Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
Ultimate Shinobi - A Naruto RPG
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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin]

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Iruel
Iruel

Age : 27
Posts : 106

[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyWed 17 Oct 2012, 9:18 am

[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Koon1
Śākyamuni, Baam

THE INFO.

Name: Baam Śākyamuni
Nickname: Light Bearer
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Appearance:
Apparel
Preferring to cultivate the appearance of an ordinary schoolchild, Baam wears such a uniform, with a plain white top that was taken from one of the more mundane education institutions, a blue tank top is worn beneath that along with a pale blue tie, visibly worn for an excessive amount of time. Using some of that much recommended denim fabric, Baam adorns a set of jeans- accompanied with the belt to finish off the classical look. He finishes off the set with a pair of white shoes with yellow and black highlights, while wearing a pair of navy socks that match his undershirt. Baam an typically be found with a blue bandanna, used to keep his sometimes excessively long hair out of his eyes.

Body Appearance
Where to start off in a rather uninteresting landscape of biomass? The top can always be classified as a wonderful place to start, and so many awkward conversations happen with that particular phrasing to break the ice. The parents have discoverer their offspring has come out to them about getting 'some' while under the influence and there are now repercussions for their under-age transgressions. Yes, this conversation happened with Baam's parents. However they weren't under age, they simple had a rather large amount of disdain for limiting the number of partners they might choose from. Baam's catalyst planned, but not seen through properly. And despite what one might think with the title of 'bastard-child' hanging over him, he looks remarkably normal. There is no sign that a union of pleasure outside of marriage vows have scarred him in any way aesthetically obvious.

Getting back on subject, starting from the top as it were:
Baam has inherited a combination of his originators hair, something he isn't actually aware of. He wears it in his Father's style, but has his Mother's pigmentation.
His skin tone is similarly a gestalt between both parents- his Father had a heavily tanned look about him, while his Mother was far paler. Neither of them were exemplary specimens of their genders and neither is Baam. Still, he has a certain charm about him, maybe it is because he looks unthreatening and a female enjoys that in a male. Baam has a few expressions he fits naturally into, the first of which is looking rather bored and staring out some transparent portal to a plane in which more interesting things are happening.
Another is looking serious, or at least moderately contemplative. The amount of brain power Baam can bring to bear on a single subject when it draws his attention can be rather startling. And his expression changes to reflect that.

The other is going completely berserker fury, which he claims is a therapeutic experience, and likens it to letting his hair down. His mouth twists into a nasty scowl, he screams blue bloody murder generally looks like he's having a fit. Surprisingly enough his face fits well into such a emotional outing.
The other is yet another one hundred and eighty degree turn around, and that is simply smiling and looking content, peaceful and appeased at the way the world is running. His eyes shine and glitter, and sparkle in the way that those perverted old Grandfather's do when they've spotted something amusing. On them it looks rather disgusting or repulsive, on Baam it is slightly endearing. Slightly.

The same as many in his profession, Baam's body is defined, not overtly in the traditional muscle bound sense, instead he has his own form of being 'lined' which could be compared to wrapping bands of steel wire around his bones, then layering fat on top. Obvious the steel part is a bit overrated- maybe copper would be a better example. Regardless the metaphor works, and through the slight layer of padding he has available, the corded bands of muscle can be seen. Now, this is nothing compared to some of the others who train their bodies far more seriously, but it does score some bonus points when he has to go around with a little more skin showing then he would usually care to do.

His body is well proportioned, with his arms being slightly longer then normal, reaching mid-thigh unlike others. This may be in part to counteract his rather small shoulder width. As one of the more natural laws does state that typically, the breadth of fingertip on one arm, to the finger tip on the other usually matches up with the height of the person.
His eyes are a cobalt blue, which occasionally shifts to a slate grey colouring in the appropriate lighting.

Blemishes & Scars:
Being an amalgamation of hardcore warrior(s), a raging green skinned bad-ass and a chick who'll gut you in the same time it takes to get down on one knee: Baam has little to no blemishes on his body, beyond the odd scar for a stupid accident on his knee. An affair that will hopefully never reach the light of day. It is rather stupid for a Shinobi to deal and injure to himself- with a butter knife no less. The tale is a less then stellar expodition of attempting to carve himself a side of cheese.

Height & Weight: Respectively, Baam sits at a average height for his age, if a little below the usual mean statistic. At roughly 5'8" he is by no means 'tiny' but isn't likely to grow into an imposing person either. In terms of weight, one could say he is 'stick thin' and be partially correct, while having no dietary issues beyond the usual pet peeves that one may have about various brands of food, he eats well enough. Clocking up a rather unimpressive 53 kilograms, Baam is far from being in the heavyweight division.

Forehead Protector: Embossed on the bandanna.
Personality:
Ah, the mind. The psyche. It is said that there is nothing more complex that the human brain, capable of self-reflection, prediction, alteration of behaviours, memory, creative thought, emotions, social interaction. The ability to layer knowledge on top of itself. Update said knowledge. Empathise, and many, many more.
What is even more amazing is that some are born greater then others, no one is equal in every respect. Some are born fleeter of foot, stronger of arm, faster of hand, persuasive of mouth. While not everyone may receive a gift, there are those that do, based around the genetics of their parents.
Then, there are those freaks of nature, whereby some strange roll of the die, they are gifted with one of these gifts despite the lack of any genetic material that should confer this trait.
Some strictly say that the figures of legend aren't made, they are born. For others- it is the drive to succeed that will carry them on. And it is those people who are most likely to succeed in life, because they have been trying since day one. And when they stumble and fall, they get back up again.

For those who were given such a talent, and who have never had to work for their vaunted prowess; stumbling is the bane of their existence. In comparison it is the guide for those who work for their greatness.
Which sort of person is Baam? Unfortunately he is a a lazy-bum of the highest order. This trait of his can be put down to several things. For one, his imagination turns whatever concepts that children his age envision into monsters that seemingly defy the logical comprehension of the mind. As a result of this, he is also a pussy of the highest order, exceedingly cautions, never charging into situations, preferably running from them at top speed. It was said that he purposefully turned himself around in birth because he was too scared to go head first.
So one might be questioning how such a person even scratched up enough courage or willpower to become a Shinobi in the first place.

Enter stage North, South, East and West.
Well, those are the cardinal directions that they inhabit.While Baam is not Nara, a sect of those who are gifted with such exceptional mental capabilities that they can turn the tide of war with their stratagems. He has somehow managed to pick up on his supervisor's laziness. Naturally Baam couldn't even be bothered to defeat his pseudo-paranoia (read 'extreme laziness') to get out of bed, so he does require some assistance. There are four entities within his mind, taken from one of the most widespread table top games in existence.
The Primarch stands at the North position, marking him as being fearless, powerful, noble and loyal to a fault.

Incidentally there were 20 Primarches, this one is the amalgamation of those whom Baam could sympathise with the most before they turned to Chaos or died. It is from this envisioned piece of being that allows Baam to give his faith in those around him, to trust in something. Defeat the paranoia that gnaws at his reactions and decisions. It is he who encourages Baam onwards, to bear his eyes to the pain of the world and mark ever onwards.
The final lesson the Primach has to impart is to fear nothing, and to take every stride with a purpose in mind.

Sitting opposite is the Chaos Prince, a former Primarch who felt the call of the Dark Side and went Anakin Skywalker. He is fury, anger, hatred, lust and pride all rolled into one and given a dose to steroids on top of it.
Incidentally it is the Chaos Prince that manages the power inherent in Baam's mind, and typically dictates whether or not they should be fought. Fortunately, the Chaos Prince is something of a warmonger, so there will be next to nothing he won't agree to fight.
The Prince preaches the art of immoral acts, and advises on all things that require his gruesome expertise. He is also more often then not in disagreement with the Primarch in moral matters, the two frequently displaying both sides of the argument.
They are far more united in the arts of combat however, each being brutally bloodthirsty in their own way.
The Prince takes on the worship of four Chaos Gods, each one covering a certain aspect that he is devoted to.

Khrone, of bloodlust, war, death, blood, and skulls. Perhaps the closest that the Prince is to, but he remains equally devoted to the other three.
Tzeentch: change, fate, mutation, knowledge.
Nurgle: plague, despair, disease, life, Nurgle is the oldest of the four Gods, disease and decay having existed since the beginning of life.
Slaanesh: lust, pleasure, excess. This is perhaps the second deity the Prince has a close relationship with, and is usually worked in tandem with the Eldar Farseer.

Which brings us to the next inhabitant, the Eldar Farseer is a being of wisdom incarnate, straddling the east cardinal direction.
Perhaps it is slightly indicative of her role in the 'right hand advisor' as it is her wisdom that is usually channelled when the situation requires.
Like the others, the Farseer teaches several other lessons, the ability to Empathise with those around him, to self reflect on his derisions and those of others. She is also to be noted for the gift of hindsight, and the knowledge that history repeats itself.
It is also from her lips that whisper the gift of prediction, to know and identify patterns in the world visible to them.

Interestingly enough, as the other creatures littered through his mindscape are all heterosexual, then one might question if this part of his mind fancies the male gender. The answer is that the Farseer is a lesbian, much to the annoyance of the other members in this strange twisted realm.

The final occupant is the Ork Warboss. While he seemingly resembles the Chaos Prince to a great degree, there is a question of sentience between them. The Warboss perhaps represents the baser instincts, rather then the desire to pause pain for pleasure. Here lies the pure animal portion of the brain, that does not reflect on anything before reacting, constantly flitting from thought to thought.
The huge green skinned machine of destruction does not typically speak proper English with the appropriate Grammar, often utilising a bastardised form of communication.
Strangely enough it is from this piece of the puzzle that generates the feeling of obligation. Duty in other words. Combining this creature with the Primarch's sub-division of loyalty is one of the other factors in his mental processing.

So of course, one might again question how Baam maintains this façade, four voices in his head, sometimes giving him contradictory information. The truth is that Baam operates as a middle man between the four, smoothing their relationship as they are each allied with him and acknowledge that their continued survival is better served in working together rather then apart. The Warboss and Farseer and by far the most cordial of the foursome, the former being the survival expert that it is, and the later seeing the wisdom in such a decision. The Primarch and the Chaos Prince have no such rapport, and frequently battle each other, warring their old grievances against each other.
The knowledge behind each persona is real, and is the manifested readings of Baam in each specific subject. While they do not have the personal memories, they do have history and a frame of reference to base their actions on.


Alignment:
Quote :
Neutral alignment, also referred to as True Neutral or Neutral Neutral, is called the "Undecided" or "Nature's" alignment. This alignment represents Neutral on both axes, and tends not to feel strongly towards any alignment. A farmer whose primary overriding concern is to feed his family is of this alignment. Most animals, lacking the capacity for moral judgment, are of this alignment since they are guided by instinct rather than conscious decision. Many roguish characters who play all sides to suit themselves are also of this alignment (such as a weapon merchant with no qualms selling his wares to both sides of a war for a profit).
Some Neutral characters, rather than feeling undecided, are committed to a balance between the alignments. They may see good, evil, law and chaos as simply prejudices and dangerous extremes.

Baam takes this particular alignment because of the imagined persona's running rampant in his head, each of which represents one of the extremes that his natural personality errs against.

Allegiance: To those who owe him allegiance, and of course- himself. He does feel some loyalty to the Village, he is brutally honest about not being able to assist everyone, so he typically refrains himself from attempting such ventures.

Quirks & Tendencies:
~Enjoys giving presents.
~Destroying the concept of 'herbal brews' by adding the liquid dairy product 'milk' to them.
~Being a generally nice guy.
~When nervous he has a habit of tapping his foot three times on the ground.

Likes & Dislikes:
+ Everything sweet.
+ Ketchup.
+ Magic Tricks
+ Having time alone.
+ Sporks.
+ Chicks.
___________________________

- Spicy food.
- Mayonnaise.
- Fortune Tellers.
- Rope.
- Fire.
- Being preached to.
- His reflection.
- His heritage.
- Himself.

Clan: -
Nindō: Rules are for those only fit to be ruled.

THE NINJA.

Origin: Kaminari no Kuni - The Lightning Country
Affiliation: Kumogakure no Sato
Rank: Genin
Specialties: PuppetryPriGenjutsuSub
Elemental Affinities: SuitonPri RaitonSub
Combat Style:
Combat. What a distasteful word. In the eyes of Baam, combat is something to be approached with a large amount of caution, his passions in life having not lent themselves into the role of a vanguard, but more the assassin and saboteur, utilising a combination of Genjutsu and Puppetry to work his way through the opponents defences, attacking on both fronts, often simultaneously mounting an offensive on both the psyche of an opponent and their vessel. This fashion of combat is heavily geared towards ambushes, attempting to end the fight before it has begun, utilising Genjutsu to either hide his equipment, or position them so that they are vulnerable to traps.
If this initial phase fails, then Baam's options quickly become limited. He can either flee, having unsuccessfully deal with the issue, or attempt to take advantage of their weariness, using Genjutsu to push open holes in defences and turn attacks back on their fellows. Frequently there is a war of attrition theme to fights, but Baam incorporates several other aspects.
Namely, that of taboo tradeoffs, bluffs and poker faces. Using Genjutsu is by no means a walk in the park, but defending against it is hardly any easier. Once one has been properly ensnared by the tendrils of perception twisting chakra, then the Puppets close in, forcing them to either devote chakra to removing any resident illusions, but increasing the possibility of being dealt damage by the Puppets. On the other hand, they can evade the puppets, but leave the Genjutsu intact.

There is a heavy element of psychological analysis in any battle, and with a Genjutsu User continually probing for potential weaknesses, any decision needs to be thought out in advance. Someone who values their body of the integrity of their mind, is likely to be dealt more Genjutsu of the physical kind, extreme pain, limb removal all that kind of jazz. Someone who values the integrity of their mindset would be dealt the cards of humiliation, emotional torment, and so on. While there is a definite structure to his plans, the details of them remain flexible.
Special Characteristics:
Yin Release
Spoiler:


THE BACKGROUND.

History:

Arc One:

Arc Two:

Arc Three:

Roleplay Sample:
Quote :
Kaku had been content to stand amongst the crowd within the room, his features hiding him from notice to the eye that didn't know what it was looking for. However, he was still close enough to catch glimpses of the conversation that was going on beside him, albeit removed by a couple of feet.
And what he heard didn't bode well at all.

Kaku had a theory regarding the Chunin Exams. They were a political neutral zone, all the countries had committed various war crimes against each other. These were oh, so subtly ignored by the festivities of watching a group of hopeful Genin face of against each other. Simply put, under ordinary circumstances, having this sort of greeting was bound to be fraught with long held grudges by older codgers whose memory was far too long.
Allowing himself a weary sigh, the boy reflected that neither party was evidently making it easy to co-exist in this temporary peace.
"Aha, and what are you gonna do. . .snitch?"
Someone really knew how to get on the bad side of people at a rate that was alarming as it was amusing to watch. Still, he would have been content to stand there and quietly chuckle at the childish bickering of the duo until a certain event occurred. This event would not take place for a while yet, and for the purposes of appropriate chronological sequencing, it will be cemented in the right time frame when the internal debate comes to it.

His auditory functions were momentarily blocked as the buzz of conversation drifted over from afar, obscuring his sensory perceptions.
When his ears finally lent themselves to him once again, it was an entirely different series of interchanges that greeted him.
"Haha yes! Nice to see you come down and greet one of your ninja."
Your? Well that might denote a certain degree of ownership, and unless the current speaker was a practitioner of supreme Dominant/Submissive Roles in which you gave up any right to call yourself, you, but theirs- whomever it may be that had gained that level of control over you. Presuming that this was the case, Kaku relaxed, at which point he zoned out of the conversation for the most part. He kept track of the general direction, number of people speaking, and so on. Or at least, a portion of his mind did so. The Elder Farseer was usually assigned these tasks and today proved no different from the traditional modus operandi.

"Good day Tsuchikage..."
Oh no.
Perhaps this thought had already been shared by some of the parties involved, but he had now gathered enough to know a few things about the conversation at hand.
Firstly, at least one of the participants in this conversation was a Missing Nin. It was the Chunin Exams though, so as long as they didn't try anything fishy, it was all good. It was something of an assumption, but he was guessing that whoever the afflicted party was, that they had come from Iwagakure no Sato.

Secondly, the Kage of their country had just popped up. And someone had just thrown them under the proverbial.
Was nothing in life ever simple? Wait no, stupid question, of course it wasn't. That was part of his curse charm.
What part of him felt obliged to come to the assistance of the interrogated behind him? Was it because of his presumed interpretation of a rule that might not actually exist in the first place? Maybe because Kaku felt that every dog had to have his day. Of course, these were perhaps the interpretations of the Primarch and the Farseer, this was one of those rare times when the two could be mixed together. The Warboss had no interest in the activity unless it had something to do with copulation, fighting, or performing one activity or another which involved his sphere of influence.
The Chaos Prince 'harrumphed' and gave off the impression that all he wished to do was watch the fights, at this moment Kaku was observing the final one of his Village-mates engaging in what appeared to be a potentially fatal fight, neither of them were playing with the gloves on any more. Swords and everything.

Tearing his optical receivers away from the screens (some people said it was bad for you anyway) Kaku strode purposefully towards the small congregation of people.
As he quickly approached his destination, Kaku pondered how to go about resolving this situation. It would be best to remove the evidence from suspicion, so he'd go about this in the same fashion one might expect someone who looked his age to do such a thing. His face easily fell into the blissful smile of childhood, an expression both serene and innocent.
Inserting himself brusquely into a slight pause in the conversation (after a certain multi-armed figure said his part) the young child addressed the couple, who did appear to have had some history in the past.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Maybe he had been a little heavy with the schoolboy persona, that sounded like something a groupy would say. Shuddering at the thought(internally) the brunette ploughed on. Still, he had managed to place the right amount of relief in his tone. Surprise as well, after all, if someone had noticed he had been standing nearby, he needed a legit excuse.
"My apologies Madam Tsuchikage," the young boy accompanied the statement with a momentary inclination at the hips.
Gotta play it like an overly enthusiastic school-child.
Turning his focus back to the couple, he opened his mouth again, this time hoping to have found himself the right niche to speak without being ousted from the group. Maybe no physically, but being mentally acknowledged was something that he could easily be barred from.

"I'm glad that you two are okay, I thought that the Shinobi had got you?" Turning his eyes to the headband in question, he answered his own question, attempting to sound reflective while he did so.
"I guess you took a trophy for your troubles?" Gesturing to the item that was the linchpin of this whole fiasco.
Goodness gracious, he was just worried that he'd make it all that much worse.





FACE CLAIM.

Character Claim: Koon Agero Agnis
Source: Tower of God
Image URL: Link


Last edited by Iruel on Tue 30 Oct 2012, 12:01 am; edited 17 times in total
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Iruel
Iruel

Age : 27
Posts : 106

[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyMon 22 Oct 2012, 3:03 pm

THE ARSENAL.

Weaponry||Kits
Quote :
Name: Genin Kit
Rank: C
Quantity: 1
Contents: 6 Kunai [6], 10 Shuriken [5], 9 Senbon [3], 10 Makibishi [2], 4 Exploding Notes [4], 3 Exploding Pouches [1], 3 Smoke Pellets [1], 12m String [4], 1 Windmill Shuriken [5], 1 File & Scissor [1].

Weaponry||Scrolls
Quote :
Name: Medium Scroll[20/20]
Rank: C
Type: Supplementary
Quantity: -
Description: Scrolls are an important asset to any ninja's arsenal, whether they are used for sealing, summoning or simple communication, scrolls have always found their home within a ninja's pouch or pocket. When stood, a medium scroll will measure up to thirty centimetres in height, with the scroll length itself reaching one metre.
Contents: Lighthouse ET-O v.1|| Lighthouse AU-X v.1

Quote :
Name: Medium Scroll [15/20]
Rank: C
Type: Supplementary
Quantity: -
Description: Scrolls are an important asset to any ninja's arsenal, whether they are used for sealing, summoning or simple communication, scrolls have always found their home within a ninja's pouch or pocket. When stood, a medium scroll will measure up to thirty centimetres in height, with the scroll length itself reaching one metre.
Contents: Pocket 4 - ER|| Pocket 2 - DM|| Pocket 1 - CQ

Quote :
Name: Medium Scroll
Rank: C
Type: Supplementary
Quantity: -
Description: Scrolls are an important asset to any ninja's arsenal, whether they are used for sealing, summoning or simple communication, scrolls have always found their home within a ninja's pouch or pocket. When stood, a medium scroll will measure up to thirty centimetres in height, with the scroll length itself reaching one metre.
Contents: 3 Smoke Pellets|| 1 Windmill Shuriken|| 4 Exploding Notes|| 3 Exploding Pouches

Quote :
Name: Medium Scroll
Rank: C
Type: Supplementary
Quantity: -
Description: Scrolls are an important asset to any ninja's arsenal, whether they are used for sealing, summoning or simple communication, scrolls have always found their home within a ninja's pouch or pocket. When stood, a medium scroll will measure up to thirty centimetres in height, with the scroll length itself reaching one metre.
Contents: 3 Smoke Pellets|| 1 Windmill Shuriken|| 4 Exploding Notes|| 3 Exploding Pouches




Puppetry Legion

Lighthouse Series:

Pocket Series:
_____________________________________________________________________________________


Last edited by Iruel on Tue 30 Oct 2012, 9:04 am; edited 18 times in total
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Iruel
Iruel

Age : 27
Posts : 106

[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyWed 24 Oct 2012, 4:04 am

THE ARSENALcont


Academy Ninjutsu:

Genjutsu||Cannon:

Genjutsu||Custom:

Puppetry||Cannon:



Last edited by Iruel on Tue 30 Oct 2012, 6:13 am; edited 4 times in total
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MsMoney
Wanderer
MsMoney

Age : 37
Posts : 2201

[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptySat 27 Oct 2012, 1:13 am

Hey there! So a few things I found worth mentioning:



  • Please make a space between the paragraphs as it's much easier to read then and doesn't look as .. clustered and messy.

  • You forgot to add forehead protector information.

  • Would be nice to get to know how tall he is... Also, you write well and you give out much information, but I feel like you lack information specifically about your character. Like, you can go on and on about things around him, and I still feel a bit like I haven't gotten to know that much about Baam. Just a little note really.. it happens in a few places in your application.

  • You put the clan spot empty, and don't mention a clan anywhere, yet it states in the personality that he is a Nara? So it was just a figure of speech?
    Quote :
    Baam is a Nara
    The personality is also a bit confusing tbh.. He has multi-personalities?

  • Need more history. More about your character and not just everything that is happening around him. Give something about his birth and what he is doing currently and such.

  • You name the same technique twice for the same puppet.
    Quote :
    Slot 3:
    Name: Basic Projectile Launcher [Kunai]
    Rank: C
    Slots Required: 1
    Type: Offensive
    Description: A relatively simplistic weapon, the weaponry resides on opposite of the sides of the puppet, and when commanded to fire, small tiles slide open, numbering fifteen in total, at which point they all can be commanded to fire, individually or separately. The tiles then slide shut to reload, the cool down for the reload time being one post. The puppet may only reload three times in total per topic, the supply of Kunai is shared between each Launch Pad.

    Also might want to reduce the number of kunai shot at the same time just a little bit.

  • Was it your desire to have two identical puppets that share the same abilities, or was it just something you forgot to edit?

  • Quote :
    Name: Danger! Danger!|Kiken! Kiken!
    Rank: C
    Type: Genjutsu
    Medium: Area of Effect
    Range: Far (0m - 20m)
    Element: -
    Description: Unlike some Genjutsu, this only takes place within a second, a scant moment that becomes infused with frantic, tense energy. Performing a trio of seals, the chakra leeches from the user, and floats into the target who is then instilled with the sense of overbearing dread from a certain visual of their choosing. In theory it is a visual that will inspire the most terror in them, it lasts but a scant second, the entirety of the chakra creating the visual and then hijacking that emotion, attempting to ramp it up higher, a ploy that typically is successful. This can lead to a variety of effects, from assaulting their mental fortitude to forcing them to make a mistake. The Genjutsu's duration is non-existant, making Kai relatively useless against it.
    Chakra Cost: 5

    There needs to be a specific 1 image/visual in this jutsu, as otherwise it seems that he would be rummaging around in each person's mind to find a specific and special image just for them. And that's not really something a Genin should be able to do.

    Range should also be dropped down to 10 m and CP cost should be 6.

  • Quote :
    Name: Stabby Stabby|Haragatatsu Haragatatsu
    Rank: C
    Type: Genjutsu
    Medium: Area of Effect
    Range: Mid (0m - 10m)
    Element: -
    Description: This Genjutsu is much the same as the instant effect variations, in that the event takes place usually before the Shinobi can Kai away, or that they are usually doing something else instead of Kai'ing. In this instance, a handseal is performed, a single one, and for good reason, as there is a follow-up motion. Swinging their hand forwards, the user then appears to launch a single Kunai at a target. What is interesting about the technique is the amount of variation that can be used. If the user wishes, they can make it so that only one person can see their own Kunai. Or they can make it so that the whole group can see the oncoming barrage, decreasing the chance that they will be able to detect it is a Genjutsu. The second stage of the technique is the impact. The Kunai's speed is much the same as it's real life counterpart, but can be dictated by the user, not to the point where it is impossible to avoid, but enough so that forming hand-seals can easily be interrupted by the illusionary attack.
    Chakra Cost: 2 per Kunai

    Quote :
    "This Genjutsu is much the same as the instant effect variations, in that the event takes place usually before the Shinobi can Kai away, or that they are usually doing something else instead of Kai'ing."

    Please remove this part from the jutsu. It doesn't need to be there, and makes the jutsu seem more powerful than it is. All your character is doing is hurling an imaginary kunai at people, and it can be kai'd away.

    And ether all the people see the kunai, or just one person. It can't be either or.

    Also, does the kunai need to be seen first before this jutsu can take place? Or the throwing action?
    Because we don't want someone invisible to be throwing out illusionary kunai that can still deal damage. Like making attacks at people's backs etc.

  • Quote :

    Fuinjutsu||Cannon:

    Name: Chozou no Jutsu (Storage Technique)
    Rank: E
    Type: Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary
    Range: Close (0m - 5m)
    Element: N/A
    Description: A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed.
    Chakra Cost: 1CP to seal, and 1CP to unseal

    This jutsu is already on the academy list, so no need to mention it again and it doesn't take up a jutsu slot.

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Iruel
Iruel

Age : 27
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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptySat 27 Oct 2012, 9:48 am

MsMoney wrote:

Please make a space between the paragraphs as it's much easier to read then and doesn't look as .. clustered and messy.
I tried to do some cleaning up, tell me if more is required.

MsMoney wrote:

You forgot to add forehead protector information.
I did too, fixed.

MsMoney wrote:

Would be nice to get to know how tall he is... Also, you write well and you give out much information, but I feel like you lack information specifically about your character. Like, you can go on and on about things around him, and I still feel a bit like I haven't gotten to know that much about Baam. Just a little note really.. it happens in a few places in your application.
It'll be like that 'til I RP some with him I imagine. He's a relatively new production of mine, and is a slight twist on a few concepts. And hey, if you haven't gotten to know much about him, you can always come RP Wink I promise to make it entertaining.


MsMoney wrote:

You put the clan spot empty, and don't mention a clan anywhere, yet it states in the personality that he is a Nara? So it was just a figure of speech?
Quote :
Baam is a Nara
The personality is also a bit confusing tbh.. He has multi-personalities?
When I first drafted him, I had a few starting thoughts in mind, for one, the Shinobi who wants to be a Child Soldier, but is far too human and whole for it to work out. And somehow being heartless while having a heart and stopping it from being awkward was....hard to figure out. The Nara was an initial start, and it's been phased out since you pointed it out.

MsMoney wrote:

Need more history. More about your character and not just everything that is happening around him. Give something about his birth and what he is doing currently and such.
Ugh, Birth. I'll see what I can do. I've added in something else in case I don't get around to it, gave some more plot to him.

MsMoney wrote:

You name the same technique twice for the same puppet.
Quote :
Slot 3:
Name: Basic Projectile Launcher [Kunai]
Rank: C
Slots Required: 1
Type: Offensive
Description: A relatively simplistic weapon, the weaponry resides on opposite of the sides of the puppet, and when commanded to fire, small tiles slide open, numbering fifteen in total, at which point they all can be commanded to fire, individually or separately. The tiles then slide shut to reload, the cool down for the reload time being one post. The puppet may only reload three times in total per topic, the supply of Kunai is shared between each Launch Pad.

Also might want to reduce the number of kunai shot at the same time just a little bit.

I do acknowledge their existence there, and I've knocked it down to 10 firing slots.

MsMoney wrote:
Was it your desire to have two identical puppets that share the same abilities, or was it just something you forgot to edit?
One does happen to be defensive, the other offensive. AU has two firing pads and one layer of armour. ET has two layers of armour. So they don't have quite the same abilities in that sense. Both of them are built around the same concept. It was purposeful to have them with the same appearance however.

MsMoney wrote:
Name: Danger! Danger!|Kiken! Kiken!
Rank: C
Type: Genjutsu
Medium: Area of Effect
Range: Far (0m - 20m)
Element: -
Description: Unlike some Genjutsu, this only takes place within a second, a scant moment that becomes infused with frantic, tense energy. Performing a trio of seals, the chakra leeches from the user, and floats into the target who is then instilled with the sense of overbearing dread from a certain visual of their choosing. In theory it is a visual that will inspire the most terror in them, it lasts but a scant second, the entirety of the chakra creating the visual and then hijacking that emotion, attempting to ramp it up higher, a ploy that typically is successful. This can lead to a variety of effects, from assaulting their mental fortitude to forcing them to make a mistake. The Genjutsu's duration is non-existant, making Kai relatively useless against it.
Chakra Cost: 5

There needs to be a specific 1 image/visual in this jutsu, as otherwise it seems that he would be rummaging around in each person's mind to find a specific and special image just for them. And that's not really something a Genin should be able to do.

Range should also be dropped down to 10 m and CP cost should be 6.
A little clumsily worded perhaps, but it's been redressed and stuff. All the stats are done as well.

MsMoney wrote:
Name: Stabby Stabby|Haragatatsu Haragatatsu
Rank: C
Type: Genjutsu
Medium: Area of Effect
Range: Mid (0m - 10m)
Element: -
Description: This Genjutsu is much the same as the instant effect variations, in that the event takes place usually before the Shinobi can Kai away, or that they are usually doing something else instead of Kai'ing. In this instance, a handseal is performed, a single one, and for good reason, as there is a follow-up motion. Swinging their hand forwards, the user then appears to launch a single Kunai at a target. What is interesting about the technique is the amount of variation that can be used. If the user wishes, they can make it so that only one person can see their own Kunai. Or they can make it so that the whole group can see the oncoming barrage, decreasing the chance that they will be able to detect it is a Genjutsu. The second stage of the technique is the impact. The Kunai's speed is much the same as it's real life counterpart, but can be dictated by the user, not to the point where it is impossible to avoid, but enough so that forming hand-seals can easily be interrupted by the illusionary attack.
Chakra Cost: 2 per Kunai

Quote :

This Genjutsu is much the same as the instant effect variations, in that the event takes place usually before the Shinobi can Kai away, or that they are usually doing something else instead of Kai'ing."

Please remove this part from the jutsu. It doesn't need to be there, and makes the jutsu seem more powerful than it is. All your character is doing is hurling an imaginary kunai at people, and it can be kai'd away.
Ah yes, perfectly true. All that was meant by that statement was that people are usually going to dodge a kunai rather then Kai it. That said, if they have prior experience with the technique and have proof that it is false, no problem with it.

MsMoney wrote:

And ether all the people see the kunai, or just one person. It can't be either or.
Also, does the kunai need to be seen first before this jutsu can take place? Or the throwing action?
Because we don't want someone invisible to be throwing out illusionary kunai that can still deal damage. Like making attacks at people's backs etc.
Dangit, thought I'd gotten rid of that. Hopefully changed it around enough for your purposes.

MsMoney wrote:

Name: Chozou no Jutsu (Storage Technique)
Rank: E
Type: Fuuinjutsu, Supplementary
Range: Close (0m - 5m)
Element: N/A
Description: A simple jutsu that allows a ninja to seal or unseal any item, mostly weapons, from scrolls or from their body. After forming the necessary handsigns, the ninja will seal the item into a scroll etc. Scrolls can also be used as ammunition for other weapons or have other seals inside of them, which expands the number of potential tricks a shinobi can use. The items themselves are unaffected by time. Ninjutsu can also be stored in scrolls, to be released when the scroll is opened, but require another person to cast said Ninjutsu; else it cannot be sealed.
Chakra Cost: 1CP to seal, and 1CP to unseal

MsMoney wrote:

This jutsu is already on the academy list, so no need to mention it again and it doesn't take up a jutsu slot.

Ah well, suits me. Making/made an additional Custom Gen to fit in with a mention in my history.
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MsMoney
Wanderer
MsMoney

Age : 37
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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptySat 27 Oct 2012, 7:02 pm

Hey again ^^ and thanks so much for being so understanding and willing to work with me!



  • Quote :
    I tried to do some cleaning up, tell me if more is required.

    It looks much better now!

  • Quote :
    It'll be like that 'til I RP some with him I imagine. He's a relatively new production of mine, and is a slight twist on a few concepts. And hey, if you haven't gotten to know much about him, you can always come RP I promise to make it entertaining.

    I kinda like the sassy yet polite answering, so I will hold you to your words about this! I don't know if the next mod will have any problems, but I feel content for now. Smile

  • I can work with the more plot thing in the history, as you did at least add more to read there.

  • And alright, am glad things are clear for me with the puppets x) I was a little confused at first, but now it makes sense!


You did the correct changes to the jutsu, and as far as I can see .. there isn't a problem with your new Genjutsu. But I am fairly new to this business, so the next mod might have more to say. Smile


(1/2) Approved.

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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

Age : 29
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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyMon 29 Oct 2012, 10:06 pm

Okie doke, sorry for the delay. Only a few things I want to go over with you, most are minor changes.
  • First off; your personality, appearance combat style and history are still rather clunky. Dunno if you went crazy with that enter button or something, but every few sentences is single-spaced. I request you edit it a bit better so there aren't random line breaks throughout, however this is really just an aesthetic request. Not gonna' deny the app because of that Razz
    However, your history should be broken into some paragraphs instead of walls of text.
  • Dunno if this was intentional or not, but your other three scrolls are empty. You're allowed to store E-rank weapons in the scrolls without having the Weaponry specialty; if you want at least.
  • Quote :
    Basic Projectile Launcher [Kunai]
    Exactly how many kunai are launched from each slot? State that for both launchers please.
  • You're allowed 1 more slot for your first Lighthouse puppet.
  • Your second puppet has two identical attachments; both of which have the same effects.. I'm a little baffled what the purpose of that second attachment is.
  • You're allowed five puppets total, however only a max of 2 C-rank puppets. As such, you can still have 3 more D-rank puppets if you want.
  • Quote :
    Twin Act||Tsuin-hō
    How come this jutsu is incredibly deterring to your character? It seems like a slightly more advanced Haze Clone technique, yet it costs twice as much in upkeep, and makes it nearly impossible for your character to move while using it. I mean, if you're okay with this, you can keep it; however I feel you may be being too harsh on the restrictions for such a simplistic Genjutsu.

That is all for now.
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Iruel
Iruel

Age : 27
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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 12:28 am

Quote :
First off; your personality, appearance combat style and history are still rather clunky. Dunno if you went crazy with that enter button or something, but every few sentences is single-spaced. I request you edit it a bit better so there aren't random line breaks throughout, however this is really just an aesthetic request. Not gonna' deny the app because of that Razz

I had a shot at it, more paragraphs and less meaningless spaces now I hope, but I'll take a run through it when I can. History has been hit with a hammer anyway.

Quote :
Dunno if this was intentional or not, but your other three scrolls are empty. You're allowed to store E-rank weapons in the scrolls without having the Weaponry specialty; if you want at least.
Uh, yeah, it was kinda. I don't really see the point of storing my weaponry in then. Do you get some kind of bonus? If they were something like that vambrace Saskue had against Danzo, sure. But they're scrolls. Crying or Very sad
Quote :

Exactly how many kunai are launched from each slot? State that for both launchers please.
1 per tile?

Quote :
Your second puppet has two identical attachments; both of which have the same effects.. I'm a little baffled what the purpose of that second attachment is.
There is a slight difference between the two. One is inside the puppet, protecting the integrity of the thing, the other is outside, taking all dem hard blows. I dunno how well that translates out to added protection.

Quote :
You're allowed five puppets total, however only a max of 2 C-rank puppets. As such, you can still have 3 more D-rank puppets if you want.
Okay, gimme a sec and I'll toss them in.
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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 2:07 am

  • Still a few minor bumps, but it doesn't really bother me too much.
  • Well, your scrolls allow you to carry more items, and these items reload at the end of the topic, just like kits. The scrolls would essentially be additional kits in case you needed some extra items.
  • Sorry, I seemed to have missed that the first time Razz I thought it was a more machine-gun type of weapon.
  • Alright, fair enough.
  • Feel free to bump when you finish these puppets.
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Iruel
Iruel

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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 6:22 am

-Sorry, I'm hardly the neatest writer.
-I see, sorta. Kinda feels like cheating. But meh, check if I've done it right?
-It's fine, but no, I added a machine-gun weapon to one of these other Puppets though.
-Did some touching up on that Twin Step Gen thingy(can't remember my own tech names, TWIN ACT, that's it.)
-Tossed in 3 D-Rank Puppets.
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Enzo
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Enzo

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 7:49 am

  • Nah, it's fine. I'm just a perfectionist. [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] 287405
  • It's sort of cheating, but then again it's kind of hard to unseal a load of weapons in the middle of combat.
  • M'kay.
  • Looks good.
  • They all look nice. Way to keep it simple. I do have one comment though. Mind changing the paper bomb weapon to contain only 3-4 explosive tags? Main reason is that it consumes a C-rank amount of chakra to explode the notes (albeit by only 1CP, though it would still qualify as a C-rank explosion), and that's not practical for a D-rank weapon. Other than that, I'd say you're good to go.
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Iruel
Iruel

Age : 27
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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 9:07 am

-I'd say I am as well, but evidently not at your level [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] 287405
-Lmao, Staff Approved Loophole for the win.
-Yayz
-Eh, I haven't really been trying to create innovative weapons for my first few. Most of those will come out at the higher ranks. That said, edits all done.
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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 6:50 pm

[1/2] Approved!
(Apologies, but since you added new puppets, I need a second staffer to verify my decision. It shouldn't take long, since it's just the puppets.)
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Kiseki
Konoha Nin
Kiseki

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 7:55 pm

The puppets are fine to me however this is assuming they can withstand a b rank jutsu before starting to sustain heavy damage, correct? (Referring to the plated puppets)
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Iruel
Iruel

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[Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] Vide
PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 30 Oct 2012, 11:49 pm

Well that's the question here. Do the Puppets stack the baseline quota of protection like traditional armour on here? That being shielding against three attacks of equal rank and two above or just shielding against one C-rank attack? If so, my most heavily armoured one will be able to take something along the lines of nine C-Ranks or six B-ranks before being destroyed. I'm not sure if you want something quite that durable running around.
So yes, I'd assume that they would withstand B-Ranked damage.
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Kiseki
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Kiseki

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyThu 01 Nov 2012, 7:57 pm

No it doesn't triple it. That would be far too broken for a C-rank to have. I'd say considering the fact that one is on the outside and one is on the inside it would merely take 3 B-ranks before breaking down to its inner core or 4 C-ranks. Then it can still be held together by its other plating but since that plating is limited in the fact that it can't be bulky it would only withstand 2 B-ranks or 4 C-ranks. Sound fair?
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Iruel
Iruel

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyFri 02 Nov 2012, 12:27 am

Absolutely, judgement accepted.
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Kiseki
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Kiseki

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptySat 03 Nov 2012, 5:16 pm

Please wait, we are currently trying to resolve armor and your puppets have armor so I can not approve this until it is resolved. Sorry but remain patient.
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Kiseki
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Kiseki

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptySun 04 Nov 2012, 5:07 pm

Approved 2/2


P.S. Keep in mind what I said about your puppets, Also! Make an account here - Clicky
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Enzo
Kumo Nin
Enzo

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PostSubject: Re: [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] [Śākyamuni, Baam] [Kumo Genin] EmptyTue 08 Jan 2013, 10:40 pm

Archived.
Due to Inactivity.
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