Yuki, Etorufuu [Kumogakure Chuunin]

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Yuki , Etorufuu.

THE INFO.

Name: Etorufuu Yuki
Nickname: The Razor
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Etorufuu keeps his form lean and muscular, a body built for absolute speed rather than strength. He stands roughly five feet and nine inches tall and weighs just under 180lbs. He allows his oil black hair to grow roughly to his shoulders and keeps it in a tight ponytail for formal occasions. Outside of those formal occasions he allows it to flow naturally and drift about his head and face. His eyes are green and his face is narrow in its bone structure. This lithe frame allows him to act quite the swordsman, which has extended reach thanks to his slightly taller frame than most people.

His style of dress is considered by many to be eclectic. He sticks to bandage wrappings on his arms, torso, and hands with a single guard plate strapped to his right arm. Draped over his torso is also a purple cloth, remnants of his clan that gives him a strong connection to the history that connected him. Both pants and shoes are tactical choices chosen by most shinobi.

His form usually framed with a pair of sword hilts over his shoulders. Further arms include a full chuunin kit (Some of it sealed in a scroll within the pouch) on his back right hip while the other remains on his left upper thigh. These weapons are kept sheathed at all times unless he intends to use them, and use them with prejudice.

Forehead Protector: Hanging from my belt.

Personality:
Etorufuu is first and foremost a gray-morality type of person, agreeing to many things others might not while still having a generally positive outlook on life and morals that keep him almost on the straight and narrow. The best example of this is perhaps his worst habit: The theft of defeated opponents’ weapons. Perhaps a bit dishonorable, even unfair and cruel in the eyes of some, Etorufuu believes this is a form of balancing the world. If a person was defeated by him they obviously did not deserve their chosen weapon or the respect of their village to begin with. Etorufuu firmly believes in his own weakness and as such seeks out those who are stronger than him while he considers those beneath him the epitome of pathetic. To try and improve one’s self is an honorable path in his eyes, but it requires you to constantly admit your shortcomings that you are attempting to fix. Otherwise he considers his opponents on equal footing and considers them garbage the moment after they fall to him. And garbage has no need for weapons or respect.

Etorufuu is not above outright killing people, nor is he afraid of coming to blows with allies if it is required of him. So far Kumogakure no Sato has allowed him to walk his own path without reprimand and to repay that favor he acts in their best interest when it does not cost him his own. He is willing to kill for, and die for, his country and village under the right circumstances but more specifically his loyalty lies with the Raikage. By her orders he does much that he otherwise would not bother with independently or even if ordered from another high ranking shinobi in Kumogakure no Sato.

Etorufuu is quite the philosopher, wondering many things and questioning the beliefs of others. He likes to know people who walk the path of the student and constantly seeks out those who walk the path of the warrior so that he can pull himself from the muck he feels he is in. Despite his success, no matter how grand or numerous, he always considers himself a failure and is quick to state this fact. It does not however stop him from trying his hardest or existing without doubt in his ability. His failures, in his mind, are a firm fact and as such are something that must be trained away but these failures do not make him any less than what he is. This complex web of arrogance and humble nature are quite odd and come off as very self serving when he speaks.

Clan: Yuki
Nindō: “Prove your worth, or I’ll prove you wrong.”

THE NINJA.

Origin: Mizu no Kuni
Affiliation: Kumogakure no Sato
Rank: Chuunin
Specialties: Ninjutsu[Main], Weaponry[Sub] (Kenjutsu [Main], Ranged [Sub])
Elemental Affinities: Ice[Advanced], Water[Main], Wind[Sub]
Combat Style:
Etorufuu focuses on many styles at once, developing his own style with several "Stances". These stances affect his tactics greatly and often define how he considers an opponent. From the highly defensive to the almost reckless, Etorufuu has a knack for changing his stances on the fly and applying them in the correct situations at the correct time. After years of study and practice, Etorufuu considers himself a student swordsman attempting an experiment with these tactical stances for swordsman in the shinobi world. These stances include: Blitzkrieg, Lash, Lessons, and Open Palm

Blitzkrieg is a two handed style that requires the use of both hands on a katana. This style focuses on quick footwork and hard hitting attacks built to instantly kill/maim an opponent with as much speed and power possible. These techniques are as close to "Pure Swordsmanship" as Etorufuu gets. They are almost all offensive, even occasionally going so far as to sacrifice his own well being in an attempt to take the kill in combat. Blitzkrieg tends to be employed against opponents too dangerous to risk anything

Etorufuu's most common stance is Lash. Requiring a sword and an open hand, these techniques mix offense and defense with ninjutsu to create a blur of motion and press the advantage. This stance's flexible nature lead to the name and it's techniques show quite well its effectiveness. Lash usually provides a Kenjutsu cover technique to block or intercept an attack before assaulting the opening provided by the attacker via a quick ninjutsu technique. This style is somewhat slow, wearing down the opponent with wounds before stepping in for the kill.

Lessons is a Stance that revolves around the Bokken, or practice sword. These swords lack any edge and are only good for teaching or bludgeoning an opponent. Etorufuu uses the Lessons stance to train younger swordsman and embarrass experienced ones. The techniques in this stance varies, from single handed techniques to double handed blows and everything between.

Open Palm began as a knife fighting style and Etorufuu immediately sought to apply it to elongated blades. The concept behind the stance is using the open palm of the shinobi’s weak hand to execute a series of wrist and forearm blocks to prevent attacks from knives and swords while using the armed hand to strike a wounding or killing blow. As previously stated, when used with a knife or short sword the style is incredibly deadly and practiced amongst many.

In combat Etorufuu most often prefers the quick and surest way to victory, pressing hard into opponents and forcing their submission in an extremely rapid manner. This high speed and hard hitting style of combat does not come without caution. Etorufuu is a gentleman swordsman who is not above bending or breaking the rules to find his own path to success at all costs. His progression in combat is entirely logic driven, keeping his emotions in check to keep absolute control of a situation. This cold outer shell often masks his true intentions, allowing him to be quite the manipulator.

Special Characteristics:

Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History:
A Sword and a Dream:

Spoiler:

Genin:

Spoiler:

Chuunin:

Spoiler:

Roleplay Sample:
http://www.ultimateshinobi.org/t4342-resting-in-the-spa

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Shio
Source: Deviant Art
Image URL: http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/152/3/f/Shio___Naruto_OC_by_hyarion.jpg

Age : 34 Posts : 591

The Arsenal

Weapons

Spoiler:

Academy Jutsu

Spoiler:

Kenjutsu Techniques:

Spoiler:

Weaponry Techniques:

Spoiler:

Hyouton Ninjutsu:

Spoiler:

Suiton Jutsu

Spoiler:

Fuuton Jutsu

Spoiler:

Non-Elemental Ninjutsu

Spoiler:

Genjutsu

Spoiler:

KYUBO Gear

Spoiler:

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Ready to be checked

I know I don't have the correct Shadow Clone template, give it to me and I'll replace them. Other than that: Am I good to go?

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Alright, your application is quite well written. However, some general issues I stumbled upon are the following:

Please scale down the size of your weapons' images so that they fit the screen. Those two distort the page width and it's hard to read the text.
Change the spoiler "Kenjutsu" to "Weaponry", as Kenjutsu is the Art of the Sword. Do the same for techniques that are not utilizing a sword, changing Specialty to Weaponry, as well.
Please fix some coding errors that exist in your application. One is in the Hyoton spoiler, where a "[spoiler]" appears. Some more can be found in your History.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

The Kenjutsu spoiler only has sword techniques. The weaponry techniques only have non-sword techniques so I'll be keeping them Seperate for Eason reference on my character sheet.

I have no idea how to scale down my pictures. Mayhaps I can just put them in Seperate spoilers so they don't warp the page when the whole section on weapons is opened.

I will try to fix coding errors.

Beyond that I'm looking for more feedback about things that are actually important. You know, non-aesthetic things like techniques and abilities.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Code:: <img src="URL TO IMAGE" height="PIXELS" width="PIXELS">

You can resize those images using this code.

As for the rest, I firstly want aesthetic issues to be fixed so that I can deeply go through your "more important" parts. I cannot actually read something if there are errors everywhere.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Sure you can, if the only errors are bolds, underlines, and other junk that doesn't obstruct vision.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Just have those fixes done and then we can proceed. Simple.

Age : 29 Posts : 1797

Please reduce the size of the images. It's ridiculously hard to read your weapons when the image expands my browser page by another vertical page. I can't review them until you do so. It's not for aesthetic purposes; it actually becomes a pain in the ass to grade.

You need to mention your two weapon types in the specialty, next to Weaponry.
Quote :

Open Palm: Careful Guide

Why is the CP for this 7? It's a B-rank. Up it to 10 at least.
Quote :

Shuriken Cyclone Technique

Change the wording somewhere to say it's a tornado of 5 shuriken.. The wording made me think you made a turbulence drift for the shuriken to follow. It was quite confusing to read.
Quote :

Kaiten Shuriken - Rotating Shuriken

State how many weapons at once can be thrown. If there is no limit, make it +3CP per additional weapon after 2 weapons. Also add a maintaining cost not influenced by the amount of weapons. You are remotely controlling them after all. That consumes chakra per post.
Quote :

Razor on the wind

Six inches is waaaaay too deep. Even Asuma's chakra control could only make maybe an extra inch, and it was still connected to him physically. Sharpness, okay. Six inch increase in length; hell no. Also, how far can this weapon travel before the chakra disappears? Oh, and increase the range to Far. It's a ranged weapon.
Quote :

Icy Terrain

Please add that if the cold water touches the enemy, they will not freeze once the jutsu is used. They will simply be splashed with cold water.
Quote :

Name: Hyōton Enchou | Ice Dome
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m ~ 5m)
Element: Hyōton (Ice Release)
Clan: Yuki
Description: Hyōton Enchou is a ninjutsu technique used by the members of the Yuki clan. The user can quickly create an ice dome around their allies and themselves to act as a defense. It is strong enough to withstand the assault of many exploding tags at once, remaining almost undamaged.
Chakra Cost: 6CP

Replace the bolded part with "Though it is strong enough to withstand powerful hits, at least five exploding tags in a single general location will shatter this defense."
Quote :

Hyōton Disuku | Ice Disk

Remove floating in air bit. Makes no logical sense. Even quantum levitation requires sub zero temperatures and magnets.
Quote :

Hyōton Tsubame Fubuki | Swallow Snow Storm

Use "These needles can change direction in midair for up to 3 times and will maim the opponent with their sharp wings." Instead of what the last sentence is right now.
Quote :

Hyōton Haryū Mōko | Tearing Dragon Fierce Tiger

Replace the part that says "In addition his jutsu is cold enough to freeze anything it comes techniques it comes into contact with by its subzero temperature." to "In addition, this jutsu is capable of causing massive ice damage to the surrounding area; possibly freezing anything caught in these cold attacks if contact is made for too long." Also, change the size of the tiger to 10m.
Quote :

Makyō Hyōshō | Demonic Ice Crystal Mirrors

Change that to this:

Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Makyō Hyōshō | Demonic Ice Crystal Mirrors
[b]Rank:[/b] B
[b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu
[b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m)
[b]Element:[/b] Hyōton (Ice Release)
[b]Clan:[/b] Yuki
[b]Description:[/b] Makyō Hyōshō is a ninjutsu technique used by the members of the Yuki clan. Using their kekkei genkai, Yuki members can create a dome of twenty-one mirrors made out of ice to trap an opponent. Twelve remain at ground level, eight are placed above the first twelve and angled toward the ground, and the final mirror is above the rest and facing the ground. They can then enter one of the mirrors and leap from it into another mirror at very high speeds, although it can still be tracked with the human eye; and even intercepted if the opponent is quick enough. While moving about they bombard the opponent with attacks at very high speeds. If the opponent successfully destroys a mirror that the user is still in, the entire jutsu ends, resulting in the user taking a moderate amount of damage. Additionally; all the mirrors show a reflection of the user, so it is difficult for the opponent to discern which mirror they are in. Ice Mirrors are very resistant, but a couple fire jutsu below B-rank, or a single B-rank fire jutsu will destroy the mirror. B-ranked Taijutsu, or a couple lower ranked Taijutsu will also shatter a mirror.
[b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 15CP (Additional 3CP Per Post)
Quote :

Mizukiri no Yaiba - Sword of Draining

Use this:

Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Mizukiri no Yaiba - Sword of Draining
[b]Rank:[/b] C
[b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu
[b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m)
[b]Element:[/b] Suiton (Water)
[b]Description:[/b] A jutsu that utilizes water to create a sword. The sword can be wielded in the normal fashion, allowing the ninja to cut and stab like a normal blade. This sword can also go through most fire jutsu of equal rank and below.
[b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 8 (2 per post)

Only minor clarifications added, and a maintaining cost.
Quote :

Kami Oroshi - Godly Wind from the Mountains

Reduce CP cost to 7, and add a (2 per post) field to Chakra Cost.
Quote :

Atsugai - Pressure Damage

Remove this jutsu, as it has been kicked up to A-rank along with the rest of Kakuzu's techniques. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Code:

[b]Name:[/b] Kage Bunshin no Jutsu - Shadow Clone Technique
[b]Rank:[/b] B
[b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu
[b]Range:[/b] N/A
[b]Element:[/b] N/A
[b]Description:[/b] Similar to the Clone Technique, this jutsu creates clones of the user. Unlike the Clone Technique, these clones are actual copies, not illusions. The user's chakra is evenly distributed among every clone, giving each clone an equal fraction of the user's overall power. The clones are capable of performing jutsu on their own and can even bleed, but will usually disperse after one or two solid blows. They can also disperse on their own. The clones will be created in roughly the same condition as the original. Because the chakra of each clone is evenly distributed, the user and each clone will contain the same amount of chakra after deducting the initial chakra cost. All remaining chakra on the clone after it is dispersed is refunded to the user. Clones automatically disperse if their chakra supply hits zero, but are not influenced by the 10 chakra minimum for survival.
[b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 15 (Per clone)

Here's your shadow clone c:

That is all for now.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

At least 80% of those changes will be made.

Instead of "A couple" could we replace it to "Three Taijutsu / fire stacks below its rank" for demon ice Mirrors? 2 just seems so... Blah.

Age : 29 Posts : 1797

You have to remember it's per mirror, and you have 21 of them. A couple will add up to be a ton of jutsu.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

..... This is true. I'm also a little hesitant about being able to be caught by people as I jump from mirror to mirror. I understand moving slow enough that they could dodge me... But this makes me seem slow. Oh well, you win some and lose some. I'll make the edits as soon as I can.

Age : 29 Posts : 1797

Well, I did say "if quick enough". So a Genin for instance won't be able to hit you; but if you were so fast that no one could hit you, then that would be just God Modding. Oh, and even though some techniques, like fireball for instance, may hit multiple mirrors; the person trying to break them will consume a lot more chakra trying to break them, than you spent creating and maintaining them. So in reality, it's a fair trade.

Once you fix the aesthetic issues and some other minor things; I'll review the rest of the app for approval.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Yeah, they'll be fixed Sunday evening. I don't have access to my laptop this weekend.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

So your coding thing didn't work, so I left it in your coding bracket so you could deal with my weapons. The Bokken doesn't break anything I don't think (image wise).

Made a ton of edits and though I removed the flying bit from the Ice disk let me just say

The disk of ice flying may not make sense in a physics sense, but one looks at how the mirrors hang stationary in the air and says to themself.... Why can't the ice disk fly if wind natured chakra was used?

I just don't care enough about the ice disk to do so myself.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

I can agree about the ice hovering part with you, but it would require extra chakra cost per post upkeep.
I edited myself the code errors, something that you would have done yourself but you probably did not intend to.
Your Character Claim is Shio, a Naruto OC, it is the name the creator has given. Pretty Obvious. Also change source to to DeviantArt - Naruto OC
Changed title to: Last Name, First Name [Affiliation & Rank]
Of course my code didn't work, you didn't fill it in properly. Done it properly. Your first sword is still in progress and both of them require appearance in text apart from the image.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Why do you sound so angry when you moderate apps bro? Chill out bro.

You handed a guy coding expecting him to know how to code it without asking about his coding background.

I can fix the text portions of descriptions. My ice disk doesn't float (I said I don't care enough). I tried to find all the code errors, if you found more and edited them out... thank you. And thanks for the research on my character picture.

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

There wasn't any research conducted, it was the title of your image, both mentioned in DeviantArt and in the URL of the image. And I'm not angry, I just face every application seriously. I expect everyone to work on their application and then bump saying that the edits are done, rather than posting saying that you will change the matters mentioned in the future and that aesthetics are not important. That is the way i work, that is the way I face you. I hold no grudge, no aggresive stance. Be up to your edits and let's finish this application up.

Age : 34 Posts : 591

Edited, fixed, hopefully this time it goes through.

Age : 29 Posts : 1797

Your origin should be a country and not a village. Since this is a minor nitpick;

[1/2] Approved!

Age : 29 Posts : 1585

Changed your Origin to Mizu no Kuni, just to give you my second approval.

Approved [2/2]

Welcome to Kumo.

Age : 25 Posts : 1767

Character Archived.
Due to death via roleplay.