Bachiatari, Kinzoku [Kiri Jounin]

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Notes:
- Y has requested you remove his jutsu and have you asked Fox and K for theirs?
- You need to add in the coding onto your templates, it makes it much easier to read.

Round Hat : This would fall under exotic weapons(Don’t quote me on that), and a blade that can cut through “Several trees” is not D-rank.

Triple-Blade Spinner: Ranged, see Round Hat.

Missile Spear: Ranged or Polearms

Scorpion Bushin: As it is, this jutsu is OP due to versatility, its too versatile and has no downfalls.

Note: I’m going to look at the summoning rules or get a summoning mod for the actual summonings, I’m not sure about the rules for them.

Poison Field Typo, too large of an area. Scorpions don’t have expellable poison, so doing something like this would require medical alterations which would require a medic.

Tail Extention/8 Leg Increase How?

Shadow Stealth/Cloak of Invisibility: Remove please.

Thermal Vision: *sigh*, I’ve had to say this too many times for comfort. Eijutsu.

Destructo Disk: You’ve got your old character name in there; a small typo, “home”; Elaborate on the single/multiple disks.

Swords of Honor: How long does the jutsu last, how far can the swords go away from the user? Also, this would require a lot of concentration considering your manifesting lightning (an element that is always in motion) to 15 individual shapes and then controlling them.

Final Storm: Name error; How large of a beam?

Binding Chain: Length of chain?

Stone Spear: Lower amount of spears and a jutsu can’t be held and be useable at “any time”.

Imitation of Nature: Y’s jutsu, and it doesn’t even have his name on it…

Earth Flow River: I would only accept this jutsu at B-rank.

Earth Spear: Cannon reference.

Mother Earths Fists: Elaborate on chakra cost and how high to the hands reach.

Multi-Shields of Stone: More detail.

Clan Jutsu: Ok, I will take care of these later. First, I want you to look at the jutsu and just think about them. You are using metal, which is formed and controlled like earth. So using a metal jutsu would be effectively using an earth jutsu. However, you are also using lightning to make the metal to use the metal jutsu, so that’s like using a lighnting jutsu too. So you need to re-evaluate the rank and chakra cost of these jutsu.

Final Note: You spelled complete wrong COOKIE!

Age : 28 Posts : 2538

Summons are good.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

Z wrote:: Notes:
- Y has requested you remove his jutsu and have you asked Fox and K for theirs?
- You need to add in the coding onto your templates, it makes it much easier to read.

Round Hat : This would fall under exotic weapons(Don’t quote me on that), and a blade that can cut through “Several trees” is not D-rank.

Triple-Blade Spinner: Ranged, see Round Hat.

Missile Spear: Ranged or Polearms

Scorpion Bushin: As it is, this jutsu is OP due to versatility, its too versatile and has no downfalls.

Note: I’m going to look at the summoning rules or get a summoning mod for the actual summonings, I’m not sure about the rules for them.

Shadow Stealth/Cloak of Invisibility: Remove please.

Thermal Vision: *sigh*, I’ve had to say this too many times for comfort. Eijutsu.

Destructo Disk: You’ve got your old character name in there; a small typo, “home”; Elaborate on the single/multiple disks.

Swords of Honor: How long does the jutsu last, how far can the swords go away from the user? Also, this would require a lot of concentration considering your manifesting lightning (an element that is always in motion) to 15 individual shapes and then controlling them.

Final Storm: Name error; How large of a beam?

Stone Spear: Lower amount of spears and a jutsu can’t be held and be useable at “any time”.

Earth Spear: Cannon reference.

Mother Earths Fists: Elaborate on chakra cost and how high to the hands reach.

Multi-Shields of Stone: More detail.

Final Note: You spelled complete wrong

Edit

Posts : 1044

Z wrote:: - Y has requested you remove his jutsu and have you asked Fox and K for theirs?

I should probably be more specific here since the problem seems to have not been addressed, this would be Hageshii Ame, the residential Hage speaking so those techniques of mine need to come off this application as I no longer allow any usage of my Ingoo techniques off their home site. I assume the error came from not clarifying who I was.

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Z wrote:: Notes:
- Y has requested you remove his jutsu and have you asked Fox and K for theirs?
- You need to add in the coding onto your templates, it makes it much easier to read.

Round Hat : ~~This would fall under exotic weapons(Don’t quote me on that),~~ and a blade that can cut through “Several trees” is not D-rank.

Triple-Blade Spinner: ~~Ranged,~~ see Round Hat.

Missile Spear: Ranged or Polearms

Scorpion Bushin: As it is, this jutsu is OP due to versatility, its too versatile and has no downfalls.

~~Note: I’m going to look at the summoning rules or get a summoning mod for the actual summonings, I’m not sure about the rules for them.~~

Poison Field Typo, too large of an area. Scorpions don’t have expellable poison, so doing something like this would require medical alterations which would require a medic.

Tail Extention/8 Leg Increase How?

Shadow Stealth/Cloak of Invisibility: Remove please.

Thermal Vision: *sigh*, I’ve had to say this too many times for comfort. Eijutsu.

Destructo Disk: ~~You’ve got your old character name in there; a small typo, “home”; Elaborate on the single/multiple disks.~~

Swords of Honor: How long does the jutsu last, how far can the swords go away from the user? Also, this would require a lot of concentration considering your manifesting lightning (an element that is always in motion) to 15 individual shapes and then controlling them.

Final Storm: ~~Name error~~; How large of a beam?

Binding Chain: Length of chain?

Stone Spear: ~~Lower amount of spears and a jutsu can’t be held and be useable at “any time”.~~

Imitation of Nature: ~~Y’s jutsu, and it doesn’t even have his name on it…~~

Earth Flow River: I would only accept this jutsu at B-rank.

Earth Spear: ~~Cannon reference.~~

Mother Earths Fists: ~~Elaborate on chakra cost and how high to the hands reach.~~

Multi-Shields of Stone: ~~More detail.~~

Clan Jutsu: Ok, I will take care of these later. First, I want you to look at the jutsu and just think about them. You are using metal, which is formed and controlled like earth. So using a metal jutsu would be effectively using an earth jutsu. However, you are also using lightning to make the metal to use the metal jutsu, so that’s like using a lighnting jutsu too. So you need to re-evaluate the rank and chakra cost of these jutsu.

Some of my comments were more or less ignored.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

Z wrote:

Z wrote:: Notes:
- Y has requested you remove his jutsu and have you asked Fox and K for theirs?
- You need to add in the coding onto your templates, it makes it much easier to read.

Round Hat : ~~This would fall under exotic weapons(Don’t quote me on that),~~ and a blade that can cut through “Several trees” is not D-rank.

Triple-Blade Spinner: ~~Ranged,~~ see Round Hat.

Missile Spear: Ranged or Polearms

Scorpion Bushin: As it is, this jutsu is OP due to versatility, its too versatile and has no downfalls.

~~Note: I’m going to look at the summoning rules or get a summoning mod for the actual summonings, I’m not sure about the rules for them.~~

Poison Field Typo, too large of an area. Scorpions don’t have expellable poison, so doing something like this would require medical alterations which would require a medic.

Tail Extention/8 Leg Increase How?

Shadow Stealth/Cloak of Invisibility: Remove please.

Thermal Vision: *sigh*, I’ve had to say this too many times for comfort. Eijutsu.

Destructo Disk: ~~You’ve got your old character name in there; a small typo, “home”; Elaborate on the single/multiple disks.~~

Swords of Honor: How long does the jutsu last, how far can the swords go away from the user? Also, this would require a lot of concentration considering your manifesting lightning (an element that is always in motion) to 15 individual shapes and then controlling them.

Final Storm: ~~Name error~~; How large of a beam?

Binding Chain: Length of chain?

Stone Spear: ~~Lower amount of spears and a jutsu can’t be held and be useable at “any time”.~~

Imitation of Nature: ~~Y’s jutsu, and it doesn’t even have his name on it…~~

Earth Flow River: I would only accept this jutsu at B-rank.

Earth Spear: ~~Cannon reference.~~

Mother Earths Fists: ~~Elaborate on chakra cost and how high to the hands reach.~~

Multi-Shields of Stone: ~~More detail.~~

Clan Jutsu: Ok, I will take care of these later. First, I want you to look at the jutsu and just think about them. You are using metal, which is formed and controlled like earth. So using a metal jutsu would be effectively using an earth jutsu. However, you are also using lightning to make the metal to use the metal jutsu, so that’s like using a lighnting jutsu too. So you need to re-evaluate the rank and chakra cost of these jutsu.

Some of my comments were more or less ignored.

No they wernt, just missed.

-Summons are approved already..

-Weapons: Put down Exotic and Ranged.. so theres no prob now

Im not done editing and such as you have obviously noticed so take a breath..

UPDATE: Edited

Age : 34 Posts : 232

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Z wrote:: Notes:
- Y has requested you remove his jutsu and have you asked Fox and K for theirs?
- You need to add in the coding onto your templates, it makes it much easier to read.

Round Hat : ~~This would fall under exotic weapons(Don’t quote me on that),~~ and a blade that can cut through “Several trees” is not D-rank.

Triple-Blade Spinner: ~~Ranged,~~ see Round Hat.

Missile Spear: Ranged or Polearms

Scorpion Bushin: As it is, this jutsu is OP due to versatility, its too versatile and has no downfalls.

~~Note: I’m going to look at the summoning rules or get a summoning mod for the actual summonings, I’m not sure about the rules for them.~~

Poison Field Typo, too large of an area. Scorpions don’t have expellable poison, so doing something like this would require medical alterations which would require a medic.

Tail Extention/8 Leg Increase How?

Shadow Stealth/Cloak of Invisibility: ~~Remove please.~~

Thermal Vision: *sigh*, I’ve had to say this too many times for comfort. Eijutsu.

Destructo Disk: ~~You’ve got your old character name in there; a small typo, “home”; Elaborate on the single/multiple disks.~~

Swords of Honor: How long does the jutsu last, how far can the swords go away from the user? Also, this would require a lot of concentration considering your manifesting lightning (an element that is always in motion) to 15 individual shapes and then controlling them.

Final Storm: ~~Name error~~; ~~How large of a beam?~~

Binding Chain: ~~Length of chain?~~

Stone Spear: ~~Lower amount of spears and a jutsu can’t be held and be useable at “any time”.~~

Imitation of Nature: ~~Y’s jutsu, and it doesn’t even have his name on it…~~

Earth Flow River: I would only accept this jutsu at B-rank.

Earth Spear: ~~Cannon reference.~~

Mother Earths Fists: ~~Elaborate on chakra cost and how high to the hands reach.~~

Multi-Shields of Stone: ~~More detail.~~

Clan Jutsu: Ok, I will take care of these later. First, I want you to look at the jutsu and just think about them. You are using metal, which is formed and controlled like earth. So using a metal jutsu would be effectively using an earth jutsu. However, you are also using lightning to make the metal to use the metal jutsu, so that’s like using a lighnting jutsu too. So you need to re-evaluate the rank and chakra cost of these jutsu.

Note: Half of your jutsu still aren't bolded.

Scorpion Bushin: No need to bold the single clone part =P

Scorpion Venom: Although your summoning is scorpion I'm afraid I can't allow a non-medic spec character to use poisons like this due to their summoning. You poisons are limited to your summonings and their belongings (jutsu, weapons, whatever they might have).

Binding Chain 30 yards is much too long considering that its a low ranked jutsu. Lower length or add in a slow speed or some sort of flaw.

Did you switch clans? If so would you mind linking me to the one you switched to?

Gabe wrote:: Name: Earth Wave Jutsu
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: The user touches the ground and sends a sudden burst of a large amount of chakra into it. This causes the ground to send out a wave from the initial point and knock over or disorient opponents.

Hage wrote:: Name: Earth Style, Earth Wave Jutsu
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: The user touches the ground and sends a sudden burst of a large amount of chakra into it. This causes the ground to send out a wave from the initial point and knock over or disorient opponents.

Gabe wrote:: Name: Earth Rod Jutsu
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: An earth chakra using ninja strikes the ground and causes any where from 1 to 5 large pillars to rise in front of him, each three to four feet tall. Although this could stop an attacking opponent, this jutsu has another purpose. Closer inspection reveals that the pillars are separated into twelve pieces each. The ninja who created the pillars then sweeps his hand around in a circular sweeping motion and strikes the top portion of each pillar, sending it flying off towards an opponent. The pillae will go off flying at the target or opponet and will seperate into the 12 earthen made rods. These rods when impact bring forces and can crush or impale armour. Each rod weighs around 45 lbs.

Hage wrote:: Name: Earth Style, Earth Pillars Jutsu
Rank: C
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: An earth chakra using ninja strikes the ground and causes three large pillars to rise in front of him, each three to four feet tall. Although this could stop an attacking opponent, this jutsu has another purpose.
Closer inspection reveals that the pillars are separated into twelve pieces each. The ninja who created the pillars then sweeps his hand around in a circular sweeping motion and strikes the top portion of each pillar, sending it flying off towards an opponent. This is repeated twelve times before the pillar is expended, not necessarily successively.

Remove these jutsu since they are Hage's and have just been slightly modified including removing his name.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

Edit.

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Please make a list of everything you fixed and how you fixed it.

Age : 31 Posts : 8965

Z wrote:: Please make a list of everything you fixed and how you fixed it.

That's a bit drastic. It's not his job to do so.

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Well, by not doing so I have to pretty much re-read the entire app every time I go over it again and it just makes the app approval process take longer.

Age : 31 Posts : 8965

No, you have to go through what you listed and make sure the changes were edited, like every other moderating job.

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Well, theres a lot of things in pretty much every section of the app that need to be fixed (except history, I give Gabe props for his history.). So me, being a good moderator, read over everything to make sure I'm checking it the best I can. I have no problem with this but for the sake of getting this app approved quicker making this list is a good idea.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

O edited everything you've asked.

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

I started to read the weapons and found an error I've re-posted multiple times.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

And that would be .. ?

I added exotic and ranged to the specialty.. so what the hell is the problem now?

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Z wrote:: and a blade that can cut through “Several trees” is not D-rank.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

Posts : 2032

If you could just edit your clan section to a simple link to the approval clan (See the character template as it has been editted) then that would be perfect. After that you have my approval.

I will PM Adam for his final look over so you can officially be approved. ^^

Posts : 1044

Not quite.

Quote :: Name: Stone Shard Impact
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: By striking a large rock, boulder, or other stoney substance, a ninja is able to shatter it into shards which will embed themselves into a target, causing immense pain and adding nearly 5lb of weight to a ninja per use of this jutus due to weight of the stone shards stuck into an opponent. Multiple uses can leave a ninja’s body to heavy to move.

Name: Great Spiked Destruction
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: By using the subjects Earth elemental affinity the user is able to imbue great earthen spikes into normal earthen weaponry. This jutsu enables barbs to grow out of stone and increase the deadliness of stone weapons. The barbs are able to be used to grip weapons, enabling an attempt to pull a weapon out of a ninja’s hands.

These two are clearly my techniques but have had my reference names removed, not only have you been told to remove my techniques from this application, you've been told not to try that kind of trickery and were told to remove other techniques you did the same thing to. I believe some form of punishment should be appropriate for such behavior but I don't make the rules here, I do control my intellectual property though so remove these.

I am severely disappointed in such behavior, especially a repeated offense.

Age : 31 Posts : 8965

Speaking of rules, your breaching them by posting here. I guess I'm obligated to give you an official warning, maybe next time you deal with it elsewhere and leave posting on application to the staff.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

Y wrote:

Not quite.

Quote :: Name: Stone Shard Impact
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: By striking a large rock, boulder, or other stoney substance, a ninja is able to shatter it into shards which will embed themselves into a target, causing immense pain and adding nearly 5lb of weight to a ninja per use of this jutus due to weight of the stone shards stuck into an opponent. Multiple uses can leave a ninja’s body to heavy to move.

Name: Great Spiked Destruction
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: By using the subjects Earth elemental affinity the user is able to imbue great earthen spikes into normal earthen weaponry. This jutsu enables barbs to grow out of stone and increase the deadliness of stone weapons. The barbs are able to be used to grip weapons, enabling an attempt to pull a weapon out of a ninja’s hands.

These two are clearly my techniques but have had my reference names removed, not only have you been told to remove my techniques from this application, you've been told not to try that kind of trickery and were told to remove other techniques you did the same thing to. I believe some form of punishment should be appropriate for such behavior but I don't make the rules here, I do control my intellectual property though so remove these.

I am severely disappointed in such behavior, especially a repeated offense.

Lets stop crying Hmm? They are completly differnt jutsus now..

But becuse I am tired of this drawn out process Ill remove them to save time...

Posts : 1044

Quote :: Name: Earth Style. Stone Shard Impact
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: By striking a large rock, boulder, or other stoney substance, a ninja is able to shatter it into shards which will embed themselves into a target, causing immense pain and adding nearly 5lb of weight to a ninja per use of this jutus due to weight of the stone shards stuck into an opponent. Multiple uses can leave a ninja’s body to heavy to move.

Quote :: Name: Stone Shard Impact
Rank: B
Type: Ninjutsu
Element: Earth
Description: By striking a large rock, boulder, or other stoney substance, a ninja is able to shatter it into shards which will embed themselves into a target, causing immense pain and adding nearly 5lb of weight to a ninja per use of this jutus due to weight of the stone shards stuck into an opponent. Multiple uses can leave a ninja’s body to heavy to move.

Funny, they look exactly the same to me, right down to the typos.

Adam wrote:: Speaking of rules, your breaching them by posting here. I guess I'm obligated to give you an official warning, maybe next time you deal with it elsewhere and leave posting on application to the staff.

Maybe next time you catch things so I don't have to and I've been posting on applications for the purposes of my own jutsu for a while, its generally accepted that I do so, I've even done so before in this topic without prior complaint, if you had an issue you had plenty of times before to speak up.

Age : 34 Posts : 232

My bad, didnt break that one down since Z didnt bring it up. I just broke down the last two he put up.. At any rate quit your bitchin, its degrading