| | Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] | |
| |
MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Fri 18 Jan 2013, 11:40 am | |
| KESSHO, SOMATHE INFO. Name: Kessho Soma Nickname: Mist's Crystal Beast Age: 16 Gender: Male Appearance: He has spiky, dark blue hair and eyebrows also dark blue. Soma’s eyes are round and blue with dark blue pupils. Whenever is goes in to Killer Intent Mode, his eyes start to Narrow and Sharpen. He often wears baggy clothes a long with a long-sleeve turtle neck shirt which is obviously a very good choice of clothing as he lives in Kirigakure, the coldest place in all of the shinobi world. He also wears blue shoes a lot of the time when he goes out for missions or just to have fun with his friends. He is also often seen holding a yellow skateboard he uses to go around places for either assistance in battle or helping him get to certain locations faster. Soma has his Imperial bow on him back as he is one of the most skilled long range fighters in Kirigakure and he thinks the best of all the genin. He also has a golden arrow on his back next to the Imperial Bow which he uses to silently kill other people without anyone knowing it. Soma’s turtle next shirt is the color blue and has lighter blue jacket around the turtle neck shirt. He keeps his ninja kit items in a pouch on the right side of his waist. Soma's face looks like a cute little boy but when he gets into battle, all aspects of his face change. Soma's facial expressions change very often. He is very serious about things. Soma is nearly always serious and hardly happy unless he just can't hold it in. His baggy clothes are very annoying for him sometimes and normally during battle, he just takes them off if there is even one little rip or tear on it. Soma has a little sparkle in his eye whenever he looks at either the sun or the moon. Soma weighs about 115 pounds and is about 140cm tall. Forehead Protector: Around Right Arm Personality: Soma is generally a composed ninja, though sometimes he can be cold and a know it all sometimes. Soma is a gentle person though looks like he is not. He has a kind heart, lives to protect his teammates and will never betray the one loves the most. As a child, Soma was a quiet but playful child. However, his innate nature is to protect his teammates, and his cold attitude towards those he loves is likely to push them away and keep everyone at a distance. He also happens to be a stickler for details. Sometimes when people mess with him or take him on like a baby, Soma will grab his opponent and squeeze him/her like a teddy bear. When Soma is battle he likes to wait for the opponent to come to him rather than him going to the opponent which would normally lead to a trap. Soma often uses his Long Ranged attacks against his opponent. Soma was a very smart ninja and also when he was in battle, he will start fighting and then gather some Intel about the opponent to find out his weaknesses and strengths to make his opponent struggle in the fight. Soma for the most of the time displays very little caring for things. He holds a twisted and overprotective form of friendship for his clan members and comrades. His ruthlessness and pleasure in killing shows the other side of him — deadly, violent, and blood thirsty. He possesses a great agility and strength that makes Soma a great killer — definitely not one to be messed with. Soma often suffers a lot in his attempts to help his friends without a single complaint. He puts others before himself without being concerned about his own health or even his life. Soma's greatest weakness was his fear of those obviously more powerful than him (for example the Mizukage or people above his rank who look exceptional.). Soma had been trained as an ninja by his father to be extremely cautious that he only engages in combat provided that victory is absolutely certain. Clan: Kessho Clan Nindō: Never Give Up
THE NINJA.
Origin: Mizu no Kuni Affiliation: Kirigakure Rank: Genin - C Rank Specialties: Ninjutsu, Weaponry (Main-Long/Sub-Close) Elemental Affinities: Doton (Earth Release), Raition (Lightning Release), Shōton (Crystal Release) Combat Style: Soma is overprotective for those around him so he uses all the strongest possible techniques to defeat his opponent. He first spots the enemy for a long way away and then uses his bow to attempt to kill the enemy. As he shoots the first few arrows, if the enemy is still alive, he attempts to use his Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu - Double Suicide Decapitation Technique to trap the opponent and then kill the person from there. Then if that does not work he goes back to shooting arrows at the opponent from a far and as the opponent gets closer, Soma starts to use his Ninjutsu against the opponent. He would normally use jutsu that do not take up too much chakra because it would be a waste if he did, and he did not even need to. Soma is a long distance fighter and only uses close range attacks if the opponent gets close to him. In any situation, if Soma knows the opponent is stronger than him, he would run away from the scene and try to forgot everything that happened in the fight.
Special Characteristics:
- Chakra Capacity:
Name: Increased Chakra Capacity Rank: C Type: Chakra Based Physical Requirements: N/A Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: Through extensive meditation and physical training the ninja's chakra capacity increases by 20CP.
- One-Handed Seals:
Name: One-Handed Seals Rank: C Type: Physical Physical Requirements: N/A Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: The ninja discovers a unique talent which allows them to mix chakra by performing seals with only one hand. With an ability such as this the ninja can fight while also performing jutsu, delivering surprise attacks to their enemies. Since those who can perform one-handed seals are naturally good at what their talents, they are even capable of performing hand seals behind themselves, leaving the enemy oblivious to the ninja's next attack.
- Endurance:
Name: Improved Endurance Rank: C Type: Physical Physical Requirements: N/A Training Requirements: A 600 word training post is required to gain this special characteristic. Description: The first level in the art of endurance accessible to those who have undergone intensive training. The possessor of this talent has an increased endurance of 20% which makes them slightly tougher. They can withstand greater damage that could otherwise stun them in pain, and continue fighting.
THE BACKGROUND. History: - Academy Arc:
Soma’s childhood was anything but ordinary. He lived with his mother and father; two lovely people that surprisingly, genuinely loved each other. His mother was a seamstress in their village, and his father, Jin was a Jonin for Kirigakure. Both of his parents were honorable, well-liked people. They did nothing wrong in the eyes of their government, and were attentive, doting parents to their children of five.
Having grown up somewhat in the middle of the pack (exactly the middle child, actually), Soma had never found himself lacking in love or attention from his family. They all loved one another, and in their little cottage just outside of the village, they lived quite happily. With four bedrooms, including the master, Soma grew up in a very close and intimate environment with his three sisters and one brother. Occasionally, when he looks back at his upbringing, he thinks that the feminine influence that nearly choked him as a child would have allowed him to gain a better respect for other women, or people in general.
He was a very studious boy and focused most of his time on his studies, however, he constantly faced obstacles whenever it came to taijutsu. Recognizing the fact that he had none to nearly no talent in that section, Soma instead focused on the aspects that he had a greater strength in – Ninjutsu. After barely passing in his weaker fields, Soma soon became a genin.
- Genin Arc:
As a genin, our hero soon began to face adversity. Soma chose to start calling himself, Mists Crystal Beast due to him being a Crystal user and it was one of the only nickname that he could think of for himself. After being placed on a team of 3 with other children who had been in his graduation class, Soma began to realize what it was like to be bullied. One of his male teammates found the fact that he could hardly use weapons hilarious and found extreme pleasure in invoking his weakness. Whenever they sparred, if Soma was gaining a slight upper hand, the boy would use a weapon that Soma wouldn’t be able to stop. This left the ebony-haired boy shaken and insecure. From these incidences, Soma slowly built a resistance to ignominy, causing him to become indifferent to anything that partially hurt him. This indifference, or aloofness, soon set him apart from others; isolating him. Soma then began to reinvent himself again, recognizing that he couldn’t pull away from others in case there ever became a need for support. Instead, he pulled on a charming mask and wore it like it was his forever, optimistic, albeit slightly nonsensical self. This “creation” of his, has stayed in place since, allowing Kazuya to float around multiple groups of people and listen to conversations without arousing suspicion. Only a few perceive the intelligence hidden behind his hooded eyes. Soma had also become attached to Weaponry and that had become a big part in his arsenal.
He focused more on speed and stealth, knowing that he would have to play to the element of surprise for him to be successful in most dangerous situations. Soon after he trained a lot he moved to Kirigakure in seek to get one of the seven swords. Time will see if he gets his dream sword. Roleplay Sample: Kazuya had just asked Sakuya what scroll she had but she failed to answer the simple question. A few seconds after asking the question, Kazuya's friend in the previous Chuunin Exams Phrase, Tsumi appeared and he asked Kazuya if he needed any help. Kazuya looked over to Tsumi and asked him the same question but in a nicer way since he didn't want the friendship to end just like that. "Tsumi, great to see you again. I know this might be a stupid question but would you mind telling me what scroll you have, it would be most helpful and we would have to end up fighting and breaking our friendship." As Kazuya finished speaking with Tsumi, he turned back to Sakuya who was standing there looking confused but still cautious. Kazuya thought as if he was looking for a fight so Kazuya did so. Kazuya stood up and jumped a tree away from Sakuya. "Tsumi, if she avoids my attacks, attack her from above." Kazuya then threw the exploding take towards Sakuya and threw 2 shuriken, one the the right and one to the left. Kazuya made a plan quickly in order to get the scroll and pass the exams. A few seconds later, he heard an explosion from the opposite direction of where he was. Then he saw the smoke of the explosion from above. 'Definitely Dota' Kazuya thought as he looked back in the direction of his fight awaiting both Tsumi and Sakuya's reactions of his attack.
THE ARSENAL. - Academy Jutsu:
Name: Bunshin no Jutsu • Clone Technique Rank: E Type: Genjutsu Range: N/A Medium: Optical Element: N/A Description: This technique creates identical clones of the user. However, they hold no actual substance and will disperse upon impact of an attack or contact with an opponent. They cannot disrupt the area around themselves with their movements; won’t kick up dust, crush grass, etc. They are simply optical illusions used to momentarily fool others. Chakra Cost: 1CP per 5 clones
Name: Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another object or person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. The user does not gain the properties of their transformation (ie. horse like strength), and may only transform into something ranging between 1/2 of their regular size, to 2x their regular size. Thus one cannot transform into large creatures. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: 10 meters Element: N/A Description: After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread. Chakra Cost: 2
Name: Explosive Tag: Activate Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to activate an explosive tag they have planted somewhere. Preferably they should be within close to mid range and visible to the user. You cannot activate another persons explosive tags unless your chakra has been channeled into them beforehand. Chakra Cost: 1 (per 3 explosive notes)
Name: Kai • Release Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them, although it consumes half the chakra cost of the Genjutsu. Chakra Cost: Cost of Genjutsu + 2CP
Name: Nawanuke no Jutsu • Escaping Skill Rank: E Type: Ninjutsu Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to free themselves should they be tied up. It is extremely basic. Using their physical training, the user will twist and contort their body to loosen their bindings, effectively relieving themselves of the tightness of their bindings and slipping through the restraints. This technique can only be used if the user is of equal or higher rank than their captor. Chakra Cost: 1
Name: Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique Rank: E Type: Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed. Chakra Cost: 1 to seal; 1 to unseal.
Name: Suimen Hokou no Waza • Act of Water Surface Walking Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: NA Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on water by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet or hands. Because of water’s nature, this requires the user to be quick to adjust the amount of chakra they must emit to their feet in order to maintain a constant balance. Users may also walk, run and “skate” across the water when using this technique. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
Name: Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing Rank: D Type: N/A Range: N/A Element: N/A Description: This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. Chakra Cost: 1 (1 per post)
- Clan Jutsu:
Name: Kesshō Hari | Crystal Needles Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Ransu Kesshō is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. This jutsu allows the user to create upwards of eight crystal senbon, which can be launched at the enemy with speeds exceeding that of normal thrown weaponry. These senbon, though made of crystal, take considerable force to shatter. Chakra Cost: 4CP
Name: Suishō Tō | Jade Crystal Blade Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Suishō Tō is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. With this technique the user can quickly form a blade made of crystal on their arm, and use it in a manner reminiscent of a Tantō. Blades can be formed on both arms if needed, though this consumes an additional 3CP. Chakra Cost: 3CP
Name: Kesshō no Yoroi | Crystal Armour Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Kesshō no Yoroi is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. This technique allows the Kesho member to cover their skin with a thin sheet of crystal, protecting themselves from blunt attacks. This armour can also aid the member to perform stronger physical attacks, but will break when struck by a decent C-rank technique. Chakra Cost: 5CP (Additional 2CP Per Post)
Name: Kesshō Chōeki-ha | Crystal Imprisonment Wave Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Kesshō Chōeki-ha is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user sends out a wave of chakra that encases small objects such as bugs or weapons in crystal, halting them whilst airborne and making them fall to the grown and shatter. Object must be no larger than a Kunai. Chakra Cost: 5CP
Name: Ransu Kesshō | Crystal Lance Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Ransu Kesshō is a technique used by members of the Kessho clan. This jutsu allows the user to create a large and sharp spear-like rod attached to her wrist, which she can use to impale their target. Chakra Cost: 5CP
Name: Kesshō toge o Seichō Sa Seru | Growing Crystal Thorn Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Kesshō toge o Seichō Sa Seru is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user creates growing thorn-like crystals from the ground that continuously grow towards the opponent's direction. Chakra Cost: 5CP (Additional 2CP Per Post)
Name: Suishō Rō | Jade Crystal Prison Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Suishō Rō is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user summons crystalizes the space around a target completely encase a single target in crystal. If a person was so unlucky to be encased in the crystal then they will have quite a hard time breaking free from it, if the crystal itself was broken and a person was encased within it, then that segment of crystal would be destroyed allowing the victim to have free movement where they were once trapped. Chakra Cost: 8CP
Name: Omiwatari | The God's Crossing Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Shōton (Crystal Release) Description: Omiwatari is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user places their hand on a surface, creating a long stream of sharp crystals to bind and pierce a target. Chakra Cost: 8CP
- Doton Jutsu:
Name: Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu - Double Suicide Decapitation Technique Rank: D Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. The ninja will travel through the ground to appear below their target. They will then surprise their target by then pulling them into the ground. Once in the ground their target is thus immobilized. Chakra Cost: 4
Name: Doro Gaeshi - Mud Overturn Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: Doton • Doro Gaeshi is a defensive Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After striking the ground with their hands, a large wall of earth will rise into place as defense. The defense is not perfect though, a hard or drilling impact can puncture the wall. Chakra Cost: 6
Name: Doryuusou - Earthen Rising Spears Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: Doton (Earth) Description: This technique lets the user condense mud or stone, from the ground, and shape them into spikes that will protrude from the ground in order to skewer the target. The spikes are brittle, and can be broken with a strong blow or tough defense. Chakra Cost: 7
- Raition Jutsu:
Name: Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder Rank: C-A Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Raiton (Lightning) Description: This technique allows the user to create a wave of electricity from their hands. The user can vary its power from a small surge to shock an opponent to a powerful stream of lightning capable of ripping through solid rock. Chakra Cost: C (5), B (10), A (20)
- Non-Elemental Jutsu:
Name: Hari Jigoku - Hell Needles Rank: C Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: N/A Description: This technique first requires you to preform the other technique known as Hari Jizou (Underworld Guardian Spikes). After that is done, the user may then launch a torrent of hardened hair in the form of needles towards his or her target. Chakra Cost: 8
Name: Chakra Kyuuin Jutsu - Chakra Absorption Technique Rank: C-S Type: Ninjutsu Range: Close (0m - 5m) Element: N/A Description: After activitating the technique, the user's hand will glow with chakra. When he or she touches his or her palm on his or her opponents body, the user can withdraw the physical and spiritual energy out of them. By reducing their chakra, it greatly increases the user’s advantage over his or her opponent. Chakra Cost: Costs the User: C (5) | Takes From Target: D (4) Costs the User: B (10) | Takes From Target: C (9) Costs the User: A (20) | Takes From Target: B (15) Costs the User: S (35) | Takes From Target: A (25)
- Weaponry Jutsu:
Name: Hitei Mushou - Flying Nail Mist Pierce Rank: C Type: Weaponry Range: Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) Element: Description: After forming the needed handseal, the user will emit a flying mist of small nails from his or her mouth. These small nails can travel towards his or her opponent at quite a distance and are capable of dealing minor puncture wounds. Chakra Cost: 7
- Weapons:
Name: Short bow Rank: C Type: Main - Primary/Long Range Quantity: 1 Description: A shortbow has a stave portion of about five feet in length and was the first of such launchers to be developed. Its lightweight frame relatively small size makes it a compact and agile weapon to use. It has the ability to fire approximately 120m with effective accuracy.
Name: Standard Arrows Rank: D Type: Weaponry (Long Range) Appearance: These are simple arrows that are made out of wood and the tip of the arrow is made out of metal. This is strong enough to make a small dint in a tree. Quantity: 50 Storage: Back of user next to Short Bow Special Abilities: N/A
- Ninja Kit:
Name: Genin Kit Rank: C Quantity: 1 Contents: 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
FACE CLAIM. Character Claim: Zoldyck Killua Source: Hunter x Hunter Image URL: https://i.servimg.com/u/f13/17/81/61/79/54313410.jpg
Last edited by MDK on Sun 20 Jan 2013, 6:41 am; edited 19 times in total |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sat 19 Jan 2013, 2:39 am | |
|
- Your appearance, personality, combat style and rp sample are all too small.
- For your appearance I want about one and half to two paragraphs (a paragraph is considered having 250-300 words). - For your personality I want at least another solid paragraph. - Combat style should be at least one paragraph. - And your rp sample needs to be at least 250 words.
- You need to link the clan to your clan section.
- You need to specify in your weaponry the main and sub along with ranges. Example; Weaponry (Main:close / Sub: Long)
- You mention in your history that he is very capable with taijutsu, but you don't have it as a specialty.
- You don't have any weapons? It's not mandatory, but advised. Also, you can start with a kit, if you want it I have it coded below. If you don't, then ignore that part.
- Code:
-
[b]Name:[/b] Genin Kit [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Quantity:[/b] 1 [b]Contents:[/b] 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].
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| | | MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sat 19 Jan 2013, 5:19 am | |
| Edited |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sat 19 Jan 2013, 6:05 am | |
|
- You still need a little adding onto your appearance. Give a little facial description for an example. Also, sorry I forgot to mention it earlier, there are some rules towards the appearance of clan members.
- Quote :
- Although not much is known about the Kessho clan, members tend to have dark blue hair and dark eyes.
Your character's eyes are fine, but there's a problem regarding his hair. You can perhaps say he dyes it, or something really traumatic happened that caused it to turn white (but I need a good description on that traumatic event).
- Please put a spacing between the paragraphs of your personality. Just to keep it neater and tidier. I find your personality a bit ... harsh for a 12 year old...... a cold blooded killer already?
- If taijutsu is not in your specialty, you can't really use it. When you rank up, you can add that a bit in.. but not now. Just remove the taijutsu reference in your history.
- I must deny your weapons. Mostly based on the fact that they would rank up with your character.
There is a universal bow in here if you want one. You can also of course make a custom one, but it would have to be C rank as you cannot have weapons above your own rank and weapons who have some abilities have to be B rank.
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| | | MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sat 19 Jan 2013, 7:13 am | |
| Edited |
| | | Setsugekka
Age : 28 Posts : 266
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sat 19 Jan 2013, 2:18 pm | |
| Firstly, thanks for applying. ^^ Before we continue, I'll have to ask you to make a few changes. - Please remove all the marquees from your profile. They look nice, but firstly, marquees are depricated (no longer in use) in modern HTML for a reason; they're just not realistic. It's extremely hard for someone to read very long blocks of text (that's centered, which is even harder to read) that's scrolling non stop.
- Your origin is your country, not your shinobi village. Your country should be Mizu no Kuni instead of Kirigakure no Sato.
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| | | MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 5:13 am | |
| Edited |
| | | CleverYamanaka
Age : 29 Posts : 1688
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 5:25 am | |
| From what I can see, other then a couple typos here and there, all this needs is a slightly longer appearance. After that, it should be good. Bump when that's done, and I think you'll be fine. |
| | | MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 5:34 am | |
| Bump >_> |
| | | Enzo
Age : 28 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 6:13 am | |
| Just a couple things. Mostly nitpicks.
Nickname: You'll need to go into detail either in your Nickname field or in your history as to why your character has coined this nickname. Why do people call him this, and who originally coined the term? I find it hard to believe a genin who runs from formidable foes to be a 'beast'.
Typo?: Just noticed this: "Soon after he turned 15, Soma dyed his hair from silver to dark blue." I think you have it mixed up.. Other than that, it seems okay. |
| | | MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 6:25 am | |
| Ive asked two people about that Typo thing and there is no error on it. I edited the Nickname thing |
| | | CleverYamanaka
Age : 29 Posts : 1688
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 6:38 am | |
| - Quote :
- "Soon after he turned 15, Soma dyed his hair from silver to dark blue."
What he is saying is this: your hair has to naturally be dark blue, since that is your clan's trait. You would dye it from dark blue to silver (or bleach it rather). Not the other way around. Sure, the grammar is correct, but the information is confused. On another note, that picture hardly looks like he is fifteen, but that's fine. Just pointing that out. |
| | | MDK
Posts : 62
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 6:42 am | |
| Edited >_> |
| | | CleverYamanaka
Age : 29 Posts : 1688
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 20 Jan 2013, 10:17 am | |
| This looks fine. All of the appearance, personality, and combat style have been expanded. Jutsu and weapons are all pre approved. I'll give this the first approval.
1/2 |
| | | MsMoney
Age : 37 Posts : 2201
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Mon 21 Jan 2013, 12:30 am | |
| (2/2) approved.
Now you should go here and make your account. |
| | | Cookie Monster
Age : 29 Posts : 4301
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] Sun 16 Jun 2013, 5:09 pm | |
| Archived. Due to inactivity.
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| Subject: Re: Kessho, Soma [Kiri Genin] | |
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