Denki Ryōkin - Electrical Charges (Kyoton Release) {Done}

Age : 28 Posts : 701

Clan Name: Denki Ryōkin
Location: Thee Northern Hemisphere
Signature Traits:

By the Genders

A member of Denki Ryōkin usually has a radiant yellow or orange hair color, which is usually found in the female sex. Males usually tend to have a light blue/cyan or cerulean/blue hair color. Eye color can be anything considered to be a "Warm" color. ( Red Yellow Orange , etc).

The two sexes tend to be roughly the same size, in both size and shape, which is tall and lanky. The members of the bloodline have extremely high metabolisms, so they stay in relatively good shape, regardless of dietary and exercise habits. Because of this impeccable physical shape, they tend to be able to run long distances, and be relatively strong in comparison to their peers. Though, running for a long while doesn't necessarily mean faster. The males tend to have more endurance, while the females generate more physical strength.

Every ten years or so, a member of this bloodline (particularly Females) will experience an "Electrical Instability", which will either make them slip into a state of shock (has about a 80-90% chance of survival) if too much electricity. If not enough, a small coma (30-40% chance of survival). Men tend to get this, if not every ten years, then every dozen or so, and the effects are the same, except with about a 5-10% more chance of survival for men. This, and other things, explain why the bloodline has minimal members.

By the Ages

Members of this bloodline, when in the womb, tend to grow less rapidly as normal babies do, for they cause a disturbance in the mother's electrical balance. Due to this, many mothers who give birth to babies of the bloodline die at child birth, and/or the babies are born with birth defects or die in infancy. Should they live through their infancy, they should experience many growth spurts, and sparsely reductions, sometimes reaching three feet tall by the age of two. They may also see sporadic weight reductions, which may be fatal depending on how it is approached.

By the time they are considered to be a toddler, they are pushing four feet tall and may weigh 25-60 pounds, depending on how drastic the weight reduction was during infancy. This is also when their hair color begins to kick in, changing from a white or a blonde to something else, this time depending on gender.

When roughly ten years old, they will have sprouted once again, this time to nearly five feet to five and a a half feet tall, towering over their peers at this point. However, as it does every ten to twelve years or so, a member will go into a Coma or Shock, which will completely halt growth, slowly feeding off of the body's glucose and fat storage, which will allow them to maintain their current weight, or lose small amounts of it. The mind, during this state, stays relatively the same as far as mindset, no drastic changes have been seen. This happens particularly to females, though males do experience this.

During their teen years (13-16), the members of the bloodline once again face extremes, seeing a drastic growth or reduction, particularly in males. This is not unheard of to cause a coma or shock, which may kill some, though they are not as drastic as the one experienced every 10-12 years. Growth can result to being well over six feet and two hundred pounds, for both sexes, and reduction could see a drop to average height and weight. This is not entirely common (happening to roughly 1/3) so otherwise, the teenage years are merely about hair color development and emotional development.

The members tend to stop growing at roughly 17-20 and will see a steady reduction of height and weight until their death. (about 1/10 an inch a year, and 2 pounds a year, though they may gain if trying.) Because of the frequent electrical instabilities, the members see death at about 27-36 years old on average.

Kekkei Genkai: The members of this bloodline are able to control the electrical charges in both themselves, and when more developed, other people. By fusing their electricity in their body with their chakra pool, they are able to create a special type of chakra nature which allows them to utilize their abilities. This happens through mass amounts of training, mostly done during their early childhood (5-10 yrs.)

They are able to slightly increase or decrease electrical charges within their own bodies or other bodies, which, as most know, the smallest change in the amount of anything in a human body may lead to disaster. This is why the members are also nearly completely immune to any change of the electrical charges in their body, due to steady practice when a child. Unless one knows how to do this, they are very susceptible this clan's abilities. Thus, even lower members can be highly dangerous.

When at higher levels, the members may also be able to control their whole electrical current. This means, with the proper training, they could quite possibly turn their whole body into a giant electrical field. If they were to deplete their electrical system, through training with other, small clans in their long history, they are able to create a small lightning storm by converting their own electricity, and placing it in the air, which acts as a medium. Because air is considered a medium for mechanical waves such as electricity, the members can also channel their own chakra not only through direct contact, but through the air as well.
History:

I

Age : 28 Posts : 701

Completion bump.

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Quote :: Every ten years or so, a member of this bloodline (particularly Females) will experience an "Electrical Instability", which will either make them slip into a state of shock (has about a 80-90% chance of survival) if too much electricity. If not enough, a small coma (30-40% chance of survival). Men tend to get this, if not every ten years, then every dozen or so, and the effects are the same, except with about a 5-10% more chance of survival for men. This, and other things, explain why the bloodline has minimal members.

Erm, why does this really need to be here? I mean, the concept of the fatal electrical shocks is fine but when you add the percentages it makes it seem like people who use this clan have a chance of dying. But then later you have...

Quote :: This is why the members are also nearly completely immune to any change of the electrical charges in their body...

Which is kind of a contradiction.

Excessive Electricity: S-Rank has no upkeep listed. And in the description you put "About 3 posts." Just change it to 3 posts. You also have a typo near the end, I think you meant to say 2 S-Ranks for the price of one.

Depleted Electricity: Remove the part at the end about S-rank since the previous jutsu already does that.

Electrical Usurper: It's an interesting concept but it's still flawed none the less. To be able to copy a technique by vision would be a feat already taken by the Uchiha clan's Shringan and doing it without any explanation like here makes no sense. I'd suggest that if they are hit by another electric technique or if they are able to make contact between the two people's chakra it becomes copy able.

Electrical Withdrawal: This jutsu needs some downfalls, because I can see it being abused very easily.

Electrical Touch: What is the rate of replenishment?

Body of Electricity: Needs time limit and upkeep.

Age : 28 Posts : 701

It really isn't a contradiction. I didn't state it, but the states of shock and whatnot are irreversible, and are imminent. I believe I stated in the clan history that medical technology isn't advanced enough to fix that yet. But still. For Excessive Electricity, there is no duration or chakra cost, for there is no rank above S Rank, so there is no need to post such a thing, hence why I put one can use 2 S Rank Techs for the price of one. For electrical touch, there is no rate, they go back to the amount of chakra they had before activation of the jutsu. For the body of electricity, it is stated the duration of the jutsu is 5 posts.

The Rest Fixed.

Age : 29 Posts : 3145

Four things before I leave for school. Once I'm back, I will take a closer look ^_^

Please remove all the colours from the first paragraph. It's an unnecessary, blinding effect that only causes frustration xD
Also please remove the third paragraph, about the chance of death. You do know that if anyone joins this clan, there is no way in hell that they will say "Ups, I'm one of those that die".... so why bother. Just delete that, it's an unnecessary fact.
I don't like the Excessive Electricity technique. The jutsu is badly worded and you repeat yourself, to no real effect. I also don't like the whole 2 for 1 S rank idea, because it is horribly overpowered -_-
The majority of the other jutsu also need rewording. The descriptions should be simple and straight to the point, so you might as well just take out the examples and focus on making the jutsu as clear and easy to understand as possible.

Age : 28 Posts : 701

The jutsus are worded perfectly fine. If you can understand them, there should be no problem. And what if I changed the 2 S Ranks for the price of one, to having 1 S Rank jutsu for half price?

Age : 32 Posts : 869

What's the situation with this?

Age : 29 Posts : 4301

Archived.

Due to inactivity.