| | Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] | |
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Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Fri 20 Apr 2012, 9:28 am | |
| Hakumei, ShenTHE INFO. Name: Shen Hakumei Nickname: Age: 13 Gender: Male Appearance: Cast in a head full of white spiky hair, Shen stands out from most children in his age. The hair seems to have never been cut, growing tall and longer with each day, though not growing too aggressively. It sits perfectly on his head, jutting out in almost every direction. In addition to his unique hair he bears silver eyes as well that give him an almost mystic like appearance. In the sunlight it appears as if his eyes have glazed over or he is possessed by something, and it becomes difficult to tell whether or not he is actually looking at you. For someone 11 years old Shen is extremely short. Standing at about five feet tall on a good day, he is often picked on by most kids his age. Despite his shortness, his tall demeanor makes up for his lack of height.
Shen wears a navy blue themed mask and outfit, fitting himself in navy blue and silver colors. He wears a headband on his head even though he belongs to no village, which bears a single horizontal line across the Konoha emblem. He wears a mask across his face which is apart of a blue and silver-sleeved t-shirt. Across the chest of the shirt he also wears a brown-strapped sword holster made of leather. The leather straps are worn in an "x" format which cross his shoulders. His hands and arms are adorned with separate sleeves that run from his elbow to his knuckles and are wrapped tight with small rubber bands. Normal nin boots are secured on his feet and on the straps of his sword holsters sometimes sits a small tanto.
Even though Shen looks like a generic ninja and would normally appear to stand out in a crowd, he seems to have the ability to blend in. Whether or not it is a trait that would inspire him to become someone more adapted for stealth or just a quirk, in big city settings Shen can be hard to spot and to find. Most people see him and pass him off for a young genin from a village on a mission, or even a child dressing up as a ninja. He understands the importance of blending in as he is alone most of the time making ends meet in villages, so making himself invisible is something he is naturally great at.
Forehead Protector: On the head as normal
Personality: Introverted describes him best. Shen loves alone time and appreciates people who can respect his solitude. As he appears to be an elitist type, Shen however is not foreign to social interactions. Most of the time he will talk with a group of friends he knows personally and only develops a relationship with few people. He is calm, calculated and generally acts very mature for someone his age and stature. Social companions and strict sensei's are things he doesn't enjoy too much, especially those who are too clingy, but he is always willing to do what it takes to become better. Most of the time he says very little unless needed but isn't lost for words when it comes to humor and general discussion.
In missions and dangerous activities Shen tends to show his elitist side off. Possessing no bloodline or any type of special ability, his skills come from his own two hands and own talents. Every move made is calculated, planned and cleverly thought of before it happens. The things that run through his brain in combat are vast, as he tends to run over situations and possibilities in his head. Predicting the movement of his opponent, controlling space between him and enemy and making sure to win are just a few that jog his brain. He believes that the moment you lay eyes on a person that you should treat them as a potential enemy. Learn them. Study them. Analyze them in every way. As he has learned in his past, sometimes people who are close can become enemies.
Overall, he shares a personality that most people, especially shinobi, accept. The life of a ninja is harsh, unforgiving and sometimes completely unfair. Actions taken on strangers can have ramifications that can backlash on entire villages and even countries. Shen understands that balance is the essence of all things and that in order for there to truly be peace there must be balance. Keeping quietly to himself he envisions a future where balance is the primary focus on life. Even if it mean peace and war must be weighed for such a balance, he would see to it that it remains so. People live and then die, and no matter the cause balance must remain a priority.
Clan: --- Nindō: "Enforced equilibrium" - Balance must be prevalent at all times, even if it seems forced. It means that Shen exists to bring balance wherever he is. It may be a giant task for a child but this is the nature of said character.Being a lone as a child with dead parents could drive anyone into madness. Shen's desire is to overcome the tribulations of his life and live to enforce balance.
THE NINJA. Origin: Mist Country Affiliation: None Rank: [C Rank Genin] Specialties: [Ninjutsu | Taijutsu] Elemental Affinities: [Raiton | Doton] Combat Style: As a ninja and a martial artist, Shen focuses on training his body and his mind both equally. Even though he is very short in stature, he is not to be underestimated as a shinobi. When focusing on martial arts aspects, Shen likes to play with more of a speed-based agility style than brute force strength. Even though he plans on one day learning how to use his muscles, he prefers to use his small body to get in and out of situations quickly and efficiently. Someone of his height may not be able to manage to reach the cabinets, but fitting in places that most people can't are extreme advantages, especially in battle. So since he does not use muscular strength to punch and break things, Shen often always keeps a kunai or some type of sharp object in his hand to supplement. Instead of making punches he makes quick jabs and stabs which are most always more fatal.
As a ninjutsu user he focuses on using his abilities to take control of the battle. Earth style taijutsu allows him to cloak himself from the opponent and attack from most people's greatest weak point... The ground. As he learns more about Doton style, it will eventually open such doors as learning to reinforce his body and or weapons for a greater defense. For now he knows little about it, but plans to use it with the utmost efficiency. As a lightning user he likes the offense that it brings to battle. Quick, concise, pin-point strikes that do two types of damage. Physical burning and nervous paralysis allow one quickly aimed attack to chain off into other attacks. By combining these styles of ninjutsu and taijutsu together, he is the type of shinobi that has versatility on the battlefield and never wastes a move.
Special Characteristics:- Spoiler:
Name: [Tier I] Improved Acrobatics Rank: C Type: Physical Prerequisites: - Training: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Restrictions: Amongst the Speed, Endurance, Strength, and Acrobatics SCs, members may only possess two of them, unless they possess both Weaponry and Taijutsu as their Primary and Secondary Specialties. If one possess Weaponry or Taijutsu as a Primary specialty, with one other specialty, and acquire Weaponry or Taijutsu as a Sub-Specialty, they may possess up to any three of them. Description: The ninja trains their ability in more advanced evasive maneuvers which serves the purpose of avoiding enemy attacks. The survivability of the ninja increases as they are now capable of executing quicker flips and twists than their peers.
THE BACKGROUND. History: Shen would like to think that his history was of noble origins but unfortunately isn't. As a young boy Shen grew up like any other child in Kirigakure, learning to become a ninja and a weapon of the country. His parents were enlisted in the secret division together, finding each other in the ranks of the Special Ops unit. Of course, they decided to carry on the shinobi way to him, enlisting him in the Academy as early as possible. During this time, Shen lived a completely normal life as any young academy student would. He passed his classes with perfect marks and learned what it would eventually take to become a ninja. His parents also taught him advanced techniques that he would learn as a genin, giving him a clear advantage over most of the normal children.
However, what separates him from a normal child is his parents over zealous dedication to their country and their single son. Due to their ability to work together in tandem, they were forced to go on a mission that would require them to relocate to a place outside of the Mist Village for a very long time. It was supposed to be one of those types of sleeper missions. They would essentially camp in the village and seek out their target, pretending to be a traveling family looking for a new home. They left the village before Shen could officially graduate from the academy a year later, disheartening their son as they set out on a dangerous mission of assassination.
As a child who would have been a ninja in a new place, Shen was forced to learn things on his own. He learned through spying, copying and imitating other shinobi that he'd meet along his journeys in the Mist. Since he was so young and small, no one ever expected him to be a ninja at all and even if he did have the guts to ask for help he would be rejected. He managed to learn to take what his parents had taught him and combine it with information he had gathered to learn more techniques and become well rounded shinobi. For the most part, he spent the vast majority of his time looking for teachers willing to pass on knowledge to him as his parents were so focused on the success of their mission.
They spent a whole two years in the small village, Shen mostly forced to raise himself. On his birthday, Shen expected to finally have his family come back and sit down at a meal and spend time together but he was promptly denied. That night he sat outside for several hours waiting for them, only to have them never return to the family doorstep. Concerned about his mother and father, Shen took his dad's old uniform and tailored it to fit himself. He took the straps, headband and mask, setting out to find answers to the questions of his parents death. Since he had no knowledge of their target but suspicious that they were on a mission for the village, he decided to question some of the higher shinobi around. He used whatever tricks he had up his sleeves to get away from the other nin who would threaten him for talking too much.
What he found eventually was that both of his parents had been assassinated. In their attempts to assassinate a drug lord that had been running the country, the managed to get their selves tied up with some of the most powerful shinobi for hire. These ranged from small kids who were stronger than the jounin of Kiri, to people who appeared to be nothing more than monsters. The drug lord ran enough product to essentially have them removed once he realized they were on his trail. Ever since a week after they'd moved away all of the shinobi that had passed by, or that Shen talked to were essentially spying on his family. When the drug lord realized they were just on an assassination mission for his head and had no other value, they were removed. With his parents dead and no one to look after him, he lives harboring hate for the village, stealing what he can to make ends meet. He bears his dad's old Kiri headband as a memory of his hatred of the village who sent his parents to their deaths.
As for now what plagues him is the most is the mystery of the situation and what importance he was to the village. The country that had sent his parents to their graves had no time to worry about him and never did seek him out for what he knew. It was plainly obvious that he wore the same outfit and headband as his father -the head band was his fathers-, yet when he searched those places for clues and answers he was given none. He had seen criminals that he knew were directly associated with the drug lord that were responsible, but he was never hunted for it. No doubt these people could easily peel the skin from his chest or back if they desired so, but there was never any threat on his life. He wanted to know the answer to a few simple questions. Was his life so insignificant that it didn't matter if he was allowed to walk the earth? Or were his parents hiding some knowledge that he didn't know about? What would cause a village to let his own ninja be killed so quickly, and without any second thought?
Maybe he was over thinking this way too hard. Who could actually care about someone who was as strong as other genin of any village running around? Who would actually feel threatened that this child who had a Kiri headband harboring hate in his heart for his own village? At first glance nobody would recognize such a child from a family. He could have easily picked up the headband from a fallen Mist nin and adopted it to be an asshole. His purpose however, was to find out what exactly was supposed to happen if his parents had succeeded in killing their target. There was a very strong chance he was still thinking too deep on this, but he knew that his own village tied loose ends. It was the shinobi way. He had no idea how he could begin an adventure from the mist itself but he would start somewhere. Someone had to know the answers and someone in the Mist was responsible. Even though revenge wasn't his ultimate goal, his end game would have him holding someones head for it. Whether it was the Kage or an official someone would pay. For now he would have to use the Mist's resources and learn what he could from the other kids within... It would take time and a lot of effort, but he would grow into something feared.
Roleplay Sample: - Spoiler:
Rustling scrolls echoed underneath the clan grounds of the Tousui. The occasional scuffle as a page from a book was being turned or a scroll being opened gave some kind of life to the dark room. The snapping of the crackling fire that hung from the walls lit the crypt, giving it a deep orange wavering light. In the center of the dusty crypt lie a gigantic table, one of made of deep black stone and dusted by time. Several people sat around it, all of the gentlemen wearing the same dark large hooded capes, covering the majority of their face, save for their lips down.
"There's simply not enough solid information on anything about them. We'll have to wait, for years again..." A large *thud* vibrated across the table, shocking some of the men as they eyed a clenched fist at the end of it. "I'm sick and tired of being held under them! It's been like this for the longest! I say we do something about it right now!" "Preposterous! They out-number us a hundred to one, we'd be slaughtered!" Silenced danced across the room, leaving the sound of an eerie hollow wind to race through the crypt. No one spoke for a few seconds, which felt like decades.
A hooded man at the far right corner grew ill of it and spoke in a low, crackled voice. "Tane, we can use him. Never have I seen the Tousui blood run as thick as it does in him." An older voice from the table. "He's no where near strong enough to be doing anything remotely close to what we have in store. No." The same crackled voice from before replied. "That's exactly why I've prepared this." Reaching inside of his deep cloak with his right hand, he fumbled a bit around the thick dark cloth as he removed a scroll. It was an average sized one, a deep yellow texture to show it's age. Tied with a piece of cloth, the old wrinkled fingers undid the knot, slowly pushing the scroll out.
It's contents were simply words and pictures, pictures of what seemed to be a crude man in a few stances. It was an ancient ninja scroll. "Behold brethren, Sorael's Scroll." A younger voice from the corner spoke up, with his head turned towards the scroll holder. "Where'd you get that?! That's supposed to be a clan secret, no one is supposed to know Sorael's Scroll exists! The punishment for that is--" "Then we should surely lob your head off shouldn't we boy? After all, it was you who we caught sneaking around after your father, prying down here as a child." The younger man grunted and threw his back into his chair.
The old man was right. "Sorael's Scroll well help young Tane grow into the shinobi we need to further our desires. Since he's officially genin now, he'll be able to start on some of the basics of the techniques. By the time he reaches Jounin he should have them all under his belt." A middle age voice scoffed and spoke. "I doubt it. Shirou's good but, it's Sorael we're talking about." The old man with the scroll turned his direction to the other end of the table. "Never mind that, Shirou can you do it?" There was lingering, light silence once more but Shirou spoke before it could grow too long. "Yes. Consider it done." The old man wrapped the scroll up and pushed it in his direction. "The clan appreciates what you are doing. Do not forget the bargain we have, if you do this and fulfill it, we will hold to our end as well. You do not have forever, increase the boy's training." "Yes sir." Shirou responded. "If that is all, we are finished. Nagai ichizoku o okuru." The rest of the men simultaneously repeated, "Nagai ichizoku o okuru." After their parting words, they disappeared into the depths of the crypt except for Shirou.
Maybe the slight patter of tears and sharp breaths had something to do with it.
THE ARSENAL. Techniques
- Academy:
Name: Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed. Chakra Cost: 1 to seal; 1 to unseal.
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu • Clone Technique Rank: E Type: Genjutsu Range: N/A Medium: Optical Element: N/A Description: This technique creates identical clones of the user. However, they hold no actual substance and will disperse upon impact of an attack or contact with an opponent. They cannot disrupt the area around themselves with their movements; won’t kick up dust, crush grass, etc. They are simply optical illusions used to momentarily fool others. Chakra Cost: 1CP per 5 clones
Name: Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another object or person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. The user does not gain the properties of their transformation (ie. horse like strength), and may only transform into something ranging between 1/2 of their regular size, to 2x their regular size. Thus one cannot transform into large creatures. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 10 meters Element: N/A Description: After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread. Chakra Cost: 2
Name: Explosive Tag: Activate Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to activate an explosive tag they have planted somewhere. Preferably they should be within close to mid range and visible to the user. You cannot activate another persons explosive tags unless your chakra has been channeled into them beforehand. Chakra Cost: 1 (per 3 explosive notes)
Name: Kai • Release Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them, although it consumes half the chakra cost of the Genjutsu. Chakra Cost: Cost of Genjutsu + 2CP
Name: Nawanuke no Jutsu • Escaping Skill Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to free themselves should they be tied up. It is extremely basic. Using their physical training, the user will twist and contort their body to loosen their bindings, effectively relieving themselves of the tightness of their bindings and slipping through the restraints. This technique can only be used if the user is of equal or higher rank than their captor. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Suimen Hokou no Waza • Act of Water Surface Walking Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: NA Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on water by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet or hands. Because of water’s nature, this requires the user to be quick to adjust the amount of chakra they must emit to their feet in order to maintain a constant balance. Users may also walk, run and “skate” across the water when using this technique. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Name: Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
- Custom/Open:
Name: Bunshin Kawarimi Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 0 Element: None Description: A simple trick where a henge is placed on an object during a kawarimi. The object will assume the image and feel of the user, however they will not bleed or anything. This can fool the enemy into thinking the user has died or didn't make it out of the attack. Even though it disperses almost instantly, it can fool enemies if used carefully Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Silent Henge Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 0 Element: None Description: A henge which changes quickly and makes no sound by changing with no smoke. The object appears to (very quickly) morph into the said object. Unlike the regular henge which uses a noise and a puff of smoke -making it obvious- the silent henge can do the same thing without the noise. This is useful when the opponent isn't paying close attention to the users hands or the user. Without the appearance of smoke, it's harder to tell if the user actually did something. It's the same technique, without the noise. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu - Double Suicide Decapitation Technique Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. The ninja will travel through the ground to appear below their target. They will then surprise their target by then pulling them into the ground. Once in the ground their target is thus immobilized. Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Dochuu Senkou - Underground Submarine Voyage Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Dochuu Senkou is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After forming the needed hand seals, the user can sink below ground and quickly travel through the earth. Chakra Cost: 6 (2 per post)
Name: Earth Style Rising Dragon Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: 0-5m Element: Ninjutsu Description: Shoryu is a ninjutsu technique which the user performs after going underground. With the ground as a major blind spot, the user will quickly burst forward from the earth at a high speed to aim an attack. Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder Rank: C-A (C for now) Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Raiton (Lightning) Description: This technique allows the user to create a wave of electricity from their hands. The user can vary its power from a small surge to shock an opponent to a powerful stream of lightning capable of ripping through solid rock. Chakra Cost: C (5), B (10), A (20)
Name: Kirigakure no Jutsu - Hidden Mist Technique Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m) Element: - Village: Kirigakure Description: This jutsu is developed and trained within Kirigakure as a village specific jutsu. After forming the needed hand seal, the user will place their hand over their head and cause a large amount of mist to gather. This mist is extremely difficult to see through from someone not of Kirigakure, who are used to looking through heavy mists, and are more able to do combat while within said mist. The jutsu involves kneading chakra into the mist, allowing the user to create extremely thick or thin levels of mist. Those with doujutsu or chakra sensing techniques are also able to see through this thick mist but without any aid, then you'll be blind within the mist. A C-Rank Fuuton Jutsu can dispel the mists. Chakra Cost: 4 (2CP)
Name: Konoha Kage Buyou - Leaf Shadow Dance Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: Konoha Kage Buyou is a Taijutsu technique that is used to position a ninja's opponent into a vulnerable aerial position. The ninja will first quickly appear below their opponent, then with a switch upper kick they will launch their target into the air. The ninja will then jump into the air to "shadow" the target with the target's back to their chest. This move is used before preforming "Omote Renge - Front Lotus" or "Shishi Rendan - Lion Combo". Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Doryuusou - Earthen Rising Spears Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: This technique lets the user condense mud or stone, from the ground, and shape them into spikes that will protrude from the ground in order to skewer the target. The spikes are brittle, and can be broken with a strong blow or tough defense. Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Kangekiha - Inspiration Wave Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Raiton (Lightning) Description: The user will first create a protective wall of water (must be done with a water technique, it is not included with just this technique). They will then form the needed hand seal and emit a bolt of electricity into the water which will increase its defensive effectiveness and stun any targets who attempt to pass through. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Gansetsukon - Rock Spear Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: This jutsu allows the user to take a small chunk of rock and turn it into the shape of a staff. The user can then use it as a weapon or throw it at their opponent. Because it is made of thin stone, it is very brittle. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Shishi Rendan - Lion Combo Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The user first uses the "Konoha Kage Buyou - Leaf Shadow Dance" to manuever his/her opponent in a vulnerable aerial position. While shadowing his/her opponent, the user will attempt to strike them from a vulnerable angle. If he/she is unable to make a clean strike, he/she will strike anyway as a feint, to draw his/her target's attention and defense to one area. The user can then strike the undefended area and begin knocking them downwards towards the ground. As the enemy falls back to the earth, the user will deftly rotate his/her body around to deliver a full force kick to their chest. Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Konoha Shoufuu - Leaf Rising Wind Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: This jump uses the entire body as a spring by amassing power in the legs before kicking upwards. Because the power of the kick from the ground is instantly converted into a blow, the enemy hit with this attack will be launched high into the sky. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Konoha Raiken - Leaf Thunder Fist Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The user will spin to gain momentum and then lay a powerful strike into his or her opponent via punch. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Konoha Dai Senkou - Leaf Great Light Rotation Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The user charges at their opponent and unleashes a powerful lateral kick aiming at the head that will spin his or her opponent away. This technique can certainly cause a head ache. Chakra Cost: 8
Weapons
- Spoiler:
Name: Genin Kit Rank: C Quantity: 1 Contents: 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
FACE CLAIM. Character Claim: Hatake Kakashi Source: - Naruto Image URL: Link
Last edited by Big Ghost on Sun 26 Jan 2014, 10:29 pm; edited 12 times in total |
| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 4:34 am | |
| [completed]
|
| | | .Karasu
Age : 32 Posts : 79
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 7:28 pm | |
| After reading through your character's History and subsequently getting a word count, I'm just a little worried about two things in that department. One is the length of the History, at 699 words I personally believe it could use some more details just to lengthen it. Just my opinion. Also, your character's reason for going rogue and leaving the village doesn't really seem adequate. If your character's parents trained him like you claim they did, then he'd have known the implications. I'd suggest a better reason.
Two, I'd suggest splitting your role-play sample into maybe one more paragraph to increase the flow of reading.
Three, your custom Bunshin tech, I believe Bunshin and Henge are being discussed for being changed to Genjutsu. In any case the Bunshin Kawarimi's last sentence brings me to believe this should be a Genjutsu. Just my opinion.
Also the cost of your Silent Henge should be higher, as you're supposedly using Chakra to eliminate the appearance of the smoke. Otherwise there is no way to differentiate the normal Henge from yours besides the effect.
Fix the above and you'll have my approval.
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| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 7:36 pm | |
| Shen didn't leave the village. He left with his parents because they were on a mission. His parents didn't spend a bunch of time with him, he learned things on his own. I can add a little if it is completely necessary but I wanted to save that for in game self RP's as Shen would still be interested in the death of his parents. It seems unfinished and left out for a reason... I wanted to do more in-game.
So if they are getting changed to gen, do I just leave it until the change? Or what?
Bunshin Kawarimi is a physical change... I don't see how it would be an illusion at all if you could explain how it would be one that would help. It's just like when Naruto transformed his clone into a Fuuma at the start of shippuden. It's the same, except reverse when applied to a kawarimi. It's a last minute trick because at first glance you would think that you struck the intended target. |
| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 7:45 pm | |
| -Tripled increase on silent henge |
| | | .Karasu
Age : 32 Posts : 79
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 7:46 pm | |
| I apologize, I just always remember Henge being a Genjutsu and I believe it is in fact being edited, but for the moment the types can stay. Keeping your creative integrity intact I'll narrow my requests to the cost of the Silent Henge, and splitting your RP sample into a few more paragraphs.
Outside that, make sure to follow up on those promises of developing your character's story with in-character role-play.
Edit: Narrow requests to RP sample splitting of paragraph.
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| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 8:59 pm | |
| Finished I think |
| | | .Karasu
Age : 32 Posts : 79
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 22 Apr 2012, 9:18 pm | |
| I give my...
[1|2]
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| | | Brett
Age : 29 Posts : 614
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Mon 23 Apr 2012, 3:10 am | |
| 2/2 approved |
| | | Cookie Monster
Age : 29 Posts : 4301
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Mon 11 Jun 2012, 6:44 pm | |
| Archived. Due to inactivity.
|
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Wed 24 Oct 2012, 10:46 pm | |
| Unarchived due to user's request. |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Wed 24 Oct 2012, 11:34 pm | |
| Well then *pulls up sleeves* x) Glad you decided after all to join.
- We are going to ask you to age your character just a little bit so he wont be entering the village as a total weakling x)
- You need to put your forehead protector section into your profile. There you describe where the forehead protector is kept on your character.
If you look at the updated character template it's put between appearance and personality.
- Quote :
-
- Code:
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[b]Appearance:[/b] [b]Forehead Protector:[/b] [b]Personality:[/b] [b]Clan:[/b] [b]Nindō:[/b]
- You can add the Academy jutsu Storage technique to your jutsu list.
- Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1 to seal; 1 to unseal.
- You need to remove the tanto from your weaponry since you don't have weaponry in your specialty.
- Your kit needs to be updated. Ninja kits
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| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Thu 25 Oct 2012, 1:34 am | |
| i am going to make some edits, please allow time |
| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Fri 26 Oct 2012, 11:06 pm | |
| Updated:
Forehead Protector: On the head as normal
Storage jutsu added to academy spoiler
Tanto is now removed.
Changed ninja kit to new system. |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Fri 26 Oct 2012, 11:15 pm | |
| (1/2) Approved. |
| | | Enzo
Age : 29 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 28 Oct 2012, 10:38 pm | |
| Just a few things, most are nitpicks, however they do add up. - First off, please change your Origin to be a country, and not a village. It should be "Hi no Kuni", "Fire Country", "Fire Nation", etc. Whichever you prefer.
- Please expand your history a bit more to cover your character leaving the village. Spending only half a paragraph on them leaving is hardly enough to allow a Nukenin Rank. Another paragraph or two going into better detail (covering such subjects as the actual escape and more legitimate reasons than his parents' death).
- Finally; please use the following Genin Kit instead of the one you currently have listed:
- Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Genin Kit [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Quantity:[/b] 1 [b]Contents:[/b] 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
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| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Mon 29 Oct 2012, 2:14 am | |
| Updates:
Origin changed to Fire Country from Konohagakure
As for the escape he never left the village 'alone' persay, he left with his parents on a mission and they died and he never returned suspicious of the village, just to clarify.
Added to history: - Spoiler:
As for now what plagues him is the most is the mystery of the situation and what importance he was to the village dead. The country that had sent his parents to their graves had no time to worry about him and never did seek him out for what he knew. It was plainly obvious that he wore the same outfit and headband as his father -the head band was his fathers-, yet when he searched those places for clues and and answers he was given none. He had passed criminals that he knew were directly associated with the drug lord that was responsible but he was never hunted for it. No doubt these people could easily peel the skin from his chest or back if they desired so, but there was never any threat on his life. He wanted to know the answer to a few simple questions. Was his life so insignificant that it didn't matter if he was allowed to walk the earth? Or were his parents lives so important that the moment they were killed it was good enough to let some child of theirs roam?
Maybe he was over thinking this way too hard. Who could actually care about someone who was as strong as other genin of any village running around? Who would actually feel threatened that this child who had a Konoha headband was free from the burden of the village? At first glance nobody would recognize such a child from a family. He could have easily picked up the headband from a fallen Leaf nin and adopted it to be an asshole. His purpose however, was to find out what exactly was supposed to happen if his parents had succeeded in killing their target. There was a very strong chance he was still thinking too deep on this, but he knew that his old village tied loose ends. It was the shinobi way. He had no idea what current state the villages were in now, but he would not return to the Leaf. He could see out a better village and start from scratch. Kumogakure would be easy to find. He didn't mind if he had to start as a student and learn their basics and pass the their academy. Why was his triggest quesiton. However, there was something deep in his mind that had already told him a simple answer, something simple that would explain everything but one he refused to accept.
Updated to listed weapons kit. |
| | | Enzo
Age : 29 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Mon 29 Oct 2012, 2:30 am | |
| Ah, sorry for that misunderstanding, however thanks for updating the history anyway Got my approval. [2/2] Approved! Noticed you never had an account, so best if you make one now |
| | | Cookie Monster
Age : 29 Posts : 4301
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Mon 24 Dec 2012, 2:15 pm | |
| Archived. Due to inactivity.
|
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 26 Jan 2014, 6:05 pm | |
| Unarchived due to request. |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 26 Jan 2014, 10:29 pm | |
| 1/2 approved.
Seeing that this application underwent edits and fixing up, it should require 2 approvals again in order to pass. |
| | | Aaron
Age : 27 Posts : 2538
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 26 Jan 2014, 10:39 pm | |
| Are you sure you don't wish for your character to start with a Social SC? You will have to train for it after your character is approved. |
| | | Faker
Posts : 757
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 26 Jan 2014, 10:59 pm | |
| im good |
| | | Aaron
Age : 27 Posts : 2538
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Sun 26 Jan 2014, 11:04 pm | |
| Okay then.
Approved 2.2
Don't forget to make an account here. |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] Fri 07 Feb 2014, 3:12 am | |
| Archived due to user's request. |
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| Subject: Re: Hakumei, Shen [Kiri Genin] | |
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