Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin]

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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 7:16 pm

Spoiler:

YAMANAKA, HIDEKI

THE INFO.

Name: Yamanka, Hideki
Nickname: Deki
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Spoiler:
Forehead Protector:
Not wanting to ruffle his hair, Hideki ties his forehead protector on his right jacket sleeve.
Personality:
Spoiler:
Clan: Yamanaka
Nindō: “I’ve always been told the world is my oyster. Therefore, anyone who tells me otherwise is wrong. Plain and simple.”

THE NINJA.

Origin: Hi no Kuni
Affiliation: Konohagakure
Rank: C
Specialties:
-Main: Genjutsu
-Sub: Ninjutsu
Elemental Affinities: Raiton/Doton
Combat Style:
Spoiler:

Special Characteristics:

Spoiler:

THE BACKGROUND.

History:

Spoiler:

Roleplay Sample:
Spoiler:


THE ARSENAL.

JUTSU

Academy Jutsu:
Spoiler:

Secret Clan Jutsu:
Spoiler:

Genjutsu:
Spoiler:

Raiton Ninjutsu:
Spoiler:

Doton Ninjutsu:
Spoiler:


WEAPONRY

Spoiler:

FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Solomon Goldsmith
Source: Blood Plus
Image URL: http://www.youthink.com/quiz_images/full_601493747.jpg


Last edited by Johnyboy000 on Fri 17 Aug 2012, 8:25 pm; edited 10 times in total
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Kiseki
Konoha Nin
Kiseki

Posts : 1216

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 7:20 pm

Your picture is too big, please re-size it to be smaller.

Add a bit more to appearance and personality please as they seem too small.

Quote :
Affiliation: Tsuki no Kuni

That should be a village, Kumogakure or Konohagakure.

Quote :
Clan: Yamanaka

This needs to link to your clan like this,
Code:
[url=place the link in here]Yamanaka[/url]

You only have 3 jutsu when the limit is 15. Are you sure you want it like this?

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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 8:15 pm

EDITED

1.) I don't have the proper software to edit the size of the image. Old Mac. :/ I found another image of the same character that's slightly smaller and I updated the URL. If it's still too big, I put it in a spoiler just in case.

2.) I tried to add fine details about his appearance. I hope it's enough.

3.) The Origin and Affiliation is now Getsugakure.

4.) I updated the Clan section with the hyperlink.

5.) I added more jutsu. I thought "15 jutsu" meant chakra cost. Razz

Hope everything's fixed!
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Kiseki
Konoha Nin
Kiseki

Posts : 1216

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 8:22 pm

You made the history long enough just what irks me is the personality. It should at least be a good two paragraphs or a paragraph and a half. Try to make it a bit more for me? You're app is looking good other than that.

One final nitpick.

Quote :
Origin: Getsugakure
Affiliation: Getsugakure

Origin is a country like land of lightning or land of fire. Like Ame no kuni. A affiliation is what village you belong to. You have two choices, Kumogakure or Konohagakure. Please fix this.
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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 9:02 pm

EDITED

1.) I expanded his personality. I've created quite a nasty character.

2.) I changed the Origin to "Hi no Kuni" and the Affiliation to "Konohagakure." And no, there's no direct relation to Ino and him. I planned them to be, at most, their distant cousins. It's only coincidence that they live in Konoha.
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Kiseki
Konoha Nin
Kiseki

Posts : 1216

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 9:06 pm

Canon characters do not exist here on this site. If you have any references to them anywhere in your app please take it out. You can also have 3 more jutsu if you wish to add any.
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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 9:20 pm

I have no references in my app.

Also, if my specialties are genjutsu and raiton ninjutsu, including the secret clan jutsu, the most I can have at C level or below is 12. I don't really mind that. I think I'll manage. Smile
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Kiseki
Konoha Nin
Kiseki

Posts : 1216

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyTue 14 Aug 2012, 9:22 pm

Approval 1/2
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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyWed 15 Aug 2012, 3:47 pm

Changed the title to the proper format, if that means anything.
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Cookie Monster
Swaglord
Cookie Monster

Age : 29
Posts : 4301

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyFri 17 Aug 2012, 2:05 am


After having a quick skim across the application, I've noticed that you're still missing a Combat Style. Be sure to add one please so I can properly moderate the application. Here's a small guide to help you fill it in;
Quote :
Combat Style: How does your character like to fight? Hit and run tactics, a fearless tank on the battlefield or do you lurk in the shadows and kill silently. There are many different tactics and here is where you can write a brief description of the combat style in which encapsulates your character. This in some regards can be seen as a characters 'Combat Nindō'. Include such things as your strengths/weaknesses, the range in which your character likes to fight, any martial or other styles they have learn't, and your 'trump card' or otherwise known as 'Signature Jutsu'.

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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyFri 17 Aug 2012, 5:37 am

EDITED

Added a combat style.
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Johnyboy000
Johnyboy000

Posts : 15

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptyFri 17 Aug 2012, 8:29 pm

EDITED

I looked over the character template again and saw that I could have a second affinity at Genin level. Previously thought I could only have one at Genin level. I added three Doton Ninjutsu, making my jutsu total 15.

I hope it's all set now!
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Cookie Monster
Swaglord
Cookie Monster

Age : 29
Posts : 4301

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 19 Aug 2012, 8:41 pm


Thanks for including a Combat Style, with that I can now deem it approvable.
Be sure to make an account topic to ensure you gain your colour and rank.

Approved.
2/2
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Dari's Angel
Moderator
Dari's Angel

Age : 24
Posts : 1767

Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] EmptySun 30 Sep 2012, 12:24 pm

Archived.
Due to user inactivity.
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Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Yamanaka, Hideki [Konoha Genin] Empty

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