| | Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] | |
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Nala
Age : 30 Posts : 103
| Subject: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Sun 13 May 2012, 9:30 pm | |
| HITONOMI, MIYAKOTHE INFO. Name: Hitonomi, Miyako Nickname: Her nickname is Hane, meaning feather. Her mother started calling her that when she was young because she would always collect the feathers birds would drop and put them into her hair. Age: 15 Gender: female Appearance: Miyako spends most of her time out side walking in the mountains with Arashi flying smoothly besides her. Because of her extensive amount of time outside she’s developed a beautiful tan tone to her skin, which never seems to fade, even in the darkest of winters. Not only is her skin beautiful, but a body to go with it: toned and slender from her long walks and diet mainly of fruits and nuts. At 5’3” and 120 lbs she’s built for elegant speed.
Her face is nothing to scoff at; with piercing yellow eyes and raven hair she’s nothing short of striking. Though the three slashes across her right eye can be a bit of a distraction. She does her best to keep her scars and eyes hidden because of the ridicule she’s gotten for having such odd eyes and such an unappealing scar. She cuts her hair short and messy, with sloppy forward bangs and longer strands framing her face. She has entangled five feathers into her hair, five of her favorite feathers she’s found while exploring different nesting grounds. She has a white slender feather, a broad red feather, and a white and tan striped feather bunched together toward the back of her head on the right. She has a small black feather on the right side of her face, and a yellow feather behind her left ear. She has old hawk talons hanging from her ears and two more piercings in her right ear. On her left side to the middle of her stomach she has her clan’s crest tattooed in blue.
When Miyako is just being herself, either walking around with Arashi or getting lost in her meditation, she wears something comfortable and almost conservative. This is mostly due to the fact that Miyako is painfully aware that she has a very womanly figure with nice hips and an even nicer chest. Because she is very shy about her appearance she wears a simple semi-lose white tank with black lace trimmings and blue skinny jeans. She clicks a black belt with a worn buckle on top of her jeans and black lace-up combat boots on her feet. She always has her old worn out black jacket on, no matter how hot it is. See image above
Miyako’s mother always tried to get Miyako to be more comfortable with her body, so when it came time to get Miyako’s ninja gear, mom took total control. Miyako adorns black almost booty-shorts with a black belt with a silver buckle and a pouch on her left side for carrying wire, senbon and snacks for her and Arashi. Up top she has a black tube top that reaches down just above her stomach in the winter and fall, but in the summer and spring she’s forced to wear a black bikini top. She has knee high black boots on her feet and a black holster on her right thigh. Her mom thought that dressing her this way would allow Miyako to use her feminine wiles to through men off their guard. Though it is tradition within the Hitonomi clan for shinobi to wear cloaks of some sort. Miyako took full advantage of this and constantly wears her long black jacket that reaches just above her knees. The bottom is frayed and it has a silver zipper in front that, when zipped, closes the jacket just above her buckle. It’s long sleeves have a white stripe down the side, and they bunch up at her wrists where they meet the black gloves she wears. It had a large hood that Miyako pulls up when it’s raining or she feels like hiding. When she changes into her ninja gear she takes off the black string she ties around her neck and places her black forehead protector in it's place. She also has a habit of occasionally growing out her hair very long from time to time. When she does she keeps her bangs messy with pieces framing her face and she ties her hair back into two pigtails so they don't get in her way. See image below
- Spoiler:
Forehead Protector: Worn around her neck. Personality: Miyako is a girl of misconceptions since she’s often viewed as an unreliable slacker with no conviction or goals. This is mostly due to the fact that during class she’s staring out the window. That is if she remembers to go to class instead of going out with Arashi. She’s got quite the negative reputation. Miyako’s need for open air and freedom is the root of her flightiness. She craves it, almost like a drug. She hates being cooped up indoors, and her biggest fear is of being caged in or small dark spaces.
Miyako is generally a quiet girl, she doesn’t say much unless she has to. Since she spends so much time just by herself with only Arashi as company, some could say she’s become socially awkward. She doesn’t always understand why people want to “just talk”. She doesn’t exactly find it pointless, it’s just that no one’s ever really taken an interest in her before. She finds it strange when someone does. If romantically chased, she’d probably become frightened at the advances.
She has a deep appreciation for nature and for other creatures. She tries to meditate at least once a day to keep her mind as sharp as her eyes are. She’s actually quite brilliant since she learns more from her walks then she does in the classroom. She’s not pretentious about it, but she does tend to believe that what she learns out there is more applicable then what a book can teach her. Has a book ever been through a battle? No. So how could it teach her how to fight?
Underneath Miyako’s quiet and often shy outer layers, lies a fighter just itching to get out. If someone’s actually able to become precious to Miyako, she’ll fight to the death protecting him or her. She is vicious and as stubborn as hell is hot. She’ll fight tooth and nail to win. She hates how people often dismiss her because she’s “flighty”, so she tries to make up for it in her fighting. She’ll train day and night to master a technique or a learn a new skill. She’s shockingly determined once she sets her mind to something.
Clan: Hitonomi Nindō: Think what you will, but I’m warning you: running away isn’t something I know how to do.
THE NINJA. Origin: Kaminari no Kuni Affiliation: Kumogakure Rank: C Specialties: Weaponry (Main: Exotic, Sub: Ranged), Taijutsu Elemental Affinities: Fuuton, Raiton Combat Style: With her extensive knowledge of terrain, Miyako is a master of long ranged hidden attacks. Using her knowledge, Miyako is able to hide herself amongst the terrain, then using her keen eyes she attacks the foe with senbon. All the while Arashi silently flies above, watching the opponent carefully so he can alert Miyako to any on coming attack or swoop down to defend her if she's in trouble. Miyako prefers close combat, where she can whip out her claws and attack the foe with full force, ripping and slashing with unrelenting force. Miyako will often bend over and aim for the foe's legs while Arashi swoops in and claws at their face. Miyako is fierce and unrelenting in combat. But she does not taunt or provoke any attack, she'd rather wait and see how frustrated she can make her opponent before they attack, hoping that they'll be blinded by their frustration and rage and make more mistakes that she can take advantage of. She's a calculating and vicious foe. Unfortunately since she has no knowledge of genjutsu and little experience with ninjutsu, she has some challenges over coming them in battle. Though she knows how to combat ninjutsu to a certain degree, genjutsu really trips her up. She relies on Arashi to snap her out of it, if he hasn't been caught in it too. Arashi and Miyako are masters of the Double Bullet technique, they only save it for dire circumstances. But the two have been hard at work on another justsu unique to them and their bond. Special Characteristics:
- Spoiler:
Name: Advanced Stealth Rank: C Type: Physical Physical Requirements: N/A Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: A skill gained by ninja who have begun to specialize in the art of stealth. The ninja becomes very light and quick on their feet. Their movements no longer create sound and they now gain a natural skill for hiding and camouflage.
THE BACKGROUND. History:
Pre-Academy Arc
- Spoiler:
As per tradition with her clan, when Miyako reached of age she received a baby swallow to grow up with and become friendly with. Her swallow was named Arashi, meaning storm, and boy was their first few years together just that. Arashi was never too friendly towards Miyako, often it would fly off by itself to try to escape her. But Miyako, not being one to be discouraged easily, always managed to track down Arashi.
One day when Arashi had flown off, the naive bird was captured by collectors. Arashi had never been held in a cage before, so he began to thrash about making wild screeches. Miyako as always was trying to track down the silly swallow when she heard him screeching. Miyako quickly rushed to where she heard the noise coming from, and hiding behind some bushes she saw Arashi being held in a wooden cage. She quietly moved among the bushes closer to him. Arashi spotting Miyako, began trashing more violently trying to get out before she could get to him. This attracted the attention of one of the collectors and he started walking towards the bird with a knife in hand. Miyako, seeing that this wouldn't end well for either of them, quickly dashed out of the bushes and snatched up the cage and made a run for it. As she was running through the woods, Miyako could hear the collector close behind. She quickly tore through the cage and threw Arashi in the air so he could fly off. Arashi quickly took flight and started flying away as fast as he could.
Suddenly struck by why Miyako had just done for him, he turned around and shot himself at the collector, scratching and clawing at the man's face. Once he had fallen to the ground, blinded and in pain, Miyako and Arashi ran off to home together, Arashi flying low next to Miyako keeping pace with her.
During the customary battle with Arashi's parents to test the bond between the two before they entered the academy, Miyako had leapt in between Arashi's father's claws and Arashi. The older bird's claws racked across Miyako's right eye. This incident would give Miyako her tell-tale scar. Miyako and Arashi won their fight, demonstrating their unmatched loyalty and respect for each other. Academy Arc
- Spoiler:
Miyako's time at the academy was well, uneventful at best. If she remembered to show up to class instead of hiking all day, she spent her time staring out the window. Her grades from written assignments weren't spectacular, at times she barely managed to get a passing mark. It wasn't that she wasn't bright, it was that she didn't apply herself. She was too preoccupied with wanting to be outside, exploring with Arashi.
What was remarkable was when it came time for Miyako to demonstrate her abilities. Her and Arashi were able to pull off techniques flawlessly together. Perfectly in synch with one another. It surprised most people to see a slacker be able to pull off well... anything. She also excelled in tracking exercises and was able to demonstrate great knowledge in local terrain and vegetation. She managed to graduate with decent marks because of this.
Academically Miyako's experience was almost non-existent. Her friendships didn't exactly fill the void. Because of her absent minded behavior in class and the fact that she had a bird by her side all the time, she was often picked on. She was often called "bird brain" or told she's never be a ninja. Because of this Miyako never really tried to be friends with anyone in her class. And whenever someone tried to be friendly towards her, Miyako always treated them with disinterest. Why would they want to be friends with her now when just a day before they were mocking her? Because she didn't have any real friends, Miyako relied on Arashi and her mother for company. Her mother was a the woman to go to for rare berries and seeds for the clan. So instead of going out with her classmates after school, she'd rush home to learn from her mother. She became very close to her mother. She felt like she didn't need any friends so long as she had her mother and Arashi.
Roleplay Sample: Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe… The slow rhythmic rise and fall of her chest was therapeutic to Miyako. She was able to focus her mind on just one thing; her breathing. Her pulsed slowed and she fell deep into mediation. Her body began to feel light as if it was slowly floating off from the ground.
”Ooph!” Suddenly Miyako felt something land on her stomach. She was snapped from her meditative state back into reality. She sat up slightly and sighed.
”Oh Ara…” Miyako smiled at the bird perched on her stomach. ”You’re so silly sometimes.” She reached forward and patted the bird’s head. Miyako marveled at how vibrant the emerald feathers on his head and back looked, and how much his sapphire wings seemed to glow.
Arashi dropped a small pebble on Miyako’s chest.
”What’s this?” Miyako picked up the small pebble and turned it over in her fingers. It was white with blue spots. She smiled. ”You always bring me the most interesting things Ara.”. She slowly started to sit up as Arashi hopped off her stomach to the ground. ”This’ll look good with the rest Ara. Thank you.”. She patted Arashi’s head and stood up.
She looked off to the west. The trees were being to turn orange in the fading light. She breathed in deeply, catching her last breath of peace. ”Let’s go home Ara. It’s getting dark.” Miyako turned her back to the setting sun and started heading home. Arashi smoothly jumped from the ground to his place on Miyako’s shoulder.
THE ARSENAL.
Kits
- Spoiler:
Name: Genin Kit Rank: C Type: Supplementary Quantity: 1 Contents: 10 Kunai, 8 Shuriken, 5 Senbon, 2 Exploding Notes, 1 Exploding Pouch, Five Metres of wire/string, File, 10 Makibishi, 1 Windmill Shuriken, 2 blank small scrolls.
Exotic Weapons
- Spoiler:
Name: Swallow Claws Rank: C Type: Exotic Appearance: The claws that have been passed down through the Hitonomi clan as part of a tradition over the years serve as offensive weapons. These metallic talons are forged from pure steel, and are pointed at the tips in the exact same way as a bird's. The claws are held securely onto the wearer's hand by being attached securely together by a metal band that locks around the user's forehand once the talons have been set in place around the fingers. In addition, they have three inch metal knives attached at the knuckles. [Picture] Quantity: 2 sets, 8x claws Storage: When traveling, they are worn on the fingers. When resting, they are generally stored in their utility pouch. Special Abilities: None
Weaponry
- Spoiler:
Name: Kage Shuriken no Jutsu - Shadow Shuriken Technique Rank: D Type: Weaponry Range: Mid (5m - 10m), Far (10+) Element: N/A Description: It's an extremely simple technique where two shuriken, like the Fūma Shuriken, are piled one onto another and thrown simultaneously. However, depending on the way it's used, it can prove its absolute efficiency. The trick is to somehow draw the enemy's attention towards the upper shuriken. Then, to deal with the path of the lower shuriken. If the enemy notices both shuriken, the technique ends up losing all of its efficiency. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Kage Senbon no Jutsu - Shadow Senbon Technique Rank: D Type: Weaponry Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 1om) Element: N/A Description: This technique seems to be a variation of the Shadow Shuriken Technique, replacing shuriken with senbon. The user throws at the same time a senbon with a distracting item attached to it, and another one without it, so that the opponent will only react to the more obvious projectile and won´t notice the other senbon. However, if the opponent recognises the trick behind it, this technique is easy to evade. Chakra Cost: 3
Academy Jutsu
- Spoiler:
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu • Clone Technique Rank: E Type: Genjutsu Range: N/A Medium: Optical Element: N/A Description: This technique creates identical clones of the user. However, they hold no actual substance and will disperse upon impact of an attack or contact with an opponent. They cannot disrupt the area around themselves with their movements; won’t kick up dust, crush grass, etc. They are simply optical illusions used to momentarily fool others. Chakra Cost: 1CP per 5 clones
Name: Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another object or person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. The user does not gain the properties of their transformation (ie. horse like strength), and may only transform into something ranging between 1/2 of their regular size, to 2x their regular size. Thus one cannot transform into large creatures. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 10 meters Element: N/A Description: After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread. Chakra Cost: 2
Name: Explosive Tag: Activate Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to activate an explosive tag they have planted somewhere. Preferably they should be within close to mid range and visible to the user. You cannot activate another persons explosive tags unless your chakra has been channeled into them beforehand. Chakra Cost: 1 (per 3 explosive notes)
Name: Kai • Release Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them, although it consumes half the chakra cost of the Genjutsu. Chakra Cost: Cost of Genjutsu + 2CP
Name: Nawanuke no Jutsu • Escaping Skill Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to free themselves should they be tied up. It is extremely basic. Using their physical training, the user will twist and contort their body to loosen their bindings, effectively relieving themselves of the tightness of their bindings and slipping through the restraints. This technique can only be used if the user is of equal or higher rank than their captor. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed. Chakra Cost: 1CP to seal; 1CP to unseal.
Name: Suimen Hokou no Waza • Act of Water Surface Walking Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: NA Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on water by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet or hands. Because of water’s nature, this requires the user to be quick to adjust the amount of chakra they must emit to their feet in order to maintain a constant balance. Users may also walk, run and “skate” across the water when using this technique. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Name: Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Kumogakure Jutsu
- Spoiler:
Name: Modoru Kikkā - Back Kicker Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: - Description: Modoru Kikkā is a taijutsu technique. Once the user has gathered enough chakra to their feet, they will try to maneuver themselves behind their opponent so that they can deliver a chakra - enhanced kick to the back. A normal kick would be damaging enough but to have chakra reinforcing it will result in more pain. If a direct hit is made, they'll be able to force their opponent down onto their knees or flat onto their face. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Raitoningu no Kengen - Lightning Manifestation Rank: C Type: Weaponry Range: Close (0 - 5m), Med (5 - 10m), Far (10m+) Element: Raiton Description: Raitoningu no Kengen is a weaponry technique utilizing the lightning element. Using their lightning affinity, the Kumogakure shinobi is able to enhance any weapon they possess and coat it with lightning chakra to give it a more powerful hit. The lightning will be able to numb the area where the weapon strikes and also cause minor burns. Any weapon can be enhanced by this attack, Kunai, Shuriken, Blades or even Arrows. The technique can only be used on weapons though, once the weapon has struck something the lightning will fade away. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Rariatto - Lariat Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m) Element: - Description: Rariatto is a taijutsu technique. After gathering enough chakra within their entire body, the user will be able to gain an sudden burst in strength and speed. The user will straighten their dominant arm so that they can form a greater attack. Then using their speed the user will rush towards their target and ram into their upper chest with their strengthened arm, forcing the opponent to the ground. Chakra Cost: 8
Clan Jutsu
- Spoiler:
Name: Swallow’s Flight Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Self Element: Fuuton Description: After close observation of swallows and their flight patterns, the clan members devised a way to manipulate Fuuton chakra under their arms, creating air pockets. These air pockets allow for a vertical hover of up to twenty feet. Similar to how birds move, the slightly ‘flapping’ of the arms will produce movement. This jutsu can be used for increased invasion techniques, as well as a simple launching technique. Chakra Cost: 5 [2 per post]
Name: Double Bullet Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Self Element: N/A Description: The user jumps up into the air, forming the dog handsign, at which point their Swallow must be airborne. Once they are in the air, their swallow grabs them by the wrist, does a forward aerial somersault. This somersault launches the clan member forward, but not before transforming them into a duplicate of their Swallow. As the user flies downward in a spiral, the Swallow launches itself downward in a similar manor right behind. The goal of this jutsu is to run through the opponent with the break. If at any time the user wishes to undo the transformation, they must simply will themselves to by a release of chakra. Chakra Cost: 6 [2 CP to undo prior to attack completion]
Name: Ripping Slash Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Self Element: Fuuton Description: The user coats his or her fingers with strong Fuuton chakra, which then extends outside of the talons by about three inches. When brought into contact with flesh, the Fuuton chakra will act as an overly ferocious slash, causing excessive damage. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Paralyzing Slam Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Self Element: Raiton Description: The user coats his or her fingers in Raiton chakra, which then extends through the claws, giving them a dull electric charge, and attempts to slam them into an opponent. If contact is made, there will be puncture marks from the talons as well as a numbing of the area that has been hit. Chakra Cost: 5
Taijutsu
- Spoiler:
Name: Konoha Reppuu - Leaf Violent Wind Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The move here is a simple rear spinning low kick, but a strong enough user can send a large adult flying as if they weighed nothing. The goal is to throw the enemy off balance, and deal damage to the lower half of their body. Chakra Cost: 3
Name: Konoha Senpuu - Leaf Whirlwind Rank: D Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A taijutsu where one launches a succession of high kicks and low kicks. Firstly, the opponent's evasion margin is restrained upon seeing the high kick, thus augmenting the chances for the low kick to hit the mark. Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Konoha Dai Senpuu - Leaf Great Whirlwind Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A series of kicking attacks, starting from a low kick and linking into a middle kick and high kick then finishing off with a heel drop. As the rotation speed picks up the user gains buoyancy, which they use to shift into gradually higher attacks. Chakra Cost: 5
Name: Konoha Raiken - Leaf Thunder Fist Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: The user will spin to gain momentum and then lay a powerful strike into his or her opponent via punch. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Konoha Shoufuu - Leaf Rising Wind Rank: C Type: Taijutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: This jump uses the entire body as a spring by amassing power in the legs before kicking upwards. Because the power of the kick from the ground is instantly converted into a blow, the enemy hit with this attack will be launched high into the sky. Chakra Cost: 5
FAMILIAR. Name: Arashi Nickname: Ara Age: 15 Species: Swallow Appearance: In the shade, Arashi appears to have black on top with a white underbelly. But once sunlight hits him, the black turns to a glistening emerald with sapphire wings. Being young for his breed, he's about half the size of a hawk at 25 oz, 13" tall and a wingspan of 26". See below.
- Spoiler:
Personality: Often seen as aloof and non-attentative, Arashi is actually highly preceptive as he is always looking around surveying his surroundings. Even though him and Miyako got off to a rough start, he is highly protective of her. He's been known to slash at anyone who even slightly upsets her. He tends to not like other creatures quickly if ever. He's always close to Miyako if he isn't perched on her shoulder. Only slightly smaller then a hawk, he is on the dwarf side for his age. But as Miyako grows so does he. He enjoys his long walks with Miyako because that is when he feels it's safe enough to leave her just for a moment so he can fly high and soar on the air streams. Always keeping a keen eye on Miyako though. He could be thought of as Miyako's protective older brother who isn't afraid to show how tough he is to protect his little sister. He's highly affectionate towards Miyako though, letting her pet him and often bringing her back interesting items he finds when he's flying above her. Arashi loves to fight and isn't afraid to show his strength, especially when Miyako is involved.
FACE CLAIM. cover Character Claim: Miyako (I manipulated the original image given in the URL) Source: some site? Image URL:http://www.otakuzone.com/club/12274/discussion/5165120/index.htm
battle image Character Claim: Black Rock Shooter Source: Black Rock Shooter Image URL:http://asuka111.deviantart.com/art/Black-Rock-Shooter-153448903
Last edited by Nala on Mon 04 Jun 2012, 5:22 am; edited 10 times in total |
| | | Otibot
Posts : 115
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Tue 15 May 2012, 3:37 am | |
| Flesh out your academy arc a little bit. While they're training to become killing machines, they're still little kids and anything abnormal is generally responded to with criticism and scorn. A girl coming to class with a bird on her shoulder would certainly qualify as abnormal. This might feed in to why she's quiet and reserved. Histories in general are what shape a person's personality. There's a lot you can do here to flesh out your character that you're passing up on.
Mechanically it's fine as far as I can tell, so just shore up on this for me and you're good. If you want further examples for fleshing it out, feel free to ask. |
| | | Nala
Age : 30 Posts : 103
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 2:43 am | |
| Edited |
| | | Enzo
Age : 28 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 3:53 am | |
| - Your Origin should be a country, and not a village. In your case, it would be Kaminari no Kuni.
- Small nitpick; your specialties are missing a closing parenthesis.
- Please expand your combat style some more. Speak about your relationship with your familiar, and when your character chooses to use Taijutsu, Weaponry (or even both), and what ranges she'll prefer to fight in. Though you do make it clear of her general tactics, the only mention of range is when she is using her claws; yet you clearly have ranged weaponry described in your specialty. Here's an excerpt from the Creation Guide if you need further help:
- Quote :
- How does your character like to fight? Hit and run tactics, a fearless tank on the battlefield or do you lurk in the shadows and kill silently. There are many different tactics and here is where you can write a brief description of the combat style in which encapsulates your character. This in some regards can be seen as a characters 'Combat Nindō'. Include such things as your strengths/weaknesses, the range in which your character likes to fight, any martial or other styles they have learn't, and your 'trump card' or otherwise known as 'Signature Jutsu'.
-
- Quote :
- Kumogakure no Jutsu - Hidden Cloud Technique
This is a Ninjutsu (although for some reason it's not stated in your version), and since you don't have the Ninjutsu specialty, you may not use this technique. Once Chuunin, you are allowed to apply for up to 8 additional ninjutsu/genjutsu of D-rank; and once S-rank you can apply for C-rank ninjutsu/genjutsu. For now, you cannot have even D-rank Ninjutsu.
-
- Quote :
- Rakurai - Lightning Strike
This technique requires both Ninjutsu and Taijutsu; one of which you don't have access to.
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- Quote :
- Shōgeki - Tekina Shinjitsu - Shocking Truth
Again, this is Ninjutsu.
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- Quote :
- Gōmon no Muchi - Lightning Whip
Same as above.
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- Quote :
- Raitoningu no Kenshutsu - Lightning Detection
Same as above.
- Your familiar should have a much more in depth appearance. Though you have a picture, one cannot associate the size of the creature based on said image. Please place specific dimensions (weight, height, wingspan, width, etc.), and any other specifics on the bird. Such as the talons' length; and the size of the beak.
- Your face claim is filled out incorrectly. The first field should be the name of the character from which the face claim is derived. Since it is your own picture, it can be your own character's name. The second field is from whom you attained this image. Since it's yourself, you may leave it as it is. The final field should be the URL of the image, which you haven't posted. Please fill the first and last field out appropriately.
That is all for now.
Last edited by Enzo on Mon 21 May 2012, 5:43 pm; edited 1 time in total |
| | | Nala
Age : 30 Posts : 103
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 5:29 am | |
| Edited ^^ |
| | | Enzo
Age : 28 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 5:48 pm | |
| You still have not modified your combat style further. It's the same as before.
- Quote :
- Being young for his breed, he's about half the size of a hawk at 25 oz, 13' tall and a wingspan of 21 inches.
I believe you mean 13", not 13'. 13' = 13ft. Either way, the general rule of thumb is that the wingspan is double that of the body, but I'm not that smart about birds, so I guess you could keep it as it is? Wings just seem a bit small.
That is all for now. |
| | | Nala
Age : 30 Posts : 103
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 8:30 pm | |
| oops sorry i missed that! and I just looked up the average stats for a hawk and divided it by two. But I've made the edit to double the size.
Edited ^^ |
| | | Enzo
Age : 28 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 8:33 pm | |
| Very well done.
[1/2] Approved! |
| | | Nala
Age : 30 Posts : 103
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 8:54 pm | |
| Thank you Enzo ^^ |
| | | Otibot
Posts : 115
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Mon 21 May 2012, 9:07 pm | |
| Approved |
| | | Cookie Monster
Age : 29 Posts : 4301
| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] Tue 14 Aug 2012, 3:02 pm | |
| Archived. Due to user inactivity.
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| Subject: Re: Hitonomi, Mikyako [Kumo Genin] | |
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