| | Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] | |
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Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Tue 26 Jun 2012, 4:07 am | |
| Amaya "Crystal" Kessho THE INFO. Name: Amaya "Crystal" Kessho Nickname: Amy, Crystal Age: 19 Gender: Female Appearance: Amaya stands at 5,3' with a weight that is 120 but in truth she looked below 100 lbs.She has long flowing silky midnight blue hair that extended down passed her past to about her but.Her usual style consists of the hair in front of her ears to the front side of her face are pulled back and held in a bun with light blue crystal looking clips that look to dive in and out of her ball of hair as if it was water and the crystals like fishes swimming. Her hair clips were from her father when she graduated from the academy. If she wasn't wearing her crystal clips, she wasn't acting like herself. However, She does occasionally wear her hair just down and free but either way she pulls the hair in front of her ears back, allowing her crystal clips to still be used. Her skin was much like a white wood table that was just fresh out of the factory. There are no visible flaws that could be seen with the visible skin. However, that doesn't mean she hasn't received any scars of her own. Racing down her back at a diagonal slant from the left shoulder to her right hip is a large deep scar of a sword blade that had cut into her on pure accident that will be explained in her history.
Her eyes are a solid Deep Blueberry blue. There are moments in her day her eyes color tends to switch with her mood, thanks to her bi-polar condition that she has. When she is happy or in a good calm mood, Her eyes would look to be like a fresh bright blueberries that have not been tainted or tampered with to Ruin their color. Sometimes when she is depress, Her blueberry blue eyes change to a deep empty navy blue, having a distant look to them as it all life in them were drained just like raisins, like they are just an empty shell of who they were. They would more lose the color of the black dot in their depths as if the blue drowned the floating survivor of a once happy ship that was wrecked and lost at sea. However, When she is mad, her Eye color completely brightens up to a Blizzard blue. this doesn't mean a tiny blizzard this means a massive blizzard with all the force it needed to really show how cold hearted she becomes when she is mad. All the kindness hibernates as the cold stare has been said to hold those around her in their tracks if they know her well enough on what she can do when she was angry.
Amaya Has a very fine built body were almost all the proposition were correct and equal beside her chest being a bit bigger then she really likes but she was not one to really complain about her figure. She didn't consider herself fact so she was alright. Sure she feels her looks get in the way, However, no one cares what a ninja looks like in battle, they only care about how that ninja fights.
Amaya's Clothing is not really that different from the normal clothing her clan is known for wearing. She has a common fish net shirt on that was a short sleeve, only she has a piece of blue cloth that wrapped around her,from around her cheat to her waist. She loved the color of light blue and wanted to have it at least once in her outfit. On the back of her shirt was her clan symbol. As for the lower half she had a light sky blue skirt reaching half way down her upper leg with the slits almost all the way up her skirt, she had a black shorts underneath that kept her lower half covering as these shorts were short shorts. She had a bandage normally wrapped around her lower leg of the tattoo of her clan symbol that she put on her leg. The tattoo hurt but to help she just kept it bandaged. She also wear a black robe top that loosely fit her figure but still looked good. she had slits in the sleeves at two places leaving the top of the shoulder and the knock of her elbow connected as the rest of the sleeve was cut loose to flow. Much like the rest of her clan, she had a robe tied around her waist with a blue symbol of her clan. Normally she keeps her family's blade strapped at her waist and a kunai holster on her left upper leg. Now for the shoes was the simple sandal but her sandals were more light and strap held instead of boot like with the heel and toe cut out to leave in the open.
Forehead Protector:Amaya's headband can be found either wrapped around her neck or wrapped around her left upper arm. The cloth that holds the metal plate was a gentle blue. She didn't like the actual color so she got it changed to her liking, which she loved to death.
Personality:Amaya has a common personality for almost any girls. She likes guys that have great morals. She hates jerks and stuck ups more than anything else. As long as you are not either of those or someone who uses other to get to were you want to be , you wont be on her shit list. When Amaya is pissed off, it literally takes 6 guys to hold her back. She completely mentally blacks out and most of the time when she wakes up, someone must go to the hospital, normally not her. In truth she seems cold hearted and refuses to speak most of the time but that is more of the fact she will speak when she wants to and not when people want to. She hates when annoying people are being annoying and just bugging the shit out of her.Stupid questions REALLY gets on her nerves cause she hates when everyone points out stuff or ask things that are so stupid that the answer is right in front of them or so obvious that it is ridiculous. In all truth, when one manages to get through the barriers she has up on her heart of untrusting people. She is a very sweet girl. Amaya, deep down is a very caring girl and will do what she needs to Protect her friends, even if that was to be to betray them to keep them from being harmed because of her. She hates seeing people hurt, especially for her. She has always been one to care for others but never likes to show it since some people use emotions like that to use against them. She can't show weakness in the eyes of death.
She isn't scare to get dirty with any job. She use to be a girly girl before she saw her family die in front of her. Now she doesnt hide behind others and she doesn't believe everything is rainbows and butterflies. SHe had to grow up at a young age by the near death experience that has brought forth her PTSD and her Biploar disorders. She never had these before the massacre, It was after when she was hospitalized that she had started showing some PTSD when a nurse mentioned about a rumor she heard about a family being killed. It seemed her PTSD shows and causes her to hide and curl up when she hears of a family getting massacred or was found all dead. Images of the killings still haunts her dreams and sometimes causes her to have slight panic attacks that last a few minutes before she calms down
hearing of killings and how some people boast about it. She sometimes black out in sudden rage but when she comes forth and regain her own mind. She has no clue on what happened. one time in the hospital she nearly tried to knocked out a near by ANBU with a sudden tackle and strangle. even thought that would fail either way, it took him and the other ANBU near by to get her restraint and calmed down by knocking her out. She has learned to control her impulses by thinking of something else or distracting herself. When she is in her depressed state, She will barricade herself in her room and not come out unless dragged out. Most of the time in her depression she will just lay in one place and not get up or want to do anything. She will just be a sac of skin withdrawn from the world. The doctor that took care of her had found a pill that she takes every day that helps evens out her Bi-polar to where she just has small angry outburst and small crying episodes but if she doesn't have her pill...be prepared
Clan: Kessho Nindō: "Fighting isn't about killing, fighting is about saving those who can't fight, those who are the future of our path"
THE NINJA. Origin: Lightning Country Affiliation: Kumo Rank: Genin Specialties: Ninjutsu and Medical Elemental Affinities: Earth and Lightning Combat Style: Amaya's fighting style reflects her past as a street performer along with an elegant exotic dancer with her flexibility and the use of her gymnastic figure and elegance. Her moves flow just like the water. MOst of the time she will allow the opponent to attack, only to have her dodge. In truth, she is just studying their moves, seeking out any weak points of their attacks along with how they move. ONce she pinpoints a weakness within the opponent, she attacks it with full force. If it is a weakness within their body, like how they seemed to protect their's left side, she will move in staying low and moving fast. she will attack the spot or around the spot before pulling aWay to avoid a possible hit. When blood is involved, she just loses her focus and the more, wanting to kill Amaya comes out and actually tries to kill, due to her past of seeing her family die. when she has lost it. she still uses the same tactics but she also will attack the strong side and limbs like the legs. If she does get the opponent down, she will torture them slowly but very happily. Most of the time the blood doesnt affect her it is just factors. Special Characteristics:
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Sixth Sense[spoiler] [b]Name:[/b] Sixth Sense. [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Miscellaneous Based [b]Physical Requirements:[/b] N/A. [b]Training Requirements:[/b] 500. [b]Description:[/b] A ninja awakens dormant extra sensory perceptions (ESP) within themselves and they are now classified as Psychic. With this extraordinary power they are now capable of seeing and communicating with the spirits of the dead. With their aid they are capable of receiving deceased information or using them as guides to reach destinations. Certain spirits can only be in certain villagers however, meaning you cannot commune with a deceased Mist Ninja within Konoha, you must physically go to Mist in order to have that connection. Another ability one receives is tactile clairvoyance, or the ability to read someones history [I]or future[/i] through touch. Palm reading is typically the most common form of clairvoyance, however more skilled ninja can read a person by just standing in close proximity towards them.
THE BACKGROUND. History: Amaya really didn't have the normal life and wants to be a ninja from her parents. Originally she was born into a family of seven children, three girls and four boys with a mother and father with a bad past with both. Her family was considered gypsy, completely street performers that traveled within the fairs and did shows as well as pickpocket. IN truth, both of her parents were Nukenin from the Kumo village. She and her siblings didn't know or understand this at the time since they were always on the move and never in one place. Her parents had quit and settled down completely disappearing from anyone's sights.It was when she was about ten when her family was slaughtered thanks to her father's and mother's pasts finally catching up to them. Amaya watched her family get killed when her brother knocked her into a secret compartment in their home. His dead body landed on top of the covering. She wanted to scream and tried to move him but couldn't. She heard the slaughter and screams of her siblings and the enemy laughing. She honestly could not sleep three days after that event. On the fourth morning, a group of ANBU was dispatched to her home to investigate on what happened. They found her huddled into a tight panic ball talking to herself. She did have some injuries but she was very starved and dehydrated. It did take them awhile to even get her to even let them help her. Mentally she was withdrawn and thought everyone and thing was out to kill her like her family was. They did manage to get her back to Kumo village where she was taken to the hospital to be examined and such finding to have PTSD along with some bi-polar effects. While she was in the hospital to recover and such, her mother's parents heard about the news and made it to the hospital. At first Amaya didn't seem to recognize them, but then slowly her memory come back to the point where she was happy but sad to see her grandmother since she was happy to see her but sad about her family's death.
It was about two months since she was brought there, she was finally able to leave with her grandparents. They taught her of her family's past and her clan's history. She use to have dreams of crystals forming at her will and doing what she wanted. They even showed one day half way before her mother distracted her, telling her that she is not to do anything like that again, that it is for the best Amaya never tried that. It was hard but within a year she was adapted back into her parent's home village and amongst the population. She has made many friends and learned a lot of things but she still has her moments where she had to be alone or she will have a breakdown on something to do with her parents.
Roleplay Sample: Running, racing, Sprinting just a few word. Her small footsteps silenced by the larger footsteps of her brothers chasing her. These were fond memories of her childhood, Playing tag and hide and go seek on their down time, between shows they did as street performers. This was her life since birth. She didn't know of any other life. Her family was happy, a perfect mother and father that helped them perform to make money. It was a hard life but fun for her, She had a good diet and very slim and flexible. Every jump twist and swirl was amazing and elegant. Father trained her siblings and her as mother made their clothing for each show and taught moves to wow the audiences. She thought this life could not get worse or better that it was just perfect in all ways, untill they started showing. Amaya was sitting under a tree panting with three of her brothers sitting beside her "You are getting faster Amaya, and smarter at out witting us."Commented Her eldest brother Kaito, ruffling some of her blue hair "Thanks Kaito...I still have a long way to go before I am faster than all of you."She commented standing up.
She adjusted her light blue sun dress looking out at the mist village below before saying with excitement "Hey! While we have down time, can we go down to the village below and explore please, oh please can we? I want to explore and see the village before we must move again."She commented jumping up and down. Kaito watched her before nodding as he stood up "Alright we can go see the village since you don't get to see much of such things because we constantly are on the move to go with the festivals."He commented looking at his other siblings "You all can go back or follow, either way is fine." commented Kaito before he took a hold of Amaya's hand before they all walked down the hill. Two of them heading back to the festival and two heading into the village to go sight seeing. Amaya loved her older brother, he was so kind and always letting her go see the world when her parents didn't want her too as if in fear that something from their pasts were lurking, waiting to kill them all. In the village: Amaya was in awe, being able to be a common person looking around at the festivities, instead of being a performer, not able to focus on anything butt her movements to flow like water. Don't get her wrong, She loved to dance and be flexible, thrown in the air and caught, but she also liked just trying to be a normal kid. She had some friends in the festival group but most of the time she doesn't get to meet the normal kids and the ones training to be ninjas. Deep down there was that urge to be a ninja but every time she spoke about it to her family she parents greatly disapproved of the idea, Saying that she will never be a ninja that her place is being a street performer.
The only one that ever approved of her wants was Kaito. He was her favorite brother cause he encouraged her to follow her dreams, sadly he would be the one that even in death protected her with his life. Amaya enjoyed playing the games that was common at the festival as well as eating all the ramen she could stand to eat. Within a few hours there was a show getting set up by their parent's friends. She was significantly smaller than everyone else so Kaito lifted her on to his shoulders. Which surprised her greatly, but she was happy nether the less. She smiled enjoying her time but out of the corner of her eye she noticed some cloaked figures in masks that were white but with strange markings. She was confused by the way they seemed to blend in but tick out at the same time. She noticed their gazes didn't break from looking at her and her brother. She tried to ignore and not notice them but something was telling her, she and her brother needed to escape and hide like her parents been doing for 21 years now.
THE ARSENAL.
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[b]Name:[/b] Kesshō Hari | Crystal Needles [b]Rank:[/b] D [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element: [/b]Shōton (Crystal Release) [b]Description:[/b] Ransu Kesshō is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. This jutsu allows the user to create upwards of eight crystal senbon, which can be launched at the enemy with speeds exceeding that of normal thrown weaponry. These senbon, though made of crystal, take considerable force to shatter. [b]Chakra Cost: [/b] 4CP - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Suishō Tō | Jade Crystal Blade [b]Rank:[/b] D [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element: [/b]Shōton (Crystal Release) [b]Description:[/b] Suishō Tō is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. With this technique the user can quickly form a blade made of crystal on their arm, and use it in a manner reminiscent of a Tantō. Blades can be formed on both arms if needed, though this consumes an additional 3CP. [b]Chakra Cost: [/b] 3CP - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Kesshō no Yoroi | Crystal Armour [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) [b]Element: [/b]Shōton (Crystal Release) [b]Description:[/b] Kesshō no Yoroi is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. This technique allows the Kesho member to cover their skin with a thin sheet of crystal, protecting themselves from blunt attacks. This armour can also aid the member to perform stronger physical attacks, but will break when struck by a decent C-rank technique. [b]Chakra Cost: [/b] 5CP (Additional 2CP Per Post) - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Kesshō toge o Seichō Sa Seru | Growing Crystal Thorn [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element: [/b]Shōton (Crystal Release) [b]Description:[/b] Kesshō toge o Seichō Sa Seru is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user creates growing thorn-like crystals from the ground that continuously grow towards the opponent's direction. [b]Chakra Cost: [/b] 5CP (Additional 2CP Per Post) - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Suishō Rō | Jade Crystal Prison [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element: [/b]Shōton (Crystal Release) [b]Description:[/b] Suishō Rō is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user summons crystalizes the space around a target completely encase a single target in crystal. If a person was so unlucky to be encased in the crystal then they will have quite a hard time breaking free from it, if the crystal itself was broken and a person was encased within it, then that segment of crystal would be destroyed allowing the victim to have free movement where they were once trapped. [b]Chakra Cost: [/b] 8CP - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Omiwatari | The God's Crossing [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element: [/b]Shōton (Crystal Release) [b]Description:[/b] Omiwatari is a technique used by the members of the Kessho clan. The user places their hand on a surface, creating a long stream of sharp crystals to bind and pierce a target. [b]Chakra Cost: [/b] 8CP
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[b]Name:[/b] Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu - Double Suicide Decapitation Technique [b]Rank:[/b] D [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] Doton (Earth) [b]Description:[/b] Doton • Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. The ninja will travel through the ground to appear below their target. They will then surprise their target by then pulling them into the ground. Once in the ground their target is thus immobilized. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 4 - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Retsudo Tenshou - Revolving Split Earth Palm [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m), Far (10+) [b]Element:[/b] Doton (Earth) [b]Description:[/b] Doton • Retsudo Tenshou is a Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. This technique allows the ninja to control nearby stone and rock. When the ninja forms the needed handseals and slams their palm to the ground, surrounding rock will begin to churn and twist up crushing all those trapped within it. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 9 - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Doro Gaeshi - Mud Overturn [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] Doton (Earth) [b]Description:[/b] Doton • Doro Gaeshi is a defensive Ninjutsu technique utilizing the Earth Element. After striking the ground with their hands, a large wall of earth will rise into place as defense. The defense is not perfect though, a hard or drilling impact can puncture the wall. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 6 - Code:
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[b]Name:[/b] Doryuusou - Earthen Rising Spears [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] Doton (Earth) [b]Description:[/b] This technique lets the user condense mud or stone, from the ground, and shape them into spikes that will protrude from the ground in order to skewer the target. The spikes are brittle, and can be broken with a strong blow or tough defense. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b]
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[b]Name:[/b] Lightning Release: Electromagnetic Murder [b]Rank:[/b] C-A [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m), Mid (5m - 10m) [b]Element:[/b] Raiton (Lightning) [b]Description:[/b] This technique allows the user to create a wave of electricity from their hands. The user can vary its power from a small surge to shock an opponent to a powerful stream of lightning capable of ripping through solid rock. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] C (5), B (10), A (20)
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[b]Name:[/b] Shousen no Jutsu - Mystical Hand Technique [b]Rank:[/b] C-A [b]Type:[/b] Medical Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] Shousen Jutsu is a Ninjutsu technique utilized by medical ninja. This technique allows the ninja to heal wounds by focusing their own chakra to their hands. If the higher the medical ninja's rank is the quicker they are able to heal more critical and serious injuries. Injuries of equal rank may be healed in 1 post, and completely restored in 2. If choosing to heal a wound higher than the rank of the Shousen used, it requires 2 extra post per rank. Thus C-rank Shousen healing an A-rank wound would require 5 posts to fully heal, while a B-rank wound would require 3 posts for instance. If healing a lower-ranked wound with a higher-ranked Shousen, the wound is fully healed in one post as opposed to two. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] C: 8CP (2 per post), B: 12CP (4 per post), A: 20CP (6 per post)
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[b]Name:[/b] Bunshin no Jutsu • Clone Technique [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Genjutsu [b]Range:[/b] N/A [b]Medium:[/b] Optical [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] This technique creates identical clones of the user. However, they hold no actual substance and will disperse upon impact of an attack or contact with an opponent. They cannot disrupt the area around themselves with their movements; won’t kick up dust, crush grass, etc. They are simply optical illusions used to momentarily fool others. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1CP per 5 clones
[b]Name:[/b] Henge no Jutsu • Transformation Technique [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] N/A [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] This technique transforms the user’s appearance to that of another object or person. However, it is not a permanent transformation and a mental image of what they are transformed into. Certain aspects of a ninja will not change merely by transformation, these things may include injuries, tool pocket placements etc. The jutsu will dispel should the user be injured. The user does not gain the properties of their transformation (ie. horse like strength), and may only transform into something ranging between 1/2 of their regular size, to 2x their regular size. Thus one cannot transform into large creatures. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1
[b]Name:[/b] Kawarimi no Jutsu • Body Replacement Technique [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] 10 meters [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] After performing a tiger seal, this technique allows the user to alter places in a speedy manner with another nearby object. This is done mere seconds before an attack lands, thus making the attacker believe his or her attack was a success. Whatever object was used to alter places will receive the brunt of the enemy’s attack instead. The object that the user switches with must be preset somewhere else in the thread, meaning that the object must have received specific mention previously in the thread. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 2
[b]Name:[/b] Explosive Tag: Activate [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Fuuinjutsu [b]Range:[/b] N/A [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] This technique allows the user to activate an explosive tag they have planted somewhere. Preferably they should be within close to mid range and visible to the user. You cannot activate another persons explosive tags unless your chakra has been channeled into them beforehand. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1 (per 3 explosive notes)
[b]Name:[/b] Kai • Release [b]Rank:[/b] D [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] By stopping the flow of chakra in their body, and then applying an even stronger power to disrupt the flow of the caster's chakra; the user may dispel the effects of a genjutsu. This can also be used on another individual that is stuck in a genjutsu by preforming the necessary hand seal and then touching them, although it consumes half the chakra cost of the Genjutsu. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] Cost of Genjutsu + 2CP
[b]Name:[/b] Nawanuke no Jutsu • Escaping Skill [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu [b]Range:[/b] N/A [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] This technique allows the user to free themselves should they be tied up. It is extremely basic. Using their physical training, the user will twist and contort their body to loosen their bindings, effectively relieving themselves of the tightness of their bindings and slipping through the restraints. This technique can only be used if the user is of equal or higher rank than their captor. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1
[b]Name:[/b] Chozou no Jutsu • Storage Technique [b]Rank:[/b] E [b]Type:[/b] Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary [b]Range:[/b] Close (0m - 5m) [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1CP to seal; 1CP to unseal.
[b]Name:[/b] Suimen Hokou no Waza • Act of Water Surface Walking [b]Rank:[/b] D [b]Type:[/b] N/A [b]Range:[/b] N/A [b]Element:[/b] NA [b]Description:[/b] This technique allows the user to balance themselves on water by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet or hands. Because of water’s nature, this requires the user to be quick to adjust the amount of chakra they must emit to their feet in order to maintain a constant balance. Users may also walk, run and “skate” across the water when using this technique. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1 (1 per post)
[b]Name:[/b] Kinobori no Waza • Act of Tree Climbing [b]Rank:[/b] D [b]Type:[/b] N/A [b]Range:[/b] N/A [b]Element:[/b] N/A [b]Description:[/b] This technique allows the user to balance themselves on trees and vertical walls by focusing a constant and steady stream of chakra to the user’s feet. Gravity can easy be defined if this technique is mastered, allowing people to even stand upside down. If too much chakra is exerted the user will be pushed away; bark breaking and causing the user to then fall. If not enough chakra is exerted the user will lose their footing and fall. [b]Chakra Cost:[/b] 1 (1 per post)
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[b]Name:[/b] Genin Kit [b]Rank:[/b] C [b]Type:[/b] Supplementary [b]Quantity:[/b] 1 [b]Contents:[/b] 10 Kunai, 8 Shuriken, 5 Senbon, 2 Exploding Notes, 1 Exploding Pouch, Five Metres of wire/string, File, 10 Makibishi, 1 Windmill Shuriken, 2 blank small scrolls.
FACE CLAIM. Character Claim:Azuma Hazuki Source: Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito Image URL:http://www.zerochan.net/789957
Last edited by Amaya Yashia on Thu 05 Jul 2012, 10:37 pm; edited 27 times in total |
| | | Kiseki
Posts : 1216
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Sat 30 Jun 2012, 8:28 am | |
| First off, Lets put some of these walls of text into separate paragraphs. @-@ That would be the first thing I'd suggest you do. For Gender just put Female no need to add anything extra to it.
Put some spacing in between the appearance and personality. This is a recurring thing throughout the application so lets add some spacing so it isn't smashed together.
You've been denied for Chuunin sadly so go ahead and put your rank at Genin. Add much more description to combat style since it is way too small.
You can have 6 more jutsu plus the academy jutsu as I told you in the chatbox. You can locate them here. Clicky
You also get one Special characteristic that is C-rank from here. Clicky
Origin refers to the country so change that to Lightning Country instead of Kumo.
As for you clan it needs to be edited it and look like this. Kessho - Code:
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[url=http://www.ultimateshinobi.org/t3160-kessho-clan]Kessho[/url] Those are a few things that needs changing. Let me know once you've completed this and I'll look over your app again. |
| | | Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Sat 30 Jun 2012, 9:14 am | |
| There I believe I completed the needed changes |
| | | Kiseki
Posts : 1216
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Sat 30 Jun 2012, 10:33 am | |
| For Rank put Genin.
Get rid of the well Female part in your gender. Make it only say Female.
- Quote :
- Amaya stands at 5,3' with a weight that is 12 but in truth she looked below 100 lbs
Need to fix that. Can't be weighing 12 pounds eh?
Other than that. It seems fine. Run it through microsoft word since I see grammar mistakes along with a few spelling mistakes. |
| | | Kite
Age : 34 Posts : 1209
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Sat 30 Jun 2012, 11:23 am | |
| Overall Appearance So I'm going to start off by saying I highly urge you to run this through a MS word program for grammar issues. I also urge you to re-read this and edit it. There are numerous grammar mistakes, making the application very unpleasant to look at.
Jutsu You need to include all the academy jutsu on your application, unless you got special permission from a mod not to do so. Please note that these academy jutsu do not take up jutsu slot, so don't be affraid to add them.
Once you have added all the academy jutsu you will realize that you have a few slots left in your other categories to add more jutsu. You are allowed 15 jutsu that are not academy jutsu. Put those in if you want them, if you don't then please be aware that you will have to purchase any jutsu you wish to have after creation is complete.
For the elemental jutsu section I want you to break it up into your elements rather than slotting all these jutsu under one heading. This is to help us organize your arsenal as you acquire more techniques.
Make these changes please. Thank you.
|
| | | Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 3:30 am | |
| All Edits have been made along with proof reading and grammar |
| | | Reggie Bell-Bottom Jr.
Posts : 760
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 6:48 am | |
| Jutsus For the sake of consistency, the jutsu, Kami Oroshi - Godly Wind from the Mountains, coding is all messed up. If you could, please fix this.
Also, this jutsu, Kumo Bo - Cloud Tomb, is a genjutsu technique. Because you are Ninjutsu and Medical Ninjutsu dominant, I'm going to ask you to please remove that technique.
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| | | Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 7:13 am | |
| there we go all are fixed |
| | | Kite
Age : 34 Posts : 1209
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 8:55 am | |
| I'm please with this. It is looking a lot better. Just a few more alterations.
-Personality needs to be fixed up. I want more details about your bipolar disorder and your PTSD as those are serious afflictions that you've given yourself and as such it needs to be explained how these effect your character.
-Jutsu needs to be touched up. Either change those numbers in the headers of your arsenal to correspond correctly with the number within the spoiler or simply remove the numbers, they aren't needed.
-You need to insert a genin kit into your arsenal so you can have some ninja tools.
Do these things and you should be alright by my standards... |
| | | Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 9:37 am | |
| All edits were fixed |
| | | Kite
Age : 34 Posts : 1209
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 2:46 pm | |
| Alright, the grammar is still bugging me and the new section you added in is not too pretty either in terms of grammar. I warned you that I would get upset if I saw too many grammar issues in your personality section. A friend of mine has recommended that you take this to google documents, maybe you can touch it up a bit there. On that note, I find it hard to believe that if you read through this carefully you wouldn't see the issues...
First of all I find it unrealistic to believe that you, as a genin, would be able to knock over an ANBU much less strangle them to the point where other members need to rush in to help. You are a genin and a little girl at that.
Next, you still didn't put in that genin kit I told you to put in.
Do these for me. Have a nice day. |
| | | Keos
Age : 29 Posts : 1585
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 4:15 pm | |
| Change the Source of your Face Claim to that of your character.
What I mean is that we don't ask for the source of the image, but the source of the character. (i.e. Face Claim: Hatake, Kakashi. Source: Naruto)
Also split your Roleplay Sample into seperate paragraphs. It's really hard to read as it stands right now. |
| | | Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 8:50 pm | |
| all edits made |
| | | Reggie Bell-Bottom Jr.
Posts : 760
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 9:39 pm | |
| One more thing before my 1/2, the coding for your genin kit is off. Would you mind fixing that? |
| | | Amaya Yashia
Age : 32 Posts : 16
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 10:09 pm | |
| edits made |
| | | Kiseki
Posts : 1216
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Mon 02 Jul 2012, 10:12 pm | |
| 2/2 Approved P.S. Make an account here matey!Clicky |
| | | Enzo
Age : 29 Posts : 1797
| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] Tue 08 Jan 2013, 10:38 pm | |
| Archived. Due to Inactivity. |
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| Subject: Re: Kessho, Amaya [Kumo Genin] | |
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