I’m good now you guys, sorry I killed Hugo Weaving…” and the Avengers are like “OK” and they become a team and fight Ultron, who breaks Captain USSR’s back but he’s OK because he works hard for the well-being of his Union and the Avengers win by punching Ultron harder than he punches them and then Hulk snaps Ultron’s neck somehow killing Ultron and Tony Stark blows up the White House because… Doesn’t matter but the White House people run out and the President congratulates Tony Stark for being a hero and the military person played by Stan Lee says “He’s trying to help…” and then the credits roll…
AFTERCREDIT SCENE: basically every Marvel character ever (everyone who hasn’t been introduced but must be shoed in (because Marvel needs publicity every week the movie was made so that they could have their “character X is in Avengers 2 you guys” headline every week) play Bingo and Stan Lee’s character breaks into the building and yells out “You’re all the hope of the Universe and we will join you in the Sun!”
AFTERCREDIT SCENE 2: Surprise, Irish Black Widow’s pimp was a spy for Thanos all along and he’s actually the movieverse’s version of the Beyonder… Tun tun tun!!! He reports of the location of the Infinity Gems and that the Avengers have some of them and Thanos yells “I WILL FIND THEM!!!” in a high pitched creepy voice nine times so that both the World War II veteran who died during the screening over the sheer awesomeness of the movie and the 6 year old in the back of the hall could hear it…
Ryuuza
Age : 32 Posts : 381
Subject: Re: Avengers 2 script by WB Tue 10 Feb 2015, 4:02 am
Ruka wrote:
Hey you guys, as you may know I have a small job at certain companies writing scripts for major blockbusters (such as the unreleased Star Wars Episode 3.5 which I leaked at some point somewhere on US), so since the assholes at Marvel ripped off that Avengers idea from totally swood guys at WB and God On Earth Zack Snyder, I decided to pull a dick move and leak the script that we had ready for the release.
Now the dicks at Marvel totally messed up the original name, we were calling the project: "Men of Awesomeness (and some women and a robot) Rises" and it went a little bit like this... "READ AT YOUR OWN RISK"
SPOILER ALERT:
So basically it begins with dumb accidents happening all over the world, specifically: Pepper Pots gets shot by a mugger, a tornado swoops in Black Widow's new boyfriend played by Kevin Costner, a plane in which Betty Ross is crashes and someone we don't know but who is SUPER important to Captain America played by Hugo Weaving drowns in the ocean during bad wave day. So our heroes consumed by grief over the accidents cry and mope for an hour or so, Tony doesn't become drunk, it'd be close to the comics, Hawkeye becomes a drunk instead despite him not having lost anyone because the script writer (me) barely cares.
So Black Widow becomes a prostitute and learns an Irish accent (I dunno why, just because prostitutes have Irish accents), Captain America denounces America and becomes the only remaining communist in the world besides the pensioners from the Soviet Union, the Hulk becomes a raging sex demon but he is calmed by Black Widow's pimp's soothing voice which includes phrases like "focus on my voice, pretend it's an island" and “you are the answer to the question (INSERT SOME STUPID GENERIC QUESTION)” and Iron Man locks himself in a broom closet for no reason…
So then the Vision (which is secretly Jarvis who got pissed that he wasn’t turned on for what seems to be forever) possesses a suit of Iron Man armor and frees Iron Man from the unlocked broom closet teaching him the lesson of how doors work. Then the Avengers assemble to go battle Scarlet Witch who actually caused all of those seemingly unrelated accidents in the first act of the movie. When Scarlet Witch gets captured (Quicksilver is there too but no one cares about him) and she informs the Avengers that everyone they lost including Hugo Weaving are actually alive in some mysterious location in New York but they have to figure her tricky riddle out and guess where before the bomb blows them up again (Scarlet Witch uses bombs now!).
So basically everyone just runs to the scene in Fat Albert fashion having figured out the riddle but surprise surprise Scarlet Witch uses her reality altering powers and switches the locations of the Hugo Weaving and everyone else cellar with the “Free Ultron by opening door” cellar that Tony Stark had built at some point offscreen before and we only hear of it now. So Ultron is now unstringed and fighting the Avengers and at some point they stop fighting each other and just start killing people by smashing random buildings because it looks cool. Also Quicksilver uses his powers efficiently by running through as many advertisements as he can before his 30 seconds of screen time end.
So then Scarlet Witch just runs to the scene having escaped the prison using an elaborate mobile phone scheme instead of her reality bending powers and goes all like “I’m good now you guys, sorry I killed Hugo Weaving…” and the Avengers are like “OK” and they become a team and fight Ultron, who breaks Captain USSR’s back but he’s OK because he works hard for the well-being of his Union and the Avengers win by punching Ultron harder than he punches them and then Hulk snaps Ultron’s neck somehow killing Ultron and Tony Stark blows up the White House because… Doesn’t matter but the White House people run out and the President congratulates Tony Stark for being a hero and the military person played by Stan Lee says “He’s trying to help…” and then the credits roll…
AFTERCREDIT SCENE: basically every Marvel character ever (everyone who hasn’t been introduced but must be shoed in (because Marvel needs publicity every week the movie was made so that they could have their “character X is in Avengers 2 you guys” headline every week) play Bingo and Stan Lee’s character breaks into the building and yells out “You’re all the hope of the Universe and we will join you in the Sun!”
AFTERCREDIT SCENE 2: Surprise, Irish Black Widow’s pimp was a spy for Thanos all along and he’s actually the movieverse’s version of the Beyonder… Tun tun tun!!! He reports of the location of the Infinity Gems and that the Avengers have some of them and Thanos yells “I WILL FIND THEM!!!” in a high pitched creepy voice nine times so that both the World War II veteran who died during the screening over the sheer awesomeness of the movie and the 6 year old in the back of the hall could hear it…
You forgot something
Spoiler:
Ruka
Age : 32 Posts : 1495
Subject: Re: Avengers 2 script by WB Sat 14 Feb 2015, 8:19 pm
Ryuuza wrote:
You forgot something
Spoiler:
Get outta here with that, what is it for you, 19-Invention of internet?
Ryuuza
Age : 32 Posts : 381
Subject: Re: Avengers 2 script by WB Mon 16 Feb 2015, 11:17 pm
Ruka wrote:
Ryuuza wrote:
You forgot something
Spoiler:
Get outta here with that, what is it for you, 19-Invention of internet?
Oh? This wasn't a troll then?
So your company actually wanted this script written for the big screen?
Ruka
Age : 32 Posts : 1495
Subject: Re: Avengers 2 script by WB Tue 17 Feb 2015, 12:07 pm
ALEX
Trey
KURO
JOSI
RUKA
