Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu]

Age : 27 Posts : 69

Clan Name:Bushidoo
Location:Iwa
Signature Traits:Along with exceptional skill with a sword this clan has a Dojutsu/ninjutsu Transformation of sorts originally possesed by the Oro clan the members of the Bushidoo's eyes turn Sleek and manipulate the occipital lobe this revels a form known among the members as Hawk Eye

Kekkei Genkai:
Name:Bushido Sight
Rank:D
Type:Dojutsu
Range:50 Meters
Element:N/A
Description:Stage one: This form allows the user to see through weak darkness such as a night with no moon or stars out as if there were a lit candle in front of them.
Chakra Cost:C-Ranked cost:6 To begin, 2 per post active

Name:Stage 2 Bushidoo Sight
Rank:B
Type:Dojutsu
Range:100 Meters
Element:N/A
Description:The 2nd stage called Eagle the member's eye sight is enhanced to a state of purity this allows he or she to see through moderate darkness such as the inside of a room with no light of any sort without much trouble Dust also is no longer a problem even if it comes in direct contact with the users eyes
Chakra Cost:B-Ranked 12 to begin and 4 Per post active

Name:Stage 3 Bushidoo Sight
Rank:A
Type:Dojutsu
Range:200 Meters
Element:N/A
Description:In the 3rd and final stage refered to as Great Horned Owl State this allows a member to see up to 500 meter's into the distance the eyesight of the is so severe it is able to penetrate the darkness fully giving them the ablity to see through darkness in caves and such without any trouble
Chakra Cost:To begin A-Ranked cost 22, While active: A-ranked 5, Maximum limit 7 posts.

History:Once upon a time two members of rival clans married and had children the leaders of the samurai clan called Bushido kidnapped the mother of the child and executed her, Outraged the Leader of the clan of ninja named The Oro clan captured the father of the boy and in turn executed him also.The boy born by the two executed people was only 2 weeks old so the bushido clan proposed the rivalry stoped and the clans became friends with the boy as the bridge between them, The idea the samurai clan would keep him untill the age of 5 and they would switch possesion of the boy.
Each clan kept a detailed record of how the boy's parents were killed in case they needed to turn the boy's loyalty in favor of the clan, The age of 10 the boy still being shipped back and forth had found the scroll that contained the record of his slaughtered parents fortunately he would be going into the possestion of the Oro clan when he arrived he annourced that he would stay with them. Beliving that the Oro clan had told them the bushido clan reignited the war between the two the oro clan seemed to have victory within it's reach because the boy had both the skills of a samurai and a ninja,
But during the mid point of the war in the leader's council the boy found the record of how his father was killed in a rage the boy slaughtered the enitre clan taking however a near fatal wound by the leader, He awoke wrapped in bandages in with the remaining 40 members of the samurai clan,The leader proudly said "With you we shall rebuild this great clan"
The boy rose in his bed and picked up his sword and with there guard down he also murdered the remaining samurai of the bushido clan, With both clan's gone the boy satyed within the two complexes learning there secrets when he mastered everything he traveledin his travel's he met and married a women there child was trained in both the way of the ninja and the way of the samurai he named his clan.
The Bushidoo a fusion of both clan's names, The boy in his travel's made compain's with birds though he never signed a contract feeling it imprisoned the birds the birds loyally work with the bushidoo clan to strengthen thier bond a speical herbal rub is created and smeared onto all member's so that the birds can distinguish which member is a Bushidoo native the ingredints are kept under lock and key within the head lodge of the clan.

Clan Jutsu: N/A

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:10 pm

Your traits doesn't seem like "traits". Are you planning on adding a style that is secret to your clan or what?

Age : 27 Posts : 69

No not anything they r just good with swords naturally from there relation and knowing the secrects of the exterminated Bushido clan

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Fri 01 Apr 2011, 5:28 am

That wouldn't be enough to be an "actual" clan less you had some sort of secret style or a type of manipulation of chakra that no human could posess or a mutation in the body. Or even traits that even stand out completely different.

It's very lackluster in honesty. Add a great more in detail if you wish this to be a clan than being exceptional in swords. Anyone can be good with swords with the right speciality

Age : 27 Posts : 69

GOt it i think i can drum up somthing

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Fri 01 Apr 2011, 6:59 am

There is an exceptional amount of grammar mistakes and spelling errors. Minimal amount is, at best, ok. Please make the adjustments accordingly.

-There is no fat in the eyes. The way you would be able to see in night vision is a mutation within the receptors itself. Your occipital lobe would also have to be advance.

-Stage one: Basic increase of vision: Extremely vague; By how much?

-Stage Two: The claws thing is relating more and more to a body mutation and from what I can see, you are trying to have a doujutsu. Please edit that. Also why is your C-rank lower than your D-rank?

-Stage Three: Tell me, how is your B-rank jutsu lower than your C-rank and D-rank?

-Stage Four: B-rank? Please make this A-rank. This is, by far, your strongest and cannot be classified as a B-rank doujutsu.

Please follow the following guide for chakra cost
E Rank: 1 - 2
D Rank: 3 - 4
C Rank: 5 - 9
B Rank: 10 - 15
A Rank: 20 - 25
S Rank: 35 - 39

Once you clear up all of that, you'll have to put this in the jutsu template

Age : 27 Posts : 69

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Sat 02 Apr 2011, 2:11 am

Trickster Polymath wrote:: Please follow the following guide for chakra cost
E Rank: 1 - 2
D Rank: 3 - 4
C Rank: 5 - 9
B Rank: 10 - 15
A Rank: 20 - 25
S Rank: 35 - 39

Quote :: Kekkei Genkai:
Name:Bushido Sight
Rank:D
Type:Dojutsu
Range:50 Meters
Element:N/A
Description:Stage one:Basic vision is incresed around 100% and maintains it's enhanced stats untill another stage is activated when another stage activates this enhancement is expelled
Chakra Cost:C-Ranked cost:per post 4

Name:Stage 2 Bushidoo Sight
Rank:B
Type:Dojutsu
Range:100 Meters
Element:N/A
Description:The 2nd stage called Eagle the member's eye sight is enhanced to a state of purity this allows he or she to see through camoflauge sensing the body heat of it's opponets. aswell as a 200% sight enhancement
Chakra Cost:B-Ranked cost 8

Name:Stage 3 Bushidoo Sight
Rank:A
Type:Dojutsu
Range:200 Meters
Element:N/A
Description:In the 3rd and final stage refered to as Great Horned Owl State this allows a member to see up to 500 meter's into the distance the eyesight of the is so severe it is able to penetrate the darkness making them almost nocternal creatures. the sight enhancement at this state is 300%
Chakra Cost:A-Ranked cost 18

Your chakra costs don’t match up to the guide. Each one is less than the require cost per rank.

You also need to put in chakra cost per post active, as found in the combat guide in the Ultimate Shinobi System topic in Rules and Guides.

Now, all of your descriptions need to be spell checked and have commas and periods placed into the correct places, as well as your history. Especially the history.

You state your clan is proficient with swords and Kenjutsu, but not one part of this Doujutsu enhances that fact, making the two completely different and not connected at all.

Your Doujutsu needs much more in the description. What is 100%, 200%, 300% enhancement of the sight?

None of the stages are connected at all. The first stage enhances sight somehow, the second stage suddenly allows you to sense body heat, the third stage loses the heat sensing ability and you can see through the dark. Those need to be changed.

Age : 27 Posts : 69

Finished

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Sat 02 Apr 2011, 5:09 am

While this does look better, you probably should research eyesight a bit more.

There is no such thing as 30/30 or 40/40 vision. If I’m correct, you want to say that when active, you can see farther away, which would be something like 20/30 or 20/40 vision.

The 20 is a basis for all eye exams, meaning objects 20 feet away. The 30 or 40 means how far away you actually need to be to see correctly. So if you have 20/40 vision, you need to be 40 feet away to see what normal people can see at 20 feet.

Based on that, the Doujutsu doesn’t make any sense with being part of a sword clan, because the more far sighted you become, the less you can see at close ranges, making sword fights a very difficult thing for your character, if not near impossible. The darkness thing is fine, but you need to really work on the enhancement portion.

Hawk Slash really doesn’t need to be C-A rank, as you are able to target any portion of the body regardless of the rank. I see the accuracy bit, but again, it doesn’t make sense with how your Doujutsu is written up, and for something that is just a sword swing, anything greater than D-Rank is unnecessary.

Age : 27 Posts : 69

It's not a sword clan they are a weapon clan because they are A Samurai-Ninja Heritage so while the sword is their main weapon they are adept at using Senbon kunai suriken etc.

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Sat 02 Apr 2011, 5:36 am

YuskeFudo wrote:: No not anything they r just good with swords naturally from there relation and knowing the secrects of the exterminated Bushido clan

This leads to believe that the main focus of this clan is Kenjutsu, which you have just stated. Senbon, Shuriken, and Kunai are all weapons that every shinobi has regardless of specialty and therefore are atleast adept at using, normally to prevent being killed.

Since you have claimed that the clans main focus is swords and Kenjutsu, I’m merely making sure that you realize your main character focus is going to be nullified by your Doujutsu, making your character have a very large and completely unnecessary weakness.

By removing the enhancement, but keeping the night vision, your clan will improve dramatically just because this weakness no longer exists.

Age : 27 Posts : 69

But wouldn't that make the use of hawk slash just a slash?

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Sat 02 Apr 2011, 6:07 am

YuskeFudo wrote:: Clan Jutsu:
Name:Hawk Slash
Rank:D
Type:Taijutsu
Range:N/A
Element:N/A
Description:This can only be used while the Bushidoo clan dojutsu is active, The user Slices as normal but the enhanced vision Presented by the Dojutsu allows the user to slice with more persicion then usual
1st Stage :The user swings with more accuracy
2nd stage:The user swing toward the limbs
3rd Stage The user swings with intention to strike a vital organ
Chakra Cost: 4

Well one, if it's a slash then it shouldn't be listed as Taijutsu

Your sight increases in distance and in how well you are able to recieve in light not in pinpoint accuracy so yes, it would be a regular slash.

Subject: Re: Bushidoo Clan [Night Vision Doujutsu] Sat 02 Apr 2011, 6:18 am

1/2 approved

Age : 32 Posts : 381

2/2 Approved

Age : 29 Posts : 4301

Archived.