Cold Night [P]

Age : 29 Posts : 796

Sliently she moved through the woods, her feet slightly muffled by the soft leaves she traveled over. It was night and the stars hung heavy above her. For a moment she paused and took the chance to look up. Her eyes flickered all across the sky, drinking in the beauty of it. It was such a peaceful looking sky, not a single cloud to be found. The sky's many lanterns shone ever bright, and seemed to glow more the farther from villages the were. Then she looked to the left, her gaze dropping from the sky to the dark trees around her. It was in that direction that her old village lay. Now it was also home to someone else, someone of importance. Her feet shuffled slightly, hesitating almost before carrying her to the villages. Her mind hardly registered the time, barely giving thought as to what time it may be.

She stopped short in a dense cluster of trees, the sky tucked away. Still the light filtered through, managing to cast shadows in this dark place. Her eyes drifted close, her body tired. Breath shallow, she made her way and leaned against the nearest tree. Instinct took over slighty making her inhale the air around her. Overall it was rather nice, not to strong. The tree smelled of oak, an always pleasant scent. Gently her hands wandered up the sides of the bark, feeling the cool hardness beneath her finger tips. It was a pure place to be, a place where the air had a very clean feel, nice and sharp.

"Marina..." She wanted to be with her, and being this close made her body ache. There was something about that cold female that made her body feel different. It made her want things she had not considered, even with Tennuyan. She saw Tennuyan as a suitor , more so than the friend she wanted. Maybe that was Marina. Marina was suppose to be that friend in her life..? No that did not seem right at all. Friends.. The title just did not sit well with her. It did not do what she felt any justice. Not at all. She had to see Her.

Slowly her eyes trekked back up to the sky. It was late not even midnight. She was probably asleep, waiting for the new day. Yet her she was, a ghost in the night. Exhaling slowly she shifted in thought. While she herself could not get in, maybe Aisu could. Her hand fell to her side, making a silent "come hither" motion. And from the shadows Aisu trekked over to her. "Bring ...bring her here. At least show up somehow to let her now Im near. If need be, stay the night with her if she can not come. Just...go.." Aisu gave her a long calm look, already knowing who the female she spoke of. He brushed against her leg slowly and ran off in the villages direction. The guards she bet, did not care of animals went in or out. So she safely she guessed he had and will make it through. Then the wait came...oh the wait. Her eyes closed again and her body relaxed against the tree. Marina..would come soon.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

"Do it." The hard, demonic voice echoed through her mind, through her conscience. She was standing in the woods, soaked in blood, a senbon in her hand. She was looking down at something on the ground, some bloody mass of something beneath her. She was looking down at it so coldly...so very coldly. More than she normally did. Her eyes were practically glowing with their vile and completely heartless intentions. She stared at this mass below her, its own blood drenching her clothes and dirtying her skin, and the senbon was raised high. It was squirming, it had been mutilated up to this point beyond recognition, but it was still alive. It was still trying to survive, trying to get away. The same voice rang through her once again, but immediately following it she heard the sound of a female screaming in horror and denial, screaming for her life...but screaming her name as well.

"Marina!"

It was such a faint scream though. She could barely hear it above the murderous intent that was running through her veins at the moment. She was a cold blooded killer...this was the truth. The screams and the begs could not stop her, could not make her put the senbon down and walk away from the bloody pulp, even if it meant it would die later without treatment. But still...the screams continued, and the voice was so familiar, but she could not determine what it was. No...that was a lie, she knew exactly who the screams belonged to, they were just so muffled. That same demonic voice rang through her mind again, only this time stronger, louder. She found that this was a female voice too, one she could recognize very easily. It was the voice of the Hokage...yelling at her to finish the job.

All of a sudden, something blinked. She saw the glowing, happy face of Rysa for awhile, rushing to see her. In another blink her eyes were widening, a look of terror on them. Another second, she was falling to the ground, blood covering her body. Another blink, and she was writhing on the ground, but still looking up with her, a hand raised, screaming at her to stop...the screams she was hearing before louder now. But it was futile, Marina continued to beat and cut Rysa, and in a blink, the slightly misshapen form that was Rysa was now the bloody mass on the grass...still moving, still alive. She saw herself for a moment, those cold eyes glowing, her black clothes bloody. But then it blinked again, and she was wearing an ANBU uniform, a mask over her face, though the faint blue glow of her eyes still came out of the mask. This was her mission. Rysa, was a Nukenin. Marina was a village Shinobi. Her frequent visits had not gone unnoticed, and it had become Marina's responsibility to dispatch of her. As an aged woman and experienced ANBU, she could not deny the Hokage, and proceeded with her mission without question. She could see herself, standing over Rysa's near dead body, ready to deliver the final blow...but she just stood there. Suddenly...a single tear could be seen running down her mask just before she lunged forward to end it all.

Her eyes flew open, and her breathing was fast, and she was drenched with sweat. Her eyes were wide with fright at the moment...staring at the ceiling now that she had jumped up from bed, her hands on the mattress to support her. She leaned up fully, and looked at her legs under the covers...still breathing hard, a cold sweat overtaking her. She was...scared right now, overwhelmed. She had awoken with nothing more than a gasp, but to her, this was something that never had happened. Never before had she had such a vivid dream, such a vivid...nightmare. She stared at her hands...and they were shaking, but they were clean. They were clean...but for split seconds at a time she would see them again in her dream, soaked in blood...in Rysa's blood. She closed her eyes and grimaced in pain at the very thought of all that had happened. Was that her? Was that what she was going to become? To wordless tool of the village who did whatever she was asked without questions? Even if it was to kill her...her...

She gulped as she thought about that. She couldn't even complete the thought because she couldn't think of the word. Friend? No...that couldn't be right. Best friend? That didn't fit either. It had never fit, no matter how many times she mentally said thats what it was. It was MORE than that, but she could not place her finger on it. She grimaced again as she bent over in bed, gripping her head and giving out a sound of discontent. It was a horrible sound, one that showed the pain she was feeling right now as a result from that horrid nightmare. She took a deep breath, and leaned up...to find herself now hugging herself, close to shivering. This was a weird sight, because her face itself hadn't changed a bit, and still showed the same blank expression regardless...but, like in the dream, a small tear had formed to wet her flawless white face. She tried to breathe slowly...to calm herself down, and it began to work, when all of a sudden she jumped at sound. Her face snapped right at her window, and her body jumped a bit.

She saw a paw...lightly tapping the window every few seconds. Her eyes widened a bit at the sight, and she ever so slowly got on her knees to elevate herself to look out and down the window. There, sitting on the ground, trying to get her attention, was Aisu. She could only stare at him for some time, not sure what to think of his appearance. At first she, of course, did nothing but look at him. What was he doing here? Why was he there in the middle of the night? He seemed to look annoyed with her inaction, and gave a quiet bark. This was enough to get her attention, and she looked at him a second time. Aisu! Her mind flew back to their first meeting...and the arrangement they had made. She would send Aisu in whenever she was near and wanted to see her, and him being here now meant she was waiting for her. She got something like happy at first, and had a small jump in her step as she stepped off of the bed to get her clothes on, but as she was putting the shirt on, she started slowing down...remembering her dream. What did it mean? Was it a prediction of the future? Or a warning of the future? Perhaps the scariest part of the nightmare was the realization that what had happened was very possible...that she would do exactly that, if she was given the mission.

Before putting her shirt all the way on, she looked at the window again...thinking of her. Was it really smart for her to even visit her anymore? Surely such visits would become so regular that she craved to see her, that their visits probably became noticeable. It wouldn't be long before her dream became a reality, or something similar happened. Was...was she too dangerous for her? She had to have been endangering Rysa's life by giving her an interest. Well, now was not the time to dwell on such things. Maybe she would tell her about it tonight...when the met, because that was why Aisu was there. She finished putting on her clothes, and before jumping out of the window which she opened slightly, she made a water clone in her bed. She then froze the water clone with another jutsu of hers so that it was pure ice, and not water that would dissipate when she went to far away. It took her place in bed, but she knew it would melt eventually, but hopefully not before she could get back. So, from there, she hopped out the window to land silently beside Aisu.

She didn't really want to face Aisu at that moment, she she kept looking forward. To look at Aisu would be to see Rysa...and remember her dream, something she didn't want to do until she was looking straight at her. Maybe the dream wasn't true, and if she saw her happy face, all of the doubt would go away and she was call herself silly for even thinking it. Aisu just padded alongside her, looking straight ahead too. They were walking in shadows though, in an ally where no one could really see them. When Marina sort of wandered into the light of the open streets, Aisu stopped and barked to get her attention. She could not be seen wandering around like this right now, so they had to come up with something. She looked at Aisu for a moment, and an idea came to mind. She walked back over to him, and performed the transformation jutsu to appear as a flea upon his back. From this, she was able to "ride" on his back through the village and out of the gates without questioning.

And so they went like this, straight through the village and straight through the gates. She took this time to actually look up at the sky now. It was late, and it was pretty cool...an atmosphere she actually enjoyed quite well. It was sort of bright out in the moonlight, and not a cloud was in the sky. The stars were truly beautiful, but she was too lost in her thoughts to really notice them. All she really took from the night sky was how late it actually was...near midnight. She went with Aisu past the gates, and something caught her eye. The guards, while not doing anything now, looked very suspicious of the dog's activities. She knew that she wouldn't be able to do this forever, or they would think something was up. Nevertheless, that wasn't her concern right now, her concern was getting to Rysa. Once in the woods she dropped her transformation and ran alongside Aisu, at a full sprint. In no time at all she came to the clearing of sorts where Rysa was...leaning up against a tree. When she got there she slowed down and stood there, looking at her. Her eyes were closed, so she slowly began to approach her. When she got close enough, if she noticed and opened her eyes, she knew she could not stop herself, and would have to give her a hug, so happy to see her again. And she was too, regardless of her blank expression, all the fear had gone away and was replaced with a happiness she couldn't express in any other way. She said nothing though, and would simply hug her until Rysa decided to pull away and do something.

Age : 29 Posts : 796

The dream world beckons to her, called her as her eyes drifted close. It tempted and tried to pull her along into it's dark chasm, promising her false hopes. Hopes that would be denied in the end. It was often that she tried fleeing inside herself to escape the harsh world. To lose herself in her mind, forgetting her presence in life. Her mind danced and twirled before her, caller her deeper still. It was intoxicating, to lose yourself in your own mind. That temporary escape was good, but also just as dangerous. One day, you will chose to not wake, and instead choose an eternal slumber parted from the physical world. She herself was almost there. Every time she closed her eyes when sleep beckoned, her mind drifted more closer to that fine line. Inside she smiled, amused how appearances were so deceiving. To look at her one would think she really was a happy butterfly. In reality she was probably closer to Marina, though mot as extreme as her.

Slowly her hands slide down the tree bark, faintly feeling that hardness there. Sleep called out, that weird slumber of hers. Her escape yelled at her, telling her it was time again. She needed it and craved it. That safely it brought her, something she had faintly recalled. And slowly she started giving in. Her full body lurched forward, breaking contact with her support. The ground rushed to meet her, embracing her tightly. Her body laid sprawled out among the grass, paying no heed to whatever maybe there. Tiredness over took her body, telling her to shut down. But she could not. Not just yet anyway. She traveled back from the Wind to see her. She had to stay awake, just a bit longer anyway. Though..perhaps she should just fall asleep and wake much later. The leaves shifted in the area around her, though she faintly heard it. It was most likely a squirrel or somesuch thing. Nothing she should pay attention to.

But she did. Although her eyes remained shut, her nose 'reopened' and actually started to pay attention to the world around her. And she was thankful for that. The very first scents that hit her were those that belong to Aisu. The slight musky smell of his accompanied by oak. For some odd reason he always had that spice scent to him. It was one that she had learned to be familiar with. She smiled lightly to herself. Aisu was back, that was good. Didn't she send him off though? Her thoughts float together for a bit, taking minutes to remember why. It was for..for Marina. Just thinking about her made her heart leap an ungodly amount. Was she here? Once again she put her nose to work, slowly recognizing her scent. That peculiar clean watery smell of hers...how could she forget?

"Marina...?" A question almost, said in a low tired voice, one that she never used around her. Slowly she picked herself off the ground, settling in an upright position now. Against her minds will, her eyes drifted open. Blurred vision at first, Marina was but a shadowed figure. Her hand brushed against her own eyes, rubbing them gently. It seemed to help some and The girl became more and more focused. Yes, there she was. A tired smile flickered across her face. "You came..." Relief flooded through her. Even at this time of night, she had came to her. She truly was a good friend. Friend..? Puzzlement overtook her. No...that was not right. Friend did not settle well with her. But that was a matter for another time. For now she focused on standing as well as walking closer to her. Her feet carried her painfully slow to the other girl, but soon she stood infront of her. Her arms seeked out the other body and wrapped themselves around her, pulling her close. She took a deep breath, happy that she held the person most dearest to her.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

She wasn't really expecting to find Rysa laying on the ground when she arrived, but didn't say anything when she saw her there. Instead, she waited to see if she was actually asleep or maybe just laying. She appeared to be aroused, because she could see her nose twitching on the ground like she was sniffing. She whispered her name while she was on the ground, like she was surprised to realize she was there. Nonetheless, the sound of her uttering her name was in itself an amazing thing to hear, and it pulled at her chest just a bit. As she watched her begin to get up, it was clearly because she had noticed her, rather than just decided to. She kept her eyes closed at first...and kept sniffing. She could see it from here, despite the darkness, that Rysa was exhausted. She was probably very close to passing into sleep where she was and not waking up for a long time. For that reason she almost felt guilty for waking her up by showing up...but she couldn't have expected this to happen anyway. Even when she opened her eyes they looked glazed, tired, like things were coming into focus.

She saw a small smile come across her face, but this too was tired, which didn't help her feeling of guilt. When she spoke next, she sounded so relieved and happy that it made her heart melt, so to speak. She was getting up, another tired action, and she could tell the intention was to walk over to her, but she didn't give her the chance. While she was standing up, she quickly closed the distance between the two of them, and when she was up all the way, she hugged her gently. She hugged back naturally, but Marina was sure to be supporting her with her own arms, to keep her standing up without having to work very hard herself. She breathed in her scent while she held her, closing her eyes as it filled her. She wasn't as good with her sense of smell of Rysa of course, and she didn't smell anything to distinct, but she smelled enough of something to recognize her by. She practically closed herself around her, after all she was smaller than her. She wanted to wrap around her like a snake, to envelop her completely. But instead, she would have to settle with just hugging her and sighing in partial content.

The feeling was so familiar, hugging her like this. Just like before...but she still felt empty, or perhaps incomplete. She was hugging her tightly, but it didn't feel like enough. Not necessarily that she wanted to do something more, but the intention behind the hug didn't seem enough. Or maybe that wasn't even accurate. Marina was hugging her while looking at her like she was a close friend, but with that intention, the hug felt artificial, like she was doing it for the wrong reason. Either way, she felt comfortable here...safe, more at home than anywhere else. She gave her a tight hug for awhile before she opened her eyes and looked at the area behind her. It was so dark...so she could see very little. But she could feel her hair against her face, so silky and soft...she loved it, wanted to breathe it in. But instead she said the only thing she could think to say to her at the moment, regardless of all the things she wanted to. "I missed you." The words were sentimental, but her tone was as blank and emotionless as always. If Rysa didn't know any better, she might have expected Marina to not mean it. But no, she knew better at this point...knew that she meant what she said, even if it didn't sound like it. She took a deep breath, and when she did so, her whole body tingled, and she said it again...but this time it had some feeling in the words. "I missed you so much..."

Age : 29 Posts : 796

Hearing those words, she perked up almost instantly. She herself has said them countless times, now more so to empty air. But her she was now, standing before her...standing before Marina. Her ears twitched slightly, picking up her tone pitch. Well the lack of a tone pitch. It did nor bother her of course, since their first encounter it has always been that way. She was content with that, fully knowing that it may be all she would get. Mostly resigned to this though she was about to open her mouth to speak, only for Marina to get there first. She repeated her words again, This time there was a hint of something else. Slowly her head tilted, trying to place the different between the two times she spoke. It was not much, and to any other person they would think she was faking, but there was actually some sort of emotion. A smile, this time one filled with more warmth than before, came up onto her face. It was a something else to hear this girl speak with feeling. Rather beautiful it was to her.

Such brief happiness she could not contain. Some strength returned to her body and slowly her arms slide from the girls body, putting an inch between them. Her hands slid up her body, not once breaking contact. They came to a stop at her face, and began to gently rub that area. She pulled the other girl closer, her hands still holding Marinas face. Closer they got, their faces touching. Her lips brushed againsts hers, though not putting pressure. When she spoke they touched, lightly dancing on hers. "I missed you too..." It was intoxicating, being this close. Her mind often became clouded during such encounters. Easy it became for her to lose herself in the moment, though she refused to let it happen again. Having a clear mind was needed when around Marina. It helped them both think, well more herself that anything.

In all her thoughts, she did not miss anything about how the girl felt. Her body language seemed off, only slightly. Should she ask about it? Curiosity ebbed at her mind. Surely she would tell her when she was ready. Hell, it probably had nothing to her. It may had something to do with training or her parents. But she stayed silent, unless it was important. So maybe it really was not a thing her mind should dwell on. Her ears twitched again, showing the slight hesitantness her body felt. Soon the words slipped from her tounge into the air before them. "Something happened." As usual she stated it rather than in a question. It would be better to have her confirm or deny it. If she asked a question, she might appear to overly concerned, which she was. But she did not want Marina to know that.

Such closeness they had between them confused her just like last time. The things they said, the things she did..that was..more than what people normally did, right? She remembered her travels and pictured the couples she saw. They held hands and they kissed. Smiling, laughter and carefree expression they had. It was all so gooey and 'love ' like. What she had here, was not like that at all. Though that could be because they really did not see each other much. Still, there was something else to the couples she saw. All of them consited of one male and one female. That was standard..so much so that it was normal. Afterall families started with a male and a female. To reproduce, it was needed. Flickering her eyes over the girls body she thought again. In her mind, that's how she saw her already. As..as lovers of some sort. Friendship would not cut it anymore. Her very own heart rejected the slight thought of just friendship.it craved more than that, and all she could do was hope that Marina felt the same. So she decked to ask one more question. Her voice low, dripping with her now unshown tiredness, she asked her what her feelings were.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

She was enjoying the hug, artificial as it may have been. She had hugged a small number of people in her life, mostly just her parents, and that was rare. One other time she hugged someone...a friend, but that was back in Kirigakure. That "friend" was now either dead, or had killed everyone she had known before. Either way, she could never speak to them again, so it didn't matter. All of those times, the hug was skin deep. It was an action, not an interaction, to her. She felt nothing besides the feeling of their skin against her arms and chest, and that was it. Completely boring really, she found the idea pointless on the surface. But this hug was different. Even if it still felt like it was for the wrong reason, she did feel something, felt at home. It was honestly like Rysa was a house, her arms and body the walls, and now she was safely inside. It was a small house, but she truly felt at home in it, in her arms. She figure she could have stayed there for a long time, fallen asleep, woken up in the same spot the next day, but still stayed there anyway. But as it turned out, the interaction got somewhat tiresome, and more was demanded, mostly by her body than her will. It felt strained almost, pained in a way, to be doing nothing else, like it wanted something more. Not necessarily anything extreme. Maybe just some movement, she really wasn't sure.

In the end though, it was like Rysa read her mind. There was a slight push to her, and she could feel that some strength had returned to her as she did so. The push only put about an inch of distance between them, and before Marina could really say anything about it, her arms had left her back and were now moving up her body. That feeling in itself made her shiver. She didn't know why, but she didn't dislike it either. When her hands came to rest on her face, she finally focused on Rysa's eyes now. She was looking up at her...with those eyes she she found so beautiful. Wait, beautiful? Is that what she thought? She didn't think anything was pretty...she didn't think anything was, well, anything. Regardless, those eyes stood out...her face too, her whole body actually. In a world where, to her, everything was black and white in blandness, Rysa was a splash of wonderful color. She really just now noticed this, and took a sharp breath that probably wasn't noticed. She really couldn't believe she noticed this just now, but nonetheless, it was welcome all the same. The feeling of her hands rubbing her face gently was also delightful in a strange way. She was massaging and heating up her face with the friction. Just like before, it wasn't until her heat was pouring over her that she realized she was even cold in the first place, as she always was. Only when she was around did she dislike her own coldness...otherwise, she wanted it to stay.

She might not have noticed it, but her breathing wasn't very steady. As she looked into Rysa's face, she could hear a constant thumping in her head. She could hear it, but could also feel like...like a pulsation. She didn't know what it was, but it was throwing off her breathing. She especially noticed it when she began to bring her face closer, bringing them together even closer. Their lips just barely touched, and they rested. They didn't kiss like they did the last moment before their last departure, but in a way, they didn't have to. The feeling itself sent sparks into her own and down her body, where it spread out across her body to give another brief tingling sensation. She spoke, and it was quiet...her lips dancing across her own now, her breath gently holding her face for a brief moment before disappearing. She had missed her too...she was glad to hear that. Really glad actually. She wasn't sure if she had been happier about anything before, which made her question herself even more now. What WAS it with this girl that made her care so much? Nobody else meant anything to her, but a brief meeting with this one had created so much. Why? She didn't understand it, and it frustrated her, but she didn't let it show...barely recognized it herself because she was too busy also enjoying herself.

In reaction to this though...she of course didn't move. Her face was ever blank, her eyes nearly half lidded, a bored look in them. There was no reaction to be had except the way she gripped her tighter with her arms that were still around her back. She was getting something like excited, being so close like this. She didn't know what to do about it, didn't know what to do at all. So instead, she let Rysa take lead, like she had been this entire time. But consciously submitting herself like that seemed to cause her mind to instantly wander. Suddenly, she tasted blood in her mouth, and she looked down at Rysa again a second time. Her grip tightened in a tense more than soft way now as she saw her...Her face was bloody, torn, and a look of horror was on her face. A soft squeak was given out, a terrified squeak just before her eyes rolled back into her head. She looked down at her body to find it full of holes and soaked in blood, her feet not even touching the ground, but rather being suspended. She was dead, and she tasted blood. She began to dance...slowly taking steps to sway with Rysa's dead body, rocking her back and forth, but still holding her gently...one step, two step. Time and time again, all around the clearing, a dirge playing in her ear. Finally she kissed her, taking in a mouthful of blood just before slinging her to the ground...licking her lips.

Her eyes widened, she was back. Holding Rysa again, very much alive. Her uneven breathing had briefly become labored for a moment, but now was returning back to normal...and her arms relaxed. Another episode...only this time she wasn't sleeping. Apparently Rysa noticed something was wrong, because she said that something was wrong. She had noticed. She honestly didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything. Didn't accept it, didn't deny it. She kept quiet. She couldn't tell her after all, that she had been having dreams, and now daydreams, of killing her. She...she wanted to keep this to herself, at least for now. If Rysa pressed...well, maybe then she would have no choice, but for now she was keeping silent. She didn't seem to interrogate further either, and was silent for awhile, almost as if confined to her own thoughts now too. She wanted to stay where she was...to keep her head, so she did what she could. While Rysa was still and silent, she kissed her. It seemed like the right thing to do, her body almost urged her. It didn't feel like the thing a friend should do, but at the same time, she had always been thinking that friend wasn't the right word. At any rate...she kissed her, not really paying attention to whether or not she kissed back. That honestly wasn't important. What was important was keeping her mind where it was...on her, and not in a bloody mess.

She sensed it just before it happened, she had something to say. So, she stopped, and put that inch back between the two of them and looked at her blankly like always, waiting for it to be said. Her voice was oozing with the tiredness her body wasn't showing anymore, but that only caught her attention for a short time. She asked...what her feelings were. Towards her? It had to be. In her voice she could sense the confusion she felt too, only it was different. It was almost like she had figured her confusion out, but just recently, and was asking her the same thing. This made her think...maybe Rysa knew what she was feeling, because maybe she was feeling the same thing. As she drew back another inch, her head kept thumping with that resonance from before. It had persisted this whole time, and was going now. She took a deep breath and spoke, looking at her. "I feel safe with you, Rysa. I feel at home. I feel amazing in ways I've never before felt with anyone. I feel connected with you...on a deep level I can't understand. I want to always be with you, to feel your touch constantly. Your my...my best friend." When she said the last few words, there was some emotion in it, some uncertainty. She placed her hand against her chest, over her heart, and she felt it. Her heartbeat, going at the same pace as the thumping in her head...thats what it was. "But no, thats not what it is. This hear...it denies that word. Its not the right one, its more, it tells me. I can't understand it though Rysa...don't know what it is. Do you...think you can tell me? Do you know what it all means?"

Age : 29 Posts : 796

Of course she noticed how her body tightened for that fraction of a second. Nothing dealing with body movements escaped her notice. Every twitch, every tense muscle, she made note of. Needless to say she spent even more effort into noticing how Marina moved, how she spoke, what caused her to do certain things. Her ears were already in tune with her breathing patterns and heard every hitch in the girls breathing. Still, she did not say anything. Why? Why won't she speak? If it bothered her, she should speak. Gosh, how that irked her. So much so that she growled in a low tone. It wasn't too threating but it carried that underlining meaning of needing to know. She did not want to wait for her to get over it. She sensed something was up, and thus drawing out her protective nature. She growled again, more aggressive it being her way of asking, What's wrong?

She wanted to know. Needed to know...and she would find out. "Tell me...dear.." pleading almost, conveying her desire. "Please..." Her fingers gently brushed against her body again, lightly pressing. Such small physical contact...more. She wanted more. No..no she had to behave. She felt that weird urge rise up in her, coating her world for a brief moment in a light haze. Her eyes locked onto the pair before her , possibly showing how she felt. Sure it was to be..different as it contained a rather feral look to them, wild and untamed. Her body wanted to lunge forward, pin her down. Ravage her. Take her right then....violent thoughts. She blinked as if clearing them away. And away they went. The look in her eyes faded somewhat, her mind becoming in control again. Behave Rysa! She silently screamed.

Trying to not lose herself, she focused on the words that Marina next spoke. So it seemed as if she had come to the same conclusion as her. Almost as whisper, she admitted to her that her feelings on the matter were quite similar. And to help with that statement her right hand genlty slid down, passing her waist and onto her hand, holding it lightly. "I want to be with you..closer than what a 'friend' should be. You are far to dear to me to just be a friend..." A slight pause followed and she began to pay attention to shifts in her body language. She had no clue how Marina would take her next words and hoped that it would be taking seriously. She hoped she knew tha she was not joking. "I myself..see you as a lover of sorts. I am coming to realize...that I may indeed be in love with you. Is this how you...possibly feel?"

All this heavy stuff was taking a toll on her. More mentally than anything. It tired her. She leaned forward again, resting on Marinas body. Her support for now, it comforted her. Sleepy , her eyes felt heavy. They were half open now, hardly foucusing on anything. She left it to her ears to find things out for her. But she still was awake, don't mistake that. For now she took a small break, making sure to stay awake. For once she did not want to slip away into another world. She wanted to stay tight here, and was afraid of accidentally drifting. For now she could only hope that she answered her question rather than avoiding it completely.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

During her episode, she heard a voice...words...speaking out to her, saying something. She couldn't understand them, but they seemed to be the thing that allowed her to break out of it. When she flung Rysa to the ground in a bloody puddle, she heard it again, and turned around to look at her, and she was staring at her, lips quivering and moving slightly. She blinked, and when her eyelids opened, she was back in Rysa's arms...the episode over. She had no idea what was said, or if it actually happened anywhere but her episode...so she didn't react to it. Instead, she went on to react and reply to what she she did hear, what was asked of her. She went on to answer Rysa's question...of how she felt. It really was a difficult question to answer, because she wasn't too sure what her feelings were to begin with. She voiced this...said that she didn't understand what it all meant, but she did explain her feelings as best as she could. Even in the end, she felt as though she hadn't said everything, that she had left important things out, but nonetheless she said all she could think of, and hoped it was enough to get the message across. It looked that she understood where she was coming from, and she hoped she did. After all, it looked like she had been having the same problem of confusion, but had just recently figured out. That was why she didn't hesitate in telling her what she felt even though she didn't understand it, hoping that she would be able to fill in the blank for her. She knew it was more than friendship, but she didn't know...what it was called.

In the end, it would turn out that she wasn't completely ready to hear the truth. Her body and subconscious were not prepared for it. After living the way she had for all of her life, to open herself up like this was something it could not handle yet. It was fine when she couldn't understand it, because she hadn't come to the realization, wouldn't be making herself vulnerable in the ways that it would create. But as the words fell on her ears...something happened. Rysa's words...they made a single tear form in her eye. At first, her words caused her body to rise a bit, in tense anticipation. She was saying things that she felt herself, almost repeating what she had really. No...friends weren't enough, she was too important. She knew she was leading into the answer...and her anxiety was causing her body to race, her heart to pound, though on the surface she was completely still...though Rysa might have noticed that she had stopped breathing. What she said next...caused her to cry, just a bit. But...something else happened as well.

As soon as the words "...be in love with you" that tear froze, and with it, so did everything else. Her whole body was encased, though not physically. She froze up, still, unable to move...her breath caught. She didn't hear what came out of Rysa's mouth next, everything was completely frozen. She was staring at Rysa now...but she wasn't moving either, everything had stopped, and she felt cold...so very cold. It was painful, even to her. Before her, she could see Rysa's body begin to freeze, turn into an ice statue...starting at her feet and slowly going up to her head. While it did...she could hear a ghostly whisper in her ear, like a lich telling her what to do. "Kill her...!" is seethed, ice in the breath that didn't exist. It said it over and over, urging her to do it. She was frozen, all she had to do was punch her, and she would shatter, and release her from her weakness. Her eyes widened slightly as she backed up away from her, as she was still frozen, and picked up a large stick that was on the ground. She slowly came back, raising the club like stick over her head. The voice whispered again while she hesitated, "Do it!" It was malevolent...it was vile, evil...but she knew it was hers to. It was her body, trying to get her away from Rysa and the weakness she created. Her eyes went half lidded...and the club came swinging down relentlessly, shattering Rysa into a million pieces.

With a gasp, she came back, and was holding onto Rysa. She could feel her leaning into her, because she was tired...but was also awaiting an answer. She wanted to cry. She wanted to slump down onto her knees, hold her head in her hands, and cry all the tears she never before shed in her life. It was too much...these visions of killing her. How long would they persist? Would her body ever accept Rysa? Or would it continue to present these nightmares until they actually happened? It took all her strength and will not to sob right there while holding her, but it also meant she had to take some time to compose herself, making Rysa wait even more. She was trembling all over, and her eyes were watery, though her expression was the same...always the same. She had to be strong...for Rysa. She couldn't tell her what was happening, not right now...it would have to wait. Maybe later, but hopefully never. She didn't want Rysa to know that she frequently imagined killing her in multiple ways, and that in every scenario, she never stopped herself from delivering the final blow. Maybe thats what scared her the most, never being able to stop herself. It told her that, if it ever actually happened, she wouldn't be able to do it then either.

Eventually, she was able to compose herself...regulate her breathing and her heart beat, and remember what she even said in the first place, remember where she was. It was like realizing all over again, and her eyes widened. Yes...now that her body had failed in stopping her from staying with this girl, with Rysa, her free mind could react. She could see it...feel it...all coming into place. All the puzzle pieces that had been forced into the wrong places in her heart and mind were thrown away, and to replace them, a new piece...a new shape she could recognize fit perfectly into those places, completing the puzzle. Love...thats what it was called. Her heart soared in a way she never thought possible, and she almost choked up again, but she didn't. It all made sense now...that word. It was true, they weren't friends, they were lovers. Even if the word itself sounded somewhat awkward to say, the meaning of it felt perfect, precise, exact. Yes...that was what it was. She felt a whole new horizon of possibilities open up before her. Things she had wanted to do with Rysa that felt awkward to imagine before seemed appropriate now, like she was suddenly allowed to do them. It was...a wonderful feeling, and she gripped her tighter. All she could do was whisper, showing completely all the emotions she had recently felt...the fear and the joy...in the word she said. "Yes...Yes..."

Her hand tightened around Rysa's, noticing that they were even being held together, but softly. She couldn't help herself at this point, and she cried just a bit more. It wasn't much, but she would surely have been able to feel the drops hitting her. She wrapped her free arm around her, and hugged her with it...an amazing feeling made all the more special now that that barrier she had felt before was gone. She held her...and the feeling was completely different now, all for the better. She realized now that the warmth and comfort she had been feeling before was numb, numb and muffled. Now it was acute, and she could feel it in full. It was overwhelming. To have experienced so much after going her whole life without experiencing anything...she almost passed out right there, but she held onto Rysa...kept herself up for her sake. Whatever happened next...it didn't matter. She would let Rysa fall asleep in her arms if she wanted to, and if she did, she would soon follow. If not, she would stay up the whole night wither. all that mattered...was that they were together, more so now than they ever had been.

Age : 29 Posts : 796

As she held onto her, she heard an empty noise. As close as they were, hearing the other girl breathe was common, and she was used to it. But now, it was empty air, void of Marina. It happened more than once in their encounter already. It was making her worry, something was wrong. Just what exactly? It couldn't be something she was doing, seeing how not much was happening. In the end it had to be a mental issue. She was not calling Marina crazy, but what ever had happened was clearly mentally based. It was something in her own thoughts. It was after she leaned into her that she felt something else. The girls body was also stonic. Ridged and unbending, as if her tangled veins had frozen over lending her this rock like feeling.

Then tears flowed from the girl, shocking her. This almost robotic person was feeling such an intense emotion, it almost scared her. She had wanted to break the girl down, to have her expose feelings that she never had felt. And now, she was witnessing it right infront of her own eyes. The girls body shaked with sobs , and she felt herself being held tighter. This already long night was being stretched out by this. Midnight seemed to stretch on and on because of this girls most obvious weakness. She had been numb since before they met, and now she was holding on to her, grasping a girl lost in emotions. Then she herself started to shake at the thought. Marina was what she wanted, someone that was completely different from herself. She wished to be with that person that was everything she was not. Her stomach was quivering, ready to leap out. She was nervous now, unsure even. What would happen?

She clutched her even closer, her finger digging into her back slightly. Her life before this, before meeting this girl, was now distant from her. Faint memories that she could hardly even grasp. In the past now, memories of being alone. It was ironic how so many years spent alone can be so easily forgotten when you had someone by your side. She knew though, when she would be away from her, a lonely feeling would grip her. She was so deeply intertwined with this girl, emotionally and mentally. To be gone for a long time..she knew she would feel threads unraveling and be ever conscious of the distance between them. Still part of her dwell on what Marina was feeling. "Tell me.." she repeated again more forcefully.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

The tears she shed slowly increased in intensity. Upon bringing her closer, closing the embrace with greater strength, she had begun. With Rysa's head upon her chest and her hand in hers, she oddly felt like she could break down like this. Her warm touch enveloping her entire body made her feel at home and safe, but also inspired her to reveal her greatest weakness, one she didn't even know she had. The tears started slow at first, just dripping off her face one at a time to land probably on her head, but the more Marina thought and waited...the more intense they became. Soon she was sobbing and her body was shaking. She was happy and scared all at the same time. This grand realization had allowed her to acknowledge something that would change her life forever, hopefully for the better. They...loved each other, as strange as the term as well as the reality sounded. Until that day she had heard the term multiple times, even seen it in action...but it was on this day that she experienced it for herself, realized what it could mean in full. All the pain in her stomach and chest she had been feeling the past few days morphed and became a feeling of ecstasy and great joy. The uncertainty had become certainty, so she didn't have to be confused anymore. This caused her to weep her tears of joy, because the feeling was just so amazing. She wanted Rysa all to herself, for the rest of both their lives.

But she was also wracked with intense fear which also took part in her crying. This admission to love was an admission to weakness, something she had spent her entire life freezing over. Her body had honestly been raising her to be the perfect ANBU since the day she was born, almost like it was her destiny. Make no friends, make no connections, make no bonds. To give herself nothing to have was to give herself nothing to lose, so that she would always be focused on carrying out her assignment, her goals. But this...she was going against her predetermined destiny, she was going against her body's will. Her will was in conflict with her subconscious, and the battle waged on. All the visions of Rysa's death by her own hand were just ways to get her to run away from her. She would either kill her or leave her behind in hopes of not killing her, that was the hoped outcome. That was why she wept in fear, in fear of her own self. Rysa was with a time bomb right now, endangering herself by doing this with her. So in essence her tears of fear...were also tears of sorrow. She felt as though one of these things were bound to happen, and she would have wanted to distance herself from Rysa so that she would live. She thought...she couldn't be with her, not forever, as much as she wanted it. But, that was what love was right? It wasn't just about wanting to be with them all the time, it was about looking out for them and their best interests. She loved her to the point where she didn't want her to have to suffer...

She felt her hand dig into her back all of a sudden, shaking her from her thoughts. It was around this time that...that she was supposed to have another episode, she could tell. But here she was, in Rysa's arms...and everything was alright. In her arms, maybe she could fight herself, maybe she could defeat her demons. Rysa was not a weakness, she was a strength...if she could make her one. She took in a deep breath, and it was shaky with her tears. They were beginning to recede now, and she was slowing down again. She knew at that moment, that she didn't want to leave her, not ever. She protected her from her own horrible thoughts, and without her, they would run rampant. She was like a shield to her subconscious, she could fight herself with her standing beside her. That would have to wait though. Apparently she hadn't been as completely un-obvious as she thought she was. Rysa was catching on to her episodes, it was there in her somewhat forceful voice. Before answering, she gulped down her tears and tried to compose herself...and looked straight into Rysa's eyes. Her own was probably a strange site. Blank, uncaring...yet they had the telltale signs of crying, red rings circling each of them, and they were still a little watery. Her face was straight like nothing had happened, even though that was certainly not true. She found herself...unable to just out and answer her. After all, it was a pretty heavy thing to admit.

"I think about killing you." There, she said it. And hearing her own voice...it caused her to feel even colder than before, because it sounded so heartless. Her voice was so simple and matter-of-factly that it made her sick. She couldn't verbally express how much that bothered her, how much pain it brought her heart every time it happened. Maybe her eyes would be able to show Rysa her emotion...she could only hope. "Two times since coming here tonight, I've killed you in my mind. You begged me to stop, but I did not. Relentless, I ended your life, completed an imaginary mission assigned to me." She was beginning to hate her own voice, hate the way it made her look. She tried to pump the emotion into the words, but that only backfired by making her feel worse about it all inside. This wasn't working, so she thought of something to actually say that would hopefully represent her feelings without them needed to be inferred by the words. "It bothers me greatly." Not even that was enough! She thought about all the things she had said so recently. She had been crying not seconds before, and she still couldn't put any feeling into her words. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she do this? She wanted to scream, but she could not. Instead, she could only look at Rysa with her cool eyes...and pray that she understood how she felt about this...about everything. But then she had one last idea, one thing to say...to show all the desperation she felt. "You can stop them though. They go away when you hold me now. Rysa...I don't want to leave you again. I can't face them again."

Age : 29 Posts : 796

Slowly her eyes went through the motions of blinking, reflecting the sinking feeling she had. It was a warning to her senses, her delayed reaction the only thing that she knew before blanking out. Her mind cleared, white noise filling the empty space. It was purly physical faction now, her mind being locked up for a moment. Her eyes grew cold, heartless for a brief moment as she stared into the girls eyes. Unpassionate for perhaps the first time since meeting her. They looked down upon the girl, as if accusing her of some tragic misdeed. Indeed she did feel wounded, a fresh pain lanced through her body. It cut so deep, causing her to gasp in slight agony. Her words hurt, she felt the sting from them. But on the outside it seemed as if their personalities had swapped places. Her body had become ridged in form though she still held on. Instinct told her to fling the girl away, to not deal with the conflict. She did not want to deal with this. All she wanted was to flee and hide away from the world. This precious girl had said these simple hurtful words to her, ones that she could not forget. Once again it felt right to be alone, it called out to her. After all, it was the only thing she knew for awhile and grew rather accustomed to it.

But then as she looked down onto the girls face, her eyes softened just a bit. But this was how it was supposed to be. Nothing was perfect, not them, and certainty not this sutuation. This pain was meant to be there. For love without pain was really just an illusion. There was always a hint of sadness in every relationship. Just for them, they hit this bump perhaps a littler sooner than most. And for just a moment her senses overcame her and surrounded her body, encasing it like a glove. The girl before her glowed in such a magnificent way. Her dark hair shone in the heavy moonlight that surrounded them. What struck her most was her face. It was streaked with many tears and showed the sorrow she felt. It broke her on the inside, seeing her in such a state. Still she gazed upon the slightly younger girl, looking at nothing but her facial features. Those red rimmed eyes and blotchy face, she remembered it all.

All these feelings did not stop her desires from returning though. Her soft body was against her own, venerable flesh against hers. It would be so easy to take advantage of her right now in this state. It would be easy, all she had to do was to tell her it was out of love. Simple. Oh her body wanted to do that. That animalistic urged had gripped her mind, clouding it with such want and need. Her eyes flashed faintly with lust, lust for the girl. Her hands slowly started to roam over the girls body. She went from her back were she held her, and slowly slid them down to her waist, massaging slightly as she went. She could not stop herself, more and more she wanted. Her arms pressed Marinas body closer to her. Then the fog lifted momentarily. Her mind wander just a bit, long enough for her to question what love was.

Surely not this. It could not be these animal feelings she was having. It was more, she knew it was more. Not this, not what she was doing to Marina right now. Suddenly she stopped, her actions now no more. He eyes again bore into hers, this time her usual self. They were caring again, normal. A small smile came to her lips. "It's ok.." With those two words she was basically telling her that it was fine if she thought like that. It would be something that they would have to work over. Yes, it was a rational fear, one day it might happen. It caused her heart to stutter just a second before beating normally. That thought, she hated. Hated knowing it might happen one day. Still that was in the future. For now they had to live in the moment and create memories to reflect on. "I'll be here. I'll be that gravity of of yours to help you stay grounded. I would like to be with you...Forever even. I'll do whatever..just to stay by your side." Then she laughed softly. It was very cheesy sounding, but it fit. Plus it helped to relieve the tension somewhat.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

She knew it...she knew she shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have told her. She could see the look in her eyes as soon as the words began rolling off her tongue. The look in her eyes turned cold, defensive, hard. She was offended, hurt even, about what she was hearing. Why shouldn't she though? What were you supposed to do when someone told you they dreamed about killing you frequently? That look...it chilled her to the bone. Seeing Rysa, this girl who looked younger than she was, who usually had a happy demeanor suddenly become so heartless...it was scary. In truth, it was almost like looking into a mirror, seeing herself. That was the look she gave everyone all the time, the look she might have been giving right now. She remembered the day she trained with her clone, and the look her clone gave her. Rysa's was very similar right now, and it honestly made her feel quite insignificant, another possibility now that she allowed Rysa to become her weakness. At any rate, she got the message Rysa was saying...and she loosened her grip on her, began to slink away. Clearly, what she had told her was too much, and maybe it was for the best for Rysa to hate her. She wouldn't be able to hurt her, and she could go back to being the same old cold Marina. Her body would be satisfied anyway, and she would look back on these last few days as a lesson to be learned, to never get involved with anyone.

She averted her eyes slightly when she was slinking away, silently saying she would leave her alone since she had offended her with so much. She was giving out a small sigh when suddenly she felt a forceful pull, Rysa drawing her in closer again, stopping her from getting away. She looked back into her eyes, a little surprised, but maybe also relieved. Strangely enough, the forceful act of silently telling her she couldn't leave pleased her a bit. She enjoyed the possessiveness in a way, it gave her a sense of security almost. She looked blankly into Rysa's eyes again, and saw that they had changed. Replacing that reflection of her own was a strange glazed look, almost animalistic. She tilted her head a bit, finding it strange, not sure what it meant. It gave her a weird feeling though, like she was more of a plaything than a person, almost like she had suddenly forgotten who she was. It was a strange change, going from looking offended and defensive to suddenly possessive and...hungry. Yes, she could see that in her eyes, a kind of lust for her, but in a different way. She felt her hands running around her body, massaging them as they went. She found she actually liked the feeling a bit, and could feel something consuming her from the inside, turning her internal ice into a burning feeling. When another tug came bringing them closer still, she gave a small huff and that burning feeling exploded. She found herself enjoying that in a way she didn't understand, and her own grip around her tightened. Whatever Rysa was feeling...she had the feeling it was beginning to infect her as well.

But then suddenly, it was gone. The look in Rysa's eyes, and along with it, the feeling in both of them. She felt dizzy suddenly, like she had been possessed and was now released. Her head was a little fuzzy too, like she wasn't too sure what she had been doing a few minutes ago. Whatever had just happened, it didn't feel like the right thing to do anymore, and she was glad it was over, and apparently, so was Rysa. That look she recognized was back in her eyes, that caring and gentle look. She found herself being extremely glad to see it again, but with it, her own desperation returned. The words she had said returned to her suddenly, and what they meant. Rysa had yet to actually respond to what she said, but at least she felt a little reassured that she wasn't scared of her anymore, at least not to the point she didn't want to put up with her. She smiled at her and told her it was okay, okay that she thought about killing her frequently. She wasn't too sure if she believed her, but she decided not to question it. She was at the point she wanted to believe whatever the girl said, and for the time being, was going to do just that. She felt a little better, but she knew that wouldn't stop them from happening. At least she said she didn't mind anymore, that she would deal with that as much as she did...or so she assumed. She was relieved honestly, and you could tell by looking into her eyes it was as though a great weight had lifted from her shoulders and she felt a little happier.

Then Rysa spoke again, and her words made her feel even better. It was a cheesy sentiment of course, but its intention was genuine all the same. She expressed everything Marina had hoped for and longed for. Even though she said she would stand by her, she suddenly felt like she could face her demons by herself now, that she could stand up to them. Perhaps it was in the way Rysa said she wanted to be with her, forever if they could. To know that she wasn't the only one, that maybe it would come to that one day, it inspired her to put up with the episodes until that day came and she would efface them completely. When she laughed, she hugged her tighter, bringing her head to rest on a shoulder for a moment. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her face remaining straight. After a moment she pulled back and looked at her from a distance, though they were still holding each other with their arms. She looked at her own reflection in her eyes at this point. She could see herself and her blank demeanor, looking entirely bored and emotionless, like everything she was saying wasn't actually real. How Rysa put up with this, how she could be reassured that what she was saying was genuine even though everything about her body screamed that it wasn't baffled her. She really was lucky to have her...lucky to have someone that could look past her outer shell and see the girl inside. Or rather, maybe it was more like the girl she made her. In any other situation she never would have acted so emotional, cared so much. It was like a side of her Rysa made herself and injected into her. Either way, she enjoyed it anyway.

Anything to be by her side...thats what she had said. A few ideas came into her mind when she said that. She thought about the two possibilities they had talked about the last time they met. Marina could run away with her, leave the village behind. Or Rysa could come to the village with her. She knew that, while this would be difficult, it would be the better option if it worked. She felt confident that she could get the Hokage to understand Rysa's situation and bring her back into the village where she could be a Genin alongside her. It was a good thought, but the fact of the matter was, she didn't care where they were, as long as they were together. Her heart strained when she thought about waking up every day to see Rysa beside her, smiling in her sleep. It was a vision she wanted to make a reality...a vision she could fight for. Her eyes suddenly widened, that was it. That was her reason to fight, to ensure a future where Rysa and she could live peacefully together, and keep that peace safe. It was a huge epiphany that caused her legs to shake. This is what she had been looking for so long, the only thing she had to care about. Because of this realization, EVERYTHING became easier. She thought about those visions in her mind and scoffed at them. They scared her no longer, she could face them without fear. While it was undesirable, she would be able to put up with their separation, because that in itself would be a fight, and she would be fighting to see her again. The immense desire to be with her from this point on lifted from her, and she could think clearer. She would make this vision a reality, but she would make sure it was done right, carefully. They would have to separate eventually tonight, but at some point, when the time was right, they would be together. That was what she could fight for from now on.

She looked at Rysa again from this distance, and her vision was cleared. She loved this girl she held in her arms...she would be her inspiration to live, to go on, to fight for the future. That was the simple fact of the matter. Her internal whirlwind of emotions was calmed and set into place all of a sudden, and even her body was calmed. Weakness or not, Rysa was a reason to fight, something she had been looking for for so long. Even if her body knew she would be a problem, it knew that, with that philosophy, there really wasn't much it could do about it. The visions now would no longer be about trying to get her to run away from Rysa, but rather, to test her devotion and dedication. She actually smiled, just a little bit, looking at her. She didn't care what anyone said about them, she would shout it to the world that they were in love. Nothing else mattered except her. She nodded, finally reacting directly to what was said to her. Her voice now, while still blank, was stronger now, more assured. "We will be Rysa. We will be together, and nothing in the world will be able to stop us from reaching that reality. We'll face the world and everything it has to offer side by side." She somewhat inferred by what she said that now was not the time for that. Instead of saying anything more, she silently indicated that the time for words were over. She came in close, and put their lips together again, kissing her now. Her newfound will was evident, and the kiss was real and full. In a way, the interaction told Rysa that she had noticed the lust that had overcome her earlier, and if she wanted to submit to it, she herself would be happy to do the same. If not, the small kiss would be like a fate sealing embrace, silently creating a pact to always be together, if not in body, then in soul.

Age : 29 Posts : 796

It was a slow move, one that she lingered on. Marina moved, shifting away from her ever so slighty. Their bodies were not as close anymore, much to her displeasure. On the inside she scowled, hating that slight distance she pit between them. Though it was all ok when she realized that they were still touching. Dispite this her skin tingled still, as if expressing it's own happiness at the contact. First it was her eyes to actually payed attention to Marina. They glossed over her body, the small girlish build she had. The way the light reflected off her smooth pale skin... gleaming and enticing. As prudish as it sounds, her mouth began to water slightly as she looked at the girl before her. Her eyes worked upward again, locking with her eyes. Magnificent they were, a true work of art. On the outside it looked like a blank, black canvas that reflected their surroundings. The stars twinkled in and out of them, shining briefly within. It portrayed her perfectly, blank and smooth. On that fragile surface, her eyes were the perfect example of what her body portrayed.

For awhile they stood like that, gazing into each others eyes. She was thankful for it, it gave her time to try and deciper those hidden feelings locked inside her black orbs. The longer she looked, the more became clear. It helped, she thought, that she was already close to her on some kind of level. Without having that bond, she would be nearly impossible to understand. A slight sigh passed from her lips and their gaze remained unbroken. For now, all she saw was this deep confusion. One that held some meaning of their own for each of them. Still she wondered, what exactly was hers for. By now she had figured out her own, pin pointing it on what was "right" and "wrong". But for Marina? She could only take small stabs at air, the answer evading her. Slightly out of her grasp, she reached further and further. It annoyed her, deep down, when she couldn't hold on to the right reason. For now she gave up on that, and blinked slowly, breaking eye contact for a short second.

Flickering, they opened back up again, and she nearly gasped at what she saw. That weird lost look she had just seen had now vanished. Any uncertainty and any doubt from earlier had simply evaporated and was now replaced. Replaced with something so much better. Just making slight eye contact made her heart leap and her breath to race. Marina just shone with such brightness. This odd confidence oozed out of her eyes, leaking into the air before them. It was a drastic change from all that she has ever seen from her. Quietness, confusion, all the "bad" thing she was accostomed to. This..this altogetherness she possessed radiated from her. Briefly she let a quick smile play along her lips. Then her eyes widened at the girls voice, shocking her. So far it had always been quiet, keeping that blandness that clung to it. Now it ringed with strength and vigor. It had that vitality of youth that all young people should have.

But what shocked her the most, was when Marina leaned in and kissed her. It was slightly forceful, unlike the meek kisses she had received before. Silently she acknowledged what it meant. It was her way of saying that she was giving in. Allowing her, Rysa, to do what she wished. Somehow, that was all that it took for that small thread of modestly to snap inside her. Mentally she growled, glad to finally have her. All this time after her first bite, she craved to have more. She wanted more than just her neck, she had wanted her whole body, from head to toe. Physical and unphysical, she desired of Marina. And she would have it, certain now after receiving her permission.

Kiss after kiss they spent, each growing even more passionate in her growing hunger. One arm kept itself wrapped around the girl, bringing her slightly more forward. The other moved again to the girls side, slowly moving down. Even in her slight haze, she managed to keep her head on her, and looked back into Marinas eyes, breaking their kiss for just a moment. By now her hand was brushing against the top edge of the girls black shorts. That slight hesitanted move was noticeable, something she wanted to stand out on purpose. "You sure...?" A question all on it's own, asking many things. Was this really ok with her? Did she want this? Or was she doing it because she, Rysa, wanted it?

Age : 29 Posts : 269

It seemed as though Marina's sudden change of thought as a result of her epiphany of sorts made more than just an internal change. She still felt the same blank emotionlessness on her features as she always did, that is, her face and whatnot remained unchanged, other than the very small smile she made. But apparently it was noticeable even on the outside, because she saw Rysa react suddenly and strangely. She looked surprised after having blinked for a split second, looked at her with awe almost. She didn't mean to soak up any glory, but she did feel great all of a sudden, great about the two of them. While Rysa looked surprised, she could tell it was for the better, which in turn made her feel that much better. Still though, she herself was surprised to know now that she had changed physically too, in that, her newfound confidence and determination was visible. But then again, maybe it wasn't that simple. Perhaps only Rysa could see it, perhaps only she could look into the swirling nothingness of her eyes and decipher what was really going on within them. This had to be the case, after all, it was obvious at this point that they shared something special, something between the two of them that they had with nobody else whatsoever. It made that confidence soar all the more, having realized this even now. She knew that it was "wrong" in a way, the two of them. Relationships like this are supposed to involve a man and a woman, not two women. Didn't they have a name for that kind of thing? If they did she couldn't think of it. Nonetheless, it mattered so very little to her. No matter what people thought of them, thought of her, it wouldn't matter, because they wouldn't understand.

So, practically reborn within a few sudden seconds, Marina looked at Rysa. She was taller than her, and her back was facing the moon, so Rysa was for the most part hidden in her shadow. Strangely enough though, it was a beautiful sight, her bright colors draped in the shadow of darkness. She could feel the smile on her face now, and it was genuine. It wasn't a grin, it was a heartfelt smile, because she was truly surging with happiness she never before had experienced. And here they were, all alone in the middle of the night in the middle of the forest. It was their forest for the time being, it belong to them, and it hid them. They were completely alone and private, something she thought she could get used to. So, it was with absolutely no hesitation that Marina leaned down and wordlessly kissed Rysa on the lips. It started off small, but real. Not like the "kisses" they had shared earlier where all they really did was brush lips, no, this was real. It was forceful in a way, yes, and maybe even out of place in a way, but she did not care whatsoever. As she expected, Rysa responded positively rather quickly, picking up on the signals she had sent her. In a way, even though she was the one starting the kiss, it was sort of like a submission. Up to this point she had been rather passive, like she always was. Her lack of initiating anything herself was like a way of saying she wasn't really into it. But now, the forceful kiss was like saying she had succumbed to her feelings and desires with Rysa, and was willing to take them into her own hands without hesitation or regret.

The kiss was also a silent acknowledgement. It had not gone unnoticed that Rysa was feeling some rather animalistic urges towards her, but because of modesty she supposed, she had repressed them. In truth, Marina was feeling quite the same way, but it was only until very recently that she recognized them for what they were. They were some pretty drastic thoughts though, and she wondered even now if it was something she was allowed to do even now, or if they would be...unacceptable to her. But now, those thoughts had been quelled, and if Rysa was willing to get rid of her modesty, then so was she. Thats what the kiss also told her, that she could let loose if she wanted to, and Marina would be keep up just the same. And let loose she did. Almost immediately the kiss turned from a small, romantic interaction until an extremely passionate make out session with Rysa leading the way. It built up of course, but she was oh so willing to go as far as she did. She could taste the girl's growing hunger as they went, and it intoxicated her, entranced her, fueled her own until it could rival even hers. She was lost in her now, loving every drunken second of it. In a way, Rysa could do anything with her now, anything at all. As her arm wrapped around her and brought them closer, Marina's did the exact same, pressing them closer together than they ever had been before perhaps, going on and on. The feeling of her other hand trailing down her body down to her legs sent a tingling feeling that only fueled her on more.

Suddenly, they were pulling away. For a moment she was dizzy, and everything was hazy. After a few seconds her eyes focused again and taking up her vision was Rysa's eyes. She might have noticed a kind of mist that had overtaken hers, blurring it to the point where not even the blankness could be seen, like she was possessed almost. But when her vision cleared, it of course did as well, and she could see into her. Confusion at the sudden break could have been seen at that point, but also a growling hunger of her own that was slowly shrinking. Looking into Rysa's eyes, she could tell she was slightly in more control of herself, which was a good thing, because if it had been up to Marina, they probably wouldn't have stopped at all. It was then that she felt her hand brushing the end of her shorts, faintly trailing her pale skin. In the few moments they looked at each other, her look became completely regulated and returned to normal, and the gesture Rysa made was noticed. She looked at her inquisitively, but also kindly in a way, like politely asking what was wrong. Then she asked a question...and it was quite the question indeed. Was she sure? Well...was she? Maybe Rysa might have noticed the way Marina responded so positively to her own hunger, but maybe that wasn't enough. She believed she understood what she meant now. Her reaction was just that, a reaction. Yes, she initiated the kiss and gave Rysa permission to get a little wild, but she herself had yet to start it herself. So far all she had done is given her the opportunity rather than force it upon her. She could see where that would make her wonder if Marina herself as a conscious person wanted this herself, or if she just wanted what Rysa wanted.

In the end, it was a question she had to ask herself as well, because she wasn't entirely sure. So far, she had entertained thoughts but had been somewhat hesitant to bring them out in full. Rather, she wanted Rysa to lead the way and in a way show her what was right and what was wrong. Perhaps she was now saying that she couldn't do that...she had to be brave enough to take the chance of doing them herself. Was she prepared to go that far, take that risk without regret of whatever happened? She wasn't sure. On one hand, it could go really well, but on the other hand, it could go horribly. Rysa could think she was a sick freaky monster on the inside and she had made a mistake in being with her. The very thought made her frown on the inside, but she continued to look at her. This was...confusing. She tried thinking about the question again exactly as it was. It was a simple question, and maybe it wasn't as complex as she was imagining. She just wanted to make sure...she wasn't just trying to satisfy her, but would also be satisfied herself. Was that the case? Could she walk away from her now feeling satisfied, or would there be this itching feeling that there was something she wanted to have done before they parted ways? She gathered her thoughts and tried to answer this question...and the answer was...No. Right now, she felt a burning sensation and desire to do the things that almost happened, but thinking about the scenario of walking away now, she wouldn't feel empty for not doing them. In truth, just being with Rysa and kissing her gently was enough to satisfy her. Everything else was nice, but it was just extra things she didn't honestly NEED.

But what was important in that respect then? She felt an overwhelming desire to satisfy herself now, but she knew, if she didn't do it, later it wouldn't really matter. Should she satisfy herself now even though it wasn't necessary? Why were all these questions always so difficult to answer? She looked at Rysa again finally at a loss of words. She thought about the submission she had given earlier...her question could be as simple as a branch off of that, making sure she was sure she wanted to do this. Did she want to? Yes. Dear God, yes. But was it important...no, it wasn't. She could live without it. So now the question was...how would she answer the question. She could say yes, and they would jump into these crazy things she was sure the two of them were imagining. Or...she could say no, and maybe they could return to the small romantic things they had done up till now. Either answer was legit...in its own way. She could live with either or. She gulped, though the action was probably unnoticeable, and gathered her thoughts. She thought...they were as alone now as they were ever probably going to be. Now was the time to answer question she wanted answered. She looked at Rysa sternly...seriously. Even though it had taken her a very long time to answer the question, there was no doubt when she said it that she was set to it. She gave her a tight, practically seductive squeeze with her arms that were still wrapped around her. "Yes."

Age : 29 Posts : 796

She could not do it, at least not yet. Everything about Marina was calling out to her, singinger her name, yet she refused to bend herself to it. She looked up at the girl once more, taking the sight of her in. Yes, she ha quite a simple beauty about her, one that noone could just overlook. Her personality also was strange, but that was not stopping her. What was then? It was her modesty overall that stopped her in her tracks. Yes she wanted to be loving in more ways than one, but it was her ideals that held her back. It was as if there were two side of her mind in great conflict right now. Each battling their way for greater control.

Yes, part of her did want to push Marina up against the tree that stood behind her and do god knows what. The animal urge was still ever present. Then there was the more relaxed and calm version of her. That part of her mind was tell her to stoop and reel in these overactive emotions she was having. Or at least to a point to where she could think more clearly. In the end, that was what she exactly did. A slient quick breath floated beyond her lips into the cold night air, a short pause before her actions. Slowly her hands brought Marina to a safe , yet close distance, breaking contact that they had. Marina did say it was ok to keep on, and from the way she responded she knew she had wanted it to. But was now the right time?

Ever so slightly she shook her head. "I respect you to much...To do this right now." Was what she told her. She wanted more time spent around each other, which of course take a few days, a few more chance encounters. But it would be worth it in the end. To make sure they went into something feet first rather than headlong. Inches away from her parter she smiles gently, waiting for Marina to speak.

Age : 29 Posts : 269

When the word escaped her lips, she gulped. She regretted the word the second she said it, wanted to take it back, reverse it, make it never have happened. It was true, she really was okay with it, but suddenly she really thought about it. It was a very indecent thing, what she had suggested, what she had said. Suddenly she was ashamed of her thoughts, feelings. It made her think, what was really important to her? Was it that? She remembered how she thought about how the thing that had finally made her speak was the idea that she wanted to know what it was like. Collecting data, thats what it was. Is that what Rysa was to her? A data cache to extract information from? Because thats what it was looking like. She felt horrible, pathetic, small, insignificant, disgusting. Rysa had to be more than that, but so far the evidence had shown otherwise. She was choking up slightly, looking at her with her blank eyes, but another tear appeared in one of them, rolling down her cheek. She was so sorry, so full of hatred for herself for having said such a thing. She knew in that moment that Rysa deserved better than her. Despite everything, in the end, Marina was a hard, cold, calculating bitch. From the start she had always been an experiment in a way, that was the background thought or intention behind it all. Her body knew it, that was why it had accepted Rysa, to let Marina collect some information about the situation, learn from it, learn why it was a bad thing.

Rysa deserved someone who could feel, respond, and care for her on a deeper level. She could never do that for her. If anyone ever saw the two of them together, they would see her standing next to Rysa, a bored, blank look on her face like nothing mattered, that nobody around her was important. She looked at Rysa with such grief and apology now, silently telling her that she was infinitely sorry to have even suggested such a thing. All those feelings and urges were gone now, which made her wonder how real they had really been. Artificial, in a way. When pushed her away ever so lightly, the shame overcame her once again. She was being denied, which was a good thing in a way. Her heart wasn't in it anymore anyway, though the fact that she denied her in itself told her that she was going too fast. While she was being pushed back, she sighed, calming down, letting her grief rumble down to a sense of general sadness, which she continued to look at her with.

She spoke, speaking of respect. How ironic, she should mention that. She knew now that respect was what Marina was lacking, why she was willing to go as far as she was going to. Perhaps she didn't respect Rysa. Was her love real? Or was it just an experiment too? Her emotions were in constant conflict with each other over this ordeal, with her. What was that? Was it real? Or artificial banter to make the self induced ruse appear all the more real? She didn't know, and the single tear had dried against her cheek by now as she looked at her. What did Rysa think of her? What was she to her? Would she be hurt if Marina told her that she was only an experiment to her? Then again she didn't really know that herself, only assumed that because it made the most sense. She took a deep breath and tried to convince herself that she was feeling this way as a test of sorts put on by her sub-conscience, to see if she would remain, or retreat after the first obstacle. She didn't believe this, but she had to believe in something better if she wanted to live with herself any longer, get through the night with Rysa without cutting herself open in shame and disgust.

But that disgust was still there, and her smile made it all the more worse. She turned her head, looked away; she couldn't face her right now. She was so horrible, she knew it. Heartless and cold, that was who Marina Yuki was. She couldn't tell herself that Rysa deserved to be in love with a mannequin, because thats what she was really. She could pose herself in any way she wanted to, but her face would always be the same, and she would always be lifeless. While she was looking away, she whispered to her, apologizing for everything. From the suggestion to her supposed realization. "I'm sorry Rysa..." She just felt so low. She wanted to leave it at that, but she knew it would be too vague for her. So instead she tried going on, being a little more specific. "I'm sorry for suggesting that. I'm sorry for being the way I am. You deserve better than me." She still would not look her in the eye, too disgusted with herself to find herself worthy to look this amazing girl in the eye. She had lost that privilege, she was too lesser of a creature now.

Age : 29 Posts : 796

Shame. It was shame that she saw on Marina. It cast her into an ugly light, one that was very unbecoming on her. It coated the girl with it's blackness, easily blending in the bleak night surroundings. This was Marina. In her view, her eyes had Become unclouded for the first time, see what was actualy there, not some false illusion that she had put up. What she saw was nothing bad, no it was something else. At first glance all she saw was this quiet girl, one that was wrapped up in her own solitude. A dark mysterious beauty that she had been fortunate to come across. And in her mind, that first impression had stuck with her. That is, until this moment.

Now she saw the girl in a different light. A broke spirit, one that was unsure of what to do. She had known of how Marina felt very little, it was a Fact that she did not dwell on for to long. She wanted to break her, so to speak, to let those emotions she knew Marina had to break free. But not like this. These feelings she could see Marina having were terrible ones. Ones she did not want her to feel. It had been a simple thought of hers, one that involved helping Marina feel love. And maybe a slight happiness.

But it was not meant to be.

The tears on Marina face stood out so clearly in her vision. Each droplet absorbing the moon light that covered her face. In an odd sense it lended Marina a dark beauty. A beauty easily seen when she felt raw harsh emotions. In the time that they spent together, she had not once seen a full happy smile. And it was only now that it occured to her how odd it was. normally someone else , or so she saw among he travels, would be giddy and happy to receive affection, but the girl was not. She was cold and heartless. Something she was now just seeing. But her tears effected her greatly. She did not want her to cry. And her words, wounded her to a great extent. She knew what she deserved and this girl would not tell her what she could and could not deserve.

"I do deserve you. And you I. " Marina thought it was bad to be doing what they almost did. And it was not. "Don't be sorry. How are we suppose to know what's right and wrong? In both of us..are still trying to learn and find our way."

Age : 29 Posts : 269

She took a deep, shaky breath, trying to calm herself down. All these conflicting emotions in her were driving her crazy. One moment she would be feeling great, the next, like crap, and the next, like dirt. It was driving her crazy really, she had never experienced so many emotions in such a short amount of time, in fact, she had never experienced more than one emotion over a long period of time: Indifference. That had always been her life, her outlook, for every situation she had ever come across, indifference. Sure, at times, she would engage in activities or with people that held some general interest with her, but in the end, she was always rather unopinionative about it. Even with people that interested her, she thought, she would always remember thinking to herself, 'If they stay or keep talking, I can observe them more. If they leave right now, thats fine too.' The only other thing she had ever been was annoyed or upset with incompetent people, or people who fought for stupid reasons. But now, here she was, experiencing emotions and feelings she never had before, ones she knew of but most certainly did not understand. Sorrow, disgust in herself, longing, pain. All had happened to her in such a short amount of time that it was ripping her apart piece by piece. Before she knew it she would be dead on the floor.

She was on the verge of another tear when thinking about this when Rysa spoke to her, and she thought of something. It wasn't completely true that she had felt all of those things, because she had felt so many other things as well. She understood what Rysa was saying, but her mind was in another place. So, while she thought, she responded to her by nodding her head slightly to let her know she had heard her. What she had said though barely registered with her with her other conflicting thoughts, so they probably wouldn't hit her until she was done. At any rate, she thought about everything else that had happened this night. Yes, until now and awhile after their meeting, she had felt longing, pain, disgust, that sort of thing. But she realized because she was feeling it even now, that those were superficial feelings. The true feeling behind all of those was happiness. Ever since she touched her again for the first time, she had been nothing but happy. Even when she was telling herself that she was pathetic and had no right to even look at Rysa, she still secretly felt happy to be doing it anyway. That realization blew all of the other feelings away, and she could look directly at the glowing ball that was the center of her feelings. She had been nothing but happy to be with Rysa, it made her feel better than she never had before. She had feelings of happiness, confidence, and resolve for the future. Rysa would be her reason to continue on. She would fill her being like an inner brace, filling her up and supporting her in everything she did. Were she to suddenly disappear...she would instantly collapse in on herself, and be no more.

She looked inside of herself, and suddenly she felt better. She realized that she had all of these amazing things going on at the same time too, and they were all so much more powerful than all of the negative things that had been. In the center of it all, beating in the middle of the happiness, was love as well. She looked at it now, observed it in wonder. It was true, there was no denying it, no explaining it. She loved her, simple as that. Any doubt she ever had before was now abolished, because nothing could contradict what she saw now. It explained everything, and she knew in that moment that nothing would ever have to be explained again. What had happened before, what they almost did, it was a factor of that. She realized that every good thing had a dark side. What they almost did wasn't really bad, but it was definitely dark. She accepted it, and sort of chastised herself for getting so bent out of shape about it. Now that she saw it for what it was, she wasn't too crazy about it anymore, not like she had been before. When it happened, it would happen, it was as simple as that. It wasn't the important thing either, the important thing was what was happening right now, the two of them together, sharing time all alone. She took that moment to look at herself, and all the drama she was making. She was ruining the moment really, and she needed to do something about it.

There was something she knew was disturbing Rysa though, because it was disturbing herself. When was the last time she ever did anything but frown? Never, thats when. All Rysa had to rely on to read her feelings was her eyes, and even that was very vague. She had no idea if she was really feeling anything at all, was happy at all with what they had, and that surely bothered her. She knew it bothered her anyway, to not be able to express herself. She nodded again to what she had said, understanding it. At this point though, it wasn't a concern of hers anymore. Instead of dwelling on it anymore, she took a deep breath and looked in her eyes, straight into them. She probably looked calmer now, more kept together. But she also looked bland, bored, like she always did, she couldn't help that. In her mind, she was thinking about this, how she wasn't smiling bright and wide like she wanted to be. Her face wouldn't let her, her body wasn't prepared to let her show emotion yet. But there was something her body could not control, and that was her heart. While she couldn't show a smile, her body was just radiating joy with what she had realized, and what she wanted to express. She looked her right in the eyes, and spoke with as much feeling as she could.

"Yes, your right. I apologize for that." She looked at her so intensely, wanting nothing more than for her to know what she was feeling. She was speaking to her in a way that demanded her attention, to hear what she was saying now, because what she said she wanted to be known, she wanted to clear any doubts Rysa had about her feelings, her commitment. "Rysa, there is something I want you to know. There is something wrong with me, something I do not understand. Whatever it is, it prevents me from physically expressing any emotion. For the most part, I don't have any, so it never bothered me until now. When I felt emotion, real emotion, I could not express it, cannot express. This bothers me deeply because it prevents me from letting the person I care about the most understand that I do. Rysa, please, take my word. I love you, your the only thing that is important to me. I have never before in my life experienced happiness until the day I met you. My life falls into a numb gray until I meet you again." She looked at her so strongly every second she was speaking, begging for her to understand and believe what she was saying. She didn't want her love to be bothered anymore by doubts of her feelings.

Age : 29 Posts : 796

Silently she sighed, unsure of what the girl before her was saying. Her eyes looked upon the younger girls face, seeing the intensity of her dark orbs. The sudden assuredness in her look partially startled her, as she was not expecting it. And yet, no matter what her look was, she related to it. Marina compared it to a numb grey, and she herself could see it ad that. A small part of her understood, admitting to the bleakness she experienced when away from her. The world looked like a mottled collection of greyson and blacks. Colors that blended so easily into the surrounds, fading at every turn. It was a small part that saw that. The rest of her, on a whole, did not agree.
Her mind was so captured by the vivid colors of the world, she mostly refused to see the damp darkness of it. Most, almost all, of her believed she could continue on without Marina. If she tried. And she would have to try very hard to do so. It wouldn't be easy to forget about the lady in front of her. Overall it was just the words she uttered that posed a problem for her.

Whatever it is, it prevents me from physically expressing any emotion.

That in it's self created problems for her. She knew that this was the case from meeting her. There was always something odd about Marina, something that was never quite right. Their hugs were always strained in a way, it was a wonder how she did not notice it till now. It was probably why she also felt uneasy into doing such intimate things. To her it was strange to elict such an action from her. Ones that Marina did express before this moment. It puzzled her as to why. Emotionally disabled she was, it was truly clear to her now. No more thoughts clouding her vision. In a hushed voice she whispered to herself, "A natural born killer..."

Her lips parted again, sighing loudly. She had to change the suitation at hand. It was just to somber. But stuff neede to be said. "Why don't you... Build other relationships first? Get used to the feelings you can experience and what not?" Just a suggestion it was of course, not meant to be taken the wrong way. Quickly though, she rushed forward, and embraced her in a tight hug. For now zhe put in a cheery smile, one that was quite odd for the moment. She cared not anyway, and just did it.