Yukii nara (kohona genin)FINISHED I THINK?

Age : 31 Posts : 104

Spoiler:

Nara,Yukii.

THE INFO.

Name:Yukii Nara
Age:13
Gender:female
Appearance: She has violet hair with flints of black, she’s as white as winter and is about 5’4”.she is wearing a plain black cloak over tight black jean like pants and a white shirt with black trim, it’s also embellished with pockets. She wears fingerless gloves and black combat boots. Her most unique quality is the tattoo on her left forearm of a snowflake enveloped in flames, also she has one red eye and one blue, people have stated to see an inferno in the red and a snow storm in the blue.
Under the clock she has a black arm band capable of holding 4 kunai blades though only one is present. In the internal pocket of the cloak there is a wad of paper and a pen. In a hidden bag she carries a box of poky, a few soldier pills, and some dried ramen.
Personality: yukiis primary mode of living is focused externally, where she takes things in via her five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Miss naras secondary mode is internal, where she will deal with things according to how she feels about them, or how they fit with her personal value system.
She lives in the world of people and possibilities. loves people and new experiences. She is lively and fun, and enjoy being the center of attention. yukii has very strong inter-personal skills, and may find herself in the role of the peacemaker frequently. Since she makes decisions by using her personal values, usually very sympathetic and concerned for other people's well-being. Also, she is quite generous and warm, observant about other people, and seems to sense what is wrong with someone before others might, responding warmly with a solution to a practical need. she might not be the best advice-giver in the world, because she dislikes theory and future-planning, but she is great for giving practical care.
yukii is definitely a spontaneous, optimistic individual. loves to have fun and tends to become over-indulgent, and place more importance on immediate sensation and gratification than on her duties and obligations.
Clan: nara
Nindō: all living creatures deserve respect

THE NINJA.

Origin: Konoha
Affiliation: Konoha
Rank:genin
Specialties:
Main: Ninjutsu
Sub: Medical Ninjutsu
Elemental Affinities:
Fire & Water
Combat Style:
Yukii nara is a very innocent looking young girl she often uses this to her advantage. Though she is very willful she will play weak even take a few hits. Then when the enemy is worn out and feels they have made the statement they had intended to yukii attacks with great seed and goes for several vital points alone the body. She hits the back of the ankle with a paralyzing force, follows through with a attack to the shoulder leaving the enemy feeling paralyzed.
Special Characteristics:
Speed

Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History:
- Directly after birth her father was killed her mother retreated to the woods they had basically lived of their land till junko (Yukii) grew once she hit the age of 6 her mother had a horrible accident in the woods leaving Junko to fend for herself…
Her mother had taught her enough to deafened herself and she also taught her some basic healing although Junko loses her memories she instinctively knows all her mom taught her.

After which she when to a village near by, the village hidden in the leaves, she singed up for academy and though she had little money she did every thing she could to pay her way through gradually she found work. paying little by little and trying to study. Her entire life as a academy student was work and study and train. after passing the graduation exam she continued training as a genin.

Also during her time training she called her self Yukii Okibi and gained a tattoo of a flaming
snowflake. She leaned to except lives duality you cant have beauty with out disasters or you wouldn't know the difference. She realized she may never have her family but it doesn't mean she would have to be alone. she went in to the woods to train and little is know what happened next she may have been attacked though its more probable that she fainted and hit her head from extreme exhaustion and malnutrition.

-her first memories is of waking up in the woods one early morning startled by continuous thuds and a loud screech. Fully awake she used her instincts to find some water. A small creek was nearby. She stopped for a while and began to check what all supplies she had: one kunai, a few pieces of paper and some exploding notes a box and a half of poky and some dried ramen. Now she had to find a village, she thought as a soft wind blew, but they would ask her name the one she couldn’t remember she needed one and fast she gazed at her left forearm her flaming snowflake I must have gotten it for a reason and as she thought she found a name Yukii Okibi. She started to walk the way the river was flowing using the river as both a guide and for dinking. As night came she knew she had to stop or parish amongst the beast she gathered many small twigs and dug a hole then realized she had no way of starting a fire. For hours she sat and ate the last of her poky then fell asleep in the morning she woke to warmth and a crackling also a box of matches next to a raring fire she said a short thank you to the air and packed up and was on her way. Soon after she began hearing voices and ran to them she had finally found the town
Roleplay Sample:
training day she yelled half out of it from lack of sleep she had be to excited and not able to close her eyes. maybe shed learn something this time. at least not be late as she ran she planed to show sensei her self taught control and how she could use it. she ran through her head as her feet carried her through the woods. remembering each seal and the justsu name she even figured she would aim it this time right around sensei.
when she got there she was not the first to appear on the scene, but the last and she new this wouldnt impress the boys they had already seen it. all she wanted was to impress sensei she had found out how to use jutsu.she paused and calmed her self down focusing on the small plot of land near senseis feet she prayed he wouldnt move. she focused more and more making the focal point less and less. i hope this works she said to her self.
she raised both hands to her chest and started doing handseals as she had befor exactly how she had before.moving faster and faster. she whispered sensei dont move then shouted shadow sewing. this time she had a target the small spot in front of his feet.
the shadow came from her feet and moved with high speed. almost invisible and penetrated the ground right were she had zoned in.
the hole was about 2 feet deep, and yukii was quite proud tired but proud. as she walked up to sensei she had a shameful grin wondering how bad she had scarred him. she was about to feet away and she bowed almost deep enough to tough her face to her knees, but in respect and in excitement for her improvement.
she asked her sensei if he trusted her anymore and if he would teach her more medical jutsu, she also explained how she didnt want to be useless and she needed to find a way to support herself. she softly mentioned about her living conditions as she had no home. she wondered if sensei could help her find a job or something to at least feed her at night. its not complaining its just asking for some guidance she told herself, as long as i dont cry. she stayed stong through the whole conversation. then suddenly like another person she got all happy.
"when we starting?"
(words: 404)

THE ARSENAL.

academy jutsu

Spoiler:

Medical jutsu

Spoiler:

Nara jutsu

Spoiler:

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim:yukii nara
Source: devin croft
Image URL:
nara,yukii

Age : 31 Posts : 104

posted in the wrong spot!!! ugh please move to charry reg.please..... im so sorry i fail

Age : 29 Posts : 4301

Moved to Character Registration.

Can you also make sure you follow the current character template we offer please;

Code:: [center]INSERT CHARACTER IMAGE

[size=24][font=Georgia][color=darkblue]LAST NAME, FIRST NAME.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=20][font=Georgia]THE INFO.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Nickname:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Appearance:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Clan:[/b]
[b]Nindō:[/b]

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]THE NINJA.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]Origin:[/b]
[b]Affiliation:[/b]
[b]Rank:[/b]
[b]Specialties:[/b]
[b]Elemental Affinities:[/b]
[b]Combat Style:[/b]
[b]Special Characteristics:[/b]

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]THE BACKGROUND.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]History:[/b]
[b]Roleplay Sample:[/b]

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]THE ARSENAL.[/font][/size][/center]

Jutsu, Weaponry, Items etc.

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]FACE CLAIM.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]Character Claim:[/b]
[b]Source:[/b]
[b]Image URL:[/b]

Age : 31 Posts : 104

ithink its done?

Age : 30 Posts : 614

Before we dive into the nitpicking and major details, please let me point out a few things.

Your template cannot be centered, it must be aligned to the left margin.
Please add more to personality
Hyperlink your clan to the Encyclopedia page
'Clan Traits' is not a required part of your application, please remove that.
Your clan jutsus should be part of your arsenal, please move those and put them all in one spoiler. Also, since you are a Genin, you do not have access to that B-Rank jutsu, please remove that.
Special Characteristics is set up for character attributes that are unique, not portions of personality or appearance. The list of current Special Characteristics (SCs) is listed here. Now, given you're a Genin, and just starting out, you're only allowed 1 special characteristic. If at a later time you would like another one, then you may train for it.
Your jutsus should be categorized by element. Academy jutsus need to be all in one spoiler. If you would like to sort them in Rank order within their respective spoiler, that's fine.

Once this has been completed, let me know and we will proceed on to the more in dept stuff.

Tyden

Age : 31 Posts : 104

ibelive i fixed everything.... ihope?

Age : 30 Posts : 614

~~Currently, you have no origin village, please make sure to add that. Since you are affiliated with Konoha, I'm under the assumption that's where you originated from.~~
Your Origin is the COUNTRY you were born within and not the VILLAGE.
The Clan location part isn't required as part of the template
Please choose an actual special characteristic.
If you are using clan jutsus, please make a spoiler that specifically says 'Clan Jutsus' directly above it. Same goes for 'Medical Ninjutsu', 'Katon (Fire)' and 'Suiton (Water)'.
Make sure to fill out your face claim section, please.

Lastly, the whole template is still off just slightly. I recommend using the following code and just pasting the information you already have in its respective place, then copy/paste the new version. (Remember, always save it somewhere in case the internet fails or what not.

Code:

[center]INSERT CHARACTER IMAGE

[size=24][font=Georgia][color=darkblue]LAST NAME, FIRST NAME.[/color][/font][/size]

[size=20][font=Georgia]THE INFO.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]Name:[/b]
[b]Nickname:[/b]
[b]Age:[/b]
[b]Gender:[/b]
[b]Appearance:[/b]
[b]Personality:[/b]
[b]Clan:[/b]
[b]Nindō:[/b]

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]THE NINJA.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]Origin:[/b]
[b]Affiliation:[/b]
[b]Rank:[/b]
[b]Specialties:[/b]
[b]Elemental Affinities:[/b]
[b]Combat Style:[/b]
[b]Special Characteristics:[/b]

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]THE BACKGROUND.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]History:[/b]
[b]Roleplay Sample:[/b]

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]THE ARSENAL.[/font][/size][/center]

Jutsu, Weaponry, Items etc.

[center][size=20][font=Georgia]FACE CLAIM.[/font][/size][/center]

[b]Character Claim:[/b]
[b]Source:[/b]
[b]Image URL:[/b]

Age : 31 Posts : 104

done?

Age : 30 Posts : 614

Are you sure that you do not want to take any C- rank Katon or Suiton jutsus since they are your elemental affinities?

Also, please put the Kai release and flicker technique in the Academy jutsu section.

Age : 31 Posts : 104

yeah im sure ill pick them up later perhaps i just wanna get a team and start trianing

Subject: Re: Yukii nara (kohona genin)FINISHED I THINK? Fri 11 May 2012, 4:18 am

None of your techniques have chakra costs. Please fix this.

Age : 31 Posts : 104

???? please????

Age : 29 Posts : 1797

Several things; and apologies on the wait.

Please go through your app and fix your punctuation and grammar errors. There are well over 2-3 dozen cases where you fail to either put a comma, period, or capital letter in the appropriate place. The site is strict on how well written things are, and the best way to make something seem professional is to use the most basic of skills: punctuation. May I suggest placing your application in a http://docs.google.com document. It finds spelling and grammar mistakes as effectively as Microsoft Word; and it's free.
You fail to mention a forehead protector in your appearance. Please add it in there. It is a very important part of the application.
Expand on your personality greatly. It's the soul of your character, yet you barely go into detail over it. For instance: "yukiis primary mode of living is focused externally, where she takes things in via her five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Miss naras secondary mode is internal, where she will deal with things according to how she feels about them, or how they fit with her personal value system." You don't go into detail about your internal and external foci. You could easily elaborate on that. Try to make your character interesting and unique; so that she stands out from all of the other sasuke-clones that exist.
Origin should be the country your character was born. In this case, the fire country (Hi no Kuni).
Expand your combat style heavily; to be at least a decent 7-8 sentence paragraph. If you need help; consult the Creation Template Guide. There are plenty of hints and clues to help make a wonderful character, nevertheless a combat style.
Please clarify your history heavily. It is very difficult to read and understand, and hardly elaborates on your character's own emotions. Her parents are both dead, don't you think a little girl would be traumatized by that? On top of that, it is very difficult to follow, as the plotline itself changes pace halfway through. Please go through your history and either redo it or clarify heavily.
The same goes for your Role Play sample. It would be preferred if you used proper punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and grammar when writing. This site holds higher RP standards than most; but it's nothing impossible.
Quote :

Gantai no jutsu (Bandage skill)

This technique doesn't make much sense. How can one create bandages using sand or water? That would require either sand manipulation (restricted to 1-tailed Jinchuuriki) and/or the Suiton element (which your character has, but this technique does not detail). Using grass or something is fine, but grass is still dirty and littered with bacteria. I personally wouldn't want someone wrapping my arm in grass to 'avoid' infection.
Quote :

Kanetsu no Gyou (Heat seeker)

Quote :

Ketsuki Gyouko (Blood Coagulation)

These two jutsu are not yours. Do you have permission from the owner to use them? If so, I'd like written evidence.
You are allowed C-rank medical ninjutsu, since you have the profession. Also, all of your techniques lack a proper chakra-per-post count. Please read through the Ultimate Shinobi Chakra System to better familiarize yourself with the proper amounts. Not all jutsu require maintaining costs.
You have two shadow imitation techniques, remove the former one; keep the latter.Also, please go through the medical ninjutsu and place proper bold tags where necessary.
You are allowed to begin with a C-ranked Kit; are you sure you don't want one?
Your character claim should have the Original character name in the first field (not your character's name); the location in which you found it (ie. photobucket, zerochan, google, etc.); then finally the link to the source of the picture. Please fix it accordingly.

That is all for now.

Age : 31 Posts : 8965

Archived.