Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Would you like to react to this message? Create an account in a few clicks or log in to continue.



 
HomePortalLatest imagesSearchRegisterLog in

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin]

View previous topic View next topic Go down
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyWed 01 Sep 2010, 2:53 pm

Basic Information:

Name: Mizuki
Secondary Title:
Age: 13
Gender: female
Physical Appearance:
Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Motoko05

Mizuki is a very beautiful and attractive girl. She weighs 135lbs and stands 4 ft 7 inches. She has long straight black hair that is longer then normal girls hair, her eyes are black. She has alot of muscle on her for a girl of 13 as she trains alot. She has a light tan but is still considered pale to some people.

She wears a long black trench coat not the female type but the Male type of trench coat, so it goes all the way down to her ankles were she can hide alot of weapon's and items, under the trench coat she wears black shirts and long black jeans with combat boots on her feet. On special Occasions she wears a White Kimono with White under wraps.

Personality:

Mizuki is a very strategic based person, she would think her plan out before she even started combat with her opponent and this normally helps her come out on top. She is Ninjutsu based meaning she spends alot of her time going through her head with all the jutsu she knows and finding what would become better and what can be used with what other jutsu. Her personality is calm always, even though she has a Alter ego she does not act on it and so she never gets angry. When she is talking to her friends she is all nice and cheerful and when she is in a fight she likes to tell the opponent of there mistakes as she punishes them for there failure to attack correctly, this has proven to make some people go full out in a fight with her as she just dodges and plays with the enemy.

She knows alot about her kekkei genkai so she understands how to use it to its perfect form. When she is not thinking about how to use her jutsu for different styles she is calculating how much chakra it would take for her to keep herself alive in a war type situation. She keeps calm all the time and only gets angry when all else fails.

Catch Phrase:

Please move before i make you move.

Clan Information:

Clan Name: Sabure

Clan Location: Suna

Clan Traits: -

Kekkei Genkai:

Sand Manipulation

The members of this clan hav a very unique ability to manipulate sand as though it were an extension of themselves in terms of ultimate defense and ultimate offense. It is said to be one of the most dangerous and effective tools a ninja of the sand village can have. The members of this clan have unique chakra with in themselves that allow them to do this, and it is not a mix of two elements, rather it is a new off set basic element and as such is the main element of all ninja who wield it. (This meaning that all ninja in this clan can only have sand and a sub element contrary to advanced element clans which allow three elements.) However, they can not create sand just from their chakra (another difference from advanced elements) and need a source of sand to use their jutsu. For this reason, many find a way to carry sand with them at all times.

This ability is largely tied into their history and founding from the ninja Gaara, the very first Kazekage and founder of the Village Hidden in the Sand as well. The man was imbibed with a demonic beast known as Shikaku, the sand demon. Having the demons influence his entire life, it altered his very genetic structure, granting him the natural ability to manipulate sand with his will at the expense of chakra. Being that the demon provided a mutation on a genetic level, this trait was passed to his children, and the children of his children. Being that this derived from one person alone, and by comparison is a relatively new clan, it is small by comparison to other clans, but is abundant enough to be considered a clan.

Secret Clan Jutsu:

Name: Sand Armor
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Sand
Description: Using this jutsu, the user can cover themselves in a compacted layer of sand, providing an additional defense. Though quite effective, maintaining the armor requires a large amount of chakra and stamina. Furthermore, it is nowhere as resilient as the Shield of Sand, since it easily breaks away upon impact, meaning that the sole purpose of the armor is to absorb impact channeled unto the body during battle. And will reduce the impact of all taijutsu and weaponary by 75% effectiveness. Another weakness is the additional weight of the sand means a decrease of speed and mobility. It takes a D rank amount of chakra PER POST to keep it activated (not counting the first post used).

Name: Sand Shield
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Sand
Description: This creates a curved shape wall of sand to come up from the ground around the users vacinity, the restriction is only 2 meters away from the person using it. The shield is capable of withstanding considerably strong attacks and projectiles, and can be hardened to a point where it's stronger than steel. It can be defeated by avoiding it completely with extremely high-speed attacks, or merely overcoming the shield with incredible brute force. It costs a C rank amount of chakra per shield wall created and additional C rank per post (minus the post created) to maintain the wall or else it will crumble back to sand, impacted or not.

Name: Third Eye
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Element: Sand
Description: This jutsu creates a small sphere shaped object of sand that creates a direct link to the users optic nerve. The ball will then from into an eye shape and then take the appearance of an eyeball floating in the air. The user can then see anything the eye ball can.

Name: Sand Shuriken
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Element: Sand
Description: The user creates up to five shuriken made from sand that are launched at the target. Unlike regular shuriken, these are merely fast-moving balls of sand that cause blunt trauma, not actual wounds. They are thrown much faster than regular shuriken; therefore, the pain caused can be considerable.

Name: Sand Clone
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Sand
Description: The user creates a copy of themself out of sand, although it lacks color and is immediately recognizable as sand. This means that it is almost useless as a decoy. Unlike most bunshinjutsu, the clone still retains its shape after it is struck, and can even ensnare whatever comes into contact with it.

Name: Sand Coffin
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Sand
Description: With the ability to control sand, the user encases the opponents in a large amount of the sand, immobilizing them. It can be used to suffocate an opponent or in preparation for a deadlier technique, the Sand Burial. This appears to be the clans favored technique. It takes a C rank amount of chakra per post if used only to capture and hold the target.

Name: Sand Burial
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Sand
Description: After wrapping an opponent with sand, the user will cause the sand to implode and crush whatever is within. When used to kill a person, the death is so quick that there isn't even time to feel pain. The pressure also produces a sizable fountain of blood. The user can control the pressure used in the attack, which allows them to either break bones or completely liquefy an opponent.

Name: Sand Drizzle
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Element: Sand
Description: An alternative to Sand Coffin, the user simply gathers sand from the earth and makes it come down like a rain, targeting the opponents from above. To make sure the rain hits its mark, it can be combined with Sand Coffin to immobilize the target.

Name: Successive Shots Sand Drizzle
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: Sand
Description: This creates the cloud of sand behind the user rather then over head. Several sand bullets will erupt from the cloud and bombard the opponent at once. These are much thiner and faster then those used in Sand Shuriken and are capable of actually piercing through the target, rather then just causing blunt force trauma to the body.

Name: Sand Suspension
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: Sand
Description: Gathering sand beneath them and/or an ally, the user will create a platform of sand to raise up from the ground and float in the air. It costs a B rank amount of chakra to cast the jutsu and a D ranked amount per post afterward to sustain it over time.

Name: Prison Sand Burial
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: Sand
Description: Using the ability to manipulate sand, the user will loosen the ground below the targets and cause them to sink two hundred meters into the earth. By being imprisoned at this depth, the pressure will completely nullify their ability to move. Also, the pressure resulting from being buried at such an extreme depth would surely kill any normal human, if not from suffocation.

Name: Sand Tsunami
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: Sand
Description: This jutsu sends a massive amount of sand towards an opponent in the form of a wave, covering and "drowning" them in an ocean of sand. In addition to the wave effect of the jutsu, The user can control the sand, allowing him to attack his opponent while they attempt to outrun the wave. The jutsu is so powerful as to be able to change the landscape into a miniature dessert. It will smother and bury any one who is caught in it, though it is quite easy to come back up from this burial. Though it is only a B ranked technique, when used it costs as much chakra as using 2 B ranked jutsus, draining much more chakra.

Name: Giant Sand Burial
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: Sand
Description: Following Sand Tsunami, the user will slam both hands palm down into the sand, creating powerful shock waves that compress the sand. Anything buried in the sand is subsequently crushed. The compressions also creates several small scale earthquakes.

Name: Sphere of Sand
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: B
Element: Sand
Description: The user surrounds them self completely with a Shield of Sand to guard against attacks. They can then use the Third Eye to watch an opponents' movements and control sand as necessary to battle them. In addition to being extremely dense, this sand-sphere can form spikes from its surface to spear any would-be attacker. With sufficient piercing or blunt force this defense can be broken through.

Name: Sky Sand Protective Wall
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: S
Element: Sand
Description: This air defense technique creates a giant shield of sand that is suspended in mid-air by raising a great amount of sand from the ground. By gathering the best possible mineral-rich sand, the hardness of the shield is considered to be very high. Furthermore, the sand has its defensive strength raised by flowing chakra through it. It is the strongest of all sand defenses usable. It is also extremely large, form a circle shape of about 50 meters in diameter.

Name: Sand Prison
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: S
Element: Sand
Description: This uses an enormous quantity of sand to completely envelop the target from every direction and capture them. The speed, hardness, and scope of the sand depend on the amount of chakra poured into it. This allows the user to fine-tune the sand's properties to the size and characteristics of the target. No matter if the target is on the ground or flying in the air, it is almost impossible to escape from this technique. However, even if someone successfully escapes from it, it is easy to use one of the offensive techniques, like the Sand Coffin, to immediately attack the target.

History:
Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmpireLogo

The clan started with the man Known as Gaara Sabure, Ironically his last name meaning sand. It is unknown if this was his given last name at birth or a change made later on with the birth of his children and the underlying creation of the clan. At birth the man was imbibed with a demon known as Shikaku who was known to all as the demon of sand. It was a fairly wicked demon, but precautions took by the family of the child and thier friends created barriers to which the demon could not come out and control the child as it would have liked. In desperation the demon tried to fuse itself physically with the boy at a genetic level but was not able to over come his strong will. In the end this only granted him the ability to manipulate the sands of the earth and gave the demon no more control then before.

The man later became known as one of the greatest Shinobi of his time and became the founder of the village in the sand, creating the structures and everything from the desert itself using his powers granted by the accursed demon. He was known as a hero and was one of the most respected founding Kage's. He eventually wed and his wife bore unto him children. Three. These three all showed the natural talent to manipulate the sands and so was revealed that the ability was a dominant trait and that it would be passed down through the ages so long as his children and their children and so on continued to create new life. With the passing of Gaara also came the passing of the demon, and his death day became known as a holiday for a celebration of his life and also the destruction of a threatening demon who was no more.

Clan Details: Open

Rank Information:

Rank:Genin
Village Affiliation:Kirigakure

Special Information:

Character Specialty:
Main: Fuuinjutsu
Sub: Ninjutsu
Elemental Affinity:
Main: Sand
Sub: Wind
Special Characteristics:

Able Bodied
The character is in excellent physical shape. He heals quickly and is seldom ill.

Demon
The character contains a demon within their body, acting as a second mind, influencing the character's ideas and choices with their own. The Character has bonded with a minor demon or other manor of supernatural creature. Though they may offer some interesting insight into situations the character is trapped in, they may not be terribly useful in a fight.
**Note That this Demon is only a second mind, it does not give you any advantages in a fight. It cannot See things that you cant, nor hear what you can't. It is simply like an Alter-Ego**

Chakra Sense:
Mizuki can sense chakra up to a 30m away from her but it takes a toll on her chakra for her to do it, when she wants to sense someone a 30m away it takes 10% of her chakra to activate then uses 5% every 5m meters.

Clan Trait:
Being a Member of the Sabure clan Mizuki has complete control over her Sand element due to the GENERIC TRAIT (its in History of the clan stating this) So she can use sand at will with the expense of charka [E rank per use with jutsu]

Summon:
Spoiler:

Skill Information:
Note: You can find the other templates in the other Creation Areas if your character needs them.

Jutsu Template:

Academy Jutsu:
Spoiler:

Fuuinjutsu:
Spoiler:

Wind Jutsu:
Spoiler:

Clan Jutsu:
Spoiler:

Custom Jutsu:

Name: Sand creation
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D-S
Element: Earth
Description: This jutsu creates Sand by Churning the earth into sand like partials that can be used in sand jutsu for this clan. It can become more powerful with each Rank up as it can also be used for the Sand Tsunami at A rank, It costs one D rank to use ever post.

D rank: 20 kilograms
C rank: 50 kilograms
B rank: 100 kilograms
A rank: 300 kilograms
S rank: 500 kilograms
SS rank: 1 ton

Weapon Template:
N/A
Item Template:

Name: Sand Gourd
Rank: D
Type: Supplement
Natural Abilities: Stores Sand inside of the item, to be used for Instant sand fighting.

E rank: 10 Kilograms
D rank: 20 Kilograms
C rank: 50 kilograms
B rank: 100 kilograms


Name: Sand Scroll
Rank: C
Type: Supplement
Natural Abilities: Stores 50 Kilograms of Sand inside of the item, to be used summoned by Fuuinjutsu to be used for fighting.

Kunai: 10
Shuriken: 10
Smoke bomb: 5
Flash bomb: 5
Senbon: 10
Background Information

History:

Birth Arc:

Mizuki was born in the Land of Wind in Sunagakure were she was born in Winter, the days were warm and hot but the nights were cold as hell. Mizuki was a beautiful young girl who happened to be born in to a bad clan known as the Sabure clan. This clan was known as the Demons of the Sand village, because they could control the sand to make it kill people and wreak the village if they ever lost their temper. She was a little girl when she was forced to leave the village due to Riot's and what turned into a Revolution, All this happened when she was 4 years of age. On her second birthday her present was of course leaving the village to escape to a different village, Her parents chose Kirigakure because it was away from the village and no one would expect them there. Mizuki started to learn how to use her clan jutsu at the age of 7 from her father and other just from her mother, She learnt fast and understood what needed to be done to work the clan jutsu even away from Sand. On there way to Kirigakure they were attacked by Ninja from the Sand village who were sent to attack them from the Kazekage, they killed Mizuki's mother but her father killed the squad of four ninja in a Sand Tsunami, after the fight was over they barried her mother in the outskirts of Kirigakure and paided there respects.

Arrive in Kirigakure Arc:

Being 7 years of age when she entered the village hidden in the mist she was not known as a Sand ninja because she had not partaken in the Village's Academy there for she was no ninja for any village, she was let in the village but her father was let in under strict orders that if suna was to come looking he was to leave with them freely or fight them to keep himself alive. Of course the village hidden in the sand came looking but this was one year later and Mizuki was now 9 years old and enrolled in the village hidden in the mist's academy were she was now classed as a Mist Student and there for protected by the village's laws, when the sand village came looking the Mizukage and the Kazekage spoke and settled on one thing the Father was to show himself to the ninja and ether fight or go with them freely. Her father faught for his freedom and killed all the ninja that was sent to oppose him untill the Kazekage stood in, he did not want to fight his lord and master so he gave up to him with no fight and was killed in one sword strike. With her father now dead and she was in the village hidden in the mist as a Student she would be trained as a ninja in the mist and not attacked by the village hidden in the sand, 9 years of age she joined the academy.

Academy Arc:

Mizuki joined the academy at the age of 9 but she was classed as an outcast and was attacked everyday because of it not a punch up but words and even sometime things being thrown. She got so angry one time and almost killed another student using sand, even though her jutsu are Genin rank she used them to almost kill another student and was forcefuly warned by the Mizukage that if she ever did it again she would be kicked from the village and killed for trespassing, she took that warning to heart and became a nicer person even to the point were she shook off vorbal abuse and kept smiling. She passed the academy at the age of 9 becaus she had to start again because of the other girls who disliked her for being both beautiful and powerful. So now at the age of 13 she passed the academy and became a genin.



Role-Play Sample:

Lark was on a mission to kill some bandits for him this was fun. When lark got to the area were they had been known to hang around he unsheathed his sword and started to walk around. While he was walking one of the bandits jumped off a building to kill lark with a Kunai all lark did was a spinning left hook with his sword in hand and the man was cut in half dead. After that they all started to jump down to attack and with that lark used Ice mirrors and stepped in them, the men were looking at the mirrors with lark in everyone. One of the men tried to break one but lark killed him with his quick speed and was back in the mirror before another could attack. Lark then started to attack the rest with his quick speed and sword in hand after he was done they were all chunks of flesh and blood. Lark was now a kill on site so he was always getting in fights versing Jounin and chunnin as well as Anbu lark has got many scars from them. Lark trained on Wolfs and Bears in the Village hidden in snow as it was his home town and he was drawn to there to learn how to kill things faster then anyone else. As lark killed the Lord of the snow village he went around killing other people for money when he was accepted in the Akatsuki. When he was accepted into the Akatsuki he was the Partner of the Akatsuki Leader and was the Second in command for the Group where he excel and became the leader when the former leader died. Lark gave out missions for the other members to do while he stayed in the Headquarters and made all the Thinks he was doing secret from all the others as they would affect them all in the long run. Lark was trying to make one big Jutsu that would seal all the members Chakra into him so he would be unstop able this is something the former leader would never think about as these members were his family the only he had left but for lark they were only walking Chakra stores for him to use at will. he even got himself groups of ninja that he blinded and brought them to there Place for him to do experiments on them to see if his jutsu would indeed work or fail on him.


Last edited by Mizuki on Tue 02 Nov 2010, 2:09 pm; edited 23 times in total
Back to top Go down
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyTue 05 Oct 2010, 2:04 pm

Finaly Finished
Back to top Go down
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyWed 06 Oct 2010, 4:06 am

Dayly Bump
Back to top Go down
Brad
Brad

Posts : 509

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyThu 07 Oct 2010, 9:09 pm

Quote :
This Kekkei Genkai controls the clan member’s heart rate and feed’s adrenalin into the blood stream to make them faster and stronger. Ki-ohkido chances the clan member’s chakra into there heart and around there chakra system faster then any other ninja so they have a constant supply of adrenalin while other ninja only get it when they are having near death experiences. Because of the chakra being manipulated to exceed its normal route around the chakra system it causes drawbacks when the clan member goes to use Ninjutsu or any other type of jutsu. The clan’s fighting style is Muay Thai they use all there limb’s in there body to help them cause even more damage to there opponent then normal kickboxing and boxing. When fighting the member uses all eight limbs his/her hands, feet, knees and elbows to attack so there fighting is unpredictable

The wording in your explanation could use some edits, i don't like the fact that you've stated by using this KKG that chakra travels faster around your body than anyone else. You don't know that for sure, so please correct this.

It also states that drawbacks only occur while using jutsu, while in the draw back explanation you've stated here:-
Quote :
The Drawbacks for the clan is there Kekkei Genkai can only stay active for 10 Posts then once the 10 posts are up it can not be active again for another 10 posts because the Clan member’s heart rate slows down stopping the flow of adrenalin giving the member less speed and strength.
You say that drawbacks occur after 10 posts, so does that mean drawbacks occur while using jutsu and after 10posts?
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.org
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyFri 08 Oct 2010, 10:06 am

Edited the wording and im keeping the chakra travels faster because if u have adrenalin in you dude u act faster then everyone else.

and for the drawbacks, it is after 10 posts KKG cant be used again but jutsu can still be used.
Back to top Go down
₡amisado
₡amisado

Age : 30
Posts : 1256

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySat 09 Oct 2010, 3:19 am

This whole adrenaline thing is very... non-KKG-ish. A medic ninja could easily do this. In fact, I think I may have an adrenaline jutsu =/
Back to top Go down
http://notevenanormalguy.tumblr.com/
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySat 09 Oct 2010, 3:37 am

you do but yours puts you in "Rage" while mine just activates and then deactivates with no chakra taken out of ya.
Back to top Go down
₡amisado
₡amisado

Age : 30
Posts : 1256

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySat 09 Oct 2010, 5:07 am

I know, I was just saying that it wouldn't be impossible for someone not in your clan to 'mimic' your clan abilities.
Back to top Go down
http://notevenanormalguy.tumblr.com/
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySun 10 Oct 2010, 4:26 am

My clan Is based around it to Enhance the abilities better then your Medical Jutsu, Spending there whole life enhancing it would make them Stronger and Faster when they use this KKG
Back to top Go down
Brad
Brad

Posts : 509

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySun 10 Oct 2010, 10:39 pm

Quote :
Ki-ohkido moves the clan member’s chakra into their heart and around their chakra system faster then any other ninja

Again, please change the wording. You CANNOT state that your KKG makes your chakra travel around you faster then any other ninja. Like Z has tried to say, someone else could mimic the 'idea' behind this jutsu. So (this is purely an example), lets say someone took your idea but doubled the increase '%' but gave themself a massive downside, plus it only lasted half as long as yours. During that time they would be faster and stronger than you, therefore what you've stated in your KKG description is wrong.

change the wording.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.org
Caranore
Caranore

Age : 35
Posts : 1492

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySun 10 Oct 2010, 11:50 pm

Alright, heres the dealio.

4 Posts: Genin
6 Posts: Chuunin
8 Posts: Jounin
10 Posts: S-Rank

The drawbacks need to double. Thats a basic fact of life. The second you get less adrenaline, or lose it completely, you crash, and hard. Not only do you suddenly lose a high blood flow rate, you not only suddenly do not recieve less blood and oxygen to the muscles, etc, but you run the risk of passing out.

You can not have your chakra flow faster than someone else, that holds no benefit what so ever. What I get you are trying to say is you have an enhanced cardiovascular system and node system, allowing the chakra to aid in the production of adrenaline. Faster flowing chakra would not help this effect at all.

If you use chakra to increase the blood flow in the body with chakra, not only do you run the risk of damaging the nodes at an early age, but you also need to deal with the heart.

Muscle tears and runs out. The cardio muscles reproduce at approximately 2% per year. The more you use this bloodline, the more the muscle would tear because you are making it work harder. That would require massive rehabilitation every so often, as well as constant hospital visits.

Another fact is you WILL lose chakra control when using the KKG. Its not a chakra based clan, its physical.

As a last note, this needs to be placed in the clan section for applications.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyMon 11 Oct 2010, 5:46 am

lord jesus u had to fuck it up thats Cara -.-

redoing the whole App move it back guys -.-
Back to top Go down
Caranore
Caranore

Age : 35
Posts : 1492

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyMon 11 Oct 2010, 4:53 pm

Welcome Larkie. Moved back
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Brad
Brad

Posts : 509

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyMon 11 Oct 2010, 9:40 pm

Lark wrote:
lord jesus u had to fuck it up thats Cara -.-

redoing the whole App move it back guys -.-

I'm sorry but i LOL'd when i read that. I totaly agreed with what Cara stated but we hope that what you come back with is awesome ^^
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.org
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyWed 13 Oct 2010, 8:48 am

Bump for Completion number 2
Back to top Go down
Vegapunk
Vegapunk

Posts : 2032

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyWed 13 Oct 2010, 11:00 am

- Increase your age. A 9 year old genin is very unrealisic. Increase it to an age between 13-18.

Quote :
Main: Sand
Sub: Wind
This needs to be edited to wind + earth. Having an advanced element of sand.

Quote :
Demon
The character contains a demon within their body, acting as a second mind, influencing the character's ideas and choices with their own. The Character has bonded with a minor demon or other manor of supernatural creature. Though they may offer some interesting insight into situations the character is trapped in, they may not be terribly useful in a fight.
**Note That this Demon is only a second mind, it does not give you any advantages in a fight. It cannot See things that you cant, nor hear what you can't. It is simply like an Alter-Ego**
Demons are banned on the site. If you want something similar to this I would suggest a alter-ego, personality defect where you have a split personality. If so you would need to have a detailed and extensive personality. Remove Demon talk.

Quote :
Chakra Sense:
Mizuki can sense chakra up to a mile away from her but it takes a toll on her chakra for her to do it, when she wants to sense someone a mile away it takes 10% of her chakra to activate then uses 5% every 100 meters.
A mile? no. I will give you 30m.

Quote :
Name: Sand creation
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: D-S
Element: Earth
Description: This jutsu creates Sand by Churning the earth into sand like partials that can be used in sand jutsu for this clan. It can become more powerful with each Rank up as it can also be used for the Sand Tsunami at A rank.
Give a chakra cost and range/volume of sand coverted from earth. To create sand it would have a very high chakra cost whatever rank.

Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyWed 13 Oct 2010, 11:23 am

Ok Age Edited

Element:
The members of this clan have unique chakra with in themselves that allow them to do this, and it is not a mix of two elements, rather it is a new off set basic element and as such is the main element of all ninja who wield it. (This meaning that all ninja in this clan can only have sand and a sub element contrary to advanced element clans which allow three elements.)

Demon:
**Note That this Demon is only a second mind, it does not give you any advantages in a fight. It cannot See things that you cant, nor hear what you can't. It is simply like an Alter-Ego**

Chakra Sense:
Understandable for a Genin 30m Added

Sand Creation:
Chakra Added and Volume of Sand added as well.
Back to top Go down
Caranore
Caranore

Age : 35
Posts : 1492

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyWed 13 Oct 2010, 5:41 pm

Im going to point out you need Hughs permission for Sabure, since that was decided a while back it was Suna specific. Also, if you could, copy and paste the Sabure clan from the canon clan list.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Hugh
Hugh

Age : 37
Posts : 1136

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySat 16 Oct 2010, 12:58 pm

Consent to use the Sabure Clan is given
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySun 17 Oct 2010, 6:56 am

Bump for completion 3
Back to top Go down
CYANIDE CANDY
CYANIDE CANDY

Posts : 1084

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyMon 18 Oct 2010, 4:02 am

Mizuki wrote:

Name: Fire Sealing Method - Fūka Hōin 封火法印
Rank: D
Type: Fuuinjutsu
Element: -
Range: close
Description: This jutsu allows the user to seal a nearby fire into a scroll. The user writes the seal on a scroll and then performs the required hand seals. This causes a vapor to appear from the scroll, enveloping the fire and sealing it on the scroll as the kanji for seal (封).

This technique is actually B-ranked. Seeing as you're a genin, please remove.

Mizuki wrote:
Name: Evil Sealing Method - Fūja Hōin 封邪法印
Rank: C
Type: Fuuinjutsu
Element: -
Range: Close
Description: This jutsu is used to suppress jutsu-induced marks on a person. Marks of weaker power can be completely suppressed by this jutsu alone, but for marks of higher power like Sasuke Uchiha's Cursed Seal of Heaven, this seal is dependent on the recipient's willpower to some extent. It is also capable of holding back certain Kekkei Genkai, such as that of the Kurama clan as seen when Kurenai tried to do this.

This seal requires a number of hand seals and a large amount of chakra to be performed. Preparation for this jutsu requires two concentric circles with kunai placed in intervals along the circumference, in addition to a number of characters written in blood that radiate out from the center of the curse seal.

According to Kakashi, this jutsu is quick, but painful. The seal can be removed at any time by the caster or whoever the seal is on, as demonstrated during Sasuke's battle with Naruto in the Valley of the End. Since this seal does rely on the will of the individual on to whom its placed the affected may be able to just will it away without an unsealing jutsu.

This technique is actually A-ranked. Seeing are you're a genin, please remove.

Mizuki wrote:
Fūton: Kamaitachi • Hidden Weasel Wind Technique
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
The name of this technique comes from a mythological creature of wind. This jutsu allows the user to unleash a powerful wave of wind against the opponent. Inside of that wind are small needles made of wind that are capable to cut the opponent, and also to repel projectiles. Requires Fan or some other wind enhancing weapon.

Fūton: Senpū Hashira no Jutsu • Small Tornado Technique
Type: Ninjutsu
Rank: C
Encircles the opponent with a spiral of wind, then the wind starts to rotate and is focused in rotating more and more fast. Once the opponent is imprisoned inside the spiral, the user can add projectiles. That can make this jutsu deadly. Requires Fan or some other wind enhancing weapon.

These both require a fan or some sort of wind enhancing weapon. Albeit, I don't see a fan or wind enhancing weapon under your weapon area. So, either make one or please remove these two.

Back to top Go down
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyMon 18 Oct 2010, 4:34 am

Wind Jutsu taken out

Fuuinjutsu Explained to Lauren.
Back to top Go down
Caranore
Caranore

Age : 35
Posts : 1492

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyTue 19 Oct 2010, 3:34 pm

Quote :
Name:Gōkin Kai - Seal Release
Type: Ninpō
Element: Seal
Rank: D
Effects:This is the jutsu which allows the user to remove a Seal from a surface or person. It can remove any level, but the user must be within 5 ft to release it, and cannot work against Curse, Bijū, or forbidden Seals

This will need to be D-S rank. A D-Rank amount of chakra to remove an S-Rank seal, which is what this says, isnt gonna be allowed.

Quote :
Name:Shuriken Shihai (Shuriken Control)
Type: Ninpo
Element: Seal
Rank: C
Effects: After placing a chakra seal on each of the four blades of a shuriken, or fuuma shuriken the user throws the shuriken. Then the user connects his chakra to the chakra of that in the seals, allowing him to control the shuriken to do what he wants. Has a D rank cost if used on a normal shuriken.

What this explanation essentially is is the chakra string technique, which is a weapon jutsu.

Quote :
Name:Daii Senkou (Flash substitution)
Type: Ninpo
Element: Seal
Rank: C
Effects: Using the connection that is created between the user and an object with a basic seal on it, the user quickly releases the chakra in the basic seal, allowing the user and the object to switch places much more rapidly than in a basic substitution jutsu. Once this jutsu is used on an object, said object can not be used again in this jutsu for the remainder of the battle, and one basic seal is removed from the object. Requires a preparation of at least one basic seal on an object

Remove. This is too close to Hirashin to be allowed, considering that one of the basic ways that Hirashin actually works.

Quote :

Name: Fire Sealing Method - Fūka Hōin 封火法印
Rank: D-B
Type: Fuuinjutsu
Element: -
Range: close
Description: This jutsu allows the user to seal a nearby fire into a scroll. The user writes the seal on a scroll and then performs the required hand seals. This causes a vapor to appear from the scroll, enveloping the fire and sealing it on the scroll as the kanji for seal (封).

Name: Evil Sealing Method - Fūja Hōin 封邪法印
Rank: C-A
Type: Fuuinjutsu
Element: -
Range: Close
Description: This jutsu is used to suppress jutsu-induced marks on a person. Marks of weaker power can be completely suppressed by this jutsu alone, but for marks of higher power like Sasuke Uchiha's Cursed Seal of Heaven, this seal is dependent on the recipient's willpower to some extent. It is also capable of holding back certain Kekkei Genkai, such as that of the Kurama clan as seen when Kurenai tried to do this.

This seal requires a number of hand seals and a large amount of chakra to be performed. Preparation for this jutsu requires two concentric circles with kunai placed in intervals along the circumference, in addition to a number of characters written in blood that radiate out from the center of the curse seal.

According to Kakashi, this jutsu is quick, but painful. The seal can be removed at any time by the caster or whoever the seal is on, as demonstrated during Sasuke's battle with Naruto in the Valley of the End. Since this seal does rely on the will of the individual on to whom its placed the affected may be able to just will it away without an unsealing jutsu

Evil sealing method will still be A-Rank since tehres minimal to no seal you would need to utilize this on as a Genin, or even on the site in general. A-Rank for that.

Fire sealing mething... explain. How is it D-B? What about S-Rank fire? In order to adequately seal something, you need to be able to exert an amount of chakra equivalent if not greater than what the jutsu would cost for example. Needs to be D-S and better explained, since I dont know what will qualify as D-Rank fire.

Put a little more detail into the sand gourd. Where is it worn, how much sand does it carry, etc.

As a note, it would carry approximately a C-Rank amount of sand using the template for sand creation above.
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Caranore
Caranore

Age : 35
Posts : 1492

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptySat 30 Oct 2010, 6:47 am

you fix?
Back to top Go down
http://www.ultimateshinobi.com
Lark
Lark

Age : 31
Posts : 107

Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] EmptyMon 01 Nov 2010, 11:39 am

Edited
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content


Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Sabure, Mizuki [Kiri Genin] Empty

Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
-