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| Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] | |
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Daedalus
Posts : 811
| Subject: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Wed 16 Jan 2013, 3:07 pm | |
| Akimichi, ShiromaruTHE INFO. Name: Akimichi, Shiromaru Nickname: Shiro, Age: 15 Gender: Male Appearance:
Like all members of the Akimichi clan, Shiro is very bulky and rounded. The majority of the fat he has built up over the years is stored in his gut and thighs with a small bit seeping into his chin and cheeks. His stomach, if he were to remove his shirt, is covered with stretchmarks that reach about a third of the way to his chest. His bellybutton appears to be a large hole in his stomach. His belly extends outwards and dips over his waistline to the point where he can pick up his stomach. His chest however is a different story. Rather than being rounded and having "manboobs" his chest is surprisingly defined and while not extremely muscled, is more squared and muscular than one would expect. His arms share this trait and have farm more muscle on them than fat. However, he still has a mild case of flabby arms. His legs however, were not so lucky as his thighs are quite swollen with fat. Most of it has built up on the front end of his legs and extend outwards before pinching tight at the knees and extending outwards behind him a bit.
Shiro has quite a plump face, a staple of the clan, with large cheeks and a near double chin which, if he pulls his head back enough, becomes a full double chin. His nose is rather small and his eyes round, rather than the usual narrow eyes of the clan. This, along with their light blue colour he inherited from his mother, whom married into the clan. His hair however is a light brown and has a natural sheen to it like his fathers. However he likes to keep it cut short and under his bandana. However some strands do manage to escape and poke out in random directions from underneath. On his cheeks, he bears the usual markings of the Akimichi clan, his marks being two different coloured lightning bolts. On his left cheek, the bolt is red while the right is blue.
For clothing, Shiro prefers light fitting and simple. His favourite kind of shirt being a simple white t-shirt with no prior markings or insignia. This allows him to brand it with his clan's logo anywhere he sees fit and can choose them for whichever occasion he pleases. He also possess shirts of other colours but prefers to keep them solid and unmarked as his usual attire. They too all bear the brand of the Akimichi somewhere on them. His favourite spot for the mark is directly over the center of his chest. Overtop his shirt, he can most often be seen wearing a large black coat. The coat is solid black and bears no markings, not even that of the Akimichi clan. The fabric is fuzzy and very elastic to the point where even as an adult the coat will fit him nice and loosely. The interior trim along the zipper and collar are the only locations where a colour other than black can be found. There, the fabric is a dark gray. There are zippers on the waist pockets.
When it comes to pants, a similar philosophy to his shirts is Shiro's favourite option. Preferring light fitting shorts or jeans depending on the season with their colours ranging from black to light blue. Most often though, he wears a light brown pair of long shorts. They have deep pockets on the side as well as two back pockets and an adjustable waistband. Over his stomach and waist, he wears a thick white piece of cloth tied in the front. The cloth when unraveled is 3m long and 20 cm wide.
For his equipment, he keeps two pouches, a main one attached at the back right side of his waist where he keeps his larger supplies such as scrolls and explosive tags while keeping a smaller pouch tied to his right leg. Inside it are a couple kunai and shuriken. He also always carries around a large shoulder bag filled with various non-perishable snacks. The bag is a light brown and made of a light, but strong material with several small pockets on the front, a slot for water bottles and a pull over top. The Akimichi symbol is branded onto this bag.
Finally, his protector is worn on his head, rather than having it attached to a headband though, it's attached to a bandana that covers his hair almost completely. The protector itself has a large gash in it, cutting through the symbol of the leaf, but bears marks of minor restoration in that area.
Forehead Protector: On his forehead, attached to his bandana.
Personality:
Rather quiet and somewhat shy, Shiro is the kind of person who doesn't like to draw too much attention to himself. Preferring to sit quietly in the back while others talk, he was overlooked by the majority of the students during his academy days and bullied by the few who noticed. While he was able to eventually make friends, the experience did take it's toll on him. He is very hesitant to state his own opinions, often following whatever it is the leader of the group says or just agreeing with whatever the person next to him is saying. He is the first to apologize and the first to offer to help, even if the situation was no fault of his own. Around his close friends however, he is more open and outgoing. He still suffers from his low self-esteem, but if he's known a person for some time, he will be a little more assertive. Oddly enough, while one might think that his confidence issues stem from his weight, that is not the case. Shiro takes pride in his girth and feels no shame when ridiculed for it. In his mind, it is his proud heritage and one of the few things he will defend.
While mostly quiet, there are a two things that Shiro will speak up for and defend. The first, as previously mentioned, is his weight and more specifically, the image that his clan holds within the village as well as the world at large. His pride in his clan stems from his respect for his late brother Tatsuya and in his mind, any insults to him or his clan is an insult to Tatsuya and his memory. The other, while seeming cliche, is the defense of his friends. Having few truly close friends, deep down Shiro fears losing them as he lost Tatsuya and will defend them tooth and nail. While in the former case he will call out people insulting him, in the latter he is far more likely to come to blows. Granted, he will not immediately assault people, if the attacks are verbal in nature it takes a lot to get Shiro to throw the first punch. But he will not hold back should the threat of violence even remotely appear.
When fights do begin, Shiro knows his role well. He is the muscle, his job is to protect his allies through any means necessary while zoning out the most dangerous opponents with his sheer power. He doesn't talk much with his opponents, mostly just roaring at them as a means of intimidation and only speaking when needed to communicate with his allies. Should the fight be due to his previously mentioned peeves, or they are brought up during the fight, he will strongly demand for the accuser to withdraw their comments and will single out the worst offender. This can sometimes be to the detriment of his team if Shiro goes over the edge and forgets himself in rage.
Shiro, unlike most other ninja, does not have a specific dream for the future. While many choose to become ninja to prove something, to become stronger, revenge or any of the other myriad of reasons there are, his choice to become a shinobi was born to simply help his parents. After the death of his brother, the two had fallen into a deep depression. Unable to bear their sorrow any longer, he decided to leave behind Shiro and become Tatsuya in their hearts. He knew he could never replace his brother, but once his training began, he noticed a rejuvenation in his father. Sadly they still have not been the same since their loss, he continues to train and further his career as a shinobi in order to live up to the short legacy his brother left behind.
Clan: Akimichi
Nindō: My brother gave his life for this village. It's about time I do so as well.
THE NINJA. Origin: Land of Fire
Affiliation: Konoha
Rank: Genin
Specialties: Main: Taijutsu | Sub: Ninjutsu
Elemental Affinities: Main: Lightning | Sub: Earth
Combat Style:
As a member of the Akimichi clan, Shiro's primary fighting style revolves around his ability to overwhelm his opponents with sheer force and power through his multi-size techniques. Shiro's primary strategy when fights begin is to charge onto the front lines, using himself as cover for his allies, he will seek out the opponent whom seems to be weakest physically and charge them down. With this, he will either force the hand's of their allies to cover their weaker teammate, or break said member off from their group. He is extremely confident in one on one encounters at close range and enjoys when opponents assume he is weak because of his size.
To supplement his strength in taijutsu, Shiro is also talented with lightning based ninjutsu and has learned various techniques that allow him to better close gaps on his enemies and strength his taijutsu skills. Most commonly using jutsu to create an electrical barrier around himself and to strengthen his attacks with charges of electricity, it makes it extremely difficult for his enemies to counterattack should he be able to close the distance between them. However he has realized his weakness to long ranged enemies and is currently working on ninjutsu so he can at least defend himself at medium ranges.
While confident in his close combat skills, there is one area where Shiro lacks heavily in. As he prefers to use powerful strikes to crush his opponents with a single blow, his strikes are often large and can leave him open to counterattacks. A nimble opponent that can evade his attacks and take advantage of these openings is potentially a far greater enemy than any long range specialist against Shiro.
Special Characteristics:
- Spoiler:
Name: Immense Strength Rank: B Type: Physical Physical Requirements: Must Specialize in Weaponry or Taijutsu. Training Requirements: A 1200 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: The first level in the art of strength accessible to those who have undergone intensive training in increasing their raw power. The possessor of this talent has an increased strength of 40% which makes them considerably stronger. They can now lift greater objects that even a group of men of be incapable of lifting. Because of their strength, everything including their weapons becomes lightweight, and they can perform quicker assaults with their weapons. They can also now naturally deliver more powerful physical blows that can shatter bone.
Name: Great Endurance Rank: B Type: Physical Physical Requirements: Must Specialize in Weaponry or Taijutsu. Training Requirements: A 1200 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: The second level in the art of endurance accessible to those who have undergone intensive training. The possessor of this talent has an increased endurance of 40% which makes them considerably tougher. They are now immune to the sensation of pain which allows them to fight under harsh circumstances with normal efficiency.
Name: Large Chakra Capacity Rank: B Type: Chakra Based Physical Requirements: Must have Increased Chakra Capacity Training Requirements: A 1200 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: The ninja continues their mediation and physical training which further increases their chakra capacity. Ninja with large chakra capacities have an increased chakra of 35CP
Name: Raiton Prodigy Rank: C Type: Chakra Based Physical Requirements: Must have Lightning Affinity Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: A trait given to ninja who posses a natural talent for lighting manipulation and has trained thoroughly to improve their skill. Their power over the lightning element becomes so talented that the ninja is now considered a young prodigy in the lightning element. Because of this, the user's lightning attacks are 20% more destructive with their increased voltage and size.
THE BACKGROUND. History:
Early Life:
- Born into the Akimichi clan. His father a member of the Konoha task force, but low ranking in the clan itself. His mother was the heiress of a flowershop in the downtown area of Konoha. He also had an elder brother by the name of Tatsuya whom was training to enter the academy in a few years.
- Brother enters the academy when Shiro is 3. Shiro himself shows little interest in learning the ways of a ninja and works with his mother while his father and brother train.
- Tatsuya graduates the academy and becomes a genin when Shiro is 5.
- At age 6, the village is raided by several enemy jonin. Tatsuya is caught in the crossfire when trying to evacuate citizens from a burning building and is killed. Shiro's parent's fall into depression.
- When Shiro turned 7, he asked his father to begin training him. Though initially turned away, his father eventually gives in and begins to train Shiro. It is extremely difficult as he had to spend several months simply bulking up as he was rather thin for an Akimichi.
- On his 9th birthday, Shiro is accepted into the academy, a year older than when his brother was accepted.
Academy Days:
- Shiro is the target of ridicule from most of the other students. As there were few Akimichi members of his age, he was the only one admitted to the academy for his year.
- About a month into his lessons, he found a group of students who did not mind his appearance and saw him for whom he really was.
- Shiro excels in ninjutsu and taijutsu classes, but falls noticeably short in genjutsu.
- The first graduation exam rolls around, two of his friends pass but Shiro does not.
- The second graduation exam comes and the rest of his friends graduate, leaving Shiro alone.
- Shiro goes back to his father to receive extra training lessons.
- Shiro passes the third exam.
- Upon being given his forehead protector, Shiro asks to use his brothers but is denied because the symbol of Konoha has been damaged.
- Shiro takes the protector home and finds a blacksmith.
- Shiro asks again if he can use the protector, the symbol restored but still bearing heavy damage, the elders see his devotion in it and agree.
Present Day:
- Shiro trains daily with his father, trying to learn the ways of the Akimichi and of the side of his brother he never knew.
- Without a team, he has been denied missions so far. Shiro is anxious to finally learn who will be in his squad.
Roleplay Sample:
- Spoiler:
"Drip... drip" The consistant sound of falling water echoed through the humid darkness with the steadiness of a metronome. Atop a secluded ledge, Kazuki waited in absolute silence. Not moving his body even an inch as to avoid disturbing even the smallest pebble. The catacombs were narrow and long. Any noise could easily be carried for miles. Because of this, he even limited his breaking to one breath per three minutes.
He had been waiting in the darkness for well over six hours and the exchange time was now only minutes away. The Village had recieved word of Black Market trading occurring in the caverns around the Merchant town of Izilude. It was well known that Black Market goods were constantly coming and going through the town. However this time they had an informant as well as a location and time of one of the major trade routes. If it was to be shut down, the market in the area would fall into chaos and the Leaf could move in and close them down permanently.
The route involved navigating through the miles of underground catacombs with only a few paths leading to a secure exit. Because of the danger the caves possessed, only a brave few who entered their depths and returned know the safe routes. Unfortunately, none of these people are known by the Leaf Village. The informant knew the layout of the first two hundred meters in as he used to play there as a child. So, using his directions, Kazuki was able to locate a suitable location for hiding. If the information was correct, then a caravan should be coming through this area and meet up with another contact at the cave entrance. If all goes well, he should be able to take out the caravan and capture the contact in one fell swoop.
The minutes ticked by to the echo of the water and there was no sign of the caravan. Twenty minutes after the scheduled time, the sounds of footsteps and old wooden wheels could be heard echoing through the cavern. A glow from an oil lamp began to illuminate the darkness and the forms of three men and a large wagon began creeping along the cave floor.
Silently, Kazuki made his move. Unraveling his robe from around his sword he glides it along the ceiling, creating noose-like appendages that began to lower to the men's throats when a fourth presence alerts him to call off his attack. Leaping from his hiding place as several senbon are lodged into the rock face. Upon landing on the floor he looks over to a Hidden Rain ninja glaring at him through his shadowed face. The cart quickly evactuating the area.
"Looks like your ambush failed you pathetic Leaf". He laughs as his voice bounds off the walls creating an infinite echo that engulfed Kazuki. "What's with the silence?" He taunts as the light from the cart fades. "Stunned as to why your plan failed?" He takes a few steps forward as the cavern fades to absolute darkness. "Well..." The voice echoes before a swift breeze passes Kazuki and it returns in his ear as nothing more than a whisper "We just cut the legs off the noisy cricket". With that, the splash of a puddle and swift sound of thin objects cutting the stale air and impailing a soft object are heard.
THE ARSENAL. Jutsu:
Academy:
- Spoiler:
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu • Clone Technique Rank: E Type: Genjutsu Range: N/A Medium: Optical Element: N/A Description: This technique creates identical clones of the user. However, they hold no actual substance and will disperse upon impact of an attack or contact with an opponent. They cannot disrupt the area around themselves with their movements; won’t kick up dust, crush grass, etc. They are simply optical illusions used to momentarily fool others. Chakra Cost: 1CP per 5 clones
Name: Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another object or person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. The user does not gain the properties of their transformation (ie. horse like strength), and may only transform into something ranging between 1/2 of their regular size, to 2x their regular size. Thus one cannot transform into large creatures. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 10 meters Element: N/A Description: After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread. Chakra Cost: 2
Name: Explosive Tag: Activate Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to activate an explosive tag they have planted somewhere. Preferably they should be within close to mid range and visible to the user. You cannot activate another persons explosive tags unless your chakra has been channeled into them beforehand. Chakra Cost: 1 (per 3 explosive notes)
Name: Kai • Release Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them, although it consumes half the chakra cost of the Genjutsu. Chakra Cost: Cost of Genjutsu + 2CP
Name: Nawanuke no Jutsu • Escaping Skill Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to free themselves should they be tied up. It is extremely basic. Using their physical training, the user will twist and contort their body to loosen their bindings, effectively relieving themselves of the tightness of their bindings and slipping through the restraints. This technique can only be used if the user is of equal or higher rank than their captor. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed. Chakra Cost: 1CP to seal; 1CP to unseal.
Name: Suimen Hokou no Waza • Act of Water Surface Walking Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: NA Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on water by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet or hands. Because of water’s nature, this requires the user to be quick to adjust the amount of chakra they must emit to their feet in order to maintain a constant balance. Users may also walk, run and “skate” across the water when using this technique. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Name: Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Taijutsu:
- Spoiler:
Name: Konoha Reppuu - Leaf Violent Wind Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The move here is a simple rear spinning low kick, but a strong enough user can send a large adult flying as if they weighed nothing. The goal is to throw the enemy off balance, and deal damage to the lower half of their body. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Konoha Senpuu - Leaf Whirlwind Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A taijutsu where one launches a succession of high kicks and low kicks. Firstly, the opponent's evasion margin is restrained upon seeing the high kick, thus augmenting the chances for the low kick to hit the mark. Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Dynamic • Action (Dainamikku • Akushon) Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The user flips towards the opponent and attacks with a series of punches and kicks. Chakra Cost: 8
Name: Konoha Dai Senkou - Leaf Great Light Rotation Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The user charges at their opponent and unleashes a powerful lateral kick aiming at the head that will spin his or her opponent away. This technique can certainly cause a head ache. Chakra Cost: 8
Name: Konoha Shoufuu - Leaf Rising Wind Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: This jump uses the entire body as a spring by amassing power in the legs before kicking upwards. Because the power of the kick from the ground is instantly converted into a blow, the enemy hit with this attack will be launched high into the sky. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Gekiretsu Unari | Furious Roar Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: N/A Description: The user unleashes a vicious scream, stimulating their adrenal glands and increasing their strength and endurance by 5% for two posts. Subsequent uses of this technique within five posts of its effects wearing off results in a halved effect. (2.5%). Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Stance of the Destroyer Rank: C-S (C) Type: Taijutsu Range: Close - Mid (Long) Element: N/A Description: By infusing their chakra into their attacks, the user's attacks greatly increase in strength. When attacking through physical means, the user unleashes such force that a shockwave is generated, dealing 30/50/70/90% of the damage of the attack over a range of 1/2/3/4 times the user's arm length based on rank. Chakra Cost: 6/11/22/36 (activation) (2/3/5/9 Per post)
Name: Dangan Sentou | Bullet Punch Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close Element: N/A Description: The user concentrates their strength into a single, deadly strike. Striking with the force of a bullet, the user is capable of cracking rocks with this attack. If the user possesses the Improved Strength Special Characteristic, this attack can break small rocks. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Gekiha Haaku | Crushing Grasp Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close Element: N/A Description: Meant to imitate the constricting power of a snake, this technique starts by the user focusing a thin layer of chakra onto their palm and grappling their opponent. The chakra works on the principles of the Tree Walking technique to increase their grip upon their target, making it nearly impossible to simply slip out of the grasp. Chakra Cost: 5 (activation) (2 per post)
Name: Juggernaut Rank: C-A (B) Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: N/A Description: By training their body the user learns how to control their strength in battle. Best conserving their energy and unleashing it at the last possible moment of an attack, greatly increasing it's power. The user's physical damage increases by 5/10/15% based on their rank. Chakra Cost: 5/10/20 (Activation) 2/3/5 (Per Post)
Name: Roketto Bakuha | Rocket Blast Rank: B Type: Taijutsu Range: Close Element: N/A Description: A mighty punch, the user will channel chakra into their arm and unleash bone crushing blow. A direct hit can easily break limbs and shatter stone. This jutsu can easily destroy rocks the size of a man's torso. Chakra Cost: 12
Name: Unstoppable Force Rank: C-A (C) Type: Taijutsu Range: Short-Mid (10m) Element: N/A Description: Simply an extremely powerful charge, the user will charge chakra into their legs and launch themselves forward at extreme speeds. Striking into foes and objects with extreme force. As the ranks increase, the speed and power of the charge greatly increases. At C rank, the user can easily plow down even fully grown adults. At B rank, they are able to crash through walls made of stone. At A rank even steel can be bulldozed through. Each rank requires the equal rank of strength SC for use. Chakra Cost: 6/12/24
Name: Ballistic Punch Rank: B Type: Taijutsu Range: Close Element: N/A Description: By charging a large amount of chakra into their arm, the user can greatly enhance the power of their next attack, unleashing an extremely powerful punch capable of leaving craters 5m wide and half as deep. Even steel of C rank or lower will suffer serious dents from this blow. Should a person be hit directly from this, they would suffer crippling injuries such as shattered bones and ruptured organs. Chakra Cost: 15
Ninjutsu:
- Spoiler:
Name: Seiteki Uwabari | Static Coat Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: Lightning Description: The user, after forming the proper handsigns, will generate a thin layer of electricity around hand's and torso. While the jutsu is active, the user will appear to have bolts of static electricity constantly jumping around the effected locations. When the user strikes an opponent, or is struck by one where the jutsu is active, they will receive a shock and the contacted area will be numbed for a short period. The area effected is the part of the body that made direct contact. So if the enemy were to punch the user in the stomach, their knuckles would become numbed, likewise if they were punched, they would be numbed in the area that was directly struck. The shock only causes temporary pain while the numbing kicks in afterwards. The numbing is minor and the feeling could be related to having one's leg fall asleep. The numbing lasts for 3 posts after contact and the coat lasts for 3 posts total. Afterwards the jutsu cannot be reactivated for 2 posts. Chakra Cost: 6 (+2 per post)
Name: Kujiku | Shatter Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: 10m Element: Earth Description: The user will charge their fist with Doton chakra and punch the ground, causing the area around them to crack and shatter. The ground around them will break and shift, creating an area of unstable ground. Anyone trying to traverse this area will be heavily slowed due to the lack of any solid ground to stand on. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Senkou Ban ( Flash Bang ) Rank: D Rank Type: Ninjutsu Range: Mid Element: Raiton Description: Without the use of hand signs the user will clap both their hands together as a bright white light will blind anyone within 7 meters of distance. The blinding will last for about 1 post before anyone within reach can regain their vision. The technique is used for escaping purposes or to gain a small opening to attack the opponent while he is blinded by the light. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Seiteki Rasshou ( Static Rush ) Rank: D Rank Type: Ninjutsu Range: Self Element: Raiton Description: By manipulating raiton chakra the user will charge his nervous system with tiny shocks of electricity, allowing him to increase his speed, thus boosting him about 5% faster and able to react to sudden movements when needed. This is all only for a sudden quick movement. The effect fades out few seconds after the jutsu was activated. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Seiteki Jiyuu ( Static Freedom ) Rank: C Rank Type: Ninjutsu Range: Self Element: Raiton Description: Without the use of hand signs and only the manipulation of raiton chakra the user will create a large current electricity formed inside with his muscles creating shocking pain to the user. This is used to break out of genjutsu of the same or below their own rank. As a result after breaking free of the genjutsu, the user will feel minor numbness on their body. Making it slightly difficult to move like before. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Kuchiyose no Jutsu - Summoning Technique Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: A powerful jutsu, Ninpo Kuchiyose allows a ninja to summon animals and objects to fight on their behalf. The ninja normally signs a blood contract with the animal species, which allows them to summon different size and skill levels of creature. Signing this contract also allows the animal to reverse summon the human ninja to their location. Chakra Cost: 5 (C Rank Summon), 10 (B), 15 (A), 20 (S)
Name: Boruda-Danmaku | Boulder Barrage Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Medium (5-10m) Element: Earth Description: The user will perform the proper handseals and slam their palms into the ground. The earth will begin to churn and fire out five rocks the size of basketballs. The rocks arc through the air and crash at a range predetermined by the user within the jutsu's constraints. The further the range, the larger the arc. The arc will go as high as 3 meters and as low as one. The boulders will shatter upon impact. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Dochuu Senkou - Underground Submarine Voyage Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Dochuu Senkou is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After forming the needed hand seals, the user can sink below ground and quickly travel through the earth. Chakra Cost: 6 (2 per post)
Name: Akimichi Maruishi | Akimichi Boulder Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close Element: Doton Description: A custom augmentation to the Human Bullet Tank technique used by the Akimichi Clan, this jutsu can only be used while the user is actively using the aforementioned jutsu. When moving, the user will cover their body in a layer of chakra that attaches itself to the earth underneath the user. Causing it to stick to themselves and coat their body with dirt and stone. This both increases the offensive power of Human Bullet Tank with the increased size and mass as the earth stacks more and more layers over the user. However as more earth covers the user it becomes harder to perceive their surroundings and maneuver.
Upon activating the jutsu, the user will cover their body with earth equal to 40% of their size while in Human Bullet Tank over the duration of the post, increasing by an additional 20% each post, capping at a 100% increase in size. The strength of Human Bullet Tank increases by these increments as well, however the user also suffers a decrease in their perception and mobility equal to half the amount of the bonus. In addition, the earth acts as a shield for the user, blocking most basic attack and jutsu (C rank). It is however, extremely weak to lightning based techniques and will suffer double the damage from such attacks. If the earthen shield is damaged, but not destroyed, it will restore itself in one post, but lose 20% of its size and bonuses and cost additional chakra to restore.
When the jutsu is disabled, the shield merely crumbles to dust. Chakra Cost: 8 (activation) 2 (per post) +2(to restore if damaged)
Name: Dendou Menshoku | Electric Discharge Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: Lightning Description: The user quickly charges their body with lightning chakra and discharges it through their skin. Anything in direct physical contact with the user will be momentarily stunned, afterwards they will experience a numbing sensation throughout their body for the next post. Chakra Cost: 8
Name: Taishita Boruda Tosu | Great Boulder Toss Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close - Mid Element: Doton Description: The user will slam their palms to the ground, gripping their fingers into the earth. Then they will force their chakra into the ground, molding up dirt and stone and pulling out a boulder. The boulder's size and weight is equal to three times the user's normal body size and weight. The boulder will automatically shatter after 1 post should it not be thrown or removed by other means. Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Stoneskin Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: Doton Description: The user coats their body in Doton Chakra, infusing themselves with the durability of the Earth. The user takes 10% reduced damage from all sources. However this is rather taxing on the body and can only be maintained for 4 posts, increasing by 1 extra post per rank past Genin. Chakra Cost: 6 (activation) 2 (per post)
Name: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu - Shadow Clone Technique Rank: B Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: Similar to the Clone Technique, this jutsu creates clones of the user. Unlike the Clone Technique, these clones are actual copies, not illusions. The user's chakra is evenly distributed among every clone, giving each clone an equal fraction of the user's overall power. The clones are capable of performing jutsu on their own and can even bleed, but will usually disperse after one or two solid blows. They can also disperse on their own. The clones will be created in roughly the same condition as the original. Because the chakra of each clone is evenly distributed, the user and each clone will contain the same amount of chakra after deducting the initial chakra cost. All remaining chakra on the clone after it is dispersed is refunded to the user. Clones automatically disperse if their chakra supply hits zero, but are not influenced by the 10 chakra minimum for survival. Chakra Cost: 15 (Per clone)
Name: Hakyoku | Cataclysm Rank: B Type: Ninjutsu Range: Long (10m) Element: Doton Description: The user will slam the ground, usually in the form of a stomp, from there, walls of rock will sprout from around them at a range of 10m and grow 10m in height. These walls spike at the top and curl inwards to create a partial dome with the top ending in many jagged points. The insides of the walls are lined with smaller jagged stones making it extremely difficult to try to run or climb up them. Any attempt to do so will result in the person cutting themselves on the stone. Chakra Cost: 12
Name: Demolish Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Long (10m) Element: Doton Description: This jutsu can only be used after the B rank jutsu Kayaku | Cataclysm has been activated, and only if the user is the same one to activate said jutsu. The user will activate this jutsu to collapse the walls created by Hayaku | Cataclysm, causing them to turn to dirt and small rocks, falling harmlessly to the ground. Chakra Cost: 4 activation
Name: Nuruhana | Null Field Rank: B Type: Ninjutsu Range: 5m Element: Lightning Description: The user will expel a large amount of lightning chakra from their body, creating a field around themselves extending to a 5 meter radius. The field appears as countless thin bolts of lightning shooting out in random directions from the user. Should a creature come within the 5 meter range, the bolts will focus onto it. These bolts, on contact, will cause extremely painful muscle cramps. Creatures within the field will suffer from extreme pain and will be slowed by 20% as long as they remain in the field. Upon leaving the field, creatures will continue to be slowed and suffer pain for 1 post, but the effect is halved. There is no lasting damage after the pain wears off.
Clan Jutsu:
- Spoiler:
Name: Bubun Baika no Jutsu | Partial Mutli-Size Technique Rank: C-S (B) Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m), Far (10+) Clan: Akimichi Description: Bubun Baika no Jutsu is a taijutsu technique used by the members of the Akimichi clan. Like the standard Multi-Size Technique, this jutsu expands the body, but expands parts of the body as opposed to just the stomach. Skilled clan members can alter the size of their body to a large scale with little trouble. With the larger body parts, the user's strength increases proportionally.The most commonly expanded body part is the arm. C-ranked nin can expand their limbs five times their average size. B-ranked nin can expand their limbs ten times their average size. A/S-ranked nin can expand their limbs twenty times their original size. Chakra Cost: C5/B10/AS20 CP (Additional 3CP Per Post)
Name: Nikudan Sensha | Human Bullet Tank Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m), Far (10+) Clan: Akimichi Description: Nikudan Sensha is a ninjutsu technique used by the members of the Akimichi clan. The user makes themselves into a human-sized ball, they tuck their limbs inside their clothes and use chakra to propel themselves into a powerful roll. The gain enough momentum to pummel through trees and squash everything under them. Chakra Cost: 5CP (Additional 2CP Per Post)
Name: Baika no Jutsu | Multi-Size Technique Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Clan: Akimichi Description: Baika no Jutsu is a ninjutsu technique used by the members of the Akimichi clan. This is a secret jutsu passed down in the Akimichi clan that expands the user's stomach. This jutsu increases the user's body size by using up the user's food energy, converting calories into chakra. Akimichi clan members tend to eat fattening foods and have large physiques in order to support this technique. Chakra Cost: 5CP (Additional 2CP Per Post)
Items:
- Spoiler:
Name: Chuunin Kit Rank: B Quantity: 1 Contents: 10 Kunai [10], 16 Shuriken [8], 12 Senbon [4], 15 Makibishi [3], 6 Exploding Notes [6], 6 Exploding Pouches [2], 6 Smoke Pellets [2], 18m String [6], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
Name: Genin Kit Rank: C Quantity: 1 Contents: 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
Summon:
- Spoiler:
Name: The Seven Pranksters (Loco, Doco, Momo, Rolo, Gogo, Toto and Coco) Rank: C Appearance: - Spoiler:
The Seven Pranksters all look to be simple young monkeys. Their size, both height and girth, are nearly identical. As is their fur colour and skin tone. Only their eye colours and voices, when not impersonating one another, are their distinguishing features. The colours of their eyes are as follows; Blue, brown, purple, green, red, orange and gray respectively. Their fur is an earthly brown and short, while being extremely soft to the touch. They stand at a height of 1 1/2 feet each, while technically different its almost impossible to tell without proper measuring tools. Their tails are all half the length of their bodies and rather thick, strong enough to lift themselves and a few things they may be carrying. As they are still young ang growing, their teeth and claws are still very short, sharp enough to break flesh should it be needed, but not enough to deal more than surface damage. Personality:As their nickname implies, these seven are pranksters at heart. Born septuplets, they've always been together and know each other inside and out. Normally most monkeys are lively and active, but with the seven of them, normal play was never quite enough. They quickly learned that it was extremely difficult to determine them from one another and that was the beginning of their pranking days. They love fooling people, even their parents as to who is who, but also have taken to petty theft, scaring and general childish mayhem. When they cause too much trouble for their village with their antics, they like to travel away, sneaking into other lands and terrorizing its inhabitants before returning home. Should things go wrong however, their youthful nature is bared open, oftentimes their immediate worry is that they will get in trouble again. If hurt they will cry easily and want to go home. When they aren't out pranking people and causing trouble, they are surprisingly very kind and caring. Until their urges get the best of them that is. Contract Type: Formal Species: Monkey Speciality: N/A Elemental Affinity: N/A Summons Jutsu: N/A Name: Yaiba Rank: B Appearance: A tall, lanky monkey, Yaiba stands at seven feet even. His fur is a wild red and completely unkempt, strands jutting in random directions over his body he constantly appears to be having a bad hair day. His skin tone is a lightish brown and hardened from years of battle. Underneath his fur, his body is covered in countless scars he received fighting the beasts that threaten his home. Across his face is the largest scar and the only noticeable one, crossing his entire face from his left eye down to his lower right jaw. Yaiba's eyes are a deep brown and always sparking with life. His teeth are sharp and well cleaned with three inch canines. For clothing, Yaiba prefers to forego most articles save for a brown headband and a sash across his waist. Both pieces are featureless save for the fact they show their age. On his back, he carries a massive great sword. Nearly as tall as himself, the blade is five feet long with a one foot width. The hilt is made of simple wood found in the jungle and the entire thing shows signs of years of wear and tear. The blade is covered in scratches and chips, wrapped with leather bindings to help keep it connected to its hilt. Personality: As one of the two guards of the hidden monkey city, Yaiba is a very prideful beast. He enjoys testing himself against others and likes a good fight. However he loves his duty more and is very protective of members of his race, especially the young. While he may come off as boisterous and immature, he always places the safety and well being of his home before all else. When off duty, Yaiba can be quite energetic and playful. The kind of person who hates silence, he will constantly be trying to break the ice and get conversations going. This is especially true when in the company of his partner Toki, the second guard of the city. Often finding the slower insufferable at times due to his lack of energy. However, when it comes to battle, he would prefer no one else by his side. Contract Type: Formal Species: Monkey Speciality: Weaponry (Close) Elemental Affinity: Doton Summons Jutsu:- Spoiler:
Name: Great Spin Rank: B Type: Weaponry Range: Mid (5m) Element: N/A Description: Yaiba will focus his chakra into his arms and unleash a powerful spin attack with his blade. Because of his sword's size combined with the strength of the attack, a shockwave is released from the edge reaching up to five meters. The shockwave will knock back a human sized creature to the maximum range and deal damage equal to a C rank taijutsu. Chakra Cost: 13 (+4 per post)
Name: Skyfall Rank: B Type: Weaponry Range: Mid (5m) Element: N/A Description: Yaiba will throw his great sword high into the air and leap after it. Catching it in the air, he will flip forward and fall to the ground, using the added momentum to add an immense amount of power to his blow. Easily capable of slicing a moderately sized boulder clean in two. Chakra Cost: 13
Name: Senpuu | Whirlwind Rank: C Type: Weaponry Range: Close Element: N/A Description: Yaiba will outstretch his sword and begin to rapidly spin. Yaiba is capable of moving along the ground during this time but his speed is slowed by 10%. He cannot use this jutsu for more than 3 posts, if that limit is passed he becomes extremely dizzy and unable to fight for 2 posts. Chakra Cost: 6 (+2 per post)
Name: Bladerang Rank: C Type: Weaponry Range: Long Element: N/A Description: Yaiba will throw his great sword like a boomerang, sending it flying out in an arc up to ten meters before returning to himself. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Sumasshu | Smash Rank: C Type: Weaponry Range: Close Element: N/A Description: A powerful overhead slash, Yaiba will raise his massive great sword and bring it down with extreme force. Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Kai • Release Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them, although it consumes half the chakra cost of the Genjutsu. Chakra Cost: Cost of Genjutsu + 2CP
Name: Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another object or person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. The user does not gain the properties of their transformation (ie. horse like strength), and may only transform into something ranging between 1/2 of their regular size, to 2x their regular size. Thus one cannot transform into large creatures. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 10 meters Element: N/A Description: After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread. Chakra Cost: 2
Name: Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Equipment:Name: Yaiba's Sword Rank: B Type: Close Appearance: A massive great sword with a five foot long and one foot wide blade. The hilt is the size of a man's forearm and made from hard jungle wood, giving it a very deep and rich brown. The blade, while once a shimmering silver is now covered in years of scratches, gouges and chips. Brown leather straps cover the lower portion of the blade and the hilt, almost as if to hold it in place. Despite all this, his sword still holds stronger than most new blades on the market. Quantity: 1 Storage: Self Special Abilities: Titanium blade. While Yaiba himself is unaware the material is special, his blade was forged from titanium. The greater metal has allowed the blade to survive for far longer than any steel weapon in this condition.
FACE CLAIM. Character Claim: Ethan Kairos Source: Time Hollow Image URL: http://www.ndszone.com/wp-content/uploads/games/Time-Hollow-DS-02.jpg
Last edited by Daedalus on Sat 02 Feb 2013, 2:25 am; edited 40 times in total |
| | | Kiseki
Posts : 1216
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Wed 16 Jan 2013, 11:38 pm | |
| You need more appearance Personality and Combat style. Edit your title to say
- Code:
-
Souansha, Kenta [Konogakure Genin] Your origin is a country not a village although this is a nitpick. |
| | | CleverYamanaka
Age : 30 Posts : 1688
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Sat 19 Jan 2013, 10:03 pm | |
| - Quote :
- Name: Seiteki Tacchi | Static Touch
How severe is this numbness? I would assume that, because of the jutsu's rank, you could still move the effected area, correct? - Quote :
- Name: Boulder Bola
The ability to manipulate and use roots like you have it in this jutsu sounds a lot like a Senju ninjutsu, not purely an earth jutsu. - Quote :
- Name: Tanken Ishi | Stone Shrapnel
You mention "stones and other solid debris." This is a doton ninjutsu, meaning it should only be able to manipulate and control earthen substances; so just clarify that much and we'll be good. Also, if it is possible, can you give us a picture as to how much is being controlled here, and at what speed? - Quote :
- Name: Ishitate | Stone Shield
This also uses the roots, which falls under the Senju clan's abilities. You cannot manipulate vines and/or roots into the place of a shield without being able to manipulate the roots as well. Perhaps change that, and I think you'll be good on those jutsu. |
| | | Daedalus
Posts : 811
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Tue 22 Jan 2013, 8:30 pm | |
| Okay basically redid the entire thing. |
| | | Emperor of Rock
Age : 32 Posts : 869
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Thu 24 Jan 2013, 1:43 pm | |
| You have to choose two categories out of three for weaponry.
Right now you have 10 jutsus and you can start with 15.
- Quote :
- Name: Konsetsuzoku | Soul Linker
I'm kind of iffy on this one because, while you do say that it's mostly used with allies, nothing stops you from using it on opponents. So I would like you to make it so that the target of this jutsu must allow you to use it on him/her.
- Quote :
- Name: Taiyouken | Solar Blade
All the jutsus must have chakra cost. I know it's only using the sword as a mirror to blind the enemy, but you can do that easily by just saying so in the post, granted, if there is sun.
- Quote :
- Name: Shintou Bakuha | Concussive Blast
To use this jutsu you need to have a B or higher ranked weapon as only those allow you to channel chakra through them.
- Quote :
- Name: Raikou Kei Enchou | Lightning Whip
Same thing as above.
You can have only 2 C ranked weapons and you have 4. Please remove 2.
You can't have poison because you don't have Medical or Puppetry speciality.
As for kunais, shuriken and such, copy and paste the genin kit that can be found in the encyclopedia. |
| | | Daedalus
Posts : 811
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Thu 24 Jan 2013, 7:57 pm | |
| Ugh, I'll just redo it again. |
| | | Daedalus
Posts : 811
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Thu 31 Jan 2013, 2:44 am | |
| Freaking (re)done. |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Thu 31 Jan 2013, 3:06 pm | |
|
- Your personality is -very- small and needs to have around two more paragraphs added. (note that a paragraph is about 250 - 300 words). Your appearance is looking very good, so I see you wont have problems with this
- Your combat style could use a little more adding to. Nothing overly much, maybe elaborated a bit more on his weakness in combat.
- Please bold the template for the academy jutsu.
- If I counted correctly, you only have 13 jutsu but you can start with 15. Just a reminder, as it is not mandatory.
- The village name + rank of your character are missing from the topic's name.
- Name: Kyousei Tsumei | Great Claw
Just how deep into the flesh can you tear? And I have a small issue with this, as it would seem the Chakra would just make the punch stronger.. but using the fingers as claws might be usable if you explain it a bit more to me.
- Name: Seiteki Uwabari | Static Coat
Just how much damage exactly does it do? And does it stun the opponent or make him numbed in the area affected? And if so, then for how long?
Also reword the beginning a bit, so it wont seem like he is first only coating himself with Chakra before adding the lightning element. If you would word it like that, you might be implying that the Chakra itself could hold some potentials there for other use than just adding the lightning.
To coat his entire body in the lightning chakra seems a bit much for a C rank jutsu, and also you would need some maximum post duration and a cooldown.
- Name: Raikou Heki | Lightning Burst
Elaborated more on the damage that gets taken. Also, for how long can the dome be held? How many energy bolts can be shot forth? I also have an issue with a lightning technique of this rank being able to burn anyone.
Also, how exactly does the dome work? Is there lightning shooting from it? Or is it just protecting the user, and damages whoever tries to touch it?
- Name: Raikiri Yari | Lightning Spear
This jutsu is far too powerful for a C rank one. It can easily kill with one hit, and that's a no no. Lessen it's damage, as it should not be able to travel through a human body.
- Name: Seiteki Ryoukin | Static Charge
I find this a bit iffy. More description is needed on how exactly the lightning element is stimulating the character, and also why he gets burned if holding it for too long. A speed improvement is also something that should be kept to an SC, but write a bit more on this and I will view it again.
|
| | | Daedalus
Posts : 811
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Fri 01 Feb 2013, 1:31 am | |
| Your personality is -very- small and needs to have around two more paragraphs added. (note that a paragraph is about 250 - 300 words). Your appearance is looking very good, so I see you wont have problems with this Smile
Done
Your combat style could use a little more adding to. Nothing overly much, maybe elaborated a bit more on his weakness in combat.
Done
Please bold the template for the academy jutsu.
Done
If I counted correctly, you only have 13 jutsu but you can start with 15. Just a reminder, as it is not mandatory.
Meh
The village name + rank of your character are missing from the topic's name.
Done
Name: Kyousei Tsumei | Great Claw Just how deep into the flesh can you tear? And I have a small issue with this, as it would seem the Chakra would just make the punch stronger.. but using the fingers as claws might be usable if you explain it a bit more to me.
Removed
Name: Seiteki Uwabari | Static Coat Just how much damage exactly does it do? And does it stun the opponent or make him numbed in the area affected? And if so, then for how long?
Also reword the beginning a bit, so it wont seem like he is first only coating himself with Chakra before adding the lightning element. If you would word it like that, you might be implying that the Chakra itself could hold some potentials there for other use than just adding the lightning.
To coat his entire body in the lightning chakra seems a bit much for a C rank jutsu, and also you would need some maximum post duration and a cooldown.
Fixed
Name: Raikou Heki | Lightning Burst Elaborated more on the damage that gets taken. Also, for how long can the dome be held? How many energy bolts can be shot forth? I also have an issue with a lightning technique of this rank being able to burn anyone.
Also, how exactly does the dome work? Is there lightning shooting from it? Or is it just protecting the user, and damages whoever tries to touch it?
Name: Raikiri Yari | Lightning Spear This jutsu is far too powerful for a C rank one. It can easily kill with one hit, and that's a no no. Lessen it's damage, as it should not be able to travel through a human body.
Name: Seiteki Ryoukin | Static Charge I find this a bit iffy. More description is needed on how exactly the lightning element is stimulating the character, and also why he gets burned if holding it for too long. A speed improvement is also something that should be kept to an SC, but write a bit more on this and I will view it again.
Removed
Added some jutsu that Strange Ace gave me permission for.
Link |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Sat 02 Feb 2013, 12:17 am | |
|
-
- Quote :
- To coat his entire body in the lightning chakra seems a bit much for a C rank jutsu
^ Make him rather coat at about half of his body, and it would be up to him at the time which half it would be.
Also, just how big of an area of contact will be numbed on the opponent? If we are talking only the part that is touched (say that small area that the jutsu's user would touch, or only the fist of the opponent that had struck the coat) or if it would be the entire arm of the opponent if he were to touch the coat. If it's an entire limb, make the numbing last for 2 posts. If it's only that part which touches the user of the jutsu, then it's fine to leave it at 3 posts.
|
| | | Daedalus
Posts : 811
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Sat 02 Feb 2013, 2:25 am | |
| - MsMoney wrote:
-
- Quote :
- To coat his entire body in the lightning chakra seems a bit much for a C rank jutsu
^ Make him rather coat at about half of his body, and it would be up to him at the time which half it would be.
Also, just how big of an area of contact will be numbed on the opponent? If we are talking only the part that is touched (say that small area that the jutsu's user would touch, or only the fist of the opponent that had struck the coat) or if it would be the entire arm of the opponent if he were to touch the coat. If it's an entire limb, make the numbing last for 2 posts. If it's only that part which touches the user of the jutsu, then it's fine to leave it at 3 posts.
Fixed |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Sat 02 Feb 2013, 2:31 am | |
| (1/2) approved. |
| | | Kite
Age : 34 Posts : 1209
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Sat 02 Feb 2013, 11:30 pm | |
| Looks fine to me. Good job and good luck.
Approved 2/2
Don't forget to make an account here. |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] Thu 02 Jan 2014, 8:05 pm | |
| Archived. (Old character). |
| | | Sponsored content
| Subject: Re: Akimichi, Shiromaru [Konoha Chuunin] | |
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