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Temna Clan

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Socrates
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PostSubject: Temna Clan Temna Clan EmptySat 24 Sep 2011, 3:03 am

Clan Name: Temna
Location: Kumo
Signature Traits: Purple hair, and lightning.
Kekkei Genkai: The Litiji, a power that blocks the user's lightning jutsus from being manipulated. It also unlocks a eye that has the capability for one ocular jutsu in each eye.
History:Long ago in the days of yore there was a man named Odin, he was one of the founders of Kumokagure but hey I'm skipping ahead of myself. It all started when he began expirimenting on his DNA. Odin was the first to unlock the Litiji, and the power. He had sequenced his genes so that it would appear in his bloodline as well. Odin after finding this out sought out a mate and founded the Temna bloodline, it is said that since he had the power and his body was never found that he is still alive today. However most Temna's regard that as a fairy tale that overephises the power. Never the less Odin did a great many things, and if it was not for him not only would the Temna clan not exist but someone else would have gained the power which may have plunged the world into darkness.
You see Odin had a friend named Zeus who studied along with him, Zeus was not trustworthy however and attempted to kill Odin after Odin discovered the power. It is said that they fought for a month before Odin took the power for himself and stripped Zeus' anger from him. Of course this may not have been what happened, or there may have been no Zeus. Never the less after that day Odin's eyes turned red and he was the first and only to use all the Litiji jutsus.
With such power he decided to defend his village at all costs, and began the tradition of the Temna's working for the Raikage in the shadows. Not once has a Temna become a Raikage, however such offers have been made. Instead they sacrifice their livelyhoods for the good of the Village, and for the Raikage's will.
Clan Jutsu:
Spoiler:
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Emperor of Rock
Konoha Nin
Emperor of Rock

Age : 32
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Temna Clan Vide
PostSubject: Re: Temna Clan Temna Clan EmptySat 24 Sep 2011, 10:22 am

Nobody can manipulate the lightning you made with your chakra. Nor can you manipulate somebodies else lightning jutsus, or any element at all. So remove that part. Now that leaves you with the ocular part. I would like you to expand more on it. Describe it how it actually works and all. I would also suggest to expand just a bit more on the history also use commas where it's needed.


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Name of Jutsu: Light Shield (Left Eye)
For just being invisible, this jutsu is actually ranked higher than needed. I could allow a C rank for this. But remember. Anybody with a good nose, especially the Inuzuka can smell you while the Hyuuga and the Uchiha can see through their eyes. Be sure to add what I just said. But don't copy paste it.

Quote :
Name of Jutsu: Black Hole Sun (Left Eye)
Denied because that is gravity manipulation, not lightning.

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Name of Jutsu: Jutsu Drain (Right Eye)
So let me get this straight. Nobody can use any type of jutsu, not just ninjutsu, but also genjutsu, taijutsu and so on for 3 posts? Denied. Even though it's just 3 posts, completely blocking the use of any jutsu is OP.

Quote :
Name of Jutsu: Creeping Shadows (Right Eye)
I believe there is already a genjutsu like this. Also when doing a genjutsu, you should describe it much more. Also for the actual power of this genjutsu, you ranked it too high. Go to the Rules and Guides section and read the Genjutsu rules.

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Name of Jutsu: Lightning Magnet
Denied

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Name of Jutsu: Electrical Overdose
How can lightning jutsu make somebody heavier? That's gravity. Denied.

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Name of Jutsu: Electric Skin
Denied. We have a Special Characteristic that enhances your lightning techniques.


Quote :
Name of Jutsu: Chain Lightning
I doubt you will ever fight more than 2 opponents at the same time but I'll let you have this. However, you must use B rank amount of chakra for every person, not three.

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Name of Jutsu: Ten Thousand Lightning Bugs
Denied for a simple reason. Ten thousand lightning bugs that explode. WAY too much bugs. I could allow hundred bugs, but ten thousand?

Quote :
Name of Jutsu: Heaven's Judgement
Put it 0-50 meters

Quote :
Name of Jutsu: Odin's Fury
S rank

Also don't forget to add Chakra Cost to every jutsu.
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Cookie Monster
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Temna Clan Vide
PostSubject: Re: Temna Clan Temna Clan EmptyMon 09 Jan 2012, 4:47 am


Archived.

Due to inactivity.
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Temna Clan Vide
PostSubject: Re: Temna Clan Temna Clan Empty

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