Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin]

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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptySat 20 Oct 2012, 5:56 am

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] 33tt4yh

Uzumaki, Hyuuga, Rukasu.

THE INFO.

Name: Uzumaki, Hyuuga, Rukasu
Nickname: Silent Ruka
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Appearance: Rukasu has red hair that is straight, and the length is long but it is only an inch above his shoulders. His hair was black but his father died it red so that people could see a difference in the boy. His eyes are narrow, with pure white color, and red eyebrows. He wears his black forehead protector on his forehead. His skin tone is white; he is about 5' 5" tall and weighs about 130 lbs. He wears a black shirt that has two pockets, it’s also zipped up to above his chest a little, and he rolls up the sleeves to his elbows for comfort. Under the shirt he wears the see through t-shirt. He also wears this chain around his body, that goes over his left shoulder and it goes around under his right arm. He wears these dark gray shorts, and on the right side of the shorts is a side pocket that is attached to the shorts by this black and white wrap. He wears the black regular ninja shoes. His finger and toe nails are always neatly trimmed, and his teeth are sparkling clean. He wears these white bandages on his right arm which is from his wrist to under the elbow a bit, and he wears a brown glove on his right hand with a metal plate on it. On his left arm there is nothing. He always for the most part is serious.

When people try to talk to him he won't even utter a sound, but he will smile, showing the person that he was listening to what they were saying. He will shake his head no from left to right if he doesn't like a certain thing that is going on. It always looks like he has a frown, but he is just serious. This shinobi will always be around when you need him; he has the same bunch of clothes that he wears every day. It seems as if he is glaring at you or at someone, but he is only looking around, analyzing every situation that passes by. His nose is a bit pointy and narrow but it fits him perfectly. He is average body mass, with a more on the muscle side. He is a healthy young boy as he grows to be stronger every day.
Forehead Protector: On his forehead.
Personality: A serious Shinobi, a man of a few words, and the silent type were the several things people would just say about him. People know that he doesn't talk much, or show any emotion most of the time, but they do know that he loves to battle. When people see him battle, his eyes are on fire. He usually doesn't say anything unless he needs to, as his voice is a bit deep. Nobody knows too much on his personal life. He works well in teams, and he knows that he has to protect his comrades. He doesn't like someone that shows off, or tries to be the better person the wrong way. When someone is in need of help, he will not pause for nothing. He will most of the time be the first one at the scene. He loves to help, but he doesn't say much. He feels that talking is not really needed in most situations. For the most part he is a gentle kind quiet person that’s doesn't judge anyone.

He loves to protect, as if he lives by protecting people, and he is the generous type as well. He would help others before helping himself, because he knows that he is fine and he will figure out what he needs to do after he helps others. He loves to train to get stronger and get respect in his home village. The Hyuuga boy always trains his eyes in order to see further, watch things closely, and pinpoint small objects. He is always training but for some reason he does not train on the same thing for more than two days. He always is meditating trying to find new answers about himself and others and within the nature as well. Due to being a Hyuuga, he has so much pride for his clan. He wouldn't say a word, but if someone were to talk bad about the clan he wouldn't think twice to confront the person. If the boy's silent confrontation did not work, then his few words would make his point across. He loves his clan with all his heart, and he proudly shows it off. He respects his parents and always attends to any meeting that is mandatory. His clansmen respect him, and love him like family. They trained with him almost all the time. They see him as a gifted child. Rukasu is the type of person to do things for other people more than anything for himself.
Clan: Hyuuga
Nindo: ............

THE NINJA.

Origin: Hi no Kuni
Affiliation: Konohagakure
Rank: C - Rank Genin
Specialties: Taijutsu, Fuuinjutsu
Elemental Affinities: Suiton, Raiton
Combat Style:
Spoiler:
Special Characteristics:
Chakra Capacity
Spoiler:

Improved Speed
Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History:
Pre-birth/Early life Arc
Ryu Uzumaki was a well-known shinobi that everyone respected and looked up to. All the women wanted him, but for some reason he showed no interest in any of them expect for one girl that caught his eye since they were kids. They became best friends after Ryu helped her from a couple of bullies that were pushing here around has to her difference in her appearance. There was nothing wrong with her; she was just born different than most kids. She came from the Hyuuga family, and her name was Misaki Hyuuga, she has white eyes and long black hair. Since that day their friendship started and every day after that it grew more and more.

Twenty years later their friendship was very strong, actually they were both in love with each other. They both were too afraid to let that other person know how they felt about each other. Until one day Ryu was about to leave on an important mission, at the time Ryu was a Jounin, and it was an S-ranked mission. Ryu knew that this could be his last mission only because of the risk of entering enemy territory. It wasn't going to be alone, as he was accompanied by two other Jounin. For some reason they both had a sick feeling to their stomachs, as if this would be the last time they would ever see each other. They held each other in their arms crying, as they both couldn't hold it in their hearts no longer as they both back their heads to look at each other's eyes...

"I love you." they both say to each other as they both were shocked that it came out, and then Ryu went in for the kiss as she kissed him back.

"Promise me you will return safely, for us." Misaki said as he was crying and she couldn't look at the person she love no more as she quickly turned around, but Ryu grabbed her arm and looked into her eyes, kissed her once more...

"I can’t promise, but I will make it a more than a promise. My heart is with you now, so please hold it against your heart, and I will return for both you and my heart soon. I love you." Ryu said as they hugged once more, and then he was off.

Rukasu's Birth Arc
It did take Ryu a while for him to complete the mission, but he did so perfectly. He was then headed back to the village and the two love birds got married and they had a little boy. The little boy had short black hair and black eye brows, but he had his mother genetics, and that was the Hyuugas white eyes. The two were so happy to have their first child, after an hour of deciding names; they both knew that the perfect name would be Rukasu Uzumaki. His father wanted his child to be different so after his chilled grew his hair longer, he ended up dying it red. He did this so that he would be remembered and stand out easily. People from the clan did not approve of this as they tried to dye his hair black. They also tried to shave it off. Ryu would always protect his child, no matter what they tried. This happened for many years.

Academy Arc
Ten years later the boy had grew up to be a smart, well mannered, understanding, and he was already finishing his academy classes. He was preparing to become a genin, as he was very excited He was one of the smart kids in his class, and he was friends with the whole group. He was actually quite popular with his guy friends and the girls adored him. The people from the Hyuuga clan were spying on him as they usually would until one of the Jounin Hyuuga appeared in front of Rukasu. Rukasu looked at the shinobi knowing that he came from the same reason since he was born. The Jounin wanted to challenge the young boy. It wasn't a challenge of a battle, but it was a test on if he can work the fighting style of the Hyuuga. Rukasu accepted the challenge, as the Jounin first formed a hand seal as a shadow clone appeared in front of Rukasu as the clone went into his fighting stance. Rukasu knew what to do as he formed a hand seal, as the shinobi was in a bit of a confusion as he knew what Rukasu was doing. This confusion was because at the age Rukasu was, well he wasn't or shouldn't be able to perform that move. After Rukasu yelled Byakugan, as his eyes change, then he went into the fighting stance. Then after three seconds the clone burst into a cloud of smoke. The Jounin was shocked, and he knew that the whole clan was watching from afar as they too were using their byakugan. That’s when the whole clan made it official that this boy was a gifted child.

Genin Arc
After couple of months he graduated and became a genin. He was only 10 about to turn 11, so he was very excited to be one of the few youngest to graduate. Also he was already put into a team and already doing mission, he also learned a lot of jutsu from both his mom, and he notice his father using fuuinjutsu so he studied fuuinjutsu in the academy. Rukasu never really talked but he usually studied most of the time. He learned about the juken style and he also learns about the seals and what they represent and the meaning of each seal. He learned almost everything about it, so much that he learns jutsus that would benefit him in the future. Due to his Chakra nature he was able to do the Sealing jutsus with ease.

Present Arc
Four years later at the age of 14, he practiced every day and trained to his full potential. At the moment he is looking for people to spar with and see how much strong he is against other genins. He did everything he needed to do for his family, clan, and friends. Rukasu made it clear that would never put his family over his Clan. The boy is doing missions and hanging out with friends. He is still studying more, as he understands more about life as a shinobi. Rukasu had set his goals and now he is pursuing them.

Roleplay Sample: In a dark night where everyone was usually asleep, and the animals of the night were not bothering anyone. A shinobi was on a roof top looking at the moon as the shinobi was in wonder, as he knew that soon he had to show the world who he really was and what he could already do. It was quiet and he this shinobi did know what to do. So the shinobi ended up walking the streets as he was a bit bored and he wanted something fun to do, only because he could not sleep. After a while of walking the shinobi notice something strange at the end of the road. It was a black figure, so the shinobi went after it. He did not know what he was going to get himself into as he chased after it. Once the shinobi turned the corner it was gone, in confusion the shinobi was in, but within seconds the black figure appeared behind the shinobi holding a knife to his neck. The shinobi knew that he was in trouble and he had to act quickly, so he pushed back, duck to the ground, and quickly turning around punching the person in the gut, and then he went and grabbed his neck. Once the light hit the two, and the shinobi notice that it was, well they both laughed. It was his brother playing a prank on him. So they both laughed as they walked home to go to sleep.


Last edited by Rukasu on Wed 24 Oct 2012, 10:16 am; edited 11 times in total
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptySat 20 Oct 2012, 5:57 am

THE ARSENAL.

Academy:

Byakugan:

Natural Jutsu:

Hyuuga Jutsu:

Fuuinjutsu:

Non-Elemental Jutsu:

Konoha Specific techniques:

Genin Kit:

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: His name is Kiyoshi
Source: DeviantArt
Image URL: Here you go...


Last edited by Rukasu on Wed 24 Oct 2012, 11:41 am; edited 5 times in total
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptySat 20 Oct 2012, 8:02 am

Just to inform you guys, I am finished, but please do not jump into conclusions. My character is a hyuuga, he does not carry anything from the uzumaki clan, but the name and hair color. My character studied fuuinjutsu on his own time while at the academy. My character is a full hyuuga. PLease put this post into consideration...

Thank you...
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 22 Oct 2012, 10:29 pm

Honestly I dont think my character should change his name, only because its just a name and it doesn't affect anything.

Would it be better if I put, Rukasu Hyuuga Uzumaki, So its showing the full name of this shinobi. Please The name is just a name and its his father's name. I really want to have it the way I do.

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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyMon 22 Oct 2012, 11:48 pm

Aight I did add Hyuuga to the name, can that be acceptable?
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Kite
Kumo Nin
Kite

Age : 34
Posts : 1209

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 12:15 am

Why do you want Uzumaki as part of your name? If you had chosen just a normal random surname this would be fine, but you are choosing a name from another clan. I don't understand...
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Kiseki
Konoha Nin
Kiseki

Posts : 1216

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 12:40 am

TOPKite wrote:
Why do you want Uzumaki as part of your name? If you had chosen just a normal random surname this would be fine, but you are choosing a name from another clan. I don't understand...

COOKIE!

Furthermore you need to elaborate as to why you are the red flash.
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 1:19 am

Ok Hear it is, I love the Uzumaki because it sounds better than just being a hyuuga. I promise that I am not going anywhere near the Uzumaki clan. I would just like to have the name, and plus I put in my history that Rukasu's Father is in the Uzumaki Clan, so Usually in the real world the wife and kid after marrage gets the father's last name. So I would greatly appriciate it. Rukasu was born with red hair nd brows but he had white eyes. He took upon the hyuuga side and thats why he is a Hyuuga by blood and an Uzumaki by heart.

About the red flash, well later in my character future he will become very fast, so fast that it will be blinding speed. I know that would take some time, but It will happen to be the fastest hyuuga alive.

I hope that clears things up...
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Kite
Kumo Nin
Kite

Age : 34
Posts : 1209

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 1:47 am

Fine you can have the name but if you want to use the Hyuuga's Byakugan you need to realize that you inherited more of your mother's genese than your father's so your hair would actually be black in color.
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 3:23 am

but the hyuuga looks better in red... Why make this so difficult, im just saying.. I am following the rules and I dont want to desrespect anyone...

Wait! how about black and red hair?
I will edit the picture and make it have red some where, would that be accceptable?
or can i just leave it red...
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Kite
Kumo Nin
Kite

Age : 34
Posts : 1209

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 3:42 am

Well I suppose you could say you dyed it red?
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 4:15 am

Aight I added in the apperance second sentence that his father died Rukasu's hair...
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 7:24 am

So can we come to an understanding on how we can do this. I really want to start role playing...
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Kite
Kumo Nin
Kite

Age : 34
Posts : 1209

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 23 Oct 2012, 11:39 am

I just want to say that this process would have gone a lot faster had you just cooperated with us from the start. But with that said here's my review of your character application.

Overall


First I want to say that over all I find this application very hard to read. It is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors that make it feel very choppy. I found myself struggling to read almost every section of your application. Taking some time to proof read your work and to make the appropriate edits would be greatly appreciated.

Rukasu wrote:
His hair was black but his fatger died it red so that people could see a difference in the boy.

Spelling mistake here.

Rukasu wrote:
under the shirt he wears the see through t-shirt.

Lack of proper capitalization here.

Rukasu wrote:
On his left arm is plain.

This statement doesn't make grammatical sense. It should either read "On his left arm there is nothing." or "His left arm is plain." In this instance the first statement is better.

Rukasu wrote:
When people try to talk to him he wont even utter a sound, but he will smile, showing the people that he had heard what they said and he was happy with they said.

This sentence is just a mess. First of all you don't use the appropriate apostrophe for the conjunction "won't". The next issue is then the use of "the people". In this instance it doesn't make much grammatical sense and is very jarring to the reader. You should use "the person" instead as it is more consistent with the rest of the sentence. The next issue is the usage of "had heard". While it is okay to use it, the tense of the phrase doesn't match with the rest of the sentence and thus makes it stick out. The tense should match the rest of the statement. Again for the final bit in italics, it is the same deal. The tense of the last part of this whole sentence is not the same as the start, giving the sentence an odd feeling.

These are just a few of the errors that made this application so difficult to read. I would really consider proofreading your work.

Appearance


The next issue I have is that in your appearance you state that you carry a gourd that is attached to your chain but fail to ever mention it again and as to why you carry a gourd on your back. The other thing is the chain. Though you say you use it in a fight, since you aren't a weaponry user you wouldn't likely be using a chain for actual combat seeing as you can't have it as a weapon.

The next thing is your height to weight ratio. You are saying that your character is 14 years old but hasn't managed to grow beyond four and a half feet? First of all that seems rather small for a 14 year old seeing as the average 14 year old boy is around five and a half feet. I know there are variations but you are talking nearly an entire foot under the average. That is fine if you want to be that short but then realize you wouldn't be anywhere near 120 pounds. At four feet and five inches, 120 pounds makes you huge. You would be considered a morbidly obese child, being close to 80 pounds overweight!

All in all I feel that your appearance, while somewhat lengthy needs to be checked for grammatical errors and even possibly have a tad more added to it in terms of detailing your character's actually appearance rather than talking about how he reacts to people.

Personality


The next thing is your personality. I will refer you to what I said about your appearance. There are plenty of spelling and grammatical errors that should be tackled here and as a result it was very difficult to read as the writing didn't flow. I also feel as though the section was a tad on the short side for a Hyuuga. While I can't really bar you from being accepted into the clan or having the application go through, it just seems like a member who wants to RP as a Hyuuga should have a bit more to say about their character's personality other than they are very very helpful and protective but have some "mysterious dark nature" that you failed to elaborate on.

History


First of all, on this site when you do a history, it's usually a good idea to try and break it up into arcs that correspond with the time you are talking about. Doing this helps to make more sense of your character's history. Basically having a "Pre-birth/Early life" arc and an "Academy Years" arc and a "Genin Years" arc would be wonderful. The arcs don't have to be those exactly since those were just examples, but something akin to those would be nice. The next thing is the grammar issue. Once again I found it hard to really make it through your history. Proof reading and making corrections would help with that. That being said, your history needs to be longer. At this point it is very very small.

Miscellaneous


I didn't feel the other issues were worthy of having their own section so I just will throw out the little nitpicks here:


  • Your "Origin" should not be Konohagakure. Your "Origin" is always the country your character was born in. In this case it would be Fire Country or "Hi no Kuni".
  • While it may not seem like a big deal now, you might want to go ahead and pick two elemental affinities as you can't simply add them later down the road without going through a tedious training program. Simply add them now and save yourself a headache because when it comes time for you to start learning basic ninjutsu or when you want to acquire a summon, those affinities might help. Also Fuuinjutsu and taijuts can make use of chakra elements.
  • Figure out your face claim. It's not acceptable to simply put "Unknown". Do some research.
  • In the section where it asks for your clan name, please link your clan instead of merely writing the name.
  • The nick name needs to either be explained well or removed. I understand you want it down the road but for now your character is not known as "The Red Flash".
  • You have room for one more jutsu. You get 15 for free at creation and if I counted correctly, you only have 14.
  • You can't start with a custom kit at creation. You have to select the genin kit.


That's all I can see for now, though this list is not final incase I may have missed something. Make the corresponding edits and please don't harass staff on the Cbox or via PM to check your application. Simply bump it here ONCE and if a few days go by and no one has gotten to it then post in the appropriate thread, here.
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Rukasu
Rukasu

Age : 33
Posts : 510

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyWed 24 Oct 2012, 12:00 pm

To the Moderators of this site,

First off, I would like to say sorry, for me being stubborn, I greatly appreciate the work you done. It helps me a lot.

This is my BUMP, the rest of the text notifies you what I fixed/changed...

I fixed everything you asked me to fix step by step. I am bad at grammer and I usually mispell words wrong, but the solution to that was coping the text and bringing to either a grammer checking site or Microsoft word. I added one jutsu in the Konohagakure specific techniques. I added to the face claim. I also added more to most of it. I also changed the genin kits. So please check my work, I assure you it is all good..


TOPkite wrote:
•While it may not seem like a big deal now, you might want to go ahead and pick two elemental affinities as you can't simply add them later down the road without going through a tedious training program. Simply add them now and save yourself a headache because when it comes time for you to start learning basic ninjutsu or when you want to acquire a summon, those affinities might help. Also Fuuinjutsu and taijuts can make use of chakra elements.
Out of the whole thing, I dont understand the bolded part of this quote, may you please elaborate about that.
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Kite
Kumo Nin
Kite

Age : 34
Posts : 1209

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyWed 24 Oct 2012, 11:53 pm

Basically what I was saying about chakra elements was that Fuuinjutsu and taijutsu can use elemental techniques so it was in your best interest to start off with elements. You put them down so it's all good.

Approved
1/2
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MsMoney
Wanderer
MsMoney

Age : 37
Posts : 2201

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptyThu 25 Oct 2012, 8:52 pm

(2/2) Approved.

Now please go Here and make your account. Smile
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Cookie Monster
Swaglord
Cookie Monster

Age : 29
Posts : 4301

Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 14 Apr 2013, 4:21 pm


Archived.
Due to inactivity.
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Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Uzumaki, Hyuuga Rukasu [Konoha Genin] Empty

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