They always say that whenever you fall in a dream, you will surely wake up before you reach the ground. That can not be true, not at all. Within my knowledge, that word can come to represent unique methods of explaining the situation at hand. My deepest pain, the longest cut and the remaining scar is forever from my dreams, something I long and dread for, unsure, uneasy whether I should welcome the warmth such thoughts could bring, or reject them and stay within the frozen halls of isolation. But dreams, I fall in one every night. Sometimes I fall several more times than usual, each time the sharp, sensational pain inflicts itself against my skin. The false wound appears normal, inflicted with nothing but skin. But my dreams measure to the strength and power my desire holds. esire is a powerful force, and I shall indulge you on why.

One such haunting experience where I fall from grace in my dreams, kin to simple illusions one might see with a cheap magician. Fake, but the experience is there if you enjoyed it. One might say this experience is wrong; I however, truely would indulge myself to experience this. This sense I feel in this dream, the sense of warmth, of an arm hanging from my neck, running to the body of another figure. He blushes when I look up to him, but I know what he means. I usually lean my head against his sweater, the soft fabric comforting any doubts I have with the situation. He doesn't hesitate to reach his hand to mine, and then I turn pink. It is love, I admit it sounds cheesy. But the warmth vanishes like the illusion I grasped. I scream out, realising I am finally alone like I've been for so long. Empty, I sit and moan. Wail, without flailing I find myself trying to find solace, within the collapsing illusion and the world created to comfort me, show me safety and protect me from any pain, breaks me. Breaks me without end, without mercy and without emotion.

The next illusion, conjured by whatever bein controls me. I'm sick as I find warm comfort within the confines of my blankets, in the steel darkness of my room. I fear, dread, and lust for the next experience. Setting myself up for the next cut, deeper and deeper until all emotion bleeds from within. I find myself warm as my eyes close, my hands wrapped around a much slender figure than I. Her hair is short, but it's obvious that each noise I hear is out feat, dancing. It is slow and the room is dim. But all my focus is with this one girl. I am unsure and worry what will happen as the room becomes murky, my eyes go white. I cannot see, but I know every familair feeling that comes next like I know each friend. I feel blood drip as I fall, watch the very essence of my emotion stripped from m. The cut continues to go deeper.

I think I have reached the end of everything. I sit, alone and tired. Confused, lost and curious about what comes next. I ask, I scream that if I'm dead, leave me to wander forever an empty shell of my former self. But I recieve no response. I know what's happening. I'm going crazy, I am crazy. I am consumed by my emotions and drained by them. But I feel warm air and catch the tiniest light glow from far off. I try running, but I can't. I want to reach the light but my body won't respond. I feel sudden bursts of sharp pain rip my skin apart, and notice the needlessly large needles piercing my body and holding me in place. I can do nothing but cry, but feel the death reek off my body, the sting of salt within my mouth and eyes.

I awake, normal without change. Very mch myself, I sit up and take a deep breath. I couldn't find it, the pain in my throat unbearable. I wipe my eyes; the salty tears had been real, but not from the false physical pain I felt, but the emotional pain that dug deeper than that of any I have felt. I haven't denied who I am or what I want, not yet. But these dreams never end, because despite the lesson I learned I will not react for the pain is too much for me. To ask for love, for deep companionship. To be with the one you love when one of you needs the other. It's what I lack and need. I have gained the knowledge that I need this.