Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin]

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iJoker
iJoker

Age : 29
Posts : 16

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptyTue 15 May 2012, 12:12 am

Spoiler:

Izou, Kobayashi

THE INFO.

Name: Izou, Kobayashi
Nickname: White Cloud
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Appearance:
HEAD:
Izou's face is chiseled to match almost every feature of his father's authoritative figure. His chin is a bit pointy, but not as pointy as someone who's living style is a cook. His white hair, however, was a miracle among the Iwagakure shinobi. Most people hasn't seen white hair in years, the last time they saw white hair in a shinobi was in traveling shinobi, and there are no records of them mating with any of the Iwagakure citizens, hence his nickname. Izou's eyes are one that is common among the Kobayashi though, his mother, Yuri had the same exact eyes in terms of length and size overall. Yuri's eyes were a crystal blue while Tarin, Izou's father, his eyes were a flame red. In the result, Izou's eyes were an uncommon emerald green. Most passerby people also notice that his nose matches his mother's and his mouth resembles his father's, a spitting image of the two morphed into one, but in a younger body. Much younger.

SHOULDERS:
Izou's shoulders are made to match his father's, he is a broad boy when it comes to strength and body build. He hasn't worked out enough to get the full six pack as most stereotype suggests about the shinobi, but he's working on it often working out in his father's gym. The sky blue light hooded sweatshirt that falls on his body descends from his father's working in the Raikage Protection Field. The sweatshirt was retired when he retired, not because he was the best of the best or anything, but because the higher-ups caught wind of Tarin giving the hooded sweatshirt to his son when he got old enough. A white cloud, resembling the Cloud village outlined in blue can be found on Izou's right shoulder, with a metal plating covering most of his torso. The metal plating covers his stomach region with a strap that laps Izou's left shoulder, carefully not covering the other side with the Cloud symbol. The Kumogakure village symbol is engraved in his metal plated guard.

KNEES & TOES:
Izou wears the standard pants for the young shinobi of the Cloud Village, yet in a not so standard color. His pants are a dark blue, sort of matching his blades' hilts along with his light blue hooded sweater. Along with his pants, he wears the standard foot guard for the shinobi, a pair of blue sandals that strap at the top so they don't fall off of his feet when he moves in a battle formation.

Personality:
Izou is extremely disciplined. He isn't the anti-smile type, but he is very task-oriented. He is somewhat serious; he never really gets too playful. He will typically have a very pensive air about him; he stays deep in thought but not so deep that he loses an ounce of awareness. Izou always remains extremely alert. No matter what he is doing, Izou is very attentive. As he should be, he is very difficult to distract. Izou is always calm and level-headed. He never loses his cool. This helps him keep his wits about him in any given situation. Also, since he's so alert, few things surprise him anyway. He is a quiet individual by choice. He has no qualms talking to others, but he won't if he doesn't have to. When he does speak, however, he never wastes words. Verbally, he is the same as he is in combat: quick, concise, and to the point.

He has very strong political views regarding government in the Land of Water as well as international relations. He believes that he is justified in having these opinions on the basis of social reasons. These reasons amount to his position in black ops. He sees most around him as inferior, which means he has to do all the thinking for everyone himself. Another reason for his self-centered justifications of his political views and why he should have them is his own disagreement with past Mizukages and reasons for war or battle. Izou's narcissism has him believing that only he is truly fit to run any and all villages. If it were possible, he would seize control of each of the Kages' positions. In fact, for quite some time now, Izou has been contemplating methods of accomplishing this indirectly. He very well may come up with something. If he does, guarantee he will try to enforce it to the best of his abilities. He is one to let pride cloud judgment for this particular circumstance by sacrificing his own nobility and loyalty for the sake of gracing the many ninja countries with his "expert leadership". Fortunately, his loyalty is intact otherwise.
Clan: Kobayashi
Nindō: "If there is truly no storm, make one."

THE NINJA.

Origin: Tsuchi no Kuni
Affiliation: Kumogakure
Rank: Genin
Specialties: [Ninjutsu | Fuuinjutsu]
Elemental Affinities: [Suiton + Raiton | Ranton]
Combat Style: He likes to stand up for his friends, if that means heading off enemies that are going for his team he will do it. This gives him the appearance of being very noble when in fact, he can be the most immoral person one would ever meet. Using the art of seals, Izou usually will incorporate it into his fighting by doing very complicated movements and subtly moving in the seals to unleash what he's got in store. Izou uses Ninjutsu in the way of short range, never extending medium range. He uses his Ninjutsu to fight back, not usually to defend.
Special Characteristics:
Improved Perception
Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History:
Pre-Birth

Spoiler:

Childhood | Academy

Spoiler:

The Family Returns
Spoiler:
Roleplay Sample:
Copied from my latest character at TNRPG.
Spoiler:


Last edited by iJoker on Sun 20 May 2012, 2:57 am; edited 16 times in total
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iJoker
iJoker

Age : 29
Posts : 16

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptyTue 15 May 2012, 12:41 am

THE ARSENAL.
Weaponry
Spoiler:

Jutsu
Academy Techniques
Spoiler:

Suiton Techniques
Spoiler:

Raiton Techniques
Spoiler:

Kumogakure Techniques
Spoiler:

Fuuinjutsu
Spoiler:

Non-Elemental
Spoiler:

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: "OC is an unnamed Kumogakure ninja"
Source: Geofffffff - www.deviantart.com
Image URL:http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=White+Cloud+Naruto+OC#/d2zuv9t


Last edited by iJoker on Sun 20 May 2012, 2:59 am; edited 3 times in total
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iJoker
iJoker

Age : 29
Posts : 16

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptyThu 17 May 2012, 10:20 pm

Ready to go now guys, been ready for a few days actually.
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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

Age : 29
Posts : 1797

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptyFri 18 May 2012, 3:54 am

Sorry for the long wait, many of the staff have gone AWOL, thus there aren't many people to actually review apps D:

Either way, onto the real character.

    • You fail to mention the location of your character's forehead protector. Please mention this in the appearance.
    • Origin should be an actual country, as opposed to a village. In your case, it would be Tsuchi no Kuni.
    • Your combat style has nothing to do with your actual combat style. It just seems like a misplaced portion of your history. Please make it an adequate combat style. You don't have to reveal every tactic, but it should cover the following:
      Quote :
      How does your character like to fight? Hit and run tactics, a fearless tank on the battlefield or do you lurk in the shadows and kill silently. There are many different tactics and here is where you can write a brief description of the combat style in which encapsulates your character. This in some regards can be seen as a characters 'Combat Nindō'. Include such things as your strengths/weaknesses, the range in which your character likes to fight, any martial or other styles they have learn't, and your 'trump card' or otherwise known as 'Signature Jutsu'.
    • My only complaint about history; is that it's very short. The entire childhood is left out. You don't go into detail over what happened during the time between his birth and his joining the academy. He was home schooled, I get that, but did he meet anyone in the meantime? Did his parents have any siblings? Was he making friends? Etc. Please expand on that. On a side note; change the last sentence of your history into a color more appropriate. Neon yellow is almost impossible to read.
    • You may not have a katana, for your character does not use weaponry. C-rank weapons are exclusive to Weaponry specialist Genin only; which your character isn't. Once the encyclopedia of weapons is modified, you may apply for a Ninjato, which doesn't require training. For now, no katana.
    • You may not start off with the summoning technique, since you cannot start with a summoning anyway. There's no rationality for a character to have a summoning jutsu, which he cannot even use. You may apply for it alongside a summon if you choose to get one later on.

That is all for now.
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iJoker
iJoker

Age : 29
Posts : 16

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptySat 19 May 2012, 2:28 am

Is this alright? I expanded a bit more on his Academy arc to explain his childhood.
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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

Age : 29
Posts : 1797

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptySun 20 May 2012, 1:38 am

Looks fine; though you need to expand the combat style greatly. May I suggest looking at other applications to get a sense of what a combat style should look like? If you need help, that is.
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iJoker
iJoker

Age : 29
Posts : 16

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptySun 20 May 2012, 1:54 am

Hope this is better, I was real confused about that apparently. Thanks man! I see why you're Mod of the Month Wink
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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

Age : 29
Posts : 1797

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptySun 20 May 2012, 2:09 am

I'd hate to quote myself again, but:
Quote :
How does your character like to fight? Hit and run tactics, a fearless tank on the battlefield or do you lurk in the shadows and kill silently. There are many different tactics and here is where you can write a brief description of the combat style in which encapsulates your character. This in some regards can be seen as a characters 'Combat Nindō'. Include such things as your strengths/weaknesses, the range in which your character likes to fight, any martial or other styles they have learn't, and your 'trump card' or otherwise known as 'Signature Jutsu'.
Your combat style should cover the above. You fail to mention your usage of ninjutsu, which range your character sticks to, and how they effectively fight. It doesn't need to go into detail over your exact tactics, but just be a brief overview of the general fighting premise.

One other thing. I seemed to have derped earlier and missed this (thanks Becky!)
Quote :
Rariatto - Lariat
This is a Taijutsu, which is a specialty your character does not have. Thus, you may not have this technique in your arsenal.
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iJoker
iJoker

Age : 29
Posts : 16

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptySun 20 May 2012, 2:58 am

The underline takes care of how he fights, the rest is a bunch of bullshit to get this done. It's starting to get redundant. It's fine to me. I don't see too much wrong with it. Seems like you've bought yourself an extra fine-tooth comb to grade this. And you're thinking about it too hard.

Otherwise, edited.
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Cookie Monster
Swaglord
Cookie Monster

Age : 29
Posts : 4301

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptySun 20 May 2012, 8:24 pm


  1. Personality; your second paragraph is a tad... confusing. Your character has strong political views towards the Land of Water and the Mizukage, yet there is no other mention as to why he even has these views. It's quite uncommon that you'd even get a fourteen year old who's interested in politics in the first place. Anywho, your second paragraph just doesn't seem to flow with the rest of your character. I'm not going to be a total arse and make this a mandatory change, but I would highly recommend rewording the mentioned paragraph a bit for clarity purposes.
  2. Combat Style; your fighting style definitely needs increasing in size. We would never accept a combat style that only took a single sentence to write about. You should take Enzo's words into account before attacking his moderation. It may look fine to you, but it doesn't look fine to us, the Staff. We're the ones moderating applications and if it isn't up to scratch, then we'll ask you to edit the application until enough quality is shown.
    Quote :
    How does your character like to fight? Hit and run tactics, a fearless tank on the battlefield or do you lurk in the shadows and kill silently. There are many different tactics and here is where you can write a brief description of the combat style in which encapsulates your character. This in some regards can be seen as a characters 'Combat Nindō'. Include such things as your strengths/weaknesses, the range in which your character likes to fight, any martial or other styles they have learnt, and your 'trump card' or otherwise known as 'Signature Jutsu'.
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Keos
Keos

Age : 29
Posts : 1585

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptyFri 13 Jul 2012, 6:18 pm

Activity Check: Are you still working on this?

If you don't reply in 48 hours, this character application will be Archived.
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Keos
Keos

Age : 29
Posts : 1585

Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] EmptyMon 16 Jul 2012, 4:29 pm


Archived, due to inactivity.
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Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Izou, Kobayashi [Kumogakure Genin] Empty

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