Senju, Renjiro [Suna Genin]

Age : 30 Posts : 1701

Sigh, incorrect

"a string of words satisfying the grammatical rules of a language; "he
always spoke in grammatical sentences" "

so the whole one word thing is BS

Secondly, It is accepted, in any form of structured english writing, that a paragraph contains at least 3 sentences, and usually no more than 7.

However, it is a site standard that you need at least 5 sentences to create a paragraph.

Posts : 162

Done paragraphs are at 5 each

Posts : 162

Age : 30 Posts : 1701

100, 42 meter pillars? Thats a bit much, even at S rank.

Posts : 162

editted

Age : 30 Posts : 1701

Body plugging isn't the smartest idea. Wood won't help your wounds, and as soon as you move, you're going to deepen the cut. would is hard, it's not a liquid.

body shell should be better explained. it's limits, etc.

childhood arc needs two paragraphs

that should be it

Posts : 162

editted childhood arc ... isnt much you can say about in a CA sigh added a couple of sentences in there

body plugging is a tempary blood stopping justsu, and considering most senjus dont move alot just their hands and shoulder i think it should be ok.

body shell ... hmn - its made of 3 inch wood has a 3 use per topic rule and cannot be used one post after the other (a one post cool down etc) and covers to entire body - what else is needed - its a purely c rank technqiue

Posts : 162

B-U-M-P

Posts : 2032

Body Shell- Further explain its affects. What can it protect against? is it more physical attacks or chakra based as well. Also, katon element have any specific affect on the armour?

Wooden Eyes - Please state the range at which they can see, and how far away they can be seperate from the user so they cant be used in a completely seperate area. Also, how many can be produced, only one?

After that is corrected you have my approval. ^^

Posts : 2032

Body Shell - change to B-rank taijutsu etc and below.

Wooden Eyes - Still haven't stated the distance which you can create the eye from the user. i.e how far away can the eye travel? can it even move at all.

Posts : 2032

Approved. Nice Work Dawg.

Age : 35 Posts : 1492

Unlocked and Moved for Upgrade to chuunin

Posts : 162

Editted - b rank jutsus added on all 3 elements

Age : 35 Posts : 1492

Even for the Canon techniques, try to increase the description length. I realize that Leafninja has minimal description, but try anyways.

Posts : 162

i use naruto.wikia but ok i'll get to it

Posts : 162

Editted the jutsus that i could. Its hard to expand cannon jutsus description sigh

anywho editted

Posts : 162

BUMP!

Subject: Re: Senju, Renjiro [Suna Genin] Sat 03 Apr 2010, 5:46 pm

Seems good to me. Approved.

Age : 37 Posts : 1136

Sent back for transfer to diff village

Posts : 162

Posts : 1044

Hold on, I'm going back over this application, wait.

Posts : 1044

Cellular Manipulation; I know you're all into 'being Yamato' but that was a direct result of Orochimaru experimenting on his cells, which is why he could do that, the average Senju clan member has no such ability. The 1st created trees from the ground, like a normal Senju, so unless you have some explanation as to why this is possible you'll have to remove that bit. I'd recommend an addition to your history about experimentation to enable this.

All your special characteristics are way to clumped together, spread them out.

Renji wrote:: Being from Sunagakure means that every ninja is on edge and constantly aware of their environment. This has forced most Suna ninjas into reducing their reaction time by half compared to the same ranked ninja from another village

50% increased reaction time? No. Also, you're going to need to explain this far better than that, being on edge would make you twitchy and fidgety, not enhance your reflexes and even if it did there would be side effects, like paranoia.

Renji wrote:: - He loves books and therefore knows a lot of information about a great list of jutsus. This aids him in fights due to knowing what to expect from the oncoming jutsu.

This can't apply to custom jutsu, because those belong to the individual, it also needs more details. What do you know about the jutsu, what aid is this knowledge to you in a fight, etc.

All your basic jutsu have the wrong 'type', they're Ninjutsu, not 'Supplementary'.

The rest of your jutsu just lack the type section completely, and I'm very stringent about that sort of thing, ask all the people who I've made bold their jutsu in order to conform to the template, so that'll need to be fixed. Commence the copy and paste of this:

Code:: [b]Type:[/b] Ninjutsu

Also, as a Genin, you cant have B Rank jutsu, so they need to go.

Rising Stone Spears; Three lines detail, minimum.

Mud Expansion; Instantaneous isn't even possible for anything, not even Shushin is instant. Fix that.

Earth Flow River; Thats definitely higher than C Rank, Leafninja says no rank but I'm sure its not C, and it needs more description than that even if its Canon. How large, how far, how quickly, how long, etc. Actually, I'm wondering if you assumed I got stupid or something...

Hage wrote:: Mud River is B Rank.

Wood Meld; I'm pretty sure I already got on you about this, but I guess its time for round two. I assume tree hopping constitutes another use of the jutsu, because it should. There should be no 'plus side', remove all of that, the plus side is that you used a jutsu that effectively lets you dodge attacks of all sorts by going inside a tree or moving trees if that one is in danger. Remove the 50%+ more effective stuff, any jutsu or attack capable of damaging the tree should expel you anyhow. Also, no harm when you're expelled? If the tree is killed you, being a part of it, should take at least a fraction of the damage inflicted on it.

Seed Enzyme; as this is it enables you to use this jutsu, along with Wood Meld, and enable movement from tree to tree similar to additional uses of Shushin or Kawarmi at best and Flying Thunder God at worst. Something needs to be changed to prevent you from laying this down and then using Wood Meld in the same post because you could easily make the combination OP.

Mokuton Seed; whats the limit on how far this extends?

Replacement; even if its one use per topic you could effectively dodge any attack with it, which is some OPness. How long does does this take to prepare? How quickly does it occur? Is it performed as Kawarmi is, via quick movement?

Body Shell; if you choose to remove your cellular manipulation then this will need to go as well. Oh and quick note, when you change your cells like that, thats Eijutsu, and even if it wasn't then you'd lose the ability to hydrate your own body and that would have serious reprecautions. Regardless of whether or not you keep the cellular ability, modification this precise is most definitely Eijutsu.

Wood Eyes; all eye jutsu like that, to date, have required giving up vision in one of your eyes in order to compensate. My personal ocular jutsu require this, sand eye requires this, this jutsu must require it as well.

Your summoning details need bolded. Also, those aren't summonings, summonings are for defined group or species, these are more akin to puppets except that they somehow have their own 'life'. I don't think this is a summoning, but I'll see what others have to say about this.

You still have a Chunnin arc.

Posts : 162

Editted

Age : 30 Posts : 1256

Intuition: 3 seconds is enough to see someones punch coming, grab their arm and break it. Reading movements is impossible without a KKG or being a master of a fighting style that the other person happens to be using.

Handseal and Jutsu Knowledge: What about jutsu you don't know? You can't possible know about every jutsu and what handsigns make them.

Wood Meld:

Y wrote:: Wood Meld; I'm pretty sure I already got on you about this, but I guess its time for round two. I assume tree hopping constitutes another use of the jutsu, because it should. There should be no 'plus side', remove all of that, the plus side is that you used a jutsu that effectively lets you dodge attacks of all sorts by going inside a tree or moving trees if that one is in danger. Remove the 50%+ more effective stuff, any jutsu or attack capable of damaging the tree should expel you anyhow. Also, no harm when you're expelled? If the tree is killed you, being a part of it, should take at least a fraction of the damage inflicted on it.

Seed Enzyme:

Y wrote:: as this is it enables you to use this jutsu, along with Wood Meld, and enable movement from tree to tree similar to additional uses of Shushin or Kawarmi at best and Flying Thunder God at worst. Something needs to be changed to prevent you from laying this down and then using Wood Meld in the same post because you could easily make the combination OP.

Mokuton:Seed: Does this mean when they are in the same country? Because some countries are smaller/larger then others.

Replacement: This would have to take up one of your replacements for the the topic, replacement is already handy and OP enough, no one needs extra.

Body Shell: In my eyes this jutsu is OP, but in my eyes this cell manipulation stuff would have to be medical due to the fact that it is...well, cell manipulation. I'll leave the whole cell stuff for Y.

Wooden Eye: If the jutsu works like Sand Eye, meaning you have to give up your optical nerves, it would be impossible to make more then two.

Summonings: I'm just going to be straight forward with this, just no. Making multiple ents that all have their own chakra and can all use your jutsu is OP. Please edit each ent into different creature templates. Also, Ents are taken by Jsalos.

Posts : 162

Working on the below

intuition - is about reading peoples body language that even i can do to a effective means ... which means as a ninja and homed senses it can be done as i described ...

Handseals etc - editted to all jutsus i know

wood meld i editted that .... whats the problem now

Seed ... well its hard to explain in miles and usually confuses people so i put country size ... other wise itd be hard to explain

replacement ok ive editted that so that i can only use one type of replacement per topic

Body shell ... Well Great forest technqiue is in the cannon clan app and thats manipulating your WHOLE ARM into wood so cells on the top layer of skin isnt small fry compared to that

Wooden eye - Meh ok done

Summoning Done