Jaguar Summon

Age : 35 Posts : 306

Name:Hakumei (Twilight)
Rank:C
Appearance:

Spoiler:

Hakumei is a large black jaguar that is 8 feet tall and has a very compact and powerful frame to her, Her eyes are a brilliant gold color that often will hold a cautious and caculating look in them, Hakumei’s coat is pitch black in is very sleek and well cared for. She takes great pride in her coat and is more then willing to attack and maul anyone who messes her fur up.her claws and fangs are a normal length compared to her size and are razor sharp. Hakumei sports a few scars on her body. she has a small line scare on her left leg from fighting a failed summoner and she has three line scars on her side from where she was clawed by a lion summon
Personality: Hakumei is a very complex animal, she values loyalty and determination above all else in a summoner. to the people she meets and trusts she is a protective and affectionate cat who will help in anyway that she can. however to people she dislikes or doesnt know,Hakumei is moody and quick to snap at people. in a worse case secenario she will swipe at the offending person with her claws. in combat she is just like a shadow, she will stay quite and try to get as close as possable to her prey before leaping and going for a killing strike.Hakumei is very serious during a mission and will not hesitate to chew out her summoner if they makes a mistake
Contract Type:Personal.
Species: Jaguar
Speciality: Ninjutsu
Elemental Affinity: Katon- Fire Release
Summons Jutsu:

Name: Kasumi Enbu no Jutsu - Mist Waltz Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element: Katon (Fire)
Description: After performing the necessary hand seals, the user is able to create and blow a flammable gas from their lungs. Once it comes in contact with fire or sparks, the gas ignites into a large fireball.
Chakra Cost: 8

Name: Goukakyuu no Jutsu - Great Fireball Technique
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m)
Element: Katon (Fire)
Description: Katon • Goukakyuu no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Fire Element. The ninja does the necessary hand seals, draws chakra from their mouth into their chest and them immediately exhales it. They then blow a stream of fire which erupts into a large sphere of flames. To better manage the flames the ninja will bring their hand to their mouth to control it.
Chakra Cost: 5 (2 per post)

Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique
Rank: E
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: 10 meters
Element: N/A
Description: After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread.
Chakra Cost: 2

Name: Endan - Fireball
Rank: D-A
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m – 10m)
Element: Katon (Fire)
Description: Katon • Endan is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Fire Element. After doing the necessary hand seals, the ninja draws chakra to their lungs before swiftly exhaling it, allowing them to blow a jet of fire from their mouth. Depending on the rank at which it is performed, Endan ranges in size and heat. Starting at a moderate level of heat and a reach of up to 3m, at D rank, and increasing in temperature to an intense heat and up to a 10m reach, when performed at A rank.
Chakra Cost: D: 4 (1 per post), C: 5 (2 per post), B: 12 (3 per post), A: 23 (5 per post)

Name: Hankyou Bakufuu - Echo Blast
Rank: D
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m – 10m)
Element:N/A
Description: By channeling chakra into the lungs and throat, The user will then let out a resounding roar that echos for a long amount of time. anyone within that range is temporally rendered deaf unless they manage to cover their ears somehow. the Deafness lasts for 2 posts.
Chakra Cost: 4

Age : 34 Posts : 1209

First of all I want you to add more to her personality and appearance. Just because it's not your character doesn't mean she shouldn't be a bit more fleshed out. Think of this as if you are making a second character. It doesn't need to be in as much detail as an actual character but a little more is definitely needed.

In accordance with the summoning rules on this site, you are allowed 6 jutsu total for your C rank summon. However, these jutsu must be broken down as follows:

2 C ranks
4 E-D ranks

Currently you have 4 C ranks, which is 2 C ranks too many. Remove 2 of them, please.

The other issue I have are relating to your two custom jutsus. I just need some clarification on these.

Name: Shinka no Yari - Sacred Fire Spear
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m)
Element:Katon (Fire)
Description: Channeling fire chakra into their lungs the user will breathing out two large balls of fire that sharpen into spears and shoot at the target. These spears are solid and will pierce as well as burn the target. Getting directly hit will inflect 2nd degree burns to the target
Chakra Cost: 8

You say the fire solidifies into a spear. After it connects, does the spear remain impaled in the person or will it disappear? Also, if it does impale a person, is it as if the person were impaled with a real spear? Also at C rank most flame attacks shouldn't be doing more than 1st degree burns if extra stuff is part of the attack (such as impaling!)

Name: Gouzen En Jin Shuuha - Roaring Flame Blade Wave
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Range: Close (0m - 5m),
Element:Katon (Fire)
Description: The user will breath out a wave of fire that will then sharpen itself and spread out slicing as well as burning whatever it touches. This jutsu can be stopped with a C rank or higher Suiton Jutsu.
Chakra Cost: 6

How deep of cuts are we talking? Like are they minor cuts? Or are you thinking you are going to be slicing through bodies and boulders?

Please make the listed changes and if you keep your two customs we will have to talk about them. There are a few more issues I may have with them but for now I'll leave it at this.

Age : 35 Posts : 306

Fixed it and swapped out the custom jutsu for another custom and the Endan jutsu.

Age : 34 Posts : 1209

Approved For Training

Age : 32 Posts : 750

Archived due to inactivity with the summon