Sutingā Clan

Age : 34 Posts : 718

Typos
-Might want to look through this for typos, I noticed quite a few.

KKG
-This is not a KKG. A KKG is defined as the combining of two or more elements. This is a secret style/jutsu also known as a "Hijutsu" both in canon and on the forum.

-It's fine to mention the bee queen summon here, but if you want to have it, it should be a part of the clan jutsu section. Please refer to the summon creation guide in the creature creation area.

-Speaking to bees should be a clan signature trait and not part of the hijutsu.

History:
-I'm not sure what the "dark ages" of the shinobi are. How many generations ago is this? Is it canon or forum canon? If not, please don't refer to it as if it were a thing.

-If the clan was banished, why would they still be from Konoha? Wouldn't the banishment have forced them out? I don't see the Aburame banishing this clan and then happily working along side them in the same village.

-How did these people gain the trust of the bees? Wouldn't they have been attacked almost immediately upon trespassing into the bees cave? I'd like to see more about how this bond was formed and what led to them initially receiving the queen bee's blessings.

Beeswax Clan:
-I think this is supposed to be Beeswax "Clone".

-Please look at the encyclopedia board's jutsu section and take a look at some of the clone jutsu. Find one that is C-rank(I believe the suiton technique Mizu Bunshin is C-rank) and use it as a base for this jutsu as it's lacking some important details right now. But if you copy one of the encyclopedia jutsu and edit it to fit your wax clone, you should be all set.

-Please note the number of handsigns required for this jutsu.

15 bee stinger:
-This is not a summoning technique, so please refrain from using misleading wording like "summons" for this jutsu. Your body is a hive so the bees should be coming from somewhere originating from you like your sleeves or even your mouth. Feel free to be creative but please state where the bees come from.

-Unless this jutsu and the bees only last for one post, please give this an upkeep cost.

-How big are these bees, how fast can they move in comparison to a normal shinobi?

-Having trouble finding the ruling on this, but basically, you can't have any kind of poisons in your jutsu or items without medical spec. So this jutsu's type should be "Med+Nin" instead of just being ninjutsu.

Honey bee technique:
-This is not a summoning technique, so please refrain from using misleading wording like "summons" for this jutsu. Your body is a hive so the bees should be coming from somewhere originating from you like your sleeves or even your mouth. Feel free to be creative but please state where the bees come from.

-Unless this jutsu and the bees only last for one post, please give this an upkeep cost.

-How big are these bees, how fast can they move in comparison to a normal shinobi?

-Please refer to the jutsu guide for the range section as what you put here belongs in the description. Also, 3m worth of honey for one little bee and having 25 of them seems more like a A or S rank jutsu to me. Please tone down the amount per bee to 1m and the number of bees to 15.

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

Since this has been a WIP for a long time, I have to ask. Is there still work being done on this application or has it been forgotten? If work is still being done, let me know and this post will be removed. If no reply has been made within the next seven days, I will move it into the archives.

Age : 32 Posts : 1178

Moved.