| | Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] | |
| |
Nýx
Age : 28 Posts : 27
| Subject: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 28 Aug 2011, 12:49 am | |
| MERICER, NÝX.THE INFO. Name: Nýx Angèle Mericer Nickname: Dolly, Angèle, Vixen. Age: 16. Gender: Female. Appearance: Brownish black color, naturally curly, hair napes around Nýx’s neck, and goes slightly more down by an inch or two. Soft and much like silk many could say if they were to get close enough, along with a honey due smell due to the shampoo she uses, it can almost bring a person to feel as if they are in heaven. She also may put her hair into piggy tails, or a pony tail. Depending on the mood that she is in, will be how it’s going to be styled. When she is upset, normally she won’t do a thing with her hair, although if she is in a good or great mood, you’ll see that she is going to do a lot more with it. Some days, Alivyre will place her hair up, with a pink or different colored bow. She also tends to go along with using different types of flower in it, just to make it stand out, or even to make it a mixture of different smells. She also loves to braid her hair at times, although you won’t ever see that happen, or see her walk around with them in, her hair will become even curlier then before.
Nýx has brown eyes, during times, they will look a golden color just a tiny ring around the iris of her eyes. This wont show up during the night, nor mid-day. Only during the morning will it really show up, it’s quiet strange on how this happens, but it is true. Strange enough, the golden ring will become less noticeable during the day, and by night fall, it’s gone. With a porcelain doll look, Nýx’s skin is a pinkish white color, with no marks or blemishes. She almost looks as if she were made in an store or something, but rather, she always had taken care of herself, and made sure there wasn’t going to ever be a scar, blemish, mark, or anything along the lines of that. A delegate height of five feet’ three inches, Nýx is quiet shorter then most.
Although she doesn’t look to weight anything, Nýx weights in around 115 to 120 pounds, of pure women. Although she is skinnier then most, this is because she is sick and also has anorexia. Nýx normally wears whatever she feels like, her style is picked by her, and not by others, one day you’ll find her wearing a tutu with a “Bite Me” t-shirt, or a dress from the 1800th’s. It all depends on what she feels like putting on, and where she is going that day. Nýx has her ears and cartilage pierced. She almost always haves her nails painted.
Etched in a luxurious cursive on the vanilla skin of her left breast, an approximate five inches below her mid-collarbone, is a tattoo filled with the shadowy ink of black, dark enough to blend into night’s eternal ambiance. The inscription reads “Lust”, representing the sin she embodies. Personality: Nýx comes off as perfect, and sweet. She loves to help everyone; she would give you the shirt off her back. Nýx is a straight up bitch, she doesn’t tend to like anyone, other then the male sex, she will flirt with a girls boyfriend, in front of her. She doesn’t care, and will do as she pleases, she will normally hate all females, unless they are able to befriend, which only happens once in a blue moon. Although Nýx doesn’t normally become friends with someone, she does tend to stray from that, and have one or two friends that are female, that she will go shopping with, but these girls are just like her. But due to the fact, not many people would befriend this dolly, she really needs to be able to trust a person, to know that they aren’t what she calls, “Hanse” or “Fakes” Hanse is a word, made up by Nýx herself, so she could be an even bigger bitch then she already is. Because of this, only three people are allowed to use it, unless told by Nýx herself they can.
Another thing about Nýx is that she is a teachers pet, the only time when she pretends to be ‘nice’ is when she is in school, or learning from someone. Because of this, she is able to get whatever she wants. She tends to become shy but that is only an act, that’s right. Nýx here, loves to make people believe she is weak, and cannot do anything for herself, so she will get others to do it for her. She enjoys doing that to people, making them feel as if they are important to her, then turn around and treat them like shit.
Positive Traits Serious − Although Nýx may tend to joke around with people whom are close to her, she is very serious, and will tell you the up right truth, weather or not you like it. Although you make think she is rude ―Which she is― she really isn’t going to let one walk around like an idiot. Although that’s only one part of being “Serious”, she is always down right being one with not really ever joking, unless she is at a party, or laughing at someone’s pain.
Respectful − Nýx can be respectful, of course… This isn’t just for anyone. They HAVE To be older then herself, or she isn’t going to give a flying fuck about them. She only is respectful to her ‘elders’ and no one, by all means, no one else.
Tasteful − Nýx is all about style, and clothing. If you aren’t dressed right, and you look like an idiot, you’ll get a ring through. You would even call her the, “Faison Police.” ―Haha― But she isn’t one for “Ugly” rather then, if your wearing something out of date, your’ fucked.
Wise − Nýx is wise with making her mind on things, if she knows it’s not right, normally she wouldn’t do it. Unless its’ something such being, like… Kicking someones’ ass, or something like that matter. Then she will do it and not care.
Brilliant − When Nýx went to school, she was the most brilliant girl there, her brains are as or more then her strength. That’s another thing Alivyre is great a doing, is math, English and all that.
Faithful − Although you could say, she doesn’t often show it, but Nýx is a faithful person, she believes in many different gods, some may say it’s crazy, but she doesn’t believe this, in her eyes… Her faith and beliefs are her own, and that’s the way it will stay.
Negative Traits Hardheaded – A bittersweet mannerism, once she settles on any particular act or idea, Nýx’s tumultuous determination will see to the action or idea being followed through at any cost. Her word is also affected by this, as she dislikes breaking her word.
Deceiving – Terribly much so. Nýx is, by nature, deceitful; though, her Sin of Lust is to blame on the concrete adamancy of it. The girl is a flawless liar and trickster. Most actions of fraudulence are done subconsciously, which dents her personality. Oh well.
Carelessness – Nýx tends to be hot-blooded (metaphorically), and often operates on her temper before she thinks situations wholly through. Though she can be lethal in dire situations of strategy, on typical days, basically every single feat is rooted from impulse. Not only does her carelessness run through her physique, it also courses through her mind and speech; it seems that her thought-to-speech filter broke at some point. Maybe it was her no longer giving a shit.
Envious – Another personality chink introduced by Envy itself, her enviousness for others and their joy is something slightly disturbing. Only practiced whilst in extreme highs of emotion, Alivyre will become hell-bent on mutilating and crushing what happiness, love, and joy someone held; through Hell’s fire and back, Alivyre will make damn sure they do not continue living happily or anything of the sort. This bout of emotion is erratic and cannot be patterned, however.
Selfish − Once again, this chink would be the worst of them all when it comes to this vixen. Selfish is something that could be the worst part of Nýx; her mind is always about herself and no one, by all means, NO one else. Of course, Nýx will tend to stray and pretend to care about someone for a certain moment.
Likes: Alcohol − The bitter sweet taste of alcohol is one Nýx enjoys so very much, although many may say she is a ‘drunk’ this isn’t true, Nýx never drinks enough to even be thought off as that. [Note, she sneaks it] Cold weather − The chills against skin, and the smell of hot coco can be found with this; the only reason why Nýx would even think of enjoying the cold weather around the year. Green apples − Green apples, the best tasting of them all, in Nýx’s opinion, she could live off of them, of course not really because that doesn’t give you all you need. But you get where she’s going at. Rain − Who doesn’t like the rain? The small drops of water patting onto the ground like tiny soldiers getting ready to go to war. Due to this, Nýx LOVES rain, dancing, singing in it, all of that. Of course, she would only ever do this outside of her home in the back yard. Winter − Comes along with ‘Cold Weather’, winter is the best time of the year, with the feeling of the snow under either her feet, her small body moving along it. She can’t believe that something so small, can with stand so much… Just like her. The color red and pink − The two favorite colors of this vixen, she loves them more then a fat kid loves cake! {Not really… That’s just rude!... Hahaha} But really, her room looks like a pink and red candy cane back in her parents home, they have been, and always will be her favorite colors. Intelligence A challenge − A challenge in strength, wisdom, whatever. She loves a ‘challenge’ when it comes to just about everything around there. Although her favorite is do with the mind and body, she wont ever let one go.
Dislikes: Hot weather − Hot weather is the worst, the way it makes one sweat, it nasty. She hates the hotness, cannot stand it worth anything! Humidity − Comes with the hotness of course, this is one thing, she can’t stand worth anything other then being awoken or losing a bet… Being awoken − Go a head… Try to wake her up… You’ll loose a head! No really, she will chew your head off, sleep is something everyone needs, even more for Nýx, because if she doesn’t get her sleep, watch your ass. Losing a bet − A challenge is always to be won, as is a bet. With hating to lose to anything and anyone, this is one this she hates.. Something she wouldn’t put up with, why? Because she is a person, that is like a perfectionist, everything HAS TO BE perfect, if not, it aint’ going to work out. She needs to always win, and never lose.
Clan: N/A Nindō: “Live life to no end, party at hearts content, and act as if no one is watching…”
THE NINJA. Origin: Fire Country Affiliation: Konohagakure Rank: Genin Specialties: Ninjutsu and Fuuinjutsu. Elemental Affinities: Fire and Earth. Combat Style: Nýx doesn't fully do face-to-face combat... Rather then mind games, she loves to mess with people to the point where they become so confused. And unknown what to do, although Nýx does do combat, she is very, very violent, and dirty. Although Nýx is much smaller then most people, she still is able to fight like anyone else is able to, of course, unless they cannot fight... And that would just be oh-so-sad. But without the mind games, she couldn't really be able to do the fighting, because she needs them not to be thinking about the fight, unless she has the upper hand in the matter, then she'll just skip that part, and fight. But this rarely happens. Special Characteristics: - Spoiler:
Name: High IQ Rank: C Type: Mental Based Physical Requirements: N/A Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: The ninja innately possesses a high IQ which gives them great practical and analytical prowess. They have vast knowledge in nearly all forms of combat giving them a upper hand when faced with nearly any attack with being able to execute split second counters. With their high IQ the user can determine weak spots in attacks and defenses and can overcome nearly any obstacle. Like the obvious benefits of being very smart, the ninja is well regarded for their great mathematical and thinking abilities.
THE BACKGROUND. History: It was a dark cold night on June the first, the very night a baby girl, named ‘Nýx Angèle Mericer’ was born into a family of eight, with her being the only female beside her dearest mother, Nýx from a small age was treated like she could get everything and anything from anyone. Why? Because her brothers spoiled her, as did her parents. Although Nýx never meant any other males other then her brothers, for a very long time, she didn’t truly care. She always got to go out in a carriage, with four pure white horses. Due to her family being one of the richest families around the area she lived, which made for the best life while she lived there. Up until her sixteenth birthday, Nýx’s life was the greatest; she was happy, one of the happiest girls you would ever meet.
After her sixteenth birthday, life became harder for her, and that’s when she left, because she wanted to stay the way she was, and didn’t want to change she managed to get her own house, which her parents paid for, and keep paying for everything, when she sends a letter, or gives them a call, {Really… She lives beside them}, she always gets money. Although many think of Alivyre as a bitch, and not want anything to do with her, she has managed to find a few people to call her ‘best’ friends. After finding them, Nýx became what she is today, although she was already like that, it became worst, she still have that little tiny part of her that is kind… But only around children.
Nýx had always had a dream to have a child of her own, and she had tried, but so far, nothing, so she put herself into work, she learned out to cook, and bake. Unlike no other person could, she also learned how to draw, and sing, and dance. Although not many people see this as a good thing, she really could care less. She's now trying to open her own bakery, and hoping to teach others what she knows. Roleplay Sample:
- Spoiler:
Alivyre walked along the road, she wasn't to sure where she was going, but she was leaving the place she had once called home. Her eyes filled with tears as she let out a sigh, looking behind her, waving her past goodbye for ever.. She had may of been on of the wealthiest of Brittan, she closed her eyes as the tears ran down her face, the wind slammed into her body as if it were a rock hitting a window, she let out a cry of pain because of the coldness, her body moving faster, as her legs were starting to give out under her, she had to keep moving, and thus she did. Although her heart wanted to go back to her parents, she couldn't be there any longer.
With nod and grunt she kept moving, within a day or so, she finally ran into a boat, which was taking her to a place she had never known before. With her head held high, and her eyes no longer with tears, she did what she knew she had to.. And that was to make a new life for herself. For the first time, in her whole life. Alivyre Mercier, was on her own, and nothing could help her.. Sure, she did take some money along with her, something that could rent her a place for a little during the time she looked for a job, in hopes to make her own shop.
Alivyre, after a few years had worked hard, she had gotten a job, then saved up from everything extra, and was finally able to start her own shop. With her head held high, like it was when she first came here, she opened the Bakery, in hopes she would be able to make a living from that for now, she did have her old job, but only worked part time there now. She still was able to pay the bills, and was able to get food, she never went out for dinner, she always made home cooked meals, the way her mother did.. She guessed that something’s never grow old. She missed her family, and every now and then she wrote to them, telling them she was fine, and she was sorry she had left, she always seemed to get letters back, one from her Papa, Mama and her three brothers. She loved, that even though she had left them, she was able to still talk to each one of them.
Alivyre giggled as she looked back on her time here, her eyes moved along her new home, yawning a little as she closed her eyes, turning off the bedroom light as she slowly fell asleep.
-Three days later-
Alivyre walked into Pictographic Caves, her eyes moved along them, smiling slightly as she watched the light dance across the sides of the cave. It was so prefect. So… New to her, back where she was from, this was nothing in such being. Something like this was rarely found. The beauty was so great, her white skin seemed to glow in a way as she moved to sit down on a rock, pulling out her camera from her pink bag, taking out her finest lens she had. Smiling to herself as she took it out and put it on, turning the camera on. Looking at the cave with her camera, she begun to snap pictures, her eyes moving along with the camera as she took them, the cave was so pretty, very unbelievable. She looked to her side as she smiled, seeing a small waterfall like thing going down one of the walls, snapping that picture. After she was done, she looked through her images, they were all prefect in her mind as she let out a small sigh of enjoy meant she moved towards the front of the cave, taking a picture of the rest of it. Giggling a little as she watched slightly as something moved towards the back of the cave. She blinked as she put the strap around her neck and went off after it. “Who’s there?” She called out, still running towards it, her bag still beside the rock. She stopped, turning around and went back for it. “Damnit… I hope who ever it was, they aren’t gone for this…” She muttered to herself and went back after them with her bag on her shoulder. Her eyes moved towards the back, looking for some place where they could of gone… “Fuck…”
She was a little scared as she walked towards the back, as she begun to hum a small lullaby. Her eyes moved across the room as her voice became a tad bit louder, starting to thing a small bit, “Hush child the darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into sleep child darkness will rise from the deep and carry you down into sleep…” Because of her voice being almost prefect sounding, it would normally make someone say something… Hopping that would work this time for this. Her eyes closed a tiny bit, still being able to see what was going on, she kept an eye out for someone. Or well.. Anything. Alivyre felt her body shaking slightly as she walked more towards the back of the cave. Her heart was beating faster then normal, as she felt rocks under her shoes, almost trying due to one rocking getting the back of her high heel, she stopped to look down then returned her mind towards what was going on. That was what was in the back of this cave. “Hello?” She called out, biting her lip slightly as she kept moving towards the back, “I wont hurt you…” She called out once again, tilting her head to the left slightly, her hair falling along with her. She let out a tiny sigh of confusion. Her eyes watched as shadows of the cave danced along the ground and walls, with that happening she smiled a little.. Then she heard something move, spinning around to see if something is there she seen a figure standing at the front of the cave. “W-Who is there?” She called out.
THE ARSENAL. Jutsu, Weaponry, Items etc. Jutsu's
- Academy:
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu • Clone Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique creates identical clones of the user. However, they hold no actual substance and will disperse upon impact of an attack or contact with an opponent. They cannot disrupt the area around themselves with their movements; won’t kick up dust, crush grass, etc. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Explosive Tag: Activate Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to activate an explosive tag they have planted somewhere. Preferably they should be within close to mid range and visible to the user. You cannot activate another persons explosive tags unless your chakra has been channeled into them beforehand. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Nawanuke no Jutsu • Escaping Skill Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to free themselves should they be tied up. It is extremely basic. This technique can only be used if the user is a higher rank then their captive. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kai • Release Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them. Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Suimen Hokou no Waza • Act of Water Surface Walking Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: NA Description: his technique allows the user to balance themselves on water by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet or hands. Because of water’s nature, this requires the user to be quick to adjust the amount of chakra they must emit to their feet in order to maintain a constant balance. Users may also walk, run and “skate” across the water when using this technique. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. Chakra Cost: 3
- C-Rank:
Name: Shikoku Fuuin - Finger Engraving Seal Rank:C Type: Fuuinjutsu Range: Close (0m ~ 5m) Element: N/A Description: Shikoku Fuuin is a Fuuinjutsu technique used by forming the needed sealing chakra on the users finger, The user can engrave a message into an object. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Gamayudan - Toad Oil Projectile Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: N/A Description: The user converts their chakra into an extremely sticky oil and spits this out as a huge mass. The consistency of the oil can then hinder the movement of some materials, such as paper. If a Fire Release technique is thrown at the target after this technique is used, they will be enveloped in flames in an instant. Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Kuchiyose no Jutsu - Summoning Technique Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: - Element: - Description: A Summoning Technique is a space–time ninjutsu that allows the summoner to transport animals across long distances instantly. One method involves just hand signs and blood. With this, before an animal summoning can be performed, a prospective summoner must first sign a contract with a given species. The contract can come in the form of a scroll or a tattoo, which is signed in the contractor's own blood and once signed is valid even after the contractors death. After this, they need only perform the hand seals, offer an additional donation of blood, and use the same hand they signed the contract with to summon the creature. The amount of chakra used during the summoning determines how big the summoned creature can be. In the anime, it was shown that if a user attempts to summon an animal without first signing a contract, the user will be teleported to the home of the animal they have a natural affinity for. Chakra Cost: 5
Name:Bakufuki no Fuuinjutsu - Explosive Note Sealing Technique Rank: C Type: Fuuinjutsu Range: Close (0 - 5m) Element: Katon - Fire Release Descriptioin: This particular seal is infused with katon chakra to imitate the explosive properties of the classic exploding note. By forming the correct string of handsigns, the user can place the seal on a weapon to be thrown, or can even secretly be placed on an opponent through hand to hand combat, as all it requires is one touch. Once placed, the seal can be activated mentally, which causes the fire chakra imbuded to explode, with the power of 3 exploding tags, stronger with the addition of fire chakra, which in the correct distance will cause severe external and internal damage as well as severe burns. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Doryuusou - Earthen Rising Spears Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: This technique lets the user condense mud or stone, from the ground, and shape them into spikes that will protrude from the ground in order to skewer the target. The spikes cannot penetrate targets of greater density. Chakra Cost: 7
Name: Moguragakure no Jutsu - Mole Hiding Technique Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Moguragakure no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. This technique allows the ninja to burrow into the ground and hide out of sight. This allows them to avoid attack or travel underground. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Retsudo Tenshou - Revolving Split Earth Palm Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m), Far (10+) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Retsudo Tenshou is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. This technique allows the ninja to control nearby stone and rock. When the ninja forms the needed handseals and slams their palm to the ground, surrounding rock will begin to churn and twist up crushing all those trapped within it. Chakra Cost: 9
Name: Doro Gaeshi - Mud Overturn Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Doro Gaeshi is a defensive Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After striking the ground with their hands, a large wall of earth will rise into place as defense. The defense is not perfect though, a hard or drilling impact can puncture the wall. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Gansetsukon - Rock Spear Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: This jutsu allows the user to take a small chunk of rock and turn it into the shape of a staff. The user can then use it as a weapon or throw it with pinpoint accuracy at their opponent. Chakra Cost: 5
FACE CLAIM. Source: Cannot Say. .w. Image URL: - Spoiler:
[Quote for URL.] .w.
Last edited by Nýx on Mon 29 Aug 2011, 9:56 pm; edited 5 times in total |
| | | Chris
Age : 28 Posts : 3145
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 28 Aug 2011, 1:08 am | |
| Once again welcome to the site Nyx, hope you have fun here.
So the app looks great, but there are a few things.
First of all, the age limit for genin is 16 so please change that. That also means that you can't legally drink Alcohol, so either you can remove it or just make it so that you sneak out and drink where no one can see you.
For your Origin, it should be a country - the Fire Country for example.
You need a combat style. At least 4-5 lines please.
You can't have Ice as an element unless you are part of the clan - Yuki. If you change that, you must have Water and Wind. Otherwise, you need to choose something else.
Also you can only have one starting Special Characteristic.
The jutsu limit is 15, which doesn't include the Academy Techniques which means that you add 14 techniques to your list. I would advise that you add some more.
And please put your Roleplay Sample in a spoiler. |
| | | Nýx
Age : 28 Posts : 27
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 28 Aug 2011, 1:30 am | |
|
*Huffs.* Fixed.
|
| | | Chris
Age : 28 Posts : 3145
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 28 Aug 2011, 1:44 am | |
| You didn't change your Age or your Alcohol drinking habit ^_^
Also, Genin are only allowed to use C rank jutsu. Please remove any jutsu that are above C rank.
And another thing, could you expand on your history and combat style?
Otherwise everything is fine. |
| | | Nýx
Age : 28 Posts : 27
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 28 Aug 2011, 2:04 am | |
|
*Huffs.* Fixed. Again. .w.
|
| | | Chris
Age : 28 Posts : 3145
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 28 Aug 2011, 1:32 pm | |
| Approved 1/2 |
| | | Cookie Monster
Age : 29 Posts : 4301
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Mon 29 Aug 2011, 12:34 am | |
| Hello Nyx, just a few things need to be edited about first. Make sure you're using the proper title for your character, you are currently lacking the [Konoha Genin] indication in there, so have that quickly edited in please. I'd also like you do expand more on your Combat Style, it's currently one line and so many words. Given how well made your appearance and personality is, your combat style will let you down. I ask that you increase to around four or five sentences please. You could also increase your history a bit as well, the third paragraph is quite small and needs to be increased upon. Lastly, have your techniques split apart please instead of them all being bunched together into one massive pile. It's hard to read through them all. |
| | | Nýx
Age : 28 Posts : 27
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Mon 29 Aug 2011, 9:57 pm | |
|
*Huffs.* Is that better? .w.
|
| | | Cookie Monster
Age : 29 Posts : 4301
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Mon 29 Aug 2011, 10:00 pm | |
| Much better thanks.
Approved! [2.2]
|
| | | Adam
Age : 30 Posts : 8965
| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] Sun 25 Sep 2011, 12:59 pm | |
| Archived. |
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| Subject: Re: Mericer, Nýx, Angèle. [Konoha Genin] | |
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